Rain or shine…well, OK, just shine. The weather looks bad, so what better way to spend an afternoon than with us, watching water puddle up as the Cubs and Cardinals duke it out for first place in the National League Central.
And remember, the Cubs are still undefeated when we do this. So we’ve got that going for us, which is nice.
Tune in here on Saturday at about 1:00 for our coverage.
Has anything ever NOT happened to Dusty Baker? He’s talking about Sammy’s bad big toe, which is going to keep him out of today’s lineup and the lineup for the next few days. And, of course Dusty had a bad big toe once, too. What a shock! He’s had one of everything.
Oh, and he also mentioned that he once played with Hank Aaron.
The Cubs lineup today looks like this.
3B Bellhorn (seriously)
SS Gonzalez
RF O’Leary
LF Alou
1B Choi
CF Patterson
2B Grudzielanek
C Miller
P Wood
Well, first place was nice while it lasted.
It’s going to rain sometime today, so we might as well post the radar and we can keep an eye on it.
Mitch Robinson just assured us that it’s a beautiful day. And really, right now that radar looks pretty good. Still, I’m not taking weather forecasts from a guy who changed his name when he was a sportscaster in Rockford because he didn’t think we could tell the difference between two Robinsons one on newscast.
I’m just saying.
Just to prove I’m a slave to advertising, the menu today includes the new Mountain Dew Live Wire (it’s orange) and some spicy buffalo chicken strips with the Hellmans’ Ranch Dippin’ Sauce. So far, not bad.
You’d think that with Sammy out of the lineup, the Cubs are screwed, right? Somewhere, Bill Simmons is just aching for more proof of his infamous Ewing Theory.
The national anthem is being sung by a group of singers from Northwestern’s Kellogg School of Business. Wait, a business school has a glee club? At NIU our business school didn’t even have calculators.
By the way, if your son ever comes home and mentions that he’s joined the glee club…well, grandkids are overrated anyway.
I was at a Cubs-Cardinals game last year when Woody Williams pitched and only gave up two hits. Unfortunately for Woody (and that creepy red goatee of his) both were homers by the decaying corpse of Fred McGriff. Cubs 2, Cardinals 0. Darryl Kile died that night.
Feel very sorry for Corey Patterson today. It’s windy and he has to play centerfield in between the rotting corpses of Moises Alou and Troy O’Leary. Jack Kerouac didn’t have to cover that much ground.
The Cardinals lineup is:
2b Vina
RF Palmeiro
LF Pujols
CF Edmonds
3B Rolen
1B Martinez
SS Renteria
C Matheny
P Williams
Kerry’s first pitch disappointed me. It was a strike. I was hoping it would be a strike right to Vina’s ribcage.
Vina pops up harmlessly to Moises. The ball was hit right down the left field line and Alou seems miffed that Patterson didn’t run a couple of hundred feet over to catch it.
That brings up Orlando Palmeiro. He was on the World Series Angels last year. So he won a World Series, and had nothing to do with it.
Wood makes him look anemic and strikes him out on three pitches.
I’m convinced that Albert Pujols is 38 years old. He’s a good 38, but look at this guy. He makes Juan Cruz look like Emanuel Lewis.
Pujols grounds to Bellhorn and the Cubs are coming up. End of half an inning, Satanic Birds 0, Cubs coming to bat.
Bellhorn will lead off the first, and Dusty is explaining that Babe Winkleman told him to use Mark as a leadoff man. I wish I were making this up.
The move does wonders for Bellhorn as he strikes out.
Chip just said that Sammy had his right big toenail removed. El Pulpo offered to donate one of his.
Had it removed!?! Ouch. I don’t even want to think about how much that would hurt.
Gonzalez lines to a leaping Palmeiro in right. Why he felt the need to leap, I’m not sure.
Troy O’Leary’s corpse is in the batter’s box. This poses a problem for Chip. When the corpse fouls off a two strike pitch, can he really say that it "stays alive?"
Isn’t it too bad that Harry’s not around to try and deal with O’Leary and Alou batting back-to-back. Harry’s be gargling big time over that combo.
Predictibly, the corpse strikes out looking.
End of one, Satanic Birds 0, Cubs 0.
