Pitching matchup:
Dodgers: Derek “I love Fox Sports Net West, literally” Lowe, 8-13, 4.11 ERA
Cubs: Glendon Rusch, 5-7, 4.35 ERA
Lineups
Dodgers
Jayson Werth, lf
Oscar Robles, ss
Jeff Pornstache, 2b
Olmedo “You know we’re bad if I’m batting fourth” Saenz, 1b
Jason “Don’t call me JR” Phillips, c
Mike Edwards (Who am I?), 3b
Jose Cruz Part Deux, rf
Jason Repko, cf
D. Lowe, p
Cubs
Jerry the Lesser, lf
Neifi?, ss
Derrek “I’d be the MVP if the rest of these assholes didn’t suck” Lee, 1b
Jeromy, rf
Nomar, 3b
Disgusted Bat Flip, 2b (Why in the world is he batting sixth?)
Michael Barrett, c
Corey “We’ll always have June May of ’03” Patterson, cf
G-Unit, p
I like to put out these lineups because on the 10% chance that we beat a horrible team like the Dodgers with these bums then I’ll look like a genius. I just wish Holly was still around because today seems like a good day to give Derrek a game off.
Who am I, Andy? Just another scrub who put a notch in his bat due to a Mark Prior meatball. Yeah, that’s right. There’s so many of us now that we’re starting a club. We’re calling it the “Mark Prior Serve-a-Dish Foundation”. Mark serves up a heater down the middle of the plate to us AAAA’ers in order to make us feel like pros. Real sweet of him, huh?
Apparently Matt and I clogged too many bases last night.
Much like Carlos clogged too many toilets after taco night at the Carlos Lees.
home… of… theeeee….. breeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeee
I’m packin’ a salami in these pleated Bugles Boy’s, bitches
I am dealing in the sux game.
Shut up, bulletneck. I wear the pants in this family.
What was more troubling, finding out that ABC News hottie Elizabeth Vargas’ husband “Walking to Memphis” guy Mark Cohn got shot in the head…or finding out that Elizabeth married that one-pseudo-hit wonder in the first place. This was the chick Michael Douglas dumped for Cathy Zeta-Jones, and she goes from him to Mark Cohn?
–Shudder–
Hey gang! Honesty compels me to say that I faxed Lenny some grate(ing) “Oscar the Grouch” one-liners since Oscar Robles is playing short today. Great stuff!
when will they retire my uniform?
You look like a blueberry!
I’m throwing a no-no today. Book it.
Man, if only Hollandsworth were here today. Then he could be batting 4th in Jeromy’s spot.
Is Carolyn Hughes at least at this game? At least then there’d be something to look at.
Gamecasts are me.
Dude, I’m your worst nightmare. Now where’s my extension?
Watch out Jerry, getting singles like that and clogging up the bases is gonna get you benched.
Won’t have to worry about clogging those bases with that DP.
That’s more like it Neifi, I’m starting you the rest of the week, you’re great at unclogging the bases
Double plays in front of D. Lee are me.
See why I bat second? Walker no do that! Dusty smart.
un-clog, bitches
Like it matters.
Jim Hendry is an idiot.
Where’s Ronny Cedeno? Has he not “earned” the right to play yet?
Can’t use a hit and run in the same series as a suicide squeeze bunt. You don’t want to show the Dodgers your whole bag of tricks.
You like what you’ve seen?
There’s more where this came from and we’ll continue bringing it to you throughout 2006
Yeah, might give up a secret or two for ’06 or ’07.
I’m so buzzed.
Mets and Phillies play each other tonight, so we can pick up a game on one of them in the Wild Card.
With my W/L record and ERA, I’m a bad matchup for young players… just like I’m a bad matchup for a wife and kids. Alright, I just suck at life.
No me today.
No me today.
I wouldn’t bet on me either.
Who the f**k are we?
Aw… This is sick! I’m out of ‘ere!
Anyone tell how many fans are dressed as empty seats?
Youain’t gon ennaywere ya thick lump! You’ll stay til the job’s dun!
Me and Ronny are making out in the clubhouse. I wish Chip were still here, you know I’d be his favorite pet. For now, I’ll just need to settle for tongue dancing with little Ce here.
You mean you never hear of me, 34?
