Pitching matchup:
Phillies: Kyle Lohse, 6-12, 4.58 ERA
Cubs: Sean Marshall 5-4, 3.10 ERA
Lineups
Phillies
Jayson Wuerth-less, rf
Todd Iguchi, 2b
Jimmy Rollins, ss
Ryan Howie, 1b
Dirt Bike Wrecker, cf
Patty the Batty, lf
Jesse Helms, 3b
Chris Coste, c
Kyle Lohse(r), p
First place Cubs
Alfonso Sorianot, cf
Ryan Theriot, 2b
MV Leet, 1b
E-ramist, 3b
Clifft, rf
Mike Fontenot, 2b
Joct, cf
Koyie Dolan Hillt, c
Marshallt, p
The extra t thing for the Cajuns doesn’t work all the time, does it?
BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE!
Brave?
Definitely wasn’t Messmer singing… weird anthem today. Lots of R&B runs do not a good anthem make.
We’re up 2-0 on teh Beemakers
.444? Why can’t you get me out?
Or the Beermakers
We love honey.
Sox hang 8 on Clemens in the top of the 2nd inning, then give up 8 in the bottom half. Wow.
Ironic humor at its best. Maybe.
Put it on the board?
Not you guys again. I have work to do,
So who is this Jimmy Rollins kid?
Fuck you Itchy Coochie.
He’s a bum.
So, Cubs have some work to do already.
There’s a new sheriff in town!
Ah, they needed to get one run anyway.
I hope Soriano can shake off this funk he’s in at home.
I forgot Soriano has hit the crap out of Lohse
Alfonsot Sorianot swining at the first pitch? WTF?
Andy, can you please put a Boss Button on here – you know, one of those buttons you can click and a fake spreadsheet is displayed. I’m kind of paranoid, man.
He just did, but then he didn’t.
#20, alt tab or alt f4 won’t do it for you?
Ah…. CS….. At least he fixed his mistake of getting a hit on the leadoff at bat.
Those are some scary pics that you included in your “Advertise with Desipio” link… I mean, come on, Paris Hilton? What the fuck is wrong with you?
Where’d Rammy get hit? Is he ok?
Slaky? Kerm? Where are you guys?
I wondered why the Hank White ad doesn’t say Feel the Excite.
No worries, man, I got hit in the cajones, and as well all know, I’ve got nothing there.
E-Ram supposedly got hit on the jersey but I didn’t see it.
Now Floyd, I’m worried about as he is made of glass.
Injury Delay? Who? What? Where?
Put me in so I can swing at the first pitch!
Hey, Cliff. What’s new? A strained hamstring? That’s cool…
I certainly don’t want Alt F4 as then I have to start all over again. Alt Tab is only partially helpful as I have the pitch-by-pitch game cast in one window, and this fucking addictive message board in another window. If I Alt Tab, chances are, I am just switching between the two with no legitimate work in sight. You dig?
Where’d Cliffy get hit? Is he ok?
Floyd hit in leg but appears to be fine.
I was aiming for the bull.
This looks like the 8th last night. 3 on, 2 out. Time to do nothing with it.
I am exhibit A of how diluted the pitching is in baseball today. I just suck.
#34 got ya. The only other one I can think of is hit windows button F and make the find pane maximized and bring that up in case of emergency
Just open up a spreadsheet and keep it going in the background at all times…. Yeah, you’ve got an item in your taskbar that says “blog” but so what? what are the chances that your boss even knows what that is?
I’ll just stand here and collect my RBI.
The sidework with Rick Ankiel have done wonders for Lohse today.
Wow, Lohse really sucks today. Not that that’s a bad thing. I’m just sayin’…
Dammit.
All our games are tied for the moment.
Kyle is having control problems, let me help him by swinging right away and making an out.
#47 he did hit the crap out of that pitch. Just a nice kick save by Blohse.
Any news on me? Am I hurt badly? Or am I just acting so that I can get tended to by naughty nurses in naughty nurse outfits?
Floyd is fine.
