What me worry?A lot of Cubs fans are concerned–way too concerned–about whether or not the Cubs trade for Orioles second baseman Brian Roberts. The reason for their concern is what surprises me. They’re not worried the Cubs might not be able to pull off a trade to get Roberts. They’re worried that they will get him.

Huh? What’s not to like about Brian Roberts? He’s an All-Star at his position, he’s a Gold Glove caliber defender, he’s one of the best base stealers in all the Major Leagues and he’s one of the best leadoff men. Oh, and he’s a switch hitter. So what’s the problem?

The problem, in the eyes of many Cubs fans, is that the move might hurt Mark DeRosa’s feelings.

DeRosa was, after all, one of the best Cubs last season. followed up the best season of his career (2006 in Texas) with an even better year. His average was nearly as high (.293 in 2007 after .296 in 2006) his on-base average was a career high .371 and he hit into a career high 17 double plays–wait, that’s probably not something to be proud of.

Basically, when the season ended last year, you wouldn’t have been crazy to wish that the Cubs would find more players like DeRosa.

What would that be, exactly? Smart guys who can play defense, know the strike zone, draw their share of walks and generally play the game correctly.

Kind of like Kosuke Fukudome did in Japan. And like Brian Roberts has done in Baltimore.

Holy shit! The Cubs might actually be putting together a “team” instead of just a collection of overpaid guys who swing from their asses and kick the ball around like they’re trying out for a spot on Manchester United.

So how is this a bad thing? Well, apparently because Roberts plays the same position that DeRosa played most often last year it’s just the Cubs being “mean” to DeRosa.

At the Cubs’ Convention DeRosa was asked about the potential deal and asked if he thought the Cubs should go after Roberts. His answer, was typically for him, well thought out. “Look, I can’t win with this. If I say I don’t want the Cubs to get him, I’m selfish. If I say I do want them to get him then I don’t want to play. They’re going to do what they’re going to do.”

What the touch-feely-hand-wringers seem to forget is that DeRosa didn’t get his three year contract with the Cubs because they thought he was the second coming of Ryne Sandberg. They signed him because he’s versatile. He can play second, and first and the corner outfield spots, and honestly, his best position is third base. If he played there every day he’d probably win a Gold Glove. He doesn’t have the bat to play third, but he’s got the glove.

Without looking. How many games did DeRosa play at second last year? What’s your guess? 120? 130?

Try 93. He played 37 games at third, 22 in right, nine at first, one in left and one at short. So is it that crazy that the Cubs still see second base as a spot they could add to?

The plan going into last season was for Cesar Izturis to play short and for DeRosa and Ryan Theriot to split second while filling in around the diamond. Because Izturis sucked, so did the plan. But the Cubs made it work by sending Cesar to Pissburgh and playing Theriot at short.

What it looks like the Cubs would ideally do this year is to have Roberts play second and have Theriot and DeRosa split short while filling in around the diamond.

There are some problems with this plan. First, you never know when the Orioles are actually going to allow you to trade with them. The Mariners agreed to a trade with them ages ago and just got it finalized on Friday. That trade?

Mark Belanger for Juan Beniquez.

Second, neither Theriot or DeRosa has the range to play shortstop. Both of them will make the plays they get to, they just won’t get to as many as you’d like.

Given that the Cubs pitching staff has led the NL in strikeouts for seven seasons in a row, an that you can grow the grass at Wrigley so high that you’d only know Theriot was in the game because the little red button on top of his cap would be showing, you probably can get away with it, though.

Actually, if you’re going to play either of them at short, you need to upgrade at second, at least as far as defensive range is concerned. The 2007 Cubs played a lot better defense than the 2006 Cubs did. Of course, nine holler monkeys would have played better defense than the 2006 Cubs did.

If you take a look at the Cubs’ every day lineup, you can see that they are set at several positions. First base is in good hands with Derrek Lee, same with third and E-ramis Ramirez, and left with Alfonso Soriano. They’ve sunk a lot of money in Fukakke in right, so that just leaves the middle of the field. Just. Like it’s not the most important part of your team.

They’re going with a rookie catcher in Geovany Soto. A guy who won the Pacific Coast League MVP, and all of the glory that comes with it (none). They have no clue who the centerfielder will be, except that they’d like it to be Felix Pie, a guy who would have won the Pacific Coast League MVP and all of the glory that comes with it except that he spent the majority of the season sitting on the bench in the big leagues, not hitting when he did play. Then, you’ve got Mark and Ryan.

Let’s assume that the Cubs get league average production out of Soto. That would be a huge improvement over the complete crap they put behind the plate last year. You’re still lacking at second, short and center.

Remind me again why trading for Roberts is a bad idea?

Given that Fukkake can play center and right, what you could see if Roberts becomes a Cub is a ‘platoon’ in center where Pie plays against righties and Fukkake plays center against lefties with DeRosa in right.

What does it say about Matt Murton that the option of playing him in right against lefties can be so easily dismissed because of his pathetic outfield defense? It says a lot. None of it good.

Sitting here in the shadow of cheeseland, I think the current Cubs roster is better than last year, but I expect the Brewers to be better, also. I’m encouraged that the Brewers continue to play with the handicap of Ned Yost’s ‘leadership.’