Chip says there are tickets available for tomorrow’s game.
One is in left field, one’s in right.
Evil, pain in the ass, Jim Edmonds digs in. I hate him more than any person in the world. I feel very strongly about this. He flies out to Alou in left. Moises just yelled "cut it out" to the Cardinals. He’s in serious danger of breaking an actual sweat.
Scott Rolen homered to a Cubs fan in a St. Louis Sucks shirt. The ball came back onto the field harder than it it went into the seats. 1-0.
The back of that guy’s shirt says "Houston Blows." What a great shirt.
Tino’s up, and Kerry really ought to put him on his ass.
Tino grounds to shortstop and never appears in the picture. Way to hustle, Tino!
Edgar Renteria is on pace to become the first shortstop in Cardinals history to hit 20 homers and drive in 100 runs. Wait, don’t they have a shortstop in the Hall of Fame? He never did that? I thought he did. Oh, wait, those were his career totals.
Edgar pops out to Big Choi and the evil birds are up 1-0.
I’d have hit 20 homers and driven in 100 runs if I didn’t have to stop and snort the foul lines four times a game.
Chip says the Cubs offense is in dry dock. Man, that reminds me of prom night.
The sound just went on the FSN broadcast. It’s so blissful now.
The sound returns just in time for Alou to ground out to third. Moises run to first made Tino look like Carl Lewis.
Big Choi struck out in the eight inning yesterday on a horrendous call. Hee Seop’s young, but’s he’s mature. If that had happened to me, I’d have taken the bat and bludgeoned the umpire to death with it.
Big Choi grounds to short. Five up, five down.
That brings up the Cubs most consistent offensive player—Corey Patterson. I’m not even kidding.
Corey strikes out and I’m fearing a no hitter already.
Megan Mawicke is interviewing Damon Andrews at the ballpark. Yeah, that’s quality TV. One talentless FSN employee interviewing another. Damon’s wearing all orange. Must have just come from picking up garbage on the Dan Ryan.
Yesterday, on the radio broadcast, Ron Santo was talking about how good Matt Morris is. He then said, "It’s hard to get a handle on just how well he’s pitching when you only see him on the newsreels."
Newsreels? What year is this? Did Ron see the promos for CBS’ Hitler movie and think it was 1937 again?
Another troubling thing was that Pat couldn’t get the score right yesterday. One minute it was 4-3 St. Louis, then 5-3, then back to 4-3, then it was 4-3 Cubs. Honestly, I had no idea Pat was a meth addict.
Mike Matheny has remembered that he can’t hit and struck out on four pitches.
Chip is excited because Woody Williams is hitting .357. Five hits in 14 at bats is the epitome of small sample size. Shut up, Chip.
Wood is hell bent to walk him. It’s 3-1.
And he walks him.
The Genius is perched on the top step of the Cardinals’ dugout. He’s been managing for more than twenty years now, right? How long will it take him to get a haircut that looks good when he wears a hat?
Vina’s up. I give Wood permission to drill him if he wants.
Instead he lets Vina double. Thankfully, Woody Williams runs a lot like the frozen head of Ted Williams. So there are runners at second and third.
Palmeiro hits a low liner and get get it up over Grudz. (Insert Viagra joke here). Now it’s time to walk Albert Pujols.
It looked like Kerry got screwed on a full count pitch and he walked Pujols. This brings up Edmonds, who is late coming to the plate because he’s molesting a puppy in the on deck circle.
What a guy.
Edmonds flies out harmlessly to left. Looks like he’s going back for seconds on the puppy, though.
End of one and a half, Red, yippy birds 1, Cubs 0.
How can you say I’m talentless? There has to be a talent in keeping a job for four years and not getting any better at it. Doesn’t there?
Honesty compels me to say that I’m glad the Cubs are losing. Cubs fans are mean to me. I don’t like them.
But dig my groovy phony deejay voice. Isn’t it soothing?
Grudz whiffs on a pitch that nearly ended up in the Cardinals dugout. That brings up "The Omen" Damian Miller.
If he doesn’t get a hit here, it’s a bad omen, alright.
