In the world of Cub, not giving up Barry Bonds’ 714th home run is cause for mass celebration. Most teams are more worried about winning games than trivial stuff like that, but not the Cubs. No sir. This was as good as it’s likely to get the rest of the way. Juan Pierre reaching up over a seven foot fence to haul in a ball that was 7’1 high. It was terrific. 2,000 miles away, I yawned and checked to see if the Spurs had made a basket in the last ten minutes (they hadn’t.)
The Cubs, despite Juan’s heroic effort, lost 6-1 to the Giants, their eighth in a row. In their last 10 games, the Cubs have scored 12 runs. You wanted a record? You got one.
The Cubs are now 14-18. As Robert Wuhl and Trey Wilson might say, “How’d we ever win 14?” “It’s a miracle!”
That means, according to my math that there are 130 games left in the season. That seems like a lot. It seems like right now, whoever makes such decisions at the Tribune has a pretty big one to make.
You can:
a) Shove your head even further up your hiney and pretend that things can’t get worse, so you don’t make any moves and you pray that the team wins again before Father’s Day. (Mother’s Day, being Sunday and all, seems out of the question at this point.)
b) Fire your manager and his entire coaching staff and let the players know that the firings will continue until morale, and baserunning, improves.
See, here’s the interesting thing about the Cubs. How talented are they? Do you know? I don’t. I know they’re not exactly the ’84 Tigers, but with little more than a paid babysitting service in the dugout keeping an eye on them, I have no clue as to whether they’re underachieving, or if they’re actually overachieving and are actually the worst team of all time.
What I do know is that they have gotten worse, and worse, and worse since Dusty Baker took over in 2003. If you do a little math, you also see that they’ve gotten progressively worse under Jim Hendry’s watch, too.
I don’t blame Dusty alone. Jim’s just as culpable, maybe even more. It’s so nice that he got a big, fat extension, isn’t it? Not everybody can take a team from the brink of a World Series in his first year back to full-laughingstock status barely three seasons later. Now that is a talent that is just dying for a reward.
However, just because Hendry’s fallen down the stairs on the job does not absolve Dusty Baker and his coaching band of idiots.
In the past four years, firing a manager early on has spurred a couple of teams on to the playoffs. The Cubs should be keenly aware of this because the 2003 Marlins stole the pennant from them and the 2004 Astros stole a playoff spot from them. Had either general manager stood around with his thumb up his Hendry, Cubs history might be dramatically altered.
But you know what? Not every team just sits around when things go bad and accepts it.
Gasp!
I know, it’s strange, isn’t it? You mean, you can actually try to do something about it?
When the 2003 Marlins fired Jeff Torborg, they also fired pitching coach Brad Arnsberg. The Fish were 17-22 and nine games behind Atlanta.
They would finish the season 91-71, ten games behind Atlanta. But they also won the wild card and the pennant, and the World Series.
When the 2004 Astros fired Jimy Williams they were 44-44 and had just hosted the All-Star Game (the only reason Jimy made it as far as he did that year), and they also fired pitching coach Burt Hooten and hitting coach Harry Spilman. They were in fifth place, 11.5 games out of first. They would finish the season 92-70, 13 games behind the Cardinals, but they, too, won the wild card. A year later, in their first full season under new manager Phil Garner they won the wild card again, then the pennant.
Do you see any trend here?
First, it’s not enough to just fire the manager. You have to take some of his coaches, too. In the Cubs’ case, they should take all of them.
When the Bears fired Dick Jauron after the 2003 season, a lot of people lamented that he was a good coach, but he was too loyal to his assistants. He didn’t have it in him to replace them with better coaches. That’s part of the job, though, isn’t it? The GM hires you and gets you players, you manage those players and pick coaches to help them. If your coaches don’t do the job, you find new coaches.
Yet, the Cubs staff is largely in tact as it was when Dusty got the job in late 2002. The only changes have been Chris Speier in for the worst third base coach ever, Wendell Kim, and a superfluous change of Gary Matthews from hitting coach to first base coach and Gene Clines from first base coach to hitting coach. That’s it.
We’ve been watching lousy, fundamentally awful baseball for four seasons now and the same clowns are in charge of the circus. That has to change.
This brings us back to the original question. How good are the Cubs?
Considering their right fielder is awful, their center fielder is in obvious decline, they have a black hole at second base (though they currently have five–count ’em–five second basemen on the roster), their best second baseman is playing first and their multi-million dollar third baseman just started hitting four days ago…their offense is beyond terrible. They have four consistent offensive players. Two second-year players, Todd Walker and Michael Barrett. None of those four is going to scare the pants off anybody, except Jim Edmonds, who will drop trou for anybody.
