Stop freaking out about a 4.5 game divisional lead in September and a nine game lead in the race for the wild card if needed.
Stop freaking out about a four game losing streak. You know how far back you have to go find a World Series team that lost four in a row in September? You have to go all the way back to last September.
And the September before.
And the September before that.
Stop freaking out about Carlos Zambrano’s sore arm. Arms get sore. I nearly tore my labrum doing fist pumps when E-ramis hit the grand slam on Thursday to beat the Phillies. (Yes, that happened, last Thursday…less than a week ago.) I’m fine now.
Stop pissing and moaning about how the Cubs are going to blow it and about how you hate them for it.
I don’t care if you feel that way. I just want you to suffer in silence, because truthfully, you’re annoying.
But you probably knew that. As bad as the Cubs have been the last four days (and it’s been not so good), the magic numbers to win the NL Central and the wild card have gone down by two each.
One is at 20, the other at 15.
Don’t get me wrong. Watching them lose isn’t fun. Even when they make late rallies to tease us like they did Saturday, and Sunday and Monday, or when they botch multiple chances like they did on Tuesday.
I can’t sit here and tell you that Zambrano’s going to be fine, or that the Cubs won’t choke. Even if I told you I think he will and that they won’t, what does it really mean?
I’m just tired of reading mediocre newspaper writers practically praying for it (I’m looking at you, Wittenmyer) and I’m especially tired of hearing fans whine about it.
I’ve got news for you, even if they win it all, things will get tougher than this. Hell, you’ve had it easy this year. Except for that stretch right around the All Star Game when they struggled (and you panicked just like now) the Cubs have just kicked the crap out of people. They’re going to make you earn it.
And frankly, right now you aren’t.
September 3rd, 2008 at 10:32 am
I’ve always said that we were in the earn it business, dude. You could probably hang with me and Hank on a fishing trip or something sometime. I got a little raft that we pull behind the boat that Darren likes to fish out of so there would probably be room for ya, dude. Lemme know. Me and Hank got loads of stories and I’ll have some free time coming up shortly.
September 3rd, 2008 at 10:32 am
Does this mean you’re going to ban me, Dolan? I dare you. You ******* gutless ******* ****** shitbag assraping dicksucking cockmunching motherfucker.
September 3rd, 2008 at 10:45 am
sniff sniff, I’M NOT CRYING, it’s something in my, sniff sniff, eye
September 3rd, 2008 at 11:05 am
Agree 100% with your rant. I am tired of hearing from those who are all choked up with concern that the Cubs might hurt their feelings again. In the best case, the Cub fan paradigm is about to change big time this year. In the worst case — more suffering before reaching the promised land. It hurt bad for two days in 2003 (and 1984, and longer in 1969), but there was a highlight reel of glorious days leading up to that. I would not trade a roller-coaster ride for a mediocre season.
Time to separate the nanny goats from the billy goats.
September 3rd, 2008 at 11:10 am
The ’89 Cubs had a nasty streak from August 18th until September 8th when they went 7-13.
In ’84, the Cubs lost five straight in mid-September, including a three game sweep at home to the last place Pittsburgh Pirates.
Both teams won the division handily. Neither of those teams ever enjoyed one single day with the best record in Major League Baseball, unlike this team, which has gone to bed 41 times this year with the best record.
This is the best team any of us have ever seen. If you can’t be bothered to hang with this team when times are tough, you should just kill yourself. Really.
September 3rd, 2008 at 11:15 am
I’m staying out of this won.
Get it? Won…ah. Forget it.
September 3rd, 2008 at 11:16 am
Right on–I couldn’t agree more.
That said, why is Howry still on the team??
September 3rd, 2008 at 11:43 am
Maybe if Lou would move a guy who isn’t hitting (except for DPs) out of the three-spot instead of dropping his best BA/OBP guy from second to eighth (the team is 0-4 since he did this), we would feel a little better.
September 3rd, 2008 at 11:49 am
F this GD gutless F’ing blog entry.
September 3rd, 2008 at 11:49 am
A welcome voice of reason. Whoever sells Victorian fainting couches in Chicago must be doing record business this week, what with all the whining morons who apparently have never watched baseball.
September 3rd, 2008 at 12:07 pm
So we’ve lost 4 in a row. We have 23 games left in the season. The last time this team lost 4 in a row, they went 12-11 in their next 23. Not great, but if they win 12 more games, that’s 97(!!) wins. That will be enough to play in October.
