You know what says great writing?
Lists!
Oh, you can’t beat the tired, old, yarn where you stop trying to take random ideas and weave them cohesively into an actual story and just list the damn things. Now that…that’s writing.
Sometimes, the lists are actually creative, and sometimes they are just so sad that mocking them seems a waste of time.
Any list that has Sammy Sosa ahead of Ryne Sandberg had better be a waiting list for hepatitis.
Currently, Peter Gammons’ favorite Cubs’ site is starting to reveal its long-awaited (sure), much-anticipated (like a herpes outbreak) list of the 20 greatest home runs in Cubs history.
I’ll save you the drama. Number one will be Gabby Hartnett’s homer in the gloaming. Two and three will be Sammy’s 61st and 62nd. Four will be a homer in the early ’90s that Al almost caught (probably hit by an opponent).
Also on the list will be Sandberg’s homers against the Cardinals on that NBC Saturday in 1984 against the Cardinals, E-ramis’ grand slam in the last playoff series the Cubs have won, and if Tuffy Rhodes is on the fucking list I hope Al’s computer shorts out and the fire spreads from his room in the basement to the rest of his mother’s house.
Why am I so disgusted with this list? How about the fact that his ‘honorable mention’ homer (number 21) was the one Ryne Sandberg hit in the first inning of the Cubs first night game on 8/8/88. Why is that so wrong?
How about the fact that the game got rained out and the homer didn’t count? That’s the 21st greatest homer in Cubs’ history? That’s like saying Tim Lashar kicked the 97th most important extra point in Bears’ history.
But now, I feel left out. So here they are, the Top 20 Cubs foul balls of all-time.
20) April, 1876, White Stockings (they became the Cubs–trust me) third baseman Cap Anson hits the first foul ball in franchise history. Cap is glad that like him, the ball was white.
19) October, 1945, Cubs’ second baseman Don Johnson hits a foul ball in game seven of the World Series at Wrigley Field and a fan caught it. Johnson grounded out to end the game on the next pitch. No Cubs fan has caught a World Series foul ball at Wrigley in the 63 intervening years.
18) July 2004, Ramon Martinez hits a foul ball into the Cubs’ dugout in Milwaukee that hits manager Dusty Baker in the chest. For a brief second, Ramon Martinez is my favorite baseball player of all time.
17) May 1990, Ryne Sandberg hits a foul ball that bounces up and hits him in the face. Thousands of female Cubs’ fans gasp. Cindy Sandberg giggles knowingly.
16) May 1981, Ivan DeJesus hits a foul ball out of Wrigley Field, straight backwards. I’m 8, I’m there, I think this is the greatest athletic feat of all time, until an inning later Cubs’ second baseman Joe Strain catches a pop up with one hand.
15) June 2004, Corey Patterson fouls off an 0-2 pitch from Octavio Dotel. The crowd cheers, because it’s the first pitch he’s gotten his bat on in 19 games.
14) May 12, 2004 — Alex Cora of the Dodgers fouls off 13 straight two strike pitches from Matt Clement before homering in a 4-0 Dodgers win. The next day, Carlos Zambrano hits Cora in the neck with the first pitch.
13) 14 times in 2007 — With the tying run on second base Rich Hill pops a bunt with two strikes foul, sulks back to the dugout and cries until he can find some stupid self-help book to read.
12) July 1960 — After having lost his starting third base job to rookie Ron Santo, Don Zimmer spends an entire homestand leaning over the Cubs’ dugout railing letting foul balls carom off the plate in his skull into the stands to the delight of all 1,400 Cubs fans in attendance.
11) August 20, 2001 — It’s not a foul ball, but in a doubleheader at Wrigley against the Milwaukee Brewers, Ricky Gutierrez lets go of his bat, sending it violently into the third base box seats 17 times. I mean really, what the fuck, Ricky?
10) September 9, 1965 — Ron Santo leads off the second inning by fouling out to catcher Jeff Torborg. That’s as close as the Cubs would get to actually getting a hit as Sandy Koufax throws a perfect game.
9) October 3, 1987 — Leftfielder Brian Dayett hits a foul ball in his final career at bat. Despite being only 30 years old and putting up a .277/.348/.452 line with five homers, 14 doubles and a triple in only 155 at bats (oh, did I mention he walked 20 times and struck out only 37?), Dayett and his pornstache never play again. 14 year old Andy Dolan is confused and crushed…to this day.