So maybe it would have been a good idea to trade Glendon while he had some value?
So. Dusty converted a good starter into a sucky starter now that Dusty used Glendon in the pen for half the year.
Golden Brown, texture like sun.
She, lays me down,
With my mind she runs.
All through the night.
No need to fight.
Never a frown, with Golden Brown.
I’m frumpy.
Somebody has to be an awful lefty now that Remlinger’s gone, and I lost in rock paper scissors to Ohman, the crafty bastard.
Broken news Cubs fans. Sources way high up indicate Kerry Wood will be prepared and ready to be injured again by spring training. Also I have been documenting possible moves by the Cubs for this off-season on my notepad while sitting, waiting for a jet plane. Those will be posted soon. Needless to say the entire roster will be turned over, and it will be done, as I am hoops. radar.
Hoops
Three run innings are me.
I’m saying all four hits were cheap hits on good pitches.
Is this true?
Hold on there Glendon, i am coming tommorrow!!!
We can’t trade Glendon… he’s too valuable to our wild-card chase, bro.
Man kissing is not allowed in the clubhouse, rookies! In the bullpen for the press box, yes, but not the clubhouse.
Sources indicate that Matt Murton is gay jokes are played out and unfunny…………..
…………………………………………..1111
I meant to say “or” but I had an extra “f” on my Scrabble board.
Today’s word of the day, as always is lubricant.
In Texas, the White Sox are tied 1-1.
Hey, you put an arm around one (or 14) guys and suddenly you’re an FOD?
In Northbrook, Chuck is a goof.
Son of a bitch that hurt! Stop with the scraping already! Can’t you see I’m hanging on by a thread, here?
Typing me is me.
Oh brother, I’m not being beaten endlessly to the tune of empty seats at Wrigley, am I?
Is Chuck not watching the Cubs today? Yes! I can strike out in peace.
Leaving men on third is fung, man.
I don’t care how good the pitching is, how can a team that gives significant playing time to Timo Perez that many games over .500?
Thank you for the birthday cake. But Glendon ate it. During the second inning. While he was pitching. He’s multi-versatile.
I have veteran savvy!
My abilities give me tremendous upside potential. When it comes to getting pounded because I’m a fat sack of shit who’s had three decent months as a pitcher in my entire career.
ut oh
Anyone know anyone in Northbrook named Chuck? Not me since 1990.
Is it ok to do me at this point and enjoy it?
I just came by to say that we’ve put the HOF inductions for Buerhle and Garland on hold for now.
My interest in empty seats is due to a suggestion by someone I know that attendance would be higher today than last night.
I heard Buerhle is taking a sabatical from pitching so that he can continue his crusade against sign-stealing.
In wherever the fuck he is, Chuck’s still a numbskull.
You think it would be okay if Angel Guzman did his rehab in the majors?
Why not. Korey’s doing his.
Take picture of Glendon. That’s his last start as a Cub.
sigh.
Will that rehab assignment continue into ’06 with the Cubs?
Do you like how we cut to commercial much earlier now, so you at home can’t hear the boos. We suck ass.
Whose worse, us or these ass hats?
Podcasts:
what’s your feeling about these things?
Us.
Screw this ‘swing man’ stuff… You can’t tell me that Jerome Williams was a better 5th starter than me.
79, I listen to one off of BBC’s radio 1 which is pretty funny, but can’t understand the purpose of one for news or sports.
Against us, the Dodgers are a powerhouse. That is how bad we are.
Remeber when WGN played that ‘cast of the Sandberg game? Remember how disgusted Caray and Good Kid were?
Sure beats the sadness in Pat’s voice.
Remember me now, female doges?
Weeee!
Does it really matter if we give up 8?
If the Cubs get booed hard enough, I wonder how many players will cry.
I’m fuckin’ dealin’, son.
What’s the deal? You guys are kicking me out of the booth? You guys told me 1/2 of an inning, it’s not my fault it takes 45 minutes for the cubs to get an out.
They’ll just blame the booing on the internet.
Nice job, Dusty. Good thing you got the vets in there today, buddy. We might be down double digits by now if you hadn’t. Good thing they’re here to stem the tide.
About as useful as plugging a wet dike in New Orleans. Ha
Can we please just watch more replays of Hank White’s squeeze play until this inning is over.