The Cubs have only lost 14 of the last 19 games against the Cardinals, it’s not there’s a trend there or anything.
Williams walks Miller. He must have known that Damian was ready to take him deep.
Wood bunts Miller to second and Woody Williams made a weird rainbow throw to first that Wood almost beat out. It’s bad if Kerry Wood beats your throw.
Bellhorn whiffs and that move to the leadoff spot has really helped, huh?
End of three–oh hell, you know the damn score.
Why is Chip reading the Aflac question and doing the duck voice when he says Aflac? Just to prove that yes, he can still be even more annoying?
Rolen takes a seat and now Chip and Steve are talking about Tino’s cheap sneak attack from second base on D’backs pitcher Miguel Batista. Does it surprise anybody that Tino would come at a guy from behind?
Tino grounds weakly to Big Choi. Maybe he can go help Edmonds with that puppy.
Renteria singles to right and it wakes up O’Leary.
The Aflac question is what three teammates last led the NL in batting average. It’s easy: Tuffy Rhodes, Kal Daniels and Scott Bullett. Oh wait it’s highest batting average? I have no idea, then.
Matheny gets his first ever hit against Kerry Wood. Renteria was running on the play but still only made it to second. You can’t run on Troy O’Leary!
Kerry strikes out Woody on a heater to end the inning.
Let’s get a hit!
Cardinals 1, Cubs 0.
Could we have started a worse offense? Bellhorn leading off? Why not just lead off with Wood? Troy O’Leary hitting third? I’m going to go light myself on fire.
When a pitcher is going well against you, why not try and hit him in the head when he comes to bat? Hey, it can’t hurt. He’s a Cadrdinal!
The Aflac answer was the 1993 Blue Jays, Olerud, Molitor and Alomar.
A-Gonz nearly doubles down the line in right, but it misses the line and he predictibly strikes out.
But the decaying corpse of Troy O’Leary singles to center. Nice range on Fernando Vina, I’ve seen hammocks that cover more ground.
Chip is reminding us that any ball hit to left is a license to run because Pujols’ can’t throw with his bad elbow. I can’t tell you how much I want to see him rare back and throw only to watch his elbow explode like that guy in RoboCop.
More nice hustle from Alou. He checks his swing, taps the ball to Williams. Williams falls down, gets up, makes a bad throw into the dirt and still gets Alou. Can’t we just take him out back and flog him? Maybe Bob Ryan would like to smack him?
Woody has fallen behind Big Choi, who is about to make it 2-1 Cubs.
Big Choi takes a mighty swing and strikes out. Oops.
Still 1-0.
Awesome! Vina swung and missed at a Kerry Wood slider and the ball hit him in the leg. It’s a strike. Muahahahahahahahahaha!
Vina grounds to short and limps down the line. Now he’s limping to the dugout. Maybe they’ll have to amputate?
After Wood walks Palmiero, they force him at second on a bouncer to Bellhorn. That brings up Edmonds with two out and one on. Jim is done molesting the puppy, and I believe is now moving on to some sort of baby camel.
Wood struck out Edmonds on a perfect pitch, so of course Jim has to stand there and bitch about it. I’d toss him everytime he walked on the field. But that’s just me. It’s still 1-0.
Say what you will about the Cardinals, but they take their cues from their manager. They are all very gentle lovers.
Corey leads off the fifth with a single. Finally, a leadoff man on.
Grudz is up and falls behind 0-2. Now this is the Mark Grudzielanek we thought we were getting from the Dodgers.
Can we shoot Corey now? On a hit and run, Grudzielanek grounded to Vina. Corey was caught between second and third, but quit running. Not only did Vina make a bad throw to third, but then Corey ran back to second so Grudz couldn’t advance to second. That’s about as bad as you can do it.
Palmeiro falls down chasing Miller’s pop up and Grudzielanek can only get to second. In fact, he nearly pulled a Corey and got caught off second. Three hits, no runs.
Wood bunts the runners to second and third so Bellhorn can pop out to end the inning.
I hope I’m kidding.
Bellhorn hits it hard but right to Tino. The Cubs look like the same old Cubs to me.
Kerry is taking out the frustrations of him having to bunt last inning on the Cardinals. He just whiffed Rolen and Rolen had no chance.
