Cubs Live — Cubs at Snakes, 8:30pm

1. I could use some work.

2. Don’t listen to them, Lou. Z’s got two more innings in him, easy.

3. Screw you, Scott! I’m the best military role you’ve had.

4. I’m almost ready, just another 20 minutes, and I’ll be good.

5. We like to jump for no reason, don’t we?

6. I’ll give you one more pitch. See what you can do with it.

7. when z says one more batter, he means ONE MORE BATTER, arizona didnt have a choice

8. That’s the only way we can get the shampoo bottle off the top shelf of our lockers 155.

9. Two Cubs have three hits tonight.

   Koyie Hill and Carlos Zambrano.

10. You’d be surprised how often it happens, you put a new fielder in the game and the first ball is hit right at him.

    I’ll bet it happens one out of every nine times.

11. no coincidence they will be the starting battery in the all star game in st louis…haha but seriously, they will

12. One hit lefty, one hit righty, I’m back motherfuckers!

13. Oops, 160 was me.

14. I’m in the hole!

15. Hey, I have three career triples! It could have happened.

16. Len, I am disappointed in you. You were absolutely obsessed with Micah Owings’ hitting last week.

17. Wait–Bradley’s black AND a switch-hitter?

    Cub fans are not only racist, they’re homophobic!

18. I’m a little rusty

19. Don’t worry Angel, I’ve got your back.

20. I’m looking spry, motherfuckers!

21. So you see, Ryan, after I kill them, I always remove their right eye. Look at this one.

22. I have a bandaid on my finger because I nicked myself while I was chopping up a drifter.

23. Bob just called me.

24. It happens, 172, it happens.

25. It’s not an eye. It’s the remnants of Luis Vizcaino’s career.

26. Hey guys, I’m standing right in front of the ad for Lone Butte. Get it, Lone Butt! Hah! Oh, that is rich!

27. My stuff is good. If only I could throw strikes…

28. I really, really, really like Ryan Dempster. You know, like how Jennifer Jason Leigh liked Bridget Fonda.

29. Holy shit I hate third base.

30. Hey Angel, trust your stuff, just don’t trust your infield defense.

31. You see, after I kill them, I put these enormous moths in their throats.

    Hey, wait, was she a great big fat person?

32. Doctor Lector, we’ve got another one!

33. Notice Lilly put the bug on a black guy. And as if racism isn’t evil enough, he’s trying to scare someone with a bug. We don’t torture in America!

34. Fly, be free!

35. I’m going to be on SportsCenter

36. I’m now telling stories about a dove who lived in the BOB. This game has officially gone on too long.

37. Tom Gordon has been a big leaguer so long that it’s now legal to fuck The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon.

38. Holy shit, I’m old!

39. It’s the ghost of talented, injury prone Cub past v. talented, injury prone Cub present. Hey, let’s get Andrew Cashner in there to complete the triumvirate!

40. Wait, a minute, what did you say Lenny about being asked to emcee the retirement ceremony this weekend? That’s my job.

    Now I don’t feel so bad about the steaming present I left in your gay little atache case during the sixth. And yes, I did have THAT MUCH CORN!

41. In these spots last year I’d manage to need to be taken out of the game.

42. …Win!

43. flap flap flappity flap

44. I never hit game-winning home runs when it counts!

45. Yea, we kinda suck right now. Lou’s getting pissed…

46. the lineups dont have me. let’s play lee and soto JUST BECAUSE. it wouldn’t be smart to keep hoff-power and koyie out there. no, they are hitting the ball real well.

    sure, logic says play your starters, but if there not doing starter quality work, it sort of defeats the purpose of it.

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