Dudes, can’t pitch the new kid today…wouldn’t be fair to the veterans, or the Dodgers. Gotta claw our way back, man.
I charge 150 per hour
Pat: “Well, this would be a good day to send us a fax…”
…cause the game just sucks.
Cubs just got a walk, that must mean they are winning since walks are ALL THAT MATTERS IN BASEBALL
Did someone say wet dike?
The reason that Murton and Cedeno aren’t playing today is so that they can be traded to a contender
Yup … gotta play the vets. Gotta win games.
Can we put to bed the rumor that I am any good? Hell, I was cut by Milwaukee and Texas. That alone should have proved that a couple of good starts were the exception, not the rule.
I was looking forward to hearing Vin Scully, but he’s not on Dodger radio…
Gammons had a chat on ESPN yesterday and he was asked if Nomar could play second for the Dodgers next year (with Kent going to first, presumably) and Peter said Nomar can’t play second because of his “extreme, sidearmthrowing angle”, Peter contended it would be impossible for Nomar to throw from halfway between second and first to first.
Kind of like it seems impossible for him to throw from third to first.
I only do Dodgers home games and road games west of Denver.
You think I’m getting on a plane to watch this shit?
Am I on, if so cut off your ears and burn your radio. That is the only way to get me out of your head.
I think Jeff Pornstache is signalling me with his sunglasses.
I would let Nomar side-arm it from left or right field next year.
woo woo the cubs might loose woo woo
but there’s a guy that blows woo woo
and his name is chad woo woo
brother in law of DBF woo woo
and you know who also blows woo woo
joe morgan, baby woo woo
I shouldn’t have hit it to the blackie. Oh, wait, sorry, Scoops. I meant “darkie.”
I wouldn’t be too surprised if that actually WAS Ronnie Woo Woo.
I am Ronnie.
Gamecast is saying that the 4th pitch to D. Lee was me. What the heck does that mean?
MLB Gameday has the following for D Lee’s current at-bat:
Pitch 1 – Ball
Pitch 2 – Called Strike
Pitch 3 – Foul
Pitch 4 – Automatic Ball
Pitch 5 – Ball
Pitch 6 – Foul
Pitch 7 – Foul
“Automatic Ball?”
Here’s a new game that will have no winner. Let’s play “What is Corey Thinking”
I’ll start: We’re down 7, man on, nobody out, the count on me is 3and1 amd I’m thinking… a cobbler is a dessert and a shoe repairman… SWING!
According to Dan Roan, I am already making excuses for my inevitable, huge september dropoff.
Automatic ball.
Was I on TW’s list?
Am I a Pitch out?
Is D. Lee so good that every few at bats he gets one of me?
We thought that we only threw automatic balls
Dudes, how you doing dudes? long time no see dudes
I hope you’re doing OK dudes, watching Cubs baseball on WGN dudes
We are playing for the future dudes, there’s excitement in the air dudes
Take care,
Your Skipper
From bad to…..absolute chaos, a lot of base clogging by the opposition..
Where’s the Sloth (or TW) when you need him… we need a definition of “Automatic Ball…” – STAT!
Watch me break my penis area live on tv.
Automatic Ball: Tara Reid in a liquor shop.
It’s a good thing we’ve put the best possible lineup on the field today.
Dude, it’s imperative that we don’t over-work the youngsters on a hot day
Who wants to bet I broke my foot? Anybody?
You’ve been great. Enjoy Scott McLain!
As a starting pitcher last year and in the first half this year I threw 170 innings and gave up 64 runs for an ERA of 3.39. I’m pretty sure that’s better than anyone on the staff but the Lawnmower (and more than “a couple good starts”). I was also one of the fewDon’t blame for Dusty continually jerking me around the bullpen and the starting rotation. If Dusty had any sort of clue, he would have kept him in the rotation from the moment I made my rotation debut in May.
You’d be lucky to have me back next year. So I’ve sucked royally since the middle of July.. who on this team hasn’t?
Now Cubs fans are arguing about less than mediocre career loser fat left handed pitchers like they can actually help a team win championships. This whole Cubs thing in general is a joke. IT’S CLOWN SHOES!
don’t worry, I’m comming in to save the day with a pop up bunt!
I was also one of the few who consistently pitched into the 7th inning.
