The greatest 8-bit parody ever

An open letter that should have stayed shut

Some days it doesn’t pay to be busy.  I was tied up all day, and so this morning, when I read Al Yellon’s open letter to Theo Epstein and Jed Hoyer about re-signing Kerry Wood, I tried the old, “clear my calendar, THIS is all I’m doing today.”  It didn’t work.

So I’m just now getting to enjoy it fully.  I’m sure Theo and Jed’s response came marked “cease and desist” and included some court orders about the distance Al has to stay from….everyone.  Given the Cubs attendance prospects this year, Al can still sit in left field and not violate it.

It was never boring

Despite the hand-wringing of the usual gaggle of dolts who write about the Cubs when Theo Epstein said it would be a “trust but verify” situation that could get Carlos Zambrano back on the mound for the Cubs this season, it was never going to happen.  Theo wasn’t going to let Carlos pitch an inning for the Cubs this year, and if he could avoid it, he would trade him before spring training ever started.

Al and Tom, a farce in three acts

You remember, because nobody could ever forget, that last year, Al Yellon had a sitdown with Cubs “owner” Tom Ricketts, where he asked Tom 100 questions, and 94 of them were “Who owns the Cubs?” After a thorough grilling like that it’s no wonder that Ricketts and Al sat down again.  Let’s take a look at what they covered–mostly so we can see how many ways Al can ask, “Who does Theo report to?”

Theo and Jed are taking out the trash

Our good friend Dave Kaplan breathlessly tweeted yesterday “Breaking Cubs news: Cubs to completely rebuild.”

That was breaking news in the same way that “Breaking Bears news: Caleb Hanie still sucks,” would be breaking news.  Did I miss something, or when Theo Epstein and Jed Hoyer and the rest of the Beantown Boy Band showed up, wasn’t their message–hammered over and over again–that they were going to have a lot of work to do fix the mess they inherited?  I kind of think it was, and the fact that anybody could be traded was pretty obvious.  Even a clueless fan in the left field bleachers (last row, just to the foul pole side of the Toyota sign) could see that the Cubs were going to be gutted of their awfulness and restocked with younger, cheaper players while the organization tried to build up enough inventory of good young players to create a real team.  The Cubs are going to be terrible in 2012, and they’re probably going to upgrade to just lousy in 2013, but honestly, they were terrible in 2011.  We’re used to it.