We don’t normally do these for night games. But Hillary insisted we Gamecast every game until the Cubs win one. Wow, this could be weeks.
Pitching matchup:
Cubs: Theodore Roosevelt Lilly 0-0, 0.00 ERA
Reds: Franklin Delano Arroyo, 0-0, 0.00 ERA
Lineups:
Cubs (0-1)
Alfonse, cf
Jock, rf (Huh?)
MVLee, 1b
E-ramis, 3b
The Barber, lf
Michael Barrett, c
Dance Fever, 2b
Little Cesar, ss
Teddy Roseylilly, p
Reds (1-0)
Old Lady Kicker, cf
Brandon Phillips, 2b
NSBB Splooge, lf
Ed Encarceration, 3b
Griffey the Younger, rf
Jeff Freakin’ Conine?, 1b
Seabass Gonzalez, ss
Dave Ross, c
Bronson Curlyblondemullet, p
Jock’s good against righties. Believe it. It took me a second to figure out who the Barber was. My dad would be very disappointed. “The Andy Griffith Show” is his all-time favorite. It’s in my top 5, if you’re wondering. You weren’t? It doesn’t hurt to know, though, does it?
The blogs have been clamoring for a Riot and now they got it. I hope he looks better tonight than he did the first game. Of course, I could say that about practically every player out there for the cubs. But I won’t.
Fuck that bitch. Lifelong Yankee fan, my black ass. Can’t even beat my fund raising by a million bucks? With her husband, the “first black president” running point? Hah!
I think it’s a wonderful story for her that a woman can run for president, but this fairy tale ends when she ignored her Chicago roots.
Theodore=Republican (red)
Franklin=Democrat (blue)
Does this mean they are switching laundry before the game?
I can’t beleive I have already been benched. I thought that Dusty was no longer the manager here.
Oh, that’s right. I guess the blogs won’t be happy after all. At least my positives are still playing.
Wait. Is Derosa “Dance Fever”? I’m confused.
Time for my first bitching of the year on MLB.TV’s giving me the away team feed.
tHom Brennaman in the house!
This year, MLB.TV included radio in the package. Hellloooooooo, Pat’n’Ron. I haven’t heard these guys since 2004/2005. Me happy.
Say, JD, how about your boy Jacque hitting #2? What in the positive is going on, here!?
Words used by Ron Santo in an attempt to say the word “musician”.
Hank is in the house
No adorable red-headed catching tonight
dude…keep it down. I’m trying to take a nap.
$136,000,000
I’d just like to take this opportunity to thank The Deuce for showing me Mets and Cards again. Please, another game between two teams I absolutely loathe. Thanks! Hey – can ya put Joe Morgan or Dusty Baker in the booth? I prefer my ballgames announced by complete assholes. You will? Thanks. I was looking for something excruciating tonight, and now I don’t have to jab a knitting needle into my leg.
Teddy Jr. K, groundout, groundout. Nice first inning as a Cub.
I addressed that already, SD. But I’m almost always available for some Jock POSITIVE.
JD, is Jock tested positive?
My jock tested positive.
For SEXY.
I got some POSITIVE to pass around for CESAR!, too.
Racist.
Could someone that’s able to actually GET the game and watch it do a little “Cubs Live!” gamecasting?
How’d you know I was black?
I’m choosing radio feed over tHom feed. The late Andy Masur’s ghost is running down scores from around the league.
I’d also like to note that Ron Santo is in midseason form.
Lily ‘nother strike out. Rosylilly positive.
Pat Hughes: “You know Ted Lilly would like to do some positive things for his new club”
Oh, you know he’s in on it.
What is this, a NightCast?
I haven’t seen one of this since…
Game 7. Guh.
It’s bad enough we waste time AT work, but at home? Of course, I’m still at work, but what the hell?
Ron Santo: “Maybe it was, uh, uh, uh, …you know…, …., …., a fastball.”
cesar needed to “backpedal” (never understood that analogy) to shallow center.
JD, you’re help has been requested at the auxiliary gym.
Score?
throw to first sending griffey back (this is not a paul cast, so i will randomly interject comments from len and bren). pop up ends the inning. rosylilly a no-no through 2 (although no no-perf and dont worry he cant hear me, i am being berry berry quiet)
You. Are Help?
Anyway, on the link.
0-0
Sound advice and real advice from Countrywide insurance.