123: Morpehus, I think Chuck’s right. “Tara Reid” and “Alcohol” in the same sentence = “sex”.
Just like “Dusty Baker” and “Lineup Card” in the same sentence = “dogshit”.
I think I am safe from Derek’s wrath today!
Heading to the bottom of the 6th, Sox 2, Rangers 1.
Bottom 6TH B:0 S:0 O:0
David Dellucci hit by pitch.
Bottom 6TH B:0 S:0 O:0
Michael Young homers (20) on a fly ball to center field. David Dellucci scores.
Bottom 6TH B:4 S:0 O:0
Mark Teixeira walks.
Bottom 6TH B:1 S:0 O:0
With Hank Blalock batting, wild pitch by Orlando Hernandez, Mark Teixeira to 2nd.
Bottom 6TH B:1 S:0 O:0
Hank Blalock singles on a line drive to right fielder Jermaine Dye. Mark Teixeira scores.
Bottom 6TH B:1 S:2 O:0
Alfonso Soriano homers (32) on a line drive to left field. Hank Blalock scores.
Rangers 6, Sox 2
I am what a crappy team looks like.
Here comes Jermaine… can the Jackson 5 jokes be far behind?
Caused me to miss a part of this – what’d Lee to do be replaced by McClain?
I’m on my way to save the day!
12 pitches scored 5 runs. Gotta love it.
I apparently fouled a ball off my foot in the 4th. X-rays forthcoming.
Cheatin’ goddamn Rangers! I’ll bet during the day they steal signs and signal them in using the sun and some tricky cloud patterns!
#138
I think McClain is older than Lee, trying to rally with vets obviously.
I don’t know if I can handle such a highpressure, meaningful situation for my debut.
Oh, Derrek, you didn’t just foul a ball off your foot, you buried it right into the knob of your ankle. See you in Mesa, big fella.
The Cubs always get me… so this will be the one time you won’t, female doges.
Crap. Aramis, Wood, Nomar, and maybe Lee. The Dusty Excuse Train is leaving the station.
Yeah, me, Aram, Woody, and Chad are gonna have some mean poker games since we can’t play anymore this year, and we don’t want to watch the carnage.
I know we were already out of it when D. Lee got hurt, dudes, but it’s still the reason we didn’t win.
I am the last name of a white president, but did you know that no white people have me as a last name anymore. I wonder if Van Buren is similar….
um…yeah…
Losing four of five in four days against Seattle and Texas is just “prepping for the playoffs.”
That Jermaine Van Buren is a whirling dervish out there.
Jeez, guys. Save some of them hits and runs for another game.
I hurt myself, too!
Going to the mouth while on the mound is a ball.
Yeah, I ordered these guys to fake injuries. Now we’ll DL them all, and Dusty will be forced to play the kids! Then I can fire the useless scumbag because he’ll lose 90 easily this year.
Dudes, what are the rules for being a player-manager? I gotta get out there and be a veteran presence.
I liked the Tara Reid definition so much better…
I think that Dusty is playing Korey in order to help him set a personal strikeout record
Hear me making fun of the Royals for being the first team officially elmininated this year?
I forgot we are six games under .500 and being 1 hit while losing 7-0 today. But the Cubs have such great things to look forward to!
Excuse me for coming late to the party (Damn class), but why is DAN ROAN the announcer for today’s game?
Maybe Dusty is playing Korey in order to avoid antagonizing Korey’s hotshot baby brother.
I am today to the Cubs what I am to most high school boys.
The Cubs really are going to get held to a 1-hit shoutout today, aren’t they?
Dusty’s trying to get me to win the bet I had with Brian over Korey and 170 Ks. Well, he’s on pace for 164 in 625 ABs, albeit at an accelerating pace.
To bad the season’s almost over. He won’t ge enough ABs for me to win.
1 hit by Derek Lowe thru 8, and another one of our players hurts himself within 10 feet of the batter’s box. Yeah, we are pathetic.
After the inning break, I heard Pat say “Corey. Yeah, he’s gone.”
Not sure if you can take anything from that, but the Gameday Audio mics pick up things the radio broadcasts don’t, sometimes.
Ah, the hell with it.
You fuckers in Chicago don’t know what your losing out on!!!!