Their pitching staff is a mess, they have three rookies, a 40-year old and a crazy Venezuelan. Their bullpen is better than it had been, but that’s like saying Chernobyl hasn’t smelled this good since the meltdown.
But here’s what we do know. Under the current regime, this team can not and will not win. Sure, they won’t lose every game, but they’ll lose the vast majority of them.
So what is there to lose by firing the coaches? Just send them all away. Find six new guys and turn them loose. Surely, somewhere, there’s a bright man who hasn’t been given a chance to run a baseball team yet, but he’s got a lot of ideas and he’s not going to blame it all on guys trying too hard or not having a lefthanded batting practice pitcher (somebody in the comments the other day reminded us the Cubs do have one…Glendon Rusch).
It’s time for a change.
Some will complain that it’s all the Cubs know how to do. They go through managers like Murphy Brown went through secretaries and Mark Grace went through bar skanks. Well, you know what? They’ve also lost a lot. An epic amount. An amount so incalculable that if it takes firing a manager every fifteen minutes, they should try it.
Once a new coaching staff is in place, it’s time to take a serious look at what value the players have. The Cubs should have only one untradeable player, and he’s only untradeable because they gave him a no-trade clause right before he broke his wrist.
Honestly, is there anybody else good enough or mentally stable enough that you shouldn’t see what you can get for them?
I’m not even necessarily talking about a fire sale, either. Why not a good old challenge trade or two? Trade somebody good for somebody good and see who ends up being better? That hardly ever happens anymore in baseball. Now every trade is about how much salary goes one way and that determines whether you get good prospects or mediocre ones.
What never gets old, though, is the Cubs continuing inability to deal with adversity. It’s not just a five year trend or something that pops up from time to time. It happens every year. It has happened every year since 1909. When given a chance to go in the toilet, they dive in head first. As Michael Wilbon said on Pardon the Interruption on Monday, “Nobody collapses like the Cubs.”
They’re doing it right now. This is a team that in both 1999 and 2000 managed to go through fifty game stretches when they lost 40. Think about that. Think about playing .200 baseball for a third of your season. Who does that? Who does it twice in two years?
This is a team built on fallacy. They fall in love with hard-throwing strikeout pitchers, presumably because their park is too easy to hit home runs in and this is the only defense. They fall in love with immobile, strikeout prone home run hitters, presumably because their park is so easy to hit home runs in. They never stop to consider that the best pitchers they’ve had in the past 50 years were control pitchers who only go to 3,000 strikeouts because they each pitched for 20 years. They never stop to consider that Wrigley Field isn’t a home run paradise. It plays neutral, which is a good thing. It means you have options as to how to build your team. Yet, they never explore those options.
So here we are again. At the end of another failed regime. Or, at least, what should be the end of another failed regime. Dusty Baker is sure to pay for this with his job (though probably not for a while), but Jim Hendry will still be around and so will Andy MacPhail.
It is beyond comprehension that a multi-billion dollar parent company can look at the salaries they pay to MacPhail and to Hendry and feel that they are getting their money’s worth. At a time when they are cutting costs all across the many arms of the Tribune Company, how do these two frauds continue to get theirs on the first and the fifteenth?
We had high hopes for Dandy Andy when he came over from the Twins, but those evaporated quickly. Likewise with Hendry who seemed ready to seize the opportunity when finally promoted to GM. But over time he’s been worn down just like everybody else. He throws good money after bad, finds excuses not to make trades and, in the most troubling Cubs’ consistency of them all, gets handsomely rewarded for it all.
We’ve seen it all before, and yet, we keep watching. Or we used to.
I probably saw or listened to (conservative estimate) 90 percent of the Cubs’ innings played between 2001 and this season. That’s a lot of horrible baseball. Since April 22 (the one win in St. Louis), I’ll bet I’ve watched maybe (unconservative estimate) thirty of the roughly 135 innings.
That doesn’t mean I don’t want them to win. Doesn’t mean I don’t want it to turn around.
But there was a time when I scheduled my life around these games. Not because I had to, or felt compelled to, just because I wanted to. I wanted to see them.
Now?
Not so much.
I’m not alone, either.
I’m not a lost cause yet. If the Cubs would show some signs of actually wanting to win, of actually wanting to find a new way, I’m ready to watch, listen and pay to attend.
