Ooh, spoiler, it's soo...not fun.  No, just pitiful.

Pitching matchup:

Astros: Wandy Rodriguez, 10-8, 5.43 ERA
Cubs: Glendon Rusch, 7-8, 4.59 ERA

Lineups

Houston
Willy Less Tavaras, cf
The Beege, 2b
Bob Stoops, 3b
“Ooh, I got hit in the head! Not really.” Fat Lance, 1b
Nathan Lane, rf
Corky Thatcher, lf
Adam “I believe the dinosaurs had huge ears” Everett, ss
Raul “Almost as good a hitter as Endy” Chavez, c
Magic Wandy, p

Cubs
Ne?f?, ss
Disgusted Bat Flip, 2b
MV 0-for-September Lee, 1b
Nomar, 3b
Jeromy “Not as bad as you feared, not as good as you hoped” Burnitz, rf
Botched Rundown, c
Matt Murton, superstar
Corey Patterson, boo
The G-Unit,p