As Andy so fondly calls him, Seabiscuit’s jockey has an interesting revealing well-written informative humorous article in this morning’s Tribune about how Wade Miller is the current front runner for the 5th starter’s job.
While part of me still wants Mark Prior to be “the woman” in Chicago, the other part of me knows that Miller strung together a pretty good three-year stretch in Houston when he was healthy enough to make at least 25 starts. He won 45 games in that three-year stretch and was part of a formidable 1-2 punch with the tractor-driving redneck Billy Roy Oswalt.
Combine that with the fact that Prior was rumored to have been hitting only 83 on the radar guns in his first start, and maybe Miller is the guy we should be hoping has a solid comeback season. Because throwing 85 miles per hour is better than throwing 83 miles per hour, right?
Miller makes the start today against San Diego. And if tracking Miller’s progress doesn’t make today’s game against the Padres intriguing enough, Miller will start opposite new Padre, former Cub, and chronic leg-pisser Greg Maddux.
- “Commissioner” Gordon Wittenmyer suggests, in his 80th column of the week, that Lou Piniella might scrap the team’s initial plan to break camp with 12 pitchers, and he might prefer to go north with 11. Uh, oh, Prior. You’d better make the rotation, or you might be packing your bags for Iowa.
- Here is the recap from yesterday’s game, a 9-8 victory over the A’s. The good? 18 hits, including a leadoff homer from Alfonso Soriano. The bad? Roberto Novoa is still made of gasoline and flint. The ugly? Gordon Freaking Wittenmyer wrote the recap.
- Ryne Sandberg is enjoying his first days on the job as the Peoria Chiefs manager, and his players are star-struck and dreamy-eyed. Guess which reporter is on the scene?
- Lou Piniella hates walks, but not as much as the Lawnmower hates them. Unlike Dusty, however, Lou only seems to hate walks when the Cubs pitchers give them up, not when the Cubs hitters take them.
March 8th, 2007 at 10:45 am
I’m everywhere, Kerm.
P.S. you wife looks hot in the shower. How was your breakfast?
March 8th, 2007 at 11:10 am
Gordon Wittenmyer is actually two people:
Ed Metring and Tony Row. You’d think somebody who turned his name into Bad Kermit would have figured that out.
By the way, Tony says your wife looks hot in the shower, and wants to know how your breakfast was?
Ed just wants to know why no one is bidding on the locks of Jeff Samardizja’s hair that he’s selling on eBay.
March 8th, 2007 at 12:14 pm
I think I have to clear waivers before I go to Iowa.
March 8th, 2007 at 12:15 pm
There’s worse stuff in other’s people’s lockers back there than what I bought at GNC.
Was that out loud?
March 8th, 2007 at 12:21 pm
I think the best solution for cubs pitching, in terms of ROI, would be to drop Prior from the rotation completely and replace him with a tee-ball tee. Sport Mart is sellin’ them for about 15 bucks right now. Hendry could just walk down Clark and pick one up during his morning Clark-Dog-Jamba-Juice-Dunkin-Mia’s-Salt-n-Pepper-McDonalds run and still get to Ann Sathers before they run out of Cinnamon Rolls.
March 8th, 2007 at 12:37 pm
We never run out, not even when Jimbo comes ‘a’ walkin’ around.
March 8th, 2007 at 12:40 pm
I still prefer doucherattle. I don’t know what it is, but damn it, nothing sums up Gordon Wittenmeyer like “doucherattle”.
March 8th, 2007 at 1:20 pm
I love you, domer. I’m a big ND fan, too. Everybody on nsbb LOVES ND!
March 8th, 2007 at 1:26 pm
Mark – No .. you don’t. That’s the genius of the Cubs management from way back in 2002. They didnt start your rookie season in the bigs until mid-April.. So the Cubs have until April to send you to Iowa without you having to clear.. You don’t have enough service time to argue.. Boo Yah!
March 8th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
Don’t worry, Mark. You’d clear me by 10 feet, anyhow.