Tino strikes out looking and then complains. I think it’s because he has to go to the dugout and help Edmonds wrestle the camel.
Now Chip is quoting Spiderman. He’s such a dork. He’s talking about Sammy and Moises and saying, "With superstardom comes great accountability." Shut up.
Kerry mows em down. After five and a half, still 1-0.
There is now way I am this good of a pitcher!
Gonzo flies out to Camel Boy.
So does Troy.
But Moises hits one over Camel Boy’s head and it’s tied at one.
Steve is talking about how frustrated Moises was in his last at bat. It would have nice if he’d taken that frustration out by running hard. Nah.
Big Choi whiffs…but it’s Cubs 1-Cardinals 1.
What’s the new Mountain Dew taste like?
Kerry teases Matheny by throwing a curveball at his head and then blowing him away. Wood is officially cruising now.
Yesterday, Chip was going over the minor league highlights and talked about Lansing outfielder Felix Pie. It’s pronounced Pee-yay (bad enough) but for the sake of his upcoming joke, Chip called him Pie, like apple pie. He then said, no matter how well he does he can only bat .314.
It’s actually 3.14159265…
Pat Hughes is in the TV booth, meaning Ron Santo is doing play-by-play on the radio. I can’t miss this.
Damn, Andy Masur is going play-by-play. There are few things funnier than when Ron has to do play-by-play.
Ron: "Here’s the pitch and it’s a strike..no, a popup to left, and the first baseman has it and that’s it. One out."
Woody Williams flies to Big Choi as Ron Santo shows a t-shirt with his Chicago White Sox jersey on (and afro), and Ron has a photo of Steve with a perm. Nice.
Meanwhile, we have a 1-1 game in a battle for first place. Vina’s up, he got hit and grounded out last inning. All in one at bat. I still love that.
Wood is throwing nasty stuff. Somewhere Dave Otto is yelling, "He’s filthy!" Taking him out would only do the Cards a favor.
He’s due up early on in the seventh though. Dusty let Zambrano hit in the seventh yesterday and paid for it.
Mark Guthrie is up in the bullpen, because…Mark Guthrie is always up in the bullpen. He’s going to get the Bob Scanlan award for most inning pitched IN the bullpen in a year.
Vina checked his swing at a second strike and the ump said he held up. Wood now seems intent to walk him–it’s a full count.
So he just hits him in the ankle. I want to hug Kerry Wood right now. He’s gotten him twice on that leg in the last three innings.
The Genius is out talking with Fernando. I’m sure they’ll start yelling at Kerry now. I hope his leg falls off.
That’s the eighth hit batsman of the season for Kerry.
You know what I’d do, if I were Kerry? I’d throw over to first a few times and on one of them, I’d just nail Vina again.
Orlando Palmeiro is up. Thankfully, he sucks.
Steve says Kerry needs to "keep his front side in". Isn’t that what got Pee Wee Herman in trouble?
Kerry has thrown 140 pitches now. How is this possible? He’s given up four hits in less than seven innings? Yikes.
Pitch number 141 strikes out Palmeiro and he falls down. Chip forgets the rules, but Damian Miller doesn’t, he throws to first and it’s time to listen to Pat Hughes and his daughter sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame."
Jerry Krause want’s a Mountain Dew Live Wire review.
It’s not bad. Kind of like Orange Slice, only with a whole mess of caffeine. I drank one and a half hour later I could hardly feel my heart trying to beat its way out of my chest. I recommend it, though.
Corey leads off the seventh with a triple. At least we think that’s what happened. The guys at FSN were a little slow on the switch. First we saw the ball rolling down the line, then we saw a Comcast ad, then we saw Corey easily beating the throw into third.
Can Grudz, Miller or a pinch hitter get him in?
Grudz can, he singles to right and suddenly moving Bellhorn out of the seventh spot has paid a dividend. Two to one Cubs.
The Cubs just announced that they have put Sammy on the disabled list. I would think that if they tear a toenail out of your foot that you might be out a while. They have promoted pitcher Todd Wellmeyer. Don’t they need an outfielder? I’d have brought up Dave Kelton and made Bellhorn be the extra outfielder.