Pat @#$@^@^@%@%#@%# Burrell.
Andy, YOU DA MAN!
Wes @##$!@#$!$!@$!$#! Helms? WTF?
Did Jacqueshit swing at pitch #1 AGAIN with the bases loaded? Why the fuck hasn’t Lou told him, “Do that and I’ll pinch hit for you mid-AB. I’ve done it before!”
Wow, they are hitting the ball hard.
And this applies to our very own Sean Marshall as well. Fuck!
I’ve got nothing. But hey, at least I don’t look at the bullpen. I just figure if I keep giving up rockets, Lou will take me out.
Hey Marshall, I ended over an hour ago, you dont have to still throw me.
I’m not exactly working out today
Adam Eaton just missed a HR by about 10 feet, foul. Wow.
I take it Jock’s liner hurt Lohse. So now Adam Eaton is foul balls onto Waveland? Yikes.
WTF am I doing here?
Chuck, I got you figured out. There’s no mid-at-bat when I swing at the first pitch! Hahaha!!! FYC!
Get ready for 22-20 part deux.
The visibility must be spectacular.
There is Jock, considering you swing and miss most of the time.
That deadline deal is really paying dividends for the Phils.
I guess the strike zone is quite small today.
I just walked a pitcher pinch hitting for a pitcher. That has to be a first. I’m sending my hat and spikes to Cooperstown.
That’ll teach ’em. I’m make them clog the bases.
This game is getting me very, very quickly. Yilch.
Two shaky starts in a row by our young lefties. I hope we don’t rue not getting a starter for the stretch. Maybe that guy is in the minors. But when Woody gets activated, there won’t be any “long guys” left in the pen.
Well I suck today.
Marshall is suckin Daddy’s bird out there.
Here I come!
An out. Yay?
Not when I hit into my customary 3-u.
I suck at levels that haven’t been seen since Calvin Schiraldi was here.
I’m a long guy!
Woody ought to be able to go 4-5 innings, easy.
Is An-Hell close to being back? He could fill the long man position.
Wait, we’re playing for REAL now?
We’ve got a couple of guns in the minors right now, but we can’t go long term with them this year. In a pinch, yes, but we are at least a couple years out before we see anyone ready to go for long arm.
Not well, he can’t. Shut up, or you might jinx us.
Am I as stingy as I look online?
Hey, I’m 2-1 in Des Moines and I’m on the 40-man!
I won’t win this game
Marshall you suck. I didn’t completely fill my diapers until the 5th.
Getting out of that down “just” 4-1 may be lucky. I think it’ll take 6-7 to win today.
Neither will I!
So, Lohse is out. Philly will now burn their pen heading to Milwaukee.
Yeah…
I don’t want to pitch — then I can’t catch the 6pm to Des Moines
Why not give me a look see?
Am I in Redbeard’s pocket?
#94
Wait….
What?
Don’t worry, Milwaukee still has me.
Sincerely,
Derek Turnbow
Chuck, have seen their “pen” in action much? I don’t think it makes much of a difference.
Read #83 again……….too many “we’s”, Murtonface
#98
Gotcha.
Wes Helms PWNS the Cubs.
Time for the Cherry inning filler.
I couldn’t get me out.
I wouldn’t worry about Philly burning out their pen. I’m sure the Cubs are more than capable of getting JD Durbin through five more innings without getting more than a run or two.
Nice play, The Riot! Ronny would have made that!
Guh
Another out! Yay!
Now back to work!
Well, looks like we won’t need that Boss Button today.
Somebody e-mail me if a miracle occurs.
Time for me to retire for the rest of the year.
Wait ’til next year.
More ironic than ever.
And why would he give Coste anything to hit w/Durbin on deck??
#109
That fly ball almost hit Jock in the head.
I can lose a ball in sun and in the dark.
No, you STFU, STFU!
Why am I the everyday CF again?
Does anyone hear that fat lady singing?
TL, do you resemble that first picture in “Advertise with Desipio”?
will not wi….never mind.