But until then?
I’m done wasting my time. I’m done caring more about them than they do.
I know where you’re coming from. We also have a bunch of cheapskates running the front office.
But in all fairness, losing Mark Prior, Kerry Wood, and Derrek Lee to injuries is something that’s out of the manager and the gm’s control.
Andy…you mashed the nail on the head. I used to watch the Cubs religiously. All the time. There I was, age 8…mom’s asleep for an afternoon nap and it’s 1:20 pm…I’m watching the Cubs. There I was, age 15…just got back from playing summer ball in the morning…it’s 2:20 pm…I’m watching the Cubs. From Shawon Dunston, Andre Dawson, Kevin Foster (Wha?), Ryno, Grace, Sosa, and the revolving door at 3B…I was always watching the Cubs. Now…I’m 24. I still love the Cubs. But you know what? I have finally awoken to the ineptitude. It smacked me dead in the face this year. I actually find myself watching the Astros (I live in Baton Rouge) more than the Cubs. But, like you…I’m not lost yet. I need to be hooked. I don’t care who gets the job…for Christ’s sake, give it to Sandberg…he was begging a few years ago. It’s pretty much God-awful right now. I like Murton and Cedeno…they’re taking us in the right direction. Wood and Prior…keep them but forget about them and build around Z. I don’t know…I want to love them again. Right now I feel like they just butt-ream me and I don’t get so much as a kiss good night.
I email the cubs every day about our new sabermetric statistical compilations, our recent breakthroughs for building championship teams, etc. Apparently my emails aren’t being read. I tell the team that when you swing at every single pitch, it makes the pitcher’s job very easy. Nobody will listen. I have numbers to crunch, ppl, stop bothering me!
Giants fan: the Lee injury was out of Hendry’s control, but the Wood and Prior situations are an entirely different matter. Wood had shoulder surgery in August, and instead of having a replacement lined up, Hendry assumed (and publically stated) that Kerry would be ready for the start of the season. Which was idiotic. And Prior has been injured in spring training each of the last two years, so that wasn’t exactly a surprise either. The only thing that’s really saved their asses so far is that that Sean Marshall has held his own in the bigs and Greg Maddux got off to a great start (not things you would generally count on). No, this team was put together based on bad assumptions.
In order for the Cubs to become a franchise with any chance of sustained success, they need to scrap the entire management team, from McFail down.
Get someone in charge who can not only improve the big-league roster, but can draft/cultivate prospects who arrive in Chicago with a decent set of fundamental skills – controlling the strike zone as either a hitter or pitcher, decent fielding, throwing to the right base, running bases correctly.
Maybe they should just hire Tom Emanski.
Jim Hendry never coached no back-to-back-to-back AAU champions!
Unfortunately, the man who could have played the Phil Garner role in this mess has signed on to manage the Marlins.
… another guy that would have helped is currently managing in Detroit.
If you mean me, I was a “coach” and I got canned. I’d be happy to coach the Cubs, though! Oh, you meant the guy who smokes all the time. Never mind.
Maybe if I critisize Dusty even more they will give me the job.
Of the managers out there right now, both past managers and prospective ones, who do you want running the club?
I dont know why everyone wants Hendry and Baker fired. After Lee got injured they promoted Restovich and had him sit on the bench for a couple of weeks. As if that wasnt enough they made a big announcement that they were promoting Theirot to try to spark the offense and demoted bench warming Mike. Now they have had Theirot sitting the bench looking pretty. How much more can you ask for?? Those are bold, daring moves that have WS written all over them, NO??
To answer #11, how about big Lou Pinella???
Those could be encouraging moves if they would actually use the nuts that they may or may not have to play those guys. Give bench-warming Mike a chance to play at 1B. I think Theriot could do way better than the Lesser, Neifi and God knows who else. We all know Restovich is a hack, but for God sakes let’s see a change in the gameplan.
Want a list? OK, if I’m Andy MacPhail’s replacement (and note to Trib: I’d be a hell of a lot cheaper than MacPhail), I’d get on the phone with these guys in order of most preferred to not as preferred:
1. Tom Kelly
2. Lloyd McLendon
3. Bobby Valentine (I’d have to wait until 2 am to get him in Japan)
4. Whitey Herzog (he’s about McKeon’s age in 2003, he’d preach to this team to get on base first)
5. Lou Piniella
6. Ryne Sandberg (aww, why not?)
#13, Does Lou even want to be a part of even more mediocrity? But, at least Lou would have some fine tools at his disposal with the Cubs. The height of Lou’s days in Tampa Bay were…ummm, with Mike Restovich? Woof.
