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Join us at 7 pm Central over at Fisted Foul for an All-Star Game GameCast. What’s that? It’s a bunch of guys making fun of the All-Star Game, mocking Joe Buck, pointing out all of the dumb things that Tim McCarver says and rooting like hell for the National League to win the game so [...] Continue Reading

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Andy

Let’s dump some of these losers

Posted on 12 July 2010

I have one of those lame Cubs fact a day calendars on my desk and every morning, I tear off another day, I read the fact or the trivia question and then I unsuccessfully try to slit my wrists with the little piece of paper I’ve torn off. Today, the trivia answer was Claude Passeau, [...] Continue Reading

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Andy

Carlos isn’t dealing with this very well, is he?

Posted on 29 June 2010

By now, the world has all chimed in with their opinion on what the Cubs should do with tempermental, batshit crazy Carlos Zambrano. What the Cubs have decided to do is to ground him for two weeks and make him go to anger management. I pity the poor asshole who has to conduct those sessions. [...] Continue Reading

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Andy

Why they suck

Posted on 20 June 2010

The Cubs, as all of us know, are really bad this year. They’re basically an unwatchable mess, every day. Part of the reason I can’t write as often about them as any of us would like is that I can’t stomach watching them play. A couple of years ago, I started to realize that there [...] Continue Reading

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Andy

Scientists find Cubs offense

Posted on 01 June 2010

A pessimist would look at the 2010 Cubs and point out that any team that can only beat Pissburgh once every seven games should probably consider disbanding. An optimist would look at the same team and shoot himself in the head. But good news! The Cubs offense has finally been found. It’s pictured here, in [...] Continue Reading

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Andy

That damned complicated scoreboard!

Posted on 29 May 2010

The good thing about having Intrepid Readers like Cory (who e-mailed me about this) is that I don’t even have to put myself through the torture of reading a Bill Simmons mailbag to find out what’s in it. As we know from him gleefully twatting on Thursday about what a neat-o thing the Cubs do [...] Continue Reading

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Andy

A farewell to Lost

Posted on 25 May 2010

After two days of reading excellent takes on the finale of Lost: The Watcher: Maureen Ryan Tuned In: James Poniewozik HitFix.com’s Alan Sepinwall …we bring you this. Share on Facebook Continue Reading

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Andy

Cubs report: The quest for mediocrity

Posted on 21 May 2010

Two years ago (two short, short, years ago) when the Cubs were the best team in the National League (regular season only, we found out) who would have thought that by 2010 the team would be afraid of the heights that come with a .500 record? I guess, given that these are the Cubs, all [...] Continue Reading

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Andy

Let’s just burn down the bleachers, shall we?

Posted on 13 May 2010

The Mayans were close, but off by a couple of years, apparently. Because today we receive word of the Alpocalypse. The self-appointed voice of the Cubs fan and arbiter of right and wrong has spoken. It’s time to start shooting people to death in the bleachers. Apparently, people have started to drink alcoholic beverages in [...] Continue Reading

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Andy

Genius does cable, Junior sleeps & Phils get more home games

Posted on 11 May 2010

In case you haven’t noticed (and judging by our traffic, you haven’t), there’s more than one place to get the low-brow humor and half-assed analysis that you get here. Over at Fisted Foul, we’ve been busy mocking all sorts of big baseball news. Including: The Genius takes his smarm to basic cable Tony LaRussa is [...] Continue Reading

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Andy

Castro overthrows Theriot

Posted on 07 May 2010

By now the world knows (maybe even Ron Santo) that the Cubs have called up their top prospect, Starlin Castro. Castro will start at shortstop tonight in Cincinnati, moving Ryan Theriot 90 feet closer to the dugout. Not like the kid earned it or anything. After playing well enough in his first big league spring [...] Continue Reading

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Andy

If you put it on the prompter he will read it!

Posted on 05 May 2010

CNN’s Rick Sanchez, the douche who keeps on giving. Check out this video. Share on Facebook Continue Reading

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Andy

Yo Milton, what else you got?

Posted on 27 April 2010

The Cubs have played 20 games so far this season, and won 10 and lost 10. That’s what mediocre teams do. So take that however you want. You have to give them credit, though. They certainly make middling baseball interesting. If they’re not sending the franchises’ all-time winning percentage leader to the bullpen, they’ve got [...] Continue Reading

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Uncle Marty

Guest Column: Uncle Marty’s not impressed

Posted on 22 April 2010

Hi there Internet idiots. It’s Andy’s Uncle Marty again. Just so you know, I appreciated that some of you agreed with my last column that Andy’s hatred for Ryan Theriot was wrong, pitiful, and probably latently homosexual. Theriot’s a good kid. My shift at the Chrysler assembly plant is back on part-time, so that still [...] Continue Reading

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Andy

Cubs bolster bullpen by not putting Tom Gorzelanny in it

Posted on 21 April 2010

You don’t go more than a century between world titles without doing some pretty dumb stuff. You trade a Hall of Fame outfielder for an old, breaking down pitcher. You give away a pair of Hall of Fame closers within a six year span. You write paychecks to Gene Michael, Jeff Blauser and Danny Jackson. [...] Continue Reading

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Andy

Bruce Levine needs more Ambien

Posted on 18 April 2010

So what do we really know about ESPN 1000 “baseball insider” Bruce Levine? We know that he lives with his mother’s amateurishly embalmed corpse in a motel where she’s been placed near a window (we don’t know any of this.) We know that at Shitty O’Keas last January Bruce crapped his pants in the back [...] Continue Reading

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