I smell a trade coming on.
Anyway, back to the game, Miller bunts Grudz to second and Lenny Harris is up with one out. That’s a big run at second.
Lenny Harris has an interesting body for an "athlete." He’s fat. But, he can still rake. Let’s hope he shows off.
They just showed Kerry’s line. I think the pitch count was wrong. How can you give up four hits and three walks and throw 140 pitches? The math boggles my simple mind.
Harris pops out to Renteria and Rolen falls down.
El Pulpo is the only one up in the ‘pen. He’s coming in for the eighth. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
OK, another (third one) RBI chance for Bellhorn. If he makes an out, I say we chase him out of town with flaming pitchforks. But that’s just me.
He’s down 0-2. He’s always down 0-2.
He just got buzzed by a fastball. When you’re hitting under .200 (or whatever it is right now) you just let that hit you, don’t you?
Instead he strikes out on a fastball that was literally over his head. I’ve seen enough of Mark Bellhorn.
I forgot the good part.
After seven it’s Cubs 2, Evil satanic birds 1.
El Pulpo is on to face Pujols, Edmonds and Rolen. He’s going to earn that $4 million.
Good start, he gets Pujols to ground to short.
One away.
Steve is wishing out loud for Ramon Martinez to come in and play third. But El Pulpo has decided to only let Alex touch the ball.
Edmonds grounds out 6-3. Two away.
Here’s Rolen. The only guy who got to Wood.
Pulpo is throwing hard and that thing is really moving.
Love the hair, by the way. He looks like a cross between Wesley Snipes in Demolition Man and Nate Newton.
Rolen fouls out to Bellhorn. That was easy.
It’s going to be Regular Joe time in the ninth. But let’s get him a cushion.
End of seven and a half, Cubs 2, Evil Satanic Birds 1.
I apologize to Molested Puppy, I didn’t see his post from early in the game. Funny stuff.
Gonzo leads off the eighth with a single. That will bring up Sammy…oh, wait.
Here’s our boy Troy. The Genius is going to leave Woody in, but Woody’s pooped.
Kiko Calero is up in the bullpen. I think she’s the stripper who got Mike Price in trouble.
"Roll Tide! Roll Tide!"
"It’s rollin’ baby, it’s rollin’!"
He’ll never live that down, will he?
Gonzo ran on the play and O’Leary still grounded into the double play. I swear, it must literally kill O’Leary and Alou to run hard…ever.
Moises is up, how about another homer?
Instead, he lines out to Albert.
Regular Joe will have to do it the hard way in the ninth.
He’s got the lead to protect, and our unbeaten GameCast streak, too. I wonder which one makes him more nervous?
After eight, Cubs 2, Cardinals 1.
Tino, Edgar and Matheny are due up.
I’m sure the genius will figure some way to sneak in the pock faced Eli Marerro in there somewhere, just because he’s The Genius.
Ramon Martinez is in at third. Phew.
Bruce Froemming is squeezing Regular Joe. What a jackass. Does he know who he’s trifling with?
Joe needs no ump. He whiffs Tino.
One away.
Joe goes 3-1 on Edgar, with Drew on deck. Yikes.
He walks him. Gulp.
JD Drew is the pinch hitter. He’s got a pinch homer already. But Joe gets ahead 0-1.
Miguel Cairo is on deck. So if we can get past JD, we’re golden.
Edgar stole second, so the double play is out of order. Oops.
Drew singles and it’s tied at two.
Joe walked Edgar, let him steal second and the lead is gone. Not his best effort.
Cairo is up and Woody is done for the day.
The Cubs are in the pitiful Cardinals bullpen, so if you stop it here, you like your chances.
The Cardinals are 0-10 when trailing after eight. But Joe just threw a terrible pitch with Drew running so he’s stolen second now.
Cairo pops out to Ramon and Vina’s up with two outs.
I say we hit him again.
Vina grounds to third. Cal Eldred is coming in and I have a feeling he won’t get past Big Choi. Stay tuned for a happy walkoff win in the ninth.
I’m serious.
After eight and a half, tied at two.