Lloyd McClendon? No.
Bobby Fakmustache? Hell no.
I’m with a previous post that said Joe Girardi would have been great for the Cubs.
I think I’m just crazy enough to work.
Lloyd McClendon? Really? The only positive thing he did as manager was rip up first base and take it into the dugout.
If Herzog managed the Cubs, there would be a mass suicide in St. Louis. Imagine if he took the job and led the Cubs to the series, god that would be funny.
McLendon never had any resources to work with. Why not take a flier on him. I’d go after Tom Kelly first.
And Joe Girardi would have been great for the Cubs. So would Charlie Grimm. Neither are available right now.
Why wouldn’t I be available? Because I’d feel like a schmuck taking the Marlins gig and then running out on them after one season?
I get that I’m under contract. And maybe that’s all there is to it. Maybe Loria’s got me by the shorties. But is anyone sure about that, and that Loria would hold me hostage?
Wouldn’t you think it’s 50/50 that I asked for an out clause if the Cubs or Yankees gigs came open? Or, as a first-timer, did I have not near enough stroke to negotiate something like that?
Joe,
You might be available after the season. But can you be at Wrigley Field in time for the weekend’s series? Ahhh, I don’t see that happening.
“He throws good money after bad, finds excuses not to make trades and, in the most troubling Cubs’ consistency of them all, gets handsomely rewarded for it all.”
Welcome to the corporate world.
Each subsequent kick to the nuts draws me closer to the idea of raising my 3 month-old daughter as a Brewers fan. After three generations of this shit, it just gets just gets to be a little, ohhh I don’t know, BEYOND absurd. I hate this organization right now with the anger of a million George Carlins.
Cubs Fan is right. Season is lost, let’s have some fun. Hire Whitey.
If I ain’t dead yet, I gotta be circling the drain.
have you thought about becoming a white sox fan? i think we’re gonna win the world series again this year?
I don’t know how well I would have done, Cub fans, but I already did my job of fucking you guys by somehow not being able to close Larry Fraudschild on fresh 3 year deal. What am I? An aging Willie Loman?
I should really put the coffee and cigarettes down.
It seems like only a month ago that Desipio Nation liked the team.
I’m basically the same person as Joe Girardi. Can I get the job?
I think a month ago someone on here said that when the timely hitting went the Cubs would suck. Well it went, and they suck. The teams everyone keeps referring to that turned their seasons around, all made some drastic moves, ie..firing managers or trading star players. Its time for a drastic move on the northside. Of course we know that it wont happen. Cubs logic will be to extend Baker and say that with the new contract the pressure will be off of him or maybe another player/commentator fued, those are always fun. Im glad we got rid of those bad players, the Cubs are so much better.
I still plan my time schedule around Cubs games. Still plan on watching tonight’s fiasco. Sure, its a colossal waste of time, but c’mon, its the Cubs. If you’re going to watch miserable, shoot-ourselves-in-the-foot baseball, there’s no better show in town.
You can bet I’ll be tuned in! Guh.
Not so fast, Damon. I’m just 3 hours away in Peoria.
03/04
Lofton
Mark G.
Sosa
Alou
Lee
Ramirez
Nomar
Miller
06
Pierre
Cedeno
Walker
Murton
Jones
Ramirez
Neifi/Jerry H.
Barrett
Nice job Jimbo, have another congratulatory doughnut!!!
I second what SD said. I cannot turn away from this 25 car pile up. Go Cubs.
Begin the thawing of Bruce Kimm.
I’m a former infielder, three time all-star and a rookie of the year award winner– just like Ozzie! I had a cup of coffee in Chicago too. Best of all, you can have me for the low, low price of whatever I’m getting paid for hocking Rec-Specs. I’ll talk to Tom Browning about coming along as pitching coach.
I think it might be time for the fire sale, I’ll bring the gas…………
We’ll use Jock’s bats for the kindling seeing how he isn’t currently using them……
Crazy Uncle Lou would be interesting to see as manager, but if he couldn’t handle the losing in Tampa Bay, coaching this team will surely drive him into the grave.
Anyone wanna fuckin’ hire me? I’ll curse those piefaced cocksuckers until my fat wrinkled head explodes off my stubby midget body.
I hear Chicago has some good pizza. Where do I sign?
Hey, once you fire Baker, my old number will be available again.