March 8th, 2007 at 1:55 pm
Hey Bad Kermit, guess what? You suck. Just thought you should know that. Why? Well, it’s obvious, isn’t it? You keep stealing my stuff from that mecca of baseball back and forth called Northside Baseball. My greatness can’t be copied, though. I will expose you for the fraud that you are. Or for the thief that you are. Either/or…whatever. It’s on, though. You can bet your bottom dollar on that, but you better not because gambling can get you in trouble. [stay on subject, Sulleymoon] It’s called accountability, fool, and I’m certified AND public.
domer, I read your blog. You’re still cool with me. That blog was awesome. I got so excited that my mom refuses to give me anymore chocolate chip cookies. [YOU'RE THE WORST MOTHER EVER!] Don’t feel bad, though, because I always have a secret stash of Oreos under my bed.
March 8th, 2007 at 2:08 pm
Is this sulleymoon dude a brilliant parody I don’t get or just a dumbfuck?
March 8th, 2007 at 2:12 pm
#13–
A little from column A) and a little from column B)
March 8th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
If you’re interested in catching up, Pre, here is all you need to know about Sulleymon.
http://fireloupiniella.wordpress.com/2007/02/10/jeff-fassero-we-knew-y e-too-well/
March 8th, 2007 at 2:27 pm
Abe Simpson—IF that’s your real name—eat my poop-stained shorts. Where I come from(you know the place by now, but if ya don’t then check my name) we like to say “attack the post and not the poster”. I’m reporting you, pal. Enjoy life on the outside looking in.
[Mother can't ever get my skidmarks out...she says my poop cannot be cleaned by traditional detergents, but that's a blessing and NOT a curse...I love you, Mother and I'm sorry for getting mad before]
Pre—I ain’t no parody, fool. Now how bout I stick a pair o’ dese nuts in your face? You wouldn’t like that, would ya? Didn’t think so. Remember that next time you question me.
I’m here…I’m real…and I’ll make your momma squeal.
Big time…
March 8th, 2007 at 2:39 pm
Sulleymoon and I go way back! Remember when we did lines off that Arab boy’s buttock? Wow, those were halcyon days Sulley. Halcyon, I tell ya. That word means awesome, right? Wittenmeyer, out!
March 8th, 2007 at 2:50 pm
Heck yeah, I remember that. Know what else I remember? Right before the pimp bringin’ him up to our room and me telling you, “Gordon, there’s gonna be a lot of stuff going down in this room tonight. Words will be said. Things will be done, some to you and some to me and some to both of us at the same time. I love our friendship and I don’t want things to change between us. And I really don’t want Mother to ever find out. So you must promise to NEVER bring this up.” I remember you saying that you promised and we even became spit-swapping brothers as is the custom between members of the #1 site for Chicago Cubs intelligent discussions on the ‘Net. So, why, after the spit-swapping seal of silence, are you bringing it up HERE in front of all these unelightened folks? You’re a jerk! Well, ya know what? I can be a jerk, too! How would you like it if I went into great detail about that night, Gordon? I WILL. We don’t have to make out, er, I mean, participate in another spit-swapping ceremony for you to know that’s a promise I’ll keep. So, zip your lip, fellow Golden Domer, and let me just go enjoy those memories in the privacy of Mother’s basement.
March 8th, 2007 at 4:25 pm
got salad?
March 8th, 2007 at 6:10 pm
Suddenly, I miss Baker Basher.
March 8th, 2007 at 6:52 pm
Let me tell you about the time I spent in Cabo with Gordon and Sulleymoon. It was a steamy night down in Ole May-Heeco….
March 8th, 2007 at 8:41 pm
Come to my site Sullyswoon, we love the real Cub fans like you! Not like the degenerate trash here at Andy Dolan’s gross site. And, if you sign up soon, I can have Julie my Webmistress bake you some cookies! Or my Life Partner will bake them, one or the other.
March 8th, 2007 at 8:51 pm
It’s a trap!
March 8th, 2007 at 11:05 pm
Bakr Basher? Ackbar?
Boy, at this rate, I should be comin’ round here real soon, bitching about Mark Grace as a D-Back announcer.
March 9th, 2007 at 2:12 am
Or I could bitch about Andy’s use of the term “litter box”. Boy, I am a turd.
March 9th, 2007 at 6:45 am
Who wants a Cubs article this morn’? Who wants 12? Wittenmeyer is all up in your shit, 4 LIFE!
March 9th, 2007 at 8:02 am
For inviting these numb-nuts over here.
March 9th, 2007 at 8:04 am
Do we have a Mike Kiley signal (like the Bat signal) and can we use it? I cannot believe I am typing these words, but compared to GW, we were better off with Mike being clueless once a day, rather than 7 times a day.