The Phighting Phils really phucking up the Cubs staff today.
I can hit .240.
I’m the most exciting thing in this telecast. Tiny cities! Women can’t handle me!
Chip Caray!
I’m a doubles machine
You have a GROWING problem.
Well at least the Brewers are losi… wait, Corey Hart just tied it? #@U($@(#$!@$#@$!@#$#*$
I’m back, doges.
C’mon Jock, we aren’t asking for much, just a home run.
eh, close enough.
COME ON DOLAN HILL!
Was I Jock or Fontenot?
Sit tight bitches
We’re hitting inside the park homeruns here. Wait – you still start Jock? Nevermind . . . @#@#$#@ers
I’m a good gag
You’re a lot better looking than most of the guys that come in to this place. plus you seem nice. you want a dance?
This ain’t over.
Brewers still down, this ain’t over by a long shot. Go Cubs.
My parents gave me a great name for a
lesbian porn starpitcherSoriano accidently took a pitch. He must have been pissed he couldn’t swing at that first one.
Atonement time.
I suck.
I am a doubles machine
Close pitch
Why the FUCK am I batting cleanup?
NICE DOUBLE, OGDEN!
That’s the doubles machine.
I am fucking prescient
Someone may want to e-mail Andy.
I appear to be building among the Desipiots.
Is it time to send him an email? Yes, we’re still losing, but it’s much more interesting now.
Maybe they should spot the Cubs the first two outs since that’s when they actually start doing something.
E-Ram has a quick fucking bat. Imagine if he didn’t have that wiggle.
Ramirez just struck out on me.
How far behind am I?
You’re not, get your panties out of a bunch.
Looks like I’m slumping
must be yesterday. he just grounded out.
Who wants to untangle my panties y’all? Is that popcorn you’re eating?
Not in a bunch, 154.
I’m just curious… it’s usually an AB or so behind the action.
8 pitch at bats are definite signs of trouble.
Unless I’m totally retarded (it’s possible), Gameday initially reported a swinging third strike.
I’m full of shit
I lack consistent reliability.
A new condom. The Kelly Pickler Ticker.
A new condom. The Kelly Pickler Tickler.
But, I’m the only option you sucky 15% got, so, eat it.
Was I swung-on-and-belted or just softly-hit-and-Jock’d?
# 165. Piss off, mate.
I beat ‘Tards! I beat ‘Tards! huhuhuhuhu
Yay! Pissburgh!! Yay! Yay!
Don’t be an asshole.
I’m not much of an alternative, am I?
I’m the current temperature of BC’s Dr. Pepper
I’m ON MOTHERFUCKING FIRE, doges.
Jock, you fucking owe us some fucking runs, bitch. Pay up.
All over the field, doges!
Time to step up, bitch.
I need to do my best impression of a major league hitter.
You bitches can’t stop me!
Koyie Hill is hitting me.
Murt!
A single here by Ginger would be real big.
R-B-Motherfucking-I.
How do you like me now, bitches?
Come back!
C’mon Fonzie. Mets are beating the Crew 8-3. This is a big one to come back.
The game will be over in time to get your ass to O’Hare and catch a flight to Des Moines. Shitstain.
I just dropped damage on yall Brewers
Is my middle name, sincerely Matthew Murton.
I hope Eyre smashes Gooch in the face with a pitch.
What happened, did Pat have a flare-up again? Cory has done a FULL inning.
Apparently I’m not censored by the robots that be.
Mets 8 Quickly flattening Brewers 3
Matt Murton gets a couple of hits and suddenly he’s the second coming of Ryno.
Jacque Jones
Angel Pagan
Matt Murton
And, the $136 million stupid…
Alfonso Soriano.
Bases loaded with a tiring pitcher and you swing at the FIRST TWO GODDAMMED PITCHES!!??!?!?!
MORON!!
I’m already en route to O’Hare, and I only get to turn back if Eyre hurts himself in the next hour
I apparently always take the full 5th inning, #189.
I have a GROWING problem #189.
194, hopefully Eyre doesn’t have to field a ground ball.
