What a bunch of losers.

Pissburgh: Somebody Maholm, 2-1, 2.08 ERA
Cubs: The Artist Formerly Known as the Franchise, 11-6, 3.73 ERA

Lineups

Pissburgh

Dirty Sanchez, 2b
Tike Redman, cf
Jason Bay, lf
Rob “Wow, we’re bad if I’m batting cleanup” Mackowiak, 3b
Brad Eldred, 385 lbs.
Nate McClouth, cf McClouth? Dennis Weaver?
Humberto Led Zeppelin, c (Get it, Coda? Cota? Never mind.)
JJ Furmaniak, ss Fur maniac? Sounds like Martina Navratilova.
Paul Maholm, p

Cubs
The Gremlin, 2b (Jeebus Christo, why?)
Ne?f?, ss
Leader of triple crown categories, winner of none, 1b
Nomar’s last stand, 3b
Matt Murton, superstar
Say so long to Jeromy, rf
Hank White, c
Corey Patterson, cf (If they’ll finally bat him behind Blanco, why not bat him behind Prior?)
Mark Prior, p