Yeah, I didn’t know what to say to Kerm that wasn’t just a simple thank you. Sometimes I just can’t find the words, so I’m going to start asking JD to write my posts for me.
Bren “pitchers job is to put a hitch in your giddyup”
Lilly looks pretty good tonight.
It’s true.
But positive
I am just MOWING these bitches down.
No runs no hits one walk, 5 K’s through 3 innings.
Of course, Bronson’s K’d 5 Cubs, but at least he hasn’t tagged my southpaw ass for a home run.
Bren “You have to be smart against Bronson Arroyo … don’t jerk … get the fat head out …”
and NICE.
1st and 2nd for the Cubs with no outs. Top of the 4th.
Lilly kind of looks like Carl Spackler. So he’s got that goin’ for him.
Here is something you like to hear: “The bases are loaded for Itzuris.”
Aw crap.
Still a problem for us, apparently.
Bases loaded Cubs with 1 out. Izzy is up.
Bases juiced for Izturis w/1 out. I’m having flashbacks to Rey Ordonez in St. Louis right now.
JUST STAND THERE!
Izzy singles. Cubs 1-0
JUST STAND THERE! DON’T SWING!
To bad we only got 1 run because we had old man river at 2nd
I am sponsoring the Cubs baserunners tonight.
You guys need to POSITIVE more like that cool guy JD.
Now THAT would be a Cinderalla Story, Taylor.
I am the Cubs RBI machine!
Squeeze play with Lilly. Lilly bunts the ball in the air in front of home no one catches it. Catcher throws to second for the force. The Barber scores on the throw to second. And on the first pitch Al flies out to left.
I’m paid to hit. I ain’t catching no bunt pop-ups.
Taylor–
Just curious. Suicide squeeze or safety?
I guessing suicide. The Barber didn’t move off of third for about 2 days.
Spackler just had another 1-2-3 inning.
The snow is really coming down.
I’m treating the Reds like a handful of Florida coeds.
2-0 Cubs. I’ve got 6 K’s through 4 and only one baserunner (walk).
I’m not sure it was any kind of squeeze — I think Lilly just wanted to bunt. It was a really weird play.
Wait–
It’s SNOWING?
That would be cool to watch. Thanks for sucking now, WGN.
I feel bad for arroyo…he has been working hard…lets give him a 6 pitch inning. We all in? Great!
Crud. Gotta remember to change the name after I talk about how cool I am as someone else.
Jock grounds out on the first pitch
DLee Ks
E-Ram flies out to right on the first pitch.
It’s cold out. They have a lead and they’re ready to get the game over with. Dusty was right, I guess.
Bye.
Cubs pitcher covers first (… barely, weirdly, not on purpose)
At least the no-hitter’s gone, sparing me from an agonizingly tortuous train ride home.
Jr. leads off with a single and was stranded on second. Lilly has 8 Ks through 5.
And his lips have been pursed the whole time, I’m sure.
Cubs go down 1-2-3 again.
They’re ready to go home.
Adam Dunn…
Oh my. That was hot.
MOM! I NEED A NEW PAIR OF UNDERWEAR! JUST THROW IT FROM THE DOOR! DON’T COME DOWN HERE! DO! NOT! COME DOWN HERE!
Wait…you mean he hits my glove and its MY fault?!?!?! I just don’t understand.
Am I the league’s worst defensive catcher? I think I can answer that. Yes!
Mullet-boy leads off with a bunt single
DeRosa makes a nice grab on a tough one hopper and gets the ball to Izzy for the force, but Izzy’s throw is off and late. Freel safe at first
Phillips flies out to Jock
Freel steals second
Dunn hits a long single to the wall in right center and Freel scores
Encarnation takes first on catcher interference
Jr flies out to left
Cubs 2 -1
Well, Mike, you’re no Bako.
I heard Paul Bako is the one of the best young catchers in the American League right now. Is that true?
….is complete crap this year. No score bug. So if you have to get up to do something for a second and want to know the count/outs/etc., you’re SOL.
I should be able to answer that…but when he played for the Cubs I could never see him because my chair in the dugout was too low.
Don’t worry about it, Adam. You’ve still got the biggest VORP this side of Dick Trickle.
Two out double for Soriano. Well played by Dunn who just stood there for about a month watching it go over his head.
Jock flies out to left.
JD, Jock is a hard tryer.
He had the right idea. It’s never a bad idea to hit it towards Dunn.
Who is this dick trickle you speak of? Can we trade Neal Cotts for him?
