Cubs Live — Cubs at Snakes, 8:30pm

1. You no throw strike, I no swing.

2. Catcher: OK, let’s try something different.

   Pitcher: You want to see my changeup?

   Catcher: I’d just like to see a strike, meat.

3. Boy that looked like a meatball to Hoffpower

4. I’m too fast to double up!

   Twice in a week.

5. Bob and I just recorded a new podcast, and unlike the one Andy and Kermit did you can actually hear us!

6. #105

   Hey! THI

7. I don’t think we want to see Milton extend his groin.

8. Hey why aren’t you fuckers booing right now? Milton’s Bradley’s up!

9. I hit a 99 MPH Kerry Wood fastball for a homer yesterday. Just like I used to in Pissburgh.

10. Do I get to play tonight?

11. You’re right Gordon. Cub fans fucking love me. And hey–I homered tonight.

12. For a skinny guy, I’ve got a pretty healthy pair of manboobs.

13. So Bako was reviled and Blanco was deified.

    Where does I stand with Desipio Nation? Perfectly ambivalent?

14. I’m a FUCKING BEAST

15. Can you still download them from ITunes?

16. I have a kickass middle name, a kickass nickname (Chainsaw) and one scary looking hand, I think you bastards love me.

17. Yup. Just search for Desipio and you’ll find the new one. And yes, the sound quality is as bad as you’ve heard on the newest one. Andy’s too loud and Kermit’s too soft. Too bad, because it’s funny.

18. I just think Kerm’s too effeminate.

19. Yea, sound quality never stops me from listening to it. Anything kill some time, right?

20. If he keeps swinging the stick, playing D, and the Cubs keep winning when he pitches, I think KDH will be ok.

21. We really love Mark DeRosa. Just look at us!

22. They love us in Phoenix!

23. I’m buying a table saw tomorrow.

24. We’ve been sorely missed for months in Chicago.

25. Glad to see we are not around tonight.

26. so when is that all star game cuz i’m pretty sure that i am a lock

27. Tanktops all year long is one great advantage of living in Florida.

28. Just a triple shy of the cycle!

29. This just in–

    I’m the Balls.

30. I don’t need no help. I win by myself.

31. 17 career home run. How many more do I have than that shitstain Augie Ojeda?

32. 11 more than me, Carlos.

33. I was announcing the game when Mark Grace hit for the cycle in 1993.

34. If he dies, he dies

35. 10 more than me.

36. RING IT UP

37. 1 more than me now.

38. really, i would love to hear that conversation between lou and aramis

39. Guys with more career homers than Carlos:

    Milton Bradley
    Alfonso Soriano

    That’s it.

40. Here comes my hit!

41. it’s ok theriot, i’ll take over at short the other four days

42. Never mind, I already have it. Don’t need any more.

43. You see that? I am fast!

44. #139′s factoid has blown my mind.

45. Oh, sure, the black guys have more homers than Carlos.

    You racists.

46. if lou takes me out before i triple i may kill aaron miles

47. I’m done as dinner.

    Bring on Patten!

48. Please take Z out now Lou…

49. You rang?

50. ok bring on angel guzman or whatever crapfest we have out there….no neal cotts tho i dont trust him with a 9 run lead

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