8) June 18, 2001 — Todd Hundley fields a foul tip hit by Cardinals centerfielder Lassie Edmonds, rubs the ball on the chalk line of the righthanded batter’s box, snorts the chalk off the ball, sweats through his undershirt and jersey top, sharts in his pants and goes on the DL until July 28.
7) This list is boring even me. Numbers 7-2 all happen in the May 17, 1979 Cubs 23-22 loss to the Phillies, because honestly, they must have been the only batted balls that didn’t bounce off a brownstone on Waveland or Sheffield.
1) Game six of the…you know what? I don’t remember.
Nice list.
Happy now? I need a beer.
I need a beer now, too.
Morans.
What about the ball that killed Michael Barret’s scrotum? That was a foul tip, wasn’t it?
Actually, the foul ball was in Barrett’s scrotum.
I’m coming for you, Dolan.
And I’m bringing my friends.
I’m with you on Brian Dayett.
I’m sure that lessens your opinion of him.
“Corey Patterson fouls off an 0-2 pitch from Octavio Dotel. The crowd cheers, because it’s the first pitch he’s gotten his bat on in 19 games.”
This one is actually true.
We won the series against the Marlins?
Why didn’t anyone invite me to the World Series?
You forgot my favorite foul ball moment of all time. At the start of the 1993 season the Cubs were playing the Braves, and in Maddux’s first at bat since leaving in free agency, he hit a foul ball into the first base stands, and the fan threw it back as if it were a home run. I just remember that Maddux had a hard time completing his at bat because he was laughing so hard.
Personally, I never blamed Maddux. everyone knows it was Himes’ fault he left.
I am gold.
I think we should post this list over at BCB and NSBB.
I love this fucking site. Hire Jim Essian is bad ass too.
Thanks Andy for this wonderful list.
Betcha didn’t see this coming for #19:
But all of us who were there will remember the “welcome back” home run that Kerry hit on May 2, 2000. He’s not likely to hit many, or any, more home runs for the Cubs as long as he’s a relief pitcher, because relievers just don’t get that many at-bats (he only had one AB in 22 appearances in 2007).
Check out my post in this topic today:
“For some reason, my memory of this particular HR is fuzzy. I thought he hit one in the game where he squared off against Clemens (6/7/2003), but I checked and he did not. He went 7 2/3 with 11k’s and 1ER–but got no hits.
The 2003 NLCS game 7 is the one that really stands out in my mind. After game 6, I came to work the next day and called Western Union. I think it cost me well over $100 to send a telegram to Dusty in the clubhouse telling him I’d been praying for the Cubs and I was sure they’d pull it off. The telegram thing had worked well for me in 1984 when Harry announced my engagement on Channel 9–so I hoped Dusty would read it.
We fell behind 3-0 immediately–but when Kerry tied the game with a 2 run HR in the 2nd–i felt sure we’d win. There was no doubt in my mind when Moises hit another 2 run shot in the 3rd to put us up 5-3. But……..
I’ll never forget that kid in the clubhouse with tears in his eyes saying “I choked”. He blamed himself and he’d done everything he could that season. Cub fans will always love him for that”
Excellent list. Can you next do top 10 foul balls that were almost caught in the upper deck?
I’m somewhat partial to one that involved Bill Mueller slamming into the tarp with his knee and then resulting in the Cubs getting Jeff Verplancke for him followed by him winning a batting title in the AL.
Have you ever noticed how everyone on this site has exactly the same sense of humor?
Like all lists, yours is weighted far to much to recent Cub history. How about the Germany Schaefer foul of ought two? And don’t play coy. You know which one I’m talking about.
…far too much…
Sorry, guys. I have defected and done an interview with Pollyellon.
I have so much renewed respect for our questions now.
I still think the Michael Barret spermicide foul tip is more important than the infamous Schaefer foul of ought two.
My favorite foul ball in Cubs’ history was the one in Pissburgh that broke/sprained Todd Hundley’s mitt-thumb as he slid awkwardly in failing to catch it. The Cubs went on to lose that game as Mike Williams did his best Dumpster and loaded the bases before Jack Wilson started one of the sickest double play turns that I’ve ever seen to keep the tying run from scoring and end the game.
I still have the picture that my dad cut out of the Quad City Times of the play hanging up somewhere at home.