Don’t you hate it when columnists throw out some stupid gimmick column.  It’s like they’re too lazy to sit down and write a real one, so they just come up with some lame format where they can throw one-liners out, fill some space and pretend they accomplished something.

I hate that, too.

But here you go, anyway.

I’m loathe to admit that I now TiVo the CMT Top 20 Countdown and when I watch it, I actually don’t fast forward through all of the guy songs.  I do however, want to know how you apply to be a SHeDaisy roady.

I really enjoyed listening to Len and Bob fawn all over Grandpujols for the first two games of the Cardinals series this past weekend.  That was great stuff.  Next time I want to enjoy something that great I think I’ll use broken glass shards as Q-tips.

The New Urinal Cake is a very nice park, from all appearances.  I especially like the scenic view of downtown St. Louis where you can see a bunch of eight story buildings, a cheap knock off of a real capitol and the world’s largest croquet wicket.  Nicely done.  All they need to add to the ambiance is to wheel the relivers in on a big hay wagon.

I am going to defend Lassie Edmonds just this one time.  After red-assed Tony LaRussa had asked to see the baseball during Greg Maddux’s seven inning pantsing of the Fowl, Maddux got ahead of Lassie with a fastball just below the knees.  Lassie bitched at the home plate ump that it was a ball, the ump thought that he, too, wanted to see the ball and had Maddux throw the ball back.  Edmonds actually flashed the universal symbol for “my bad” to Greggie.  You know the one, the same one that Michael Barrett flashed as he threw his bat at Brad Thompson on Sunday.

Knowing that Will Carroll thinks that Derrek Lee’s broken wrist (since according to Will it’s actually his forearm and not his wrist) isn’t as bad as first diagnosed and that Derrek will be back before eight weeks are passed would mean more to me if I didn’t think Will Carroll was a complete dope.

I think I’d like “The New Adventures of Old Christine” better if it didn’t have such a dumb name and if new Christine was actually hotter than old Christine is.  And yes, the only reason I’ve ever watched it is because I can TiVo it while I’m watching Jack Bauer torture terrorists (and their wives), then zip through it in about 17 minutes.

I’ll enjoy Bulls’ games more when they advance from the “hey, it’s so cute they might actually win tonight” phase to something a little more urgent.

Even at his best, Johnny Kerr was a lousy color man, but this is how bad the teaming of him and Tom Dore is, I’d rather listen to Bill Walton than either one of them.  Dore is such a kiss ass fan boy it’s embarrassing and all Red does is yell “dagger!” at odd times.  It’s embarrassing.  If not for Jeff Joniak and Chris Singleton, Dore and Kerr would be rock bottom in Chicago.  They make Hawk Harrelson sound like Curt Gowdy.  (You know, when Curt was alive and stuff.)

Not only did I order a Dwight Schrute bobblehead doll, I’m waaaaaay to excited about it showing up in the mail.

Rather than have Derrek Lee’s injury derail the Cubs’ season and my MLB ’06 The Show dynasty, I now play Andy Dolan at first base.  I highly recommend the Cubs do the same.  I hit three homers in the Cardinals series, Mr. Hendry, if you’re wondering.

Just when I thought that Dusty was reverting back to 2004-2005 complete assclown-in-the-dugout status, he moved Ronny Cedeno up to the second spot in the order and batted Neifi eighth.  Isn’t it like a real manager kidnapped Dusty during the offseason?

Only the Cubs could demote a starting pitcher and bring one up with an ERA over six in AAA.  And only Cubs’ fans could think it might actually work.

The White Sox?  They’re good.  But I still refuse to watch.  Whenever I turn it I hope that either a) Jim Thome and Mark Buehrle have been taken to intensive care or b) that US Comiskular is on fire and being used to cook up the world’s biggest batch of meth.

Welcome to the Bears, Ricky Manning!  The Bears better hope the quality control coach doesn’t lug his laptop out to the practice field.

My favorite character on “Prison Break” is a child molesting murderer.  They named him Bagwell, but I think he’s got a little Biggio in him.

I pay no attention at all to college football recruiting, because I think all high school students are annoying assbags, and I find people who make their living by calling these assbags on the phone every day and sucking them off in the name of getting a “scoop” for their creepy recruiting services to be pathetic losers.  But I did see some thing on ESPN this fall about Jimmy Clausen and his ludicrous high school quarterbacking career so it might be kind of cool (maybe) that he’s going to Notre Dame.  Whatever.  Hey, whatever it takes to be the next Ron Powlus, I guess.

I love that the NFL Network is going to cover the NFL Draft live just like ESPN, offering us all a non-Chris Berman version.  If only ESPN would do the same someday.

The fact that the Dukes of Hazzard remake has Jessica Simpson in it and not Jamie Pressly is all you need to know about why Hollywood sucks.  If you were going to have a blonde Daisy Duke, this was your girl.

 I finally figured out who Yadier Molina is.  I mean other than the banjo kid from “Deliverance”

 

Good defensive catcher, showed a little offensive talent early on, only to hit worse as he got more and more at bats.  Currently has a batting average that’s higher than his on base average?

He’s Miguel Olivo.  Only worse.

I heard that Kerry Wood’s latest simulated game got delayed because he had a sore muscle in his armpit and I really didn’t care.  I also respond the same way to any news about Mark Prior.  You can only be disappointed so many times until you just don’t give a shit.  That time…is now.

I miss Gob Bluth already.