Today’s ass whipping is sponsored by:
Don’t forget that tonight over on On-Hoops.com we’re holding our Seventh Annual NBA Draft Live! party. On-Hoops still has that new car smell. It’s as if after 10 months of existence, nobody actually reads it, or something. Anyway, be there tonight, or Ozzie Guillen will call you something mean.
Pitching matchup:
Brewers: Dave Bush, 5-6, 4.64 ERA
Cubs: The Marmot, 1-2, 4.98 ERA
this is when the game casts get really funny. the cubs have really hit bottom (i know we’ve said that before, but last night was reaaaally bad.) I think it’s safe to say the cubs are now “fun bad.”
They have reached the point where you actually want to see them get worse, (at least I do) because it will be that much eaiser to laugh at them…
Lineups:
Brewers
Weeks 2B
Hall SS
Jenkins RF
Lee LF
Fielder 1B
Koskie 3B
Moeller C
Gross CF
Bush P
Cubs
Pierre CF
Walker 2B
Lee 1B
Ramirez 3B
Nevin LF
Jones RF
Cedeno SS
Blanco C
Marmol P
Last night was really fucking fun. I keel you, Dan.
Hmmm, maybe I can be a coach for Cubs. We could change all the start times to 4:20 and then we’d have an excuse for being terrible.
Puff, Puff, Give, Mother F*cker. Damn, You be f*ckin’ up the rotation.
I’d just like to remind everyone that there will be a ball game today.
worst. national anthem. ever.
Who sang the National Anthem, Patrick?
My pickoff move rules!
Wow. You know, I wasn’t intending to make a run at Carlos Lee… I just don’t think this lineup really needs another bat… but now that I’ve seen his baserunning… hey, who’s the Brewers’ GM? That’s who we’re playing today, right? The Brewers?
This is like an Irish Wake. It’s sad but fun.
2nd inning, 9 comments… Nobody cares. Or we’re all to busy talking about old WCW and such on the message board.
I only read about last night. Saying that ‘at least Big Z didn’t lose’ is like telling a participant in the special olympics ‘at least you weren’t last.’
even WE think it’s quiet in here.
This is what I was talking about in March with focusing on better defense. An outfield of Nevin, Pierre, and Jones. Nothing beats that.
So this is where all the action and witty commentary is. All right!
JUAN PIERRE HR?
“That’s Juan’s last home run in a Cubs uniform!”
Only one more to catch up to me, Lucky.
That Juan Pierre guy is imitating me.
Oh, how humiliating.
I am the balls
Peter Frampton? Yeah, he’s a hottie…
Frampton got his giant inflatable pig from me.
I am a revenue stream
I’d do him.
OW!!!!! My ass!!!!
So did Aramis dog that, or was it really a great play?
Aramis was trying too hard
I stopped at IHOP on the way to 2nd base…
is Marmol doing as well as his line looks? he seems to be dominating this powerful Brewers lineup.
Yeah bitches, I’m dealing.
It’s this the website with the shirtless hugs?
I’m down yo.
(blows smoke off of right index finger)
Booyah, female doges.
Pat made Hank’s throw sound like it was awesome.
Of course, we don’t need to hear anything to know that it was.
as we dive into the late innings, the only question left is HOW will the cubs blow this game?
A.) fielding error
B.) throwing error
C.) walk in go-ahead run
D.) balk in go-ahead run
E.) bill hall walk-off HR
the choice is yours.
I once smoked fake pot on a movie set with Peter Frampton, which is almost as much fun as smoking real pot with a dude who looks like Peter Frampton.
Hitting a walk-off homer on the road? That can’t be done. Well, maybe against the Cubs it can. I’ll see about it.
Wobble wobble wobble!
#33 a Choose Your Own Misadventure, I like it.
How about the starter running out of gas in the 7th?
Bases loaded, 1 out? Any bets that the Brewers score some runs? You know the Cubs would hit into the double play and not score a single f-ing run.
but remember, PA… only one path will lead you to DFB being fired. choose wisely.
oh, and no cheating be flipping the pages to find out what happens.
#39 But that path requires that the Cubs lose 100+ games this season.
Do I have to choose that?
And you read my mind. I was going to ask if I could do that.
Only one path leads to DFB being fired? I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more than one happy ending like that.
How about the ultimate happy ending? Neifi and DFB in a murder/suicide ending?
i still say a bill hall walk-off HR would be cool. Selig would have a fit if the Brewers just left after they took the lead in the ninth, but don’t know how much of a case we’d have to argue:
“but Bud, we had Cedeno, Blanco and Perez coming up! everything was falling into place!”
robbed of a HR by foul territory…
#43, i’m just hoping there’s one magical ending to this game that get’s him pink-slipped on the way to his Chevy TODAY after the game.
Why did i not advance a grounder to 2b
The one time we NEED Jock to run from 2nd to 3rd, he goes back to 2nd.
How did Jock not score on a 2 out single from second base?
Infield single
Do i still need to wear a helmet when my head is protected within my ass?