I’m done wasting my time. I’m done caring more about them than they do
Dose this mean no more Doses?
We’ll see you all and your cash again in January.
Hey 42 Kudos. Don’t like the premise but love the visual.
Best Article Evar!!
Andy, you got it right with the last bit about watching religiously over the past 5 years. I can’t tell you how many classes I’ve skpped and how much work I’ve put off doing to listen to the Cubs on Gameday Audio, while in Pissburgh and now in Harrisburg.
What makes it even worse is just as I’m getting ready to move to Chicago, I feel the same way you do. 5 years in the wilderness, with a reduced WGN TV schedule and blind Ron Santo, and I get my payday. I get to come to Chicago.
And I don’t care. I want to, but I don’t. I won’t until Dusty is gone. I might listen to Z and Maddux’s starts (and maybe even Carrie when he’s back)… but this isn’t how it should be. I liked how it was, when I stayed up till god knows when for west coast games, rolled into parties late because I wouldn’t leave until the game was over, called home to ask about a replay of a play that I was only listening to…
I remember the 1-0, 17 inning game against Houston and canceling all of my plans during the day because it just. wouldn’t. end. I remember missing 5 shots to end a game of beer pong, and then getting a lucky bounce on the 6th and going nuts about it, because that was the day Sosa had.
This rant, as well as yours, is all the proof anyone needs to show we still care, deep down, but it still sucks to be treated like shit by inept management and coaching.
Don’t get me wrong, I like Santo – but he oftentimes makes it tougher to figure out what’s going on, not easier. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to open up the GameDay feature, because of him.
Hector Villanueva for Manager.
Rants suck unless they are super funny or completely unintelligible.
I’m still alive, you fucking cocksuckers!!
The worst part is i still believe we can turn it around. Help!!!!!!!
Hey Lee! FUCK YOU!
Fuck me? Fuck YOU, Bowa! You were the asshole I started defending when I launched into my infamous rant. Thanks for the gratitude, asswipe.
Yeah Lee, FUCK YOU! I can find better managers in chunks of my STOOL. I managed a bunch of fuckwits in Philly whose shit-stained ass napkins could give better speeches than you. Yeah, so FUCK YOU Lee. And don’t get me started on that ugly bitch you call a wife. Just try and convince me she doesn’t wear the underwear with the dickhole in front you fuckin’ half-wit droop eyed cocksucker!
Best Dose in a long, long time. It was obvious that came from the heart.
Well done.
I’ll scan the headlines each day for the Cubs next (first) move in the right direction, but I won’t be going out of my way (i.e. changing the channel) to watch any games.
Hey guys, no matter if the Cubs do anything else this year, Juan Pierre robbing MR. BARRY BONDS of the would-be Ruth-tying home run last night had to be the highlight of the year for..well…everybody in the world, really.
Oh, and if you want a former Cub to replace Dusty as manager, may I suggest you take Gracie off our hands? By the way, the D-Backs are in Pittsburgh tonight, it’s Ladies’ Night at PNC Park, which means that the moment the game ends, Gracie’s going to go after every woman in sight (especially, of course, the FAT CHICKS!) and try to re-enact the glory days of the Clinton White House. Again, Chicago, PLEASE take this clown off our hands, for, I don’t know, a couple of Dusty’s spare toothpicks or something.
How about a player-manager? Player-pitching coach? Dopes anybody know more about baseball than me?
Too bad if/when Dusty gets shitcanned, its going to be me that is your next manager.
i’m your man. I’ll bring in Berryhill to be hitting coach, the Rick Dubya Brothers (Wrona and Wilkins) to coach the corners, Steve Lakes’ moustache will be bench coach, and just for fun, Hector Villanueva can be pitching coach. We’ll bring Todd Hundley along just so fans can take turns kicking him in the nuts.
I don’t call myself Geezer arbitrarily. I have gone to Cub Games since Charlie Grimm was the manager, and although this season is particularly painful, nothing will ever top the embarassment of the College of Coaches. For sheer agony watching the ball trickle through Lean “Smoke ’em if you got ’em” Durham’s legs takes a close second to the Bartman inning. For prolonged agony the August/September decline in 1969 was worse than anythong in recent times. Why do I hang around? I honestly don’t know. Stubborn, I guess.
I wanna see Barrett flash his cup again. That was cool.
McLendon never had any resources to work with.
I assume you meant mentally?
They need to be sold!! Get them out of the corporate world and to someone who wants to win!!
After watching this Cub team, I think I’m gonna barf!