The Baseball Writers of America don’t know much, but they know handsome guys in pinstripes, apparently. Just two days after Cubs’ rotund catcher Geovany Soto was named the team’s fifth ever rookie of the year, his boss, Lou Piniella became the third Cub to win manager of the year.
And today, the Interwebs are full of snark about how the old geezer couldn’t get his team to a single playoff win.
This is America, everyone is entitled to their opinion, and those who do not agree will give a measured, reasonable response.
I for one, do not agree with those who think Lou didn’t deserve to be named manager of the year, and so I will give my measured, reasonable response.
Go fuck yourself you halfwit douchebags.
I forget sometimes that the Cubs have just rolled around in a big vat of great managing these past 60 years or so, and since all Lou has done is take teams to back-to-back playoff appearances for the first time in a century, that it’s obvious that he’s a complete dope.
From the franchise that brought you the genius of Tom Trebelhorn, the steady leadership of Bob Scheffing, the uncanny brilliance of Whitey Lockman and Preston Gomez and the intrepidness of Jim Riggleman and Jim Marshall, I can see why you’d be dissatisfied with a manager who’s only won 182 games in two seasons.
“But Lou has won as many playoff games with the Cubs as Bruce Kimm, Jim Essian and Joey Amalfitano” you bleet.
That’s true of course, and Dusty Baker won six of them and nobody wants his dopey ass back in town, do they, dude?
Lou is the best manager the Cubs have had in my lifetime, and while that normally would be akin to having the nicest toupee at the barber shop, Lou is a proven winner. He came in and immediately cleaned up the cesspool that Dusty had left behind. He took a team that had no business winning a division title in 2007 and won with it. He took a good team last year and squeezed 97 wins out of them. It’s not his fault that his Canadian All-Star ace shit the bed and couldn’t throw a strike in game one, or if his infield all decided to play soccer with the ball in game two.
We’re Cubs fans, we’ve seen managers blow playoff series before (see Baker, Dusty and Frey, Jim) we ought to know what it looks like.
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I suppose you all want an update to the trade rumor I posted yesterday. So here goes.
It’s a trade rumor, you dopes. I published it because unlike most rumors that I hear this one came from somebody who might actually know something. A former big leaguer who works for the Padres. So I passed it along. Because some of you have the amazing inability to process a rumor (you know who you are, the ones who stomp your feet, cry and immolate when things don’t happen on your own delusional timetable), I was even very careful to word it as a rumor. Even the most optimistic part I put in his words, “basically done” and I even wondered what we suppose he thinks “basically” is.
Holy crap, are your emotions that fragile, that you take a bit of news that “might” happen and completely process it so that if it doesn’t happen immediately you are suddenly a four year old who didn’t get the Hannah Montana wig that he asked for for Christmas?
And yes, I said “he.” Santa shows me the lists you send him, and by four year old, I mean 26 year old. You know who you are.
But you know what, you figured me out. I’m a “fading star in the Cubs blog world.” This was just a last-ditch, attempt to attract the wanna-be statheads (the ones who are amazingly too lazy to actually look up stats to support any of their arguments) from other Cubs sites, or the ‘please don’t disagree with me’ pollyannas from the others.
You magnificent bastards, you did it!
You are now free to celebrate the way you do every time you get the rare chance to feel a little bit of validation. Crack open a Zima, loosen up the waistband on your Zubaz and troll eHarmony to see if you can iChat with some chubby girls.
You owe it to yourself.
Nice job, champ.
(Of course, the rumor hasn’t actually been proven false, it just hasn’t met your ambiguous self-imposed deadline.)
Better make it two Zimas.
November 12th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
All those shitty managers you ticked off, and you couldn’t even be bothered to mention me?
Where’s the love, Andy?
November 12th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
Dear Mr. Dolan:
We regret to inform you that we discontinued production of Zima on October 10th. Therefore, any references to it will no longer make sense, and will likely subject you to ridicule as someone who’s out of touch with current trends, much like the beverage referenced.
We thank you for your patronage of MillerCoors, LLC.
Sincerely,
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MillerCoors, LLC
a Division of Molson Coors Brewing Company
November 12th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
Thank you Mr. Dolan, for SAYING WHAT NEEDED TO BE SAYYYYED!
November 12th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
If the rumor turns out to be bullshit, I’ll still have enjoyed both of these blog entries. It reminds of the days when Andy’s star shone brighter than the rims on Devin Hester’s sweet whip. Way to go.
November 12th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
I am the aforementioned former big leaguer employed by the Padres.
November 12th, 2008 at 10:43 pm
Shut up, Mark. You know it’s me.
November 12th, 2008 at 11:49 pm
I told you yesterday that you were wrong.
November 13th, 2008 at 12:23 am
I asked for the Hannah Montana wig…and I’m an assclown
November 13th, 2008 at 9:51 am
Andy is turning into a grumpy old man
November 13th, 2008 at 10:27 am
wow…cry much?
November 13th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Andy my son, don’t worry about what others say. Love thy self and thy neighbor. And in the end, you will be rewarded.
November 13th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
I’m a washed up hack in my mid-twenties whose claim to fame is 22,000 whiney posts on northsidebitchbang.com about how the cubs broke my heart.
November 13th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
In my lifetime Gabby Hartnett was the best catcher to ever manage the Cubs.
November 13th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Hi guys!
November 13th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
I wonder if you’re replacing Kerry, or Bobby.
November 13th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Bye guys!
November 13th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
“Go **** yourself you halfwit douchebags”. I am glad that you kept it short, sweet and civil.
I am tired of the Chicago columnists crusading in my behalf against Lou. I consider him to be our Most Valuable Person on the team. They needed to bring him in to teach the organization about the magicalness of OBP.
I know that he cares, and I don’t want any of these second-guessing dip-shits to be the one that explodes that weak blood vessel in his cranium.
November 13th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Bye guys!
November 13th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
Does Dolan know me?
November 13th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
1. It’s not Mark Grant.
2. If you think I’m getting grumpy, you’re new around here.
3. Guh. Kevin Gregg blows.
November 13th, 2008 at 7:56 pm
What’s wrong with Zima?
November 13th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
I’m the new Padres bench coach. I used to manage in the Brewers system. Did Andy and I cross paths in Beloit?
November 13th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
1. Not Ted Simmons. I was a Don Money man.
Oh, and it’s not Don Money either.
November 15th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
I’m the source guys!
November 21st, 2008 at 8:12 am
Why does it feel like this idea never truly went away?
Lou is not my favorite guy in any sense of the word, but he wins and ya gotta love that.