To continue that line of thought, after those 23 games, they went on to win 24 of their next 30 games. If they come anywhere close to that kind of percentage in October, well, HOLY SHIT!
Granted, past performance doesn’t predict future performance, but the fact is, this is a phenomenal team that won’t stay in a rut for long. So please, calm the hell down.
September 3rd, 2008 at 12:18 pm
We need Jay back to write to us about how much the Cubs suck! And we love typing that word suck!!
September 3rd, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Thank you. That said, Lou really needs to wake up to the fact that Bob Howry needs to be duct-taped to the clubhouse wall, so he can’t be used in an actual, live game situation.
September 3rd, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Can I least freak out about the fact that Bob Howry has a fork sticking out his back and DLee is killing us in the 3-hole and my guy Fukkakke is turning out to be kind of a bust and that Z has some mystery arm thing? This really isn’t leading to a very strong playoff roster set.
September 3rd, 2008 at 2:05 pm
The problem isn’t that we won’t make the playoffs because we’ve got a nice cushion in the standings. The problem is what happens when we get there. We won’t beat the D’Bags with Lee having 6 LOB and hitting into a double play at least once per game. Nor will we win with Fukakke hitting below the Mendoza line or without Big Z at his best. So, that’s what the panic is about.
September 3rd, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Someone please send me to the glue factory. Maybe the Cubs can get a deal by sending Marquis there as well.
September 3rd, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Sloth: No, you may not. Now go lie down under a soft quilt or something, before I kill you in your 3-hole and Fukkake all over your bust.
September 3rd, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Sloth,
See RV’s post. It seems that you need a Victorian fainting couch.
Directions for use:
1. Hold the back of your hand to your forehead, tilting head back, hovering over couch.
2. Recite the reasons that the Cubs have made you feel all tremulous.
3. Collapse into heaving sobs onto the couch.
4. [Optionally} Lose consciousness.
5. Repeat 1-4 as needed.
September 3rd, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Remember how I said I was surprised that they DFAed Eyre over Howry and everyone thought I was cah-razy? I said that even though both were most likely useless, at least Eyre had a CHANCE of being less than useless for the rest of the year. With the Phillies, Eyre has allowed 2 hits and 0 ER in 8 innings with 2 walks and 10 strikeouts.
DOOOOOOOM!!!!
September 3rd, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Eyre also walked in the tying run against the Cubs on Friday.
Just by merely releasing his fat ass, it eventually led to a Cubs victory.
September 3rd, 2008 at 4:25 pm
How about batting me third, mang?
September 3rd, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Lou is the best manager we’ve had since I became afflicted with this disease in ’74. But, why does he insist on throwing Howry out there, especially now with the call ups in town? It’s not panic as much as disgust. The guy is done. Don’t have to be a genius to figure that one out.
September 3rd, 2008 at 4:48 pm
The Cubs will easily make the playoffs.
But I’m not sure why Carlos Zambrano leaving a game with ******* arm pain is nothing to worry about.
Yeah, lots of World Series teams have losing streaks near the end of the season. I don’t care about the loss. The division race is basically over, with or without Z. But how many World Series teams lose their #1 pitcher for the playoffs?
Here’s hoping it’s nothing serious. I’m not panicking but I’m sure as hell concerned.
September 3rd, 2008 at 6:06 pm
I did nothing to alleviate thoughts of dooooom.
September 3rd, 2008 at 8:58 pm
Don’t worry. Everything will be alright. What could possibly go wrong in this “magical” season?
September 3rd, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Welcome to hell. I just threw a complete game shut out.
September 3rd, 2008 at 9:54 pm
We’ll just keep losing. Go ahead. Back into the playoffs.
September 4th, 2008 at 1:16 am
Are you guys going to take me seriously now? Or should I just do what I did in 2004?
September 4th, 2008 at 4:03 am
Oh, when I saw the thread title, I thought you were talking about changing me repeatedly.
September 5th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
LOUD NOISES!
September 8th, 2008 at 7:56 am
I may be erased with this season.
September 8th, 2008 at 9:13 am
The last seven have been bad, but let’s not forget, 86 games is the best in the MLB. We’re still on our way into the playoffs.
September 9th, 2008 at 10:02 pm
Really? 9.5 games back coming in to today’s game with about 20 games remaining and 3 teams to leapfrog? I’m not sure, but I think that’s almost mathematically impossible.
Sorry. Just double checked. Their chance of making the postseason is currently just under 3%. My bad.