Reds 1-2-3 in the bottom of the 7th.
Lee and Ramirez back to back singles. No outs and Mullet-boy is done.
The Riot bunts Lee and Ramirez over. Barrett is I-walked
Bases loaded for DeRosa who singles in Lee and Ramirez
Cubs 4-1
Ramirez huffing and puffing coming around from second.
WOOOOOOOO!
I’ll let Taylor explain it. I’m only going off of Gametracker on Yahoo and Parachat on TCR.
Izzy grounds into a DP.
Hey Taylor, at least I didn’t pull anything
Izzy hits into a 6-3 DP
Bulls up 10 on the satanic auto parts as well late in the 3rd
CESAR! knows his teammates are ready to go. He’s a good teammate. No use extending the inning and getting everyone sick. Two runs is good. We don’t need to be greedy.
Im frozen solid out there (Big Spot Bob looking good)
Howry with a 1-2-3 bottom of the 8th inning.
Et positive CESAR tu, JD?
¿Qué?
I don’t really want to be on the team. Please send me down to Iowa.
Christ, JD, Cesar sucks. Always has, always will. You’re gonna defend him ’til his last popout/strikeout.
Ward walks. Cedeno pinch running is thrown out trying to steal second
Soriano walks (Would have been nice to have 1st and 2nd and no outs)
Wild pitch Soriano to second
Jock walks
Could have been bases loaded and no out.
Brantley: “His shoes are wet, his feet are wet.”
tHom: “And that might not be all.”
WTF?!
I hear that, brother.
At least I put a name to my POSITIVE.
I just think it’s a little early in the season to get too high or too low on a player. It’s still cold out there and CESAR! ain’t white. He’s gotta warm up. He has a good eye at the plate and plays good defense. There’s no reason he can’t be a perfectly acceptable SS. Especially when there’s no one better. It’s not like he’s keeping Stephen Drew in AAA.
DLee Ks
Ramirez grounds out to third
Len says, We’ll probably see Dempster.
I’m wet. I just saw a commercial for Arena Football, and I’m like, so turned on right now.
Lee Ks and a force out and we in the bottom of the 9th.
Lee sucks.
Dempster will save 87 games this year.
It’s Dempster.
Dunn, Encarnation and Jr in the 9th. Hopefully that’s it
Just struck out Dunn
Ken Griffey Jr stole my ass right?
Walked Encar.
I just don’t believe Dunn didn’t hit a bases empty grand slam there. Dempster gives up a lot of runs and Dunn poops Grand Slams. I have to crunch the numbers again.
I’m about to kill Dempster.
You have a three run lead – THROW A F&^%ING STRIKE.
Lou just went out and told Dempster to throw some fucking strikes, and he does (Dance Fever catching the Griff popup two outs)
Lou is coming out to kill I mean talk to Dempster
Len said Lou said “Three run lead” and then something else.
Jr pops out to left
Izzy almost collided with The Riot as The Riot made the catch.
Conine flies out to left. Cubs win 4-1
Now that’s funny.
And Tehriot dances around and catches the third out Cubs Win!! Cubs Win!!
I can’t see the game. This is where I’m getting play by play. Actually, it’s better than Joe Morgan. Also, I positive JD. Consistent, pithy responses to my stupid posts. Word, yo.
Oh hell yes. Lou is my hero.
I. positive. Lou.
man uncle lou was some kinda urinated off when he went out to scream at dumpster to throw a frickin strike, let’s see 2 games in and the calmer more gentle lou is out the window buckle your bleacher belts its going to be a fun ride.
Larry Bowa learned how to swear from Lou. That was seriously a great display by Uncle Lou. Don’t tell him I called him that.
Neither of those fuckers Bowa and Piniella would known HOW to swear if it weren’t for me. I am the motherfcuking, cocksucking KING OF FUCKING PROFANITY. Why Kermit wastes his time giving that fucking cocksucker Piniella some space on his fucking blog, and not my fucking bad motherfucking self is probably why he’s one of the 15% of the dumb cocksuckers who don’t work and come out to that fucking playground for cockuckers that some of you dumbshit cocksuckers thing should last forever, and RIP MY PLAYERS! Fuck them!
AND PRINT IT!
Is that a picture of Hildog when she realized she had a snuke in her snizz?
YOU’RE pithy, St. Patrick! What’s that mean? I’ll word ya back, though. It’s all POSITIVE after a win.
Yeah well, it was a strike.