White Sox are three outs and 4 runs from seeing their lead trimmed to 7 LCGs.
anyone hear that fan yell “hey McFail! you call this progress?!”
The Gremlin is in RF… wow…
Hey Chad, you pitch out of the Cubs bullpen starting tomorrow.
Why do 37,500 people keep showing up to see this farce? I have been offered free tickets next week to see the Cubs play the Giants, but I have to get an urgent haircut.
I promise to pitch a gem! Please…..can I?
“urgent haircut” lol
Make that 6 runs.
Easy, Stew, or Brian will get all over you/
LCG = Loss Column Game?
Make that 7.
A disappointing Cubs season and me too.
Easiest one hitter ever.
That’s just great stuff today.
LCGs = Loss Column Games. That’s all I really care about.
Wow.
Thank goodness I only had to see two innings of that crap.
Now on to selling an organ for gas money…
Boy, today would have been a confidence-breaker for the kids. Good thing we went with the proven veterans. Got to win games, dude.
Check the Twinkies. 13 hits, 2 walks, no runs. Against the Royals, no less.
“man, tough loss, our WC hopes took a hit today…”
D-Lee goes on the D-L, D-Low pitches a one hitter.
there’s some nice alliteration there…all wee need is a rain D-Lay,
Yahoo names Jerry Hairston as the Cubs player of the game, because he was 1-4 with 0 RBI. Outstanding.
Un-Fucking-Believable!!!! WOW this team is fucked up man! Hey Dusty, choke on a toothpick bitch!!!
Loo-sers!
Fuck this, I’m going back to Japan. You guys suck.
there’s only one thing that can save this Cubs Season:
“AND THE CLEVELAND INDIANS WIN THE 2005 AL CENTRAL”
Tara, the bags in your eyes have bags.
Party was good?
down to 6.5
So, the totals for today’s game, seven runs on eleven hits and no errors for the Dodgers. No runs on one hit… one hit? We got one Goddamn Hit?
I want to bang Tara something mean.
No. I just get over people who take smug satisfaction out of the Cubs losing and calling people who enjoy going to ballgames suckers.
I honestly would call them suckers. I felt that way on Monday night watching bad play and impatient hitting.
“Now on to selling an organ for gas money… ”
Your brain’s apparently had limited use, BC. Donate that.
Did someone mention something about automatic balls going to the mouth?
Anyone who spends some money and 3 hours one summer day to attend a baseball game played by their favorite team is a sucker! Someday they’ll realize that misspelling out the same baseball fantasies on the Internet, for several hours, every single day of their lives, is a more informed and useful pursuit.
Don’t you mean “Andy’s F-U”? Where’s the Dose?
I was looking forward to the Desipio ND-Pitt recap, when all of the famous Pitt alums greeted Wanny’s return to western Penn on Saturday night. Okay, they only have three great alums– Ditka, Dorsett and Marino–but it was funny to see Ditka, who has always known which side his bread is buttered on, eventually worm his way over to the Chicago/ND crowd, ingratiating himself by singing’s Charlie Weis’ praises after the game.
Good times.
Perhaps Andy got so excited in seeing Wannstedt humiliated–HUMILIATED– on National TV, that he accidentally swilled from Karry Ling’s whiskey sour, contracting an unknown, debilitating virus and is currently recuperating at Rockford Memorial Hospital, unable to record the continued fall of Dave Wannstedt–and the possible emergence of Notre Dame.
Hey Mang–
Don’t forget that I nearly hit for de cycle on Sábado.
I heet for .250 average now. That is better than Corey Patterson.
Andy–¿Dónde está la amore?
woo woo the cubs may loose woo woo
but there’s some people that blow woo woo
and they are woo woo
in no particular order woo woo
tavarez, the genius and chubby clemems woo woo
and joe morgan too woo woo
Who cares if Jerry Hairston can’t hit or read signs and all Matt Murton does is hit, f-u fans.
Just continuing our march to the World Series.
I hate updating my site.
But we depend on it, Dolan.
we finish 20-4 or 19-5 and we make the playoffs.
Playoffs???
87 wins will not be enough for the Wildcard.
you want predictions….if we sweep SF in SF we’ll make the playoffs.
Yeah, whatever 215, see you in the Series. Oh, wait…that will just be us playing in it. Keep dreaming losers.