Jacque and Pierre are not actually from our country. They are too big of Mariottis, even for US… and we’re FRANCE!!!
Who the hell is Gabe Gross and is it possible that he’s better than our entire outfield? Even with the K
I’m your new closer bitches
what’s up fellas..
what’s up
now for a HR by Hall, and we can all go home. screw it, I say, he’ll hit a walk-off in the 8th, female doges.
A “walkoff” in the top of the 8th would be that much more inventive
Wow, how many people called that? Game over, everyone leave
You’re welcome, doges.
Booyah!
ahhhh. i’ll see you boys tomorrow. drive home safely!
haHA!
Shit, I knew I should’ve gone to page Win 1 instead of Lose 6 in a row.
Chooe your own Humiliation – A Novel by Desipio.com.
Oh, and Luclax wins the Gamecast.
I choo-choo-choose an aardsma.
If we get swept in this 4 gamer I believe that would be an incredible 8 sweeps in the last 16 series’
that is incredible. . .
how did we win a game in the other eight?!
haHA! (more ether, please.)
Another Dusty boner: last night, the game was essentiallu over in the 9th when the Brewers took an 8-5 lead. With two out, Dusty makes a change and brings in Howry. Why he did this is beyond me and yeah he only threw three pitches, but it also meant that Howry (who has been used nearly every day) had to warm up and come in to a game that was over. So today, instead of a relatively rested Howry coming in to pitch the 8th, an obviously worn-out Howry comes in and gives up the go-ahead runs. Dusty acts like he’s trying to get fired.
I’m back, homos.
did you miss me bitches?
Your dead right, Dave B. Go back and look at the number of times that Dusty, desperate for a win, has used Eyre, Howry, and/or Dempster with leads of four or more runs. It’s a horrible use of resources, and it would be no surprise if it is starting to catch up with them.
awwww, crap. i forgot that DLee was back. how long ’til Hall bats again?
I’m here to make it all the more heartbreaking when the Cubs lose. Morans.
Everything’s fine, there’s nothing to worry about, we’ll get this turned around. There’s no need for me to do anything.
Meant to spell it “Derrek.” Oh, how humiliating.
I will have my vengence.
Kolb is scared to pitch around Lee to face us two bad asses
#74, I don’t know who you are, but ***I*** pulled off a blockbuster to bring in the great Phil Nevin to make up for the loss of Lee. Hello?!?!? And look where we are now. That’s right, bitches. I also snapped up Tony Womack. If not for those two moves by, that’s right, ***ME***….
Last time I go to Wrigley, seems the Cubs are officially contgagious
A TRIPLE by Hank White is the very definition of me! A triple?!
Greatest moment of the day: Pat screaming “Blanco’s going for 3”
What is going ON HERE?! Who are these guys??
I also came up with the idea for a donut that sprinkles on the filling inside the donut, AND sprinkles on top of the donut. The double sprinkly supreme bitches. Who’s idea? **BIG JIM**
I am about to collapse soon. Juan Pierre had a homer, and Blanco had a triple in the same game. I’m fucked.
What the hell is going on? Is this a cubs game?
I’m swinging for the fences again
Shit, 5-run innings are pretty common nowadays. Just you wait and see.
henry blanco mororing around second on that triple just made my day.
these are the little things that keep us coming back I guess. oh, how humiliating.
not to be confused with “Arizona Phil” over at the cub reporter.
Apex dropped me from his Fantasy Team last night. Why did he do that? I thought I was The Balls!
I’m saved!
Bob brenly got hit by a foul ball which left a “multi-coiored bruise right on the love handle” and then grabbed a sharpie and had it autographed by the batter who gave it to him…good story…
Sorry hosers, but I’m required to walk any Canadian I face on four pitches. It’s the law, eh?
I wanted to clear a roster spot to pick up Salad from the waiver wire.
Got Apex?
We’re going to win a game! Cheer cheer cheer! Shine, sun, shine!
It’s a beautiful! Everything is fine!
We’re going to win a game! Cheer cheer cheer! Shine, sun, shine!
It’s a beautiful! Everything is fine!
look at the morans. one win in the last 13 home games and they act like they just won the lottery…
the sad thing is, if I were at wrigley right now, I’d be loving it, cheering with glee with the rest of em.
oh.
how.
humiliating.
If I were at Wrigley right now, I’d piss on the pitcher’s mound.
from the stands?
that’s a pretty impressive trajectory.
where are your seats?
100 posts on the GameCast! Cheer cheer cheer! Shine, sun, shine!
It’s a beautiful day! Everything is fine!
Eat me you bitches! A win’s a win! Dempster’s the balls! Bill Hall socks pee pee! Sign Carlos Lee! Fire Dusty! Fire Hendry! Fire MacFail! Give me head! I demand Head! And a rim job! Reem me out you Marriottis! Give it to me! UHHHHHH!!!!!
I am compelled to dislose that my son is now 2-0 at home games he has attended this year. I expect McDonough to issue him a season ticket immediately.
Give away a ticket for free? Screw that!
By hitting me, Hank has hit for the cycle. For the season.