Eyre just threw an Ohman-esque 58-foot pitch.
What the fuckk makes me so stupid, #193?
Cabeza de mierda!
Eyre v. Iguchi?
Really?
Nine pitches to gooch? I’m gonna need another bear claw to get through this inning.
The Cardinals lost again to Pittsburgh. You might think they’re finished, but I find this all disturbing. They’re going to have a player get drunk and drive into the Allegheny River and then they’re going to win a pennant in his honor. AP5!
That is all.
That first pitch to Soriano was a meatball.
FYI- Bases weren’t loaded.
Murtons still a flamer all right.
I’m back to my old self.
Who’s been playing in my uniform?
being mexican!
Eyre throwing the gas instead of dousing the team in it.
The real BC is annoying. Fake BC is freaking hilarious though.
We actually have a good bullpen
You might think the Pirates’ win over St. Louis is good news, but I’m not fooled. The Pirates’ franchise has had its share of moments foiling the Cubs. They have Matt Morris now, not to mention the ghosts of Clemente and Stargell: http://sports-library.com/index.php/Cubs_1969_Season-Game_141
Pagan is me #208, you dumbfuck.
I’m leaving work. I was gonna head home and take a nap after not getting back from Wrigley till 3:30 this morning, but I think we’re gonna win this sumbitch.
Why am I calling so much of this game? Did Hughes eat too much Mexican food last night?
BC!!
Step off, man.
I’m about to culminate in a four-run inning.
Getting it started…
Well, that was a productive meeting. While I was in it, the Cubs scored five runs, the Tards suffered a sack-crushing defeat and the Brewers got:
http://members.optushome.com.au/redknob/images/pwned.jpg
And then there’s me.
Those women look like they are from Wisconsin. That being said, that pic is pretty disgusting. Shame on you!
The Cubs call me “Magic Time”
Golfed at the kneecaps? (According to Gameday…)
There are an assload of us involved in the goings-on today, no?
Derrek Lee has been me lately.
According to me Rammy hit one off his kneecaps to the left-field wall. I must be on crack.
and we all mostly suck.
In the hole: Me!
We all mostly suck too
Zzzzzz…
Oh. I see what Floyd did.
That joke is terrible. Yet I laughed my ass off when scrolling over the link.
What does Champaign-Urbana have anything to do with bridges?
:P
D Lee has been unclutch since the White Sox series, no?
I’m deadly on a basepath
No. 233, I think that 230 was a tasteless joke. For terrible jokes, click on my link.
No.
So, the Cubs have a pitcher on the roster who can get me out… Who knew?
Thanks for the reminder, 237. To wit:
“Tropical Storm Chantal has formed in the Atlantic. And if Chantal gets any stronger, she could turn into a full blown hurricane ‘ho”
You see… because ‘ho is an abbreviation, see.
You’re right. Those jokes are fucking horrendous!
Do I write for Leno?
Zzzzzz….
Alright, 2 runs, right now. It can…. no, it WILL be done.
What did Romero do?
I feel a little different than I did back in April, hmmm?
Still, how long will I be around today…? You’re not so sure.
Good start, frenchie.
It’s biz-ness
It’s biz-ness
It’s biz-ness time!
Ah, yeah. It’s bizness time!
We suck.
1-0 count on Romero still. Wuertz apparently making an ass bucket of throws over to first.
Wordplay is fun!
Did Jock just ground into one 249?
Indeed I done did.
I’m back bitches!
yes. fontentot lead off walk. JJ – DP. K Hill groundout. inning over.
Senor Piniella:
I can hit .240.
Felix also doesn’t have a phobia of me.
I may be a little lame, but it doesn’t hurt that the Brewers are down 8 in the bottom of the 9th. Though they were down nine just a second ago….
Shocking that I couldn’t pull off that athletic catch.
Throw a fucking pitch UP, jackass!
Intentional Walk?
WTF?
What’s wrong with me?
Golden. Sombrero. Ogdens.
