Cubs Live — Cubs at Snakes, 8:30pm

1. The only way to get me out. Try to pick me off first.

2. Not much of a Gamecast here. You guys all upset about the Bulls?

3. Hey guys, how do you load an avatar thingy? I’ve got a good one

   http;//www.desipio.com/images/gordo.gif

4. Oops, heh, heh. Ironic that a wordsmith like myself would have a typo. Try this.

   http://www.desipio.com/images/gordo.gif

5. im gonna be lazy n hit another homerun

6. Maybe you should refrain from throwing me fastballs, Yusey.

7. I’ve been put on the DL with “excessive suckiness.”

8. Another selfish walk. I’m disgusted.

9. Seriously, I don’t have a job, but Gail Fisher still does?

10. How about you find the showers, Petit?

11. At 6’11 Jon Rausch is the tallest pitcher in big league history.

    And the shittiest.

12. Holy shit, who is this tall fuck? Is this legal?

13. Look how much space there is between Rausch’s number and his round, supple ass!

14. If a 6’2 guy like Rich Harden can throw 96 MPH you’d think Rauch could throw 147 MPH.

15. So I figured, hey, why not get the neck tattoo, it’s not like I ever want to be able to get a real job.

16. The Cubs are “exactly the same at home and on the road. Four and four at home, five and five on the road.”

    Huh?

17. Derrek Pipp?

18. My days as a Cub are numbered.

19. I’m gonna get more hits this inning than I had all year, motherfuckers!

20. Or just as many…motherfuckers!

21. Has anybody drank me since, say 1999?

22. So I decided to take my new boyfriend to Olive Garden to meet all of my friends. Because we’re cool and we hang out in played out chain restaurants. So my one friend Todd says to my new boyfriend, “Has she gone ass to mouth yet?”

    And I was so embarrassed, because we just had, in the car. Hey, it’s a Subaru!

23. We might have something with this Large Z person.

24. A seven run lead? No problem, I managed to blow an 11 point lead in like two minutes!

25. Let’s bring David Patton in!

26. Whatever I am, I’m warming up in the bullpen.

    Honestly, they’re just making names up at this point.

27. Seriously, Larry Bird doesn’t do that much ballhandling.

28. Hah, that’s nothing. I grabbed mine so much, I managed to tangle them together. Now that, is a talent.

29. Hey, I’m about to get tossed! That never happens in Arizona to me.

30. I’m a red assed fuck. Because this game is all about me.

31. The umpire is mad because Carlos is a racist!

32. I like it here, it reminds me of the dome in Hiroshima, except the fans throw nuclear altered carp onto the field after home runs.

33. …

34. Carlos: I didn’t say shit to that fuck.
    Kosuke’s translator: Big Z-san no say shitake to honorable ball-strike arbiter.
    Kosuke: You know that’s pretty much English, right?
    Carlos: I don’t know what’s up with this jackass.
    Kosuke’s translator: Z-san unknown about donkey’s motives.
    Kosuke: Honestly, that’s just broken English. I have to understand English just to figure out your translation.
    Carlos: I didn’t even tell the ump to suck my dick.
    Kosuke’s translator: Z-san says he did not tell honorable ball-strike arbiter should do to him what Wittenmyer-san has been offering to do to Crazy Bradley.

35. we may really have something with this large z fellow.

36. Shit, and I had plenty of biscuit’s for breakfast.

37. I would have paid for there to be a collision at the plate. Carlos would have turned Montero to dust.

38. You know, Lou if we score five or six more runs, our bullpen could hold this.

39. After the shot of Z huffing and puffing in the dugout, cue the obligatory he won’t be able to pitch because he ran the bases comments.

40. You know how hopeless it felt yesterday when it was 5-1. We’re basically suicidal right now.

41. You’re nicked!

42. Car flags aren’t just for Puerto Ricans anymore.

    (Actually they still are.)

43. Nice Work

44. How you like my hop, motherfuckers?

45. I have four car flags.

    Oh, wait.

46. Vroom vroom party starter!

47. Seriously, how am I still in the league?

48. Koyie Hill is like a combination of Russell Martin, Joseph Mauer, and Charlie Johnson.

49. Entertaining rednecks and 60 year olds for 20 years.

50. So my pony league team coach had tickets and I said I’d like them, and my mom and I came down to the park and now I’m playing shortstop for the Diamondbacks!

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