Cincinnati should be a team on the rise, but they inexplicably picked the worst possible manager for a team trying to win with young players.

There are, as we know, different factions of Cubs’ fans. There are the bitter old ones who, after a lifetime of watching realize they’ve wasted that lifetime on a horseshit baseball team.

There are the overly sentimental ones, who think 1969 was ‘neat’ and 1984 was ‘great’ and 2003 was ‘so fun.’ I’d like to hit these fans in the face with a shovel.

Every team in every sport has fans like these. But the Cubs have more than most, due likely to the cute little ballpark they play in and the reach of WGN through the country in the ’80s and ’90s on cable systems.

Every baseball team now has stat-oriented fans. Fans who think they’ve figured baseball out thanks to Michael Lewis’ “Moneyball” and baseballthinkfactory.org. They subscribe to Baseball Prospectus. The problem is that many of these fans aren’t nearly as smart as they think they are and all of the data in the world won’t help the stupid. They tend to be in their 20s and early 30s and they all tend to be experts on minor league players they’ve never actually seen play.

Then, there are the rational fans. Guys like us. Guys who don’t run blindly into a season. Guys who come up with reasons why the Cubs will fail long before they do. Guys who make fun of everything and have learned to enjoy the Cubs despite themselves.

We are of course, the only ‘true fans.’ Or so we think. Fact is, the other groups all feel exactly the same way about themselves. No delusion sells like self delusion.

And, the poster boy in determining which fan group you belong to is Ryan Theriot.

The four groups have four wildly different takes on Theriot and his ability to play shortstop on a daily basis.

The bitter old ones know that he doesn’t “look” like a shortstop. You know who looked like a shortstop? Don Kessinger, that’s who. Ryan Theriot’s not Don Kessinger. He’s Larry Bowa or maybe even Mick Kelleher, but he’s no Don Kessinger. (Even though Kessinger was 6’1, 175 and Theriot is 5’11, 175.) The Cubs need to find a “real” shortstop.

The sentimental ones, predictably think Theriot is the bees knees. The day that Lou Piniella moved him to shortstop was the day the Cubs started to make a run to the championship. They love his hustle, they love his “scrap” and well, they just love him. He’s cute. He’s a smart player. He played, the Cubs won. End of story. He must now play shortstop until the end of time.

The guys who aren’t as smart as they think they are think Theriot’s a disaster. His VORP was too low, his Range Factor is lacking, his OPS dove into the abyss in September. All of this makes perfect sense (if you know what any of those acronyms stand for) except for the fact that they all think playing Ronny Cedeno is the answer. Or, they want to trade for Fabio Greene in San Diego. They can’t actually come up with a trade the Padres would actually make, but it’s what they want.

Then, there’s the rest of us. I’ll just speak for myself here. Theriot was a huge improvement over Izturis and Cedeno, and the fact that plays started getting made at short on a routine basis and at bats were not automatically given away did help turn the season around for the Cubs. What I liked most was the message it sent the rest of the team. Lou was telling the guys, “if you play well, you’ll continue to play” no matter what your contract looked like or what you looked like in the uniform.

Some people think Theriot only had one bad month in 2007, and some think he only had one good one. The answer, as most things in life do, lies in between.

Theriot got off to a nice start as a part-time player in April and May. In June he was given the everyday shortstop job and struggled. Then, in July he went batshit crazy at the plate, hitting .348 with a .437 on base average and slugging .483. He started to slide in August and posted a wanting, but not terrible (yet) on base average of .315 and he fell apart in September hitting only .202 with a terrible .257 on base average.

So I’ll give you my earth-shattering assessment of Ryan Theriot at short for the Cubs. Right now he’s the best one they have on the team, so he should play it. If they get Brian Roberts, they should give Mark DeRosa a shot at it and see how he does. The main argument against DeRosa playing some short is that he won’t have the range to do it.

But in his career, DeRosa’s played 138 games at short and hasn’t been bad, he’s been average. Kind of like Theriot. With a better bat.

I don’t see Roberts as a “marginal” improvement at second. He’s a lot better player than DeRosa is. Andy MacPhail is asking for a lot for him, and with the Orioles’ supposed signing of Josh Fogg today to fill the ‘veteran presence’ slot on their staff, the Cubs won’t be able to dump Jason Marquis on the O’s anymore.

If you piece all of the new rumors together, it looks like this is the Cubs’ plan. They’re going to try to trade Sean Gallagher, Ronny Cedeno and Matt Murton to the Orioles for Roberts and probably be stuck taking on Jay Payton and his contract, too. It’s only one more year and $5 million, but Jay’s an asshole and he and Lou are going to be wrestling in the dugout by May 10. Then, the Cubs are going to sign the great Alex Cintron to take Cedeno’s place as the unnecessary extra middle infielder on the bench.

Let’s hope they hurry up, this has been dragging on longer than the Jock Jones trade saga of ought-seven.

Whatever they do, pitchers and catchers report in three days. It’ll be a melancholy time, what with Mark Prior’s towel drill moving across the desert to Peoria, Arizona.

Excuse me while I sob. Won’t anyone think of the towels!?!

Snappy!  Very snappy!