I went to college right outside of St. Louis. Most of my friends were Cardinals fans, but they were otherwise good guys. Anyway, they hated J.D. Drew. They used to call him "Toxic Shock" because that is the only thing for which he has yet to be put on the DL.
Anyway, I thought it was funny.
Pock faced Marerro is in to catch. Who saw that coming?
I’m sticking with my Big Choi homer prediction. But Corey’s licking his chops on deck, too.
Choi’s down 0-2, just for the sake of drama, I hope.
The crowd starts their "HEE SEOP CHOI" chant, but he grounds to first. Oops.
Amazingly, Eldred walks Corey. That’s more unlikely than a homer would have been.
Here’s Grudz, with another chance to make Dusty a genius.
Corey had second stolen, but slid off the bag and got thrown out.
That’s bad.
The replay shows he was safe, though.
Grudz singles. That would have won the game, had Corey been on second.
Corey’s new movie "Adventures in Baserunning" starts next Friday.
Miller walks and Ramon Martinez can become a big hero with any kind of single.
Ramon flies to right and the Cubs are screwed.
End of nine, tied at two.
Yesterday was fun, getting to board the Clark bus with dozens of sad and pouty (and overweight, and sweaty, whatever) Cubs fans after the game let out.
Looks like I may get to do the same thing again today! This time, I wear sunglasses. And red.
Mike Remlinger is up, hoping to keep the tie for the tenth. Bako is in to catch. Paul will be leading off the bottom of the tenth. I’m not predicting a Bak-off homer, though.
Palmeiro, who nearly lost that Martinez fly ball in the sun, leads off.
Orlando flies to Alou.
Stone keeps talking about how good the Cardinals are. Shut up. Sell that crap someplace else.
Pujols grounds to Gonzo, and that brings up the puppy/baby camel molester.
He’s thinking jack. I’m thinking Remlinger should just hit him. I’ve thought that a lot today. I’d have a hard time pitching to the Cardinals, I want to bruise most of them.
Remlinger subdues Camel Boy.
I’m not going to say anything….
But Alex Gonzalez is due up second in the tenth.
After nine and a half, we’re tied at two.
Dwyer, you imbecile…
Where the hell is Bruce Froemming’s strike zone? Bako strikes out on a very outside pitch.
Chip quips "you can’t just watch the game, you have to observe it." Shut up. If you’d been observing you’d know, Bruce’s strike zone is moving.
Cal Eldred hung a 2-2 pitch and first place is safe for two more days.
HOME RUN ALEX GONZALEZ!
Cubs win! Cubs win! Cubs win!
Cubs 3, Cardinals 2.
Get on the bus, young Kelly.
Ah, crap.
Well, see you in October.
Oh, wait. We won’t.
Nevermind.
Was there ever any doubt? The Cubs improve to 4-0 when we have a GameCast. I really think the Cubs should pay me to do this every day.
Chip Caray felt the need to throw a wet blanket on the win by giving The Genius some cop out about how "he was out of options in the bullpen."
Huh? Shut up, Chippy. Go to your room.
The happy totals: Cubs, three runs on 10 hits and no errors. The Evil Satanic Birds two runs on five measly hits and no errors.
The Desipio.com Cubs player of the game is Cal Eldred.
Thanks to those who posted and e-mailed during the game. It’s always fun to beat the Cardinals.
It is almost unfair how clutch I am.
It sucks that all this was wasted on a Saturday game, so not as many people read this as they should have.
I only caught innings 7-10, but dayum it was fun to be part of a gamecast again, thanks for the hookup Andy.
2 down, 16 to go …
Hey, I was hungover from Friday and Saturday, so I read this on Monday. I can hardly wait to read about Sunday’s game.
OK, it rained sideways, it was windy and both teams hit lots of homers that didn’t count.
That was Sunday.
Oh, and Eli Marrero fell down and went boom in the outfield and the Cubs sent out a circa-1937 stretcher to haul him off on. It’s not like he lost a toenail or anything…
Dude, I need my Andy fix!
The day the world ends, no one will be there, just as no one was there when it began. This is a scandal. Such a scandal for the human race that it is indeed capable collectively, out of spite, of hastening the end of the world by all means just so it can enjoy the show. by online poker