Well we won’t lose the division lead today, lets say we take sole possession.
That the fuck, 261.
Bitch tits!
Nothing, just that you must be ready for twice the agony and ecstasy. And have twice the Pepto Bismol.
We’re finally getting some consistency around here.
We suck at home now too.
Can I still pull off a 2-inning save?
I’m really just not very good at this game, am I?
I’m a double machi…… wait, that wasn’t me!
I miss being a mustachioed Creole.
Time for us to come through.
Can’t leave it to those mooks batting 7 and 8.
We pretty good.
DANCE!!! DANCE, I SAY!!!
Bitches!
Clutch time.
Here’s to hope: I am a doubles machine.
Motherfucker.
What am I hitting with guys on base? Seriously? Someone look it up.
Magic Time…
Clutch time
I’m hitting 355/448/533 with men on.
is that all?
Gameday has me at the right field wall.
Was I nearly teh clutch?
Just missed.
That’s pretty good, right?
Please let Alfonseca pitch the 9th.
Hopefully, you can now clearly see that I don’t exist.
So I let the one guy I don’t want on base rip a single on the first pitch of the inning. Big deal.
I existed on Garfield Goose and Friends.
I look like I’m fixin’ to axe murder (and then perform the requisite postmortem analrapy on) someone on my ESPN GameCast picture.
God, do I suck
Chris Coste. You have GOT to be kidding me.
Not if I get to ’em first.
I put the “special” in “left-handed specialist”
Boy, I sure do suck it long and hard, don’t I fellas?
For real this time
I can’t believe Will Ohman is me.
Fuck you Ohman. Fuck you right in your fucking ass you choking gutless piece of shit.
We are really tired, in case you didn’t notice.
I’m seeing double.
Actually, I do my best work with a gas can and a floating meatball.
Did we really need a lefty? Marmol? Howry? Hello?
He’s a lefty version of me.
Lou’s press conference after this one should be fun.
I can’t help it. I’m claustrophobic – I like open spaces, like the middle of the plate.
Or the ivy in right center.
Don’t worry, I’m back tomorrow
Can I come back yet?
Chill out guys, the Brewers and Cardinals lost!
Guys?
Miss me?
We’re still in first place
If any Illinoisan has a chance to kill or at least injure Will Ohman, let me point out that I have the power to pardon people for crimes committed here.
Ay, big man! Big man! Hey, man lemme axe you sumpn’ man! Can a brotha get like 50 cent, man, maybe like a dollar or a quarter for sumpn’ to eat man? I aint had nuttin’ all day & shit, man. Ah, thanks man, god bless you. Thank you.
Uh, 387, I think Wuertz’s slider was just fine today…
I blame Jock. He’s the one who bounced Lohse from the game with a forearm contusion.
Bringing Ohman into the game is the equivalent of a football team taking a knee……when losing.
That’s 307…duh…
Why couldn’t I fall on Will?
What are you guys looking at me like that for? It’s not like I gave up the lead. Marshall spotted the Phillies a 7-1 then the rest of the bullpen shut them down while we clawed are way back to 7-6 and I shit myself badly in the 9th. But it’s not like I gave up the lead.
It’s biz-ness… whot?
Hey, I just doubled in size!
Wow, someone wearing a chest protector and mask is in a hurry to get the hell out of Wrigley today. Terrible, terrible punchout call on Fontenot.
Did I just go up to bat?
The Cubs are still within “slam range,” guys…
Guys?
I think that Will Ohman pitches like shit too much.
I think that Will Ohman is the biggest waste of hot air.
I think that Will Ohman stole more money from a Chicago media company than Conrad Black.
Hello!
Fuck you
I’ll kick yo’ ass Yost!
Maybe the Brewers will trade for me?
Meh, we got a split with one of the hottest teams in baseball and moved into a tie for first again.
we’ll go get the Mets this weekend.
when you put it that way it doesn’t seems o bad, hmmm?
I’m what Hendry slammed into his pig-face during the trade deadline rather than actually making a deal for a REAL lefty out of the pen.