Just when you thought it was never going to end, the Illinois basketball coaching search came crashing to earth on Tuesday night. At a 1 p.m. press conference this afternoon, Illinois Athletic Director Ron Guenther will stand at the podium and say, “Prepare to be underwhelmed! For I have found us a new coach!” The crowd will sit in stunned silence, until Ron says, “And he brought sandwiches for everyone!”

Because we’ve never found a joke we won’t run into the ground, let’s take one more look at the most fascinating paragraph from new Illini coach Bruce Weber’s SIU biography.

Fame and success have not changed Weber. He remains approachable, generous and humble. On road trips, no job is beneath him as he helps team managers load the bus or passes out drinks and sandwiches to his players and staff. Weber’s warm personality has made him a popular figure in the Carbondale community, where he is a frequent guest at civic clubs, booster club meetings, golf outings and church fund-raisers.

From what little we know of Bruce we already have some first impressions.

– He has valuable experience in the Big Ten, as he spent 18 years as the top assistant at Purdue and also served as Gene Keady’s personal combover advisor.
– He’s been at SIU for six seasons and you could certainly see the immediate deterioration of Keady’s combover over that period of time.
– Unlike rumored head coach front runner Dana Altman, he has neither woman’s first name, nor does keep his personality locked up in a small box in the corner of his office.
– His ideas about basketball style of play are just crazy enough to work. His teams pressure opponent’s on defense and run and gun on offense.
– However, we have turned over some troubling evidence that may actually cause Bruce to resign before he ever actually gets going in the job (a la George O’Leary).

He likes to party with Larry Eustachy.

I mean, who doesn’t? But given the current climate in college basketball, this photo of Larry and Bruce canoodling over a Natural beer, could be a deal breaker. Stay tuned.

A lot is being made today about Rob Judson not getting the job. But be honest here. How much of the Jud love was fueled by a desperate Illini nation who wanted a candidate who would bleed blue and orange and pee himself at the chance to get the job? Most of it.

Judson’s a rising star on the coaching horizon. Or something. He’s a good guy, a good recruiter and in two years in lovely DeKalb he’s done a nice job. But Weber had 18 years as a Big Ten assistant and in the last two seasons he won as many NCAA Tournament games as Bill Self.

Hiring Weber has little risk. It’s not as sexy as hiring one of Coach K’s minions, or luring a coach away from a major conference, but the risks of hiring a guy with 60 games of head coaching experience like Judson, aren’t the kinds of risks a major college power should have to take.

If Weber does well, everybody will be happy. If he flops, maybe then, Judson has the requisite experience and success to come in and do the job.

Weber reminds me of Mike Brey. Personable, liked by his players, respected as a coach and not a guy who causes the alumni to throw bouquets at his feet when he walks in. Notre Dame was underwhelmed to go from Matt Doherty to Brey, but it couldn’t have worked out better. Illinois will miss Bill Self, but I have a hunch they’ll get over it pretty quickly.

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Dusty Baker returned to the San Franscisco Bay last night and the Cubs actually played like a first place team. They do that quite a bit this year. It’s disorienting. I don’t know if I’ll be able to adjust to it. But I’ll try.

I’m going to do a full Cubs Report in a day or two, but I’m going to single out a guy who we enjoy maligning around here.

Corey Patterson is playing the hell out of centerfield right now. He’s hitting .309, is second in the National League with 22 RBI and already has 13 extra base hits. His 24-5 strikeout to walk ratio still makes you cringe, and we all remember he played well last April, too.

In fact, last April he hit .333 with a .400 on base average and eight RBI. He wouldn’t hit better than .260 in any month after that.

So do we dub him Mr. April? Or will he keep it up this year?

I think he’s turning the corner. He’s still a babe in the woods (he’s 23, and a guy the Cubs passed on to take him, JD Drew is 27 with the knees of a 50 year old), but his defense has been sterling so far and his baserunning has improved. Keep them crossed.

Your fingers, I mean.

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The Tribune on Bruce Weber.

Rick Morrissey thinks Judson would have been a better choice. Sure. Whatever.

Dusty got a standing ‘o’ before the game. Sammy’s diving catch in the seventh deserved one, too.

Dusty says he’ll cherish his NL Championship ring, all the way to a drawer.

Keith Foulke? Sure. Chris Singleton? Yikes.

If the Sox make Harold Baines their hitting coach, they’re officially a joke.

Steve DeBerg has been benched behind the best and he likes Rex Grossman, a lot. Of course, he was paid to make him good, so what’s he going to say?

Damon Moore was released. Let’s hope somebody drove him home.

Rosey’s still angry.

Ty Willingham is finally comfortable at Notre Dame. This is a good thing.

Johnny Pax is off to Greece to scout Darko Milicic. Tough job, eh Pax?

Paxson tells the Sun Times that the door is open for MJ. What, as team golf coach?

Mariotti puts down the doughnut to say he doesn’t really like Bruce Weber as the new Illini coach, but he doesn’t know who else they should have hired. Nice.

The Wizard of Roz on Bob Costas’ “new” HBO show that debuts Friday.

Mike Imrem still wants Rob Judson. Get over it!

TJ Ford is going pro. Let’s hope his agent can find him a jumper.

Gregg Easterbrook with a looooong look at the NFL Draft.

Tom Verducci claims the Kevin Millwood-Johnny Estrada trade has hurt the Braves. Gee, ya think?

Honestly, if Jack Osbourne is addicted to anything it’s Ding Dongs.

Kirsten Dunst is going to play a tennis star in the upcoming movie “Wimbledon.” You can tell it’s fiction, because her character’s not gay.

Hey look! Norman Mailer’s not dead!

“Honey! It’s the cat! He’s in Missouri!”

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