So another great All-Star Game ended last night, or rather, this morning. It ended with both teams using their last available pitcher, after both managers burned through their rosters like Bob Brenly on meth.
If you wonder why the National League hasn’t actually won one of these games since 1996, a quick look at who they had in the game at the end might give you a pretty good idea.
Or it might just depress you. Either way, when the Cubs open the World Series in Fenway instead of Wrigley, we’ll have Brad Lidge to blame.
Well, Brad and his very orange All-Star manager.
The NL team on the field when the game ended was:
1b – Adrian Gonzalez, San Diego (I’m pretty sure Adrian’s a very tall girl.)
2b – Dan Uggla, Florida (He played great and should have been the MVP…for the American League.)
3b – Cristian Guzman, Washington (Had never played an inning of third base in his career before last night.)
ss – Miguel Tejada, Houston (Approximately 57 years old, he’s having his worst season and he was the “good” player the NL had in at the end of the game.)
lf – Ryan Ludwick, St. Louis (Now I think I’m just making stuff up.)
cf – Nate McLouth, Pissburgh (Hey, he did throw a guy out at home plate.)
rf – Corey Hart, Milwaukee (Midget face was only in the game because several thousand drunken cheeseheads thought they were voting for Brett Favre to come back.)
c – Brian McCann, Atlanta (OK, he’s the token good guy in the list.)
p- Brad Lidge, Phillies (Still emotionally broken, still a Notre Dame alum, I’m not sure which is sadder.)
2b – Dan Uggla, Florida (He played great and should have been the MVP…for the American League.)
3b – Cristian Guzman, Washington (Had never played an inning of third base in his career before last night.)
ss – Miguel Tejada, Houston (Approximately 57 years old, he’s having his worst season and he was the “good” player the NL had in at the end of the game.)
lf – Ryan Ludwick, St. Louis (Now I think I’m just making stuff up.)
cf – Nate McLouth, Pissburgh (Hey, he did throw a guy out at home plate.)
rf – Corey Hart, Milwaukee (Midget face was only in the game because several thousand drunken cheeseheads thought they were voting for Brett Favre to come back.)
c – Brian McCann, Atlanta (OK, he’s the token good guy in the list.)
p- Brad Lidge, Phillies (Still emotionally broken, still a Notre Dame alum, I’m not sure which is sadder.)
I mean really, who could beat this juggernaut?
I spent much of the extra innings of last night’s game worried that Carlos Marmol was going to have to pitch and that he was going to get lit up and that our big eared friend was going to be a quivering mass of goo for the entire second half.
Lou had been happy that Carlos was named to the team to replace Kerry Wood on the roster because he thought Carlos knowing he’d been voted that highly by the players would remind him how good he was.
But sitting there, inning after inning, with Clint Hurdle obviously trying not to use him couldn’t have been too good for Carlos’ confidence.
Then, in the bottom of the 13th, the bullpen door swung open and Carlos loped in and fired up the electric mix of sliders and fastballs that got him on the team in the first place. He retired the first hitter, the second reached on one of Uggla’s 14 errors (OK, three, whatever) and then he struck out Michael Young and Carlos Quentin to finish his inning. Nice.
How about Ryan Dempster striking out the side in the ninth on one day’s rest? I’m sure most of his ulnar collateral ligament is in a pile on the Yankee Stadium mound, but unlike Brandon Webb and Scott Kazmir, Ryan didn’t whine like a little bitch about having to pitch Tuesday after starting a game Sunday. Those Canadians, they’re made of sterner stuff. Or sterno, I forget which.
Carlos Zambrano was his typically insane self. He gave up a hit to Ichiro then got Captain Clutch to ground into a double play. The next inning, Milton Bradley reached on a two-out error by Hanley Ramirez (boy, those Marlin infielders can play, can’t they?), and picked Milton off of first. I think Carlos admires
Milton because he’s the only player in the bigs who is clearly more batshit crazy than Zambrano.
Milton because he’s the only player in the bigs who is clearly more batshit crazy than Zambrano.
The Cubs’ hitters didn’t do much. Kos-K grounded out on a 127 hopper to first and struck out (again.) Geovany Soto was 0-2, but he did trip on a weighted bat in the AL on deck circle and every Cubs fan with a TV was sure he’d broken his ankle in 12 places. But, he didn’t.
E-ramis got one at bat, walked and got pinch run for by Cristian Guzman. Nice strategy, there Clint.
Remember this the next time he has Jamey Carroll pinch run for Matt Holliday in the ninth inning of a tie game. Put another fiver in the tan bed, you oompa loompa.
You just know that E-ramis and Alfonso Soriano were standing in the clubhouse with their bags packed bitching that Marmol was still in the bullpen at 1 a.m. when they had to wait for him before their charter plane could leave for the Dominican. Actually they need Marmol, because if a wing falls off the plane, he can stick his head out one of the windows and they can coast home on his ears.
If you caught the pre-game coverage where they showed the parade down 6th Avenue, there was one standout. No, it wasn’t Mark Grace trying to speak Japanese with Kos-K. It was any time they showed Charissa Thompson. Holy crap, how did I not know who this was?
She actually knew who the players and Hall of Famers were, she actually asked intelligent questions and when they answered, she apparently was actually listening and could ask them another question about what they just said.
Jim Gray is like 60 now and he can’t do any of that. I was beyond impressed.
Thanks to intrepid reader RW, we have the news that Lassie got married over the All Star break. The best part, when you read the article as fast as I did, you immediately assume it reads:
Jim Edmonds was married at 1:00 p.m. Wednesday to St. Louis County Judge Michael T. Jamison in Clayton.
Though it actually says “by St. Louis County Judge…”
The only awkward part of the ceremony came during the garter toss when Edmonds not only threw it, but then chased after it, slowed down and dove to catch it himself.
You know how magazines are paying celebrities millions of dollars for the first photos of their newborn babies? This Edmonds wedding photo is exclusive and cost us hundreds of cents. I think it was worth it.
Honest to God, Google is a terrific thing. All I did was type in “Collie Wedding” and what do you know?
In this longer story about the nuptuals we find out what the Edmondseseses wore.
Both were casually dressed. Edmonds wore a T-shirt, jeans and tennis shoes. [Allison] Raski, one observer noted, sported a nice-sized diamond ring.
I believe it should read that Edmonds “wore a half t-shirt, assless chaps and Crocs.” But still, I’m sure it was a beautiful ceremony.
Congratulations to the happy couple.
These are some good jokes, dolan!!
Aren’t chaps, by definition, assless?
Forgive me everyone for my ignorance, but although I get the idea of the Edmonds collie jokes, I am confused as to where exactly it all started. Is this an old Desipio joke I just missed, or is it based off a famous rumor? I sure would love to find the source of the reference I keep making, lol
If Rich Hill wasn’t there, it wasn’t a true All-Star game.
This year I had to watch the game at home with a box of donuts. It was very strange to watch Ben Sheets pitch to Soto, very strange.
I needed the big diamond to distract from my giant Adams apple.
yeah, well, you’re uncle molests collies
How would you like to tie me up with your ties, Ty?
Who are the two hookers with Bud?
Check out one of Andy’s older posts (about 4 weeks ago, maybe?). He explain’s the origins of “Lassie” there.
sarah j and I let bud cop a feel but my heart is with lances new playmate matthew Mc. Gosh I love him shirtless.
“The only awkward part of the ceremony came during the garter toss when Edmonds not only threw it, but then chased after it, slowed down and dove to catch it himself.”
That’s gold Andy, GOLD!.