Some days you watch the Cubs and you just know things are not going to go well. When the words, “Doug Glanville will be leading off and playing centerfield” are uttered, it’s a good indication. When you throw in the news that Augie Ojeda is playing shortstop, it’s enough to make you want to spend the night sticking toothpicks in your forehead.

What the Cubs got is what they almost always get, a very well pitched game from Kerry Wood, but no offense, and no win. It’s not the end of the world, but it sure would have been nice to have started the four game series with a win. Or at least with more than one run.

I don’t know if it’s my loathing for Chip Caray, or the frustation that sets in when the Cubs offense takes a nap, or a combination of Chip’s incessant prattling and poor Cubs play that sets me off, but had Chip been within arms reach last night he’d have gotten a nice flogging.

I think his biggest problem is his desire to not sound like a homer. I don’t care if my teams’ announcers don’t use “we” and “us” all the time, but I do want them to do two things. I want them to be interesting and I want them to mock the opponents. Chip isn’t up to either task.

I could have made millions if somebody would put a line up on whether Chip and Steve would rave about Craig Biggio’s versatility and harp on how wonderful it is that he’s been an All-Star catcher, second baseman and now is a super duper centerfielder. I could have made enough money to buy Fox Sports Net and fire both of them if there’d been a line on whether or not they’d freak out about the Astros vaunted bullpen more than six times in the game.

Let’s get something straight about Craig Biggio in center field. He’s not good. He’s bad. Did you see the route he took on the double Sammy hit over his head? If he was playing in an outfield with Kelly Leak, Buttermaker would have to tell Kelly to run over there and catch anything he could get his glove on.

As for the homer Biggio hit, didn’t Chip get a little too excited? Is there any doubt anymore that Chip is in love with Craig? When an opposing player hits a homer and you need to go change your shorts, that’s a sign you’re in the wrong business.

Nice job by Fox on that homer, too. It only took them about four minutes to show us a replay that proved the ball hit the foul pole. Chip would later describe the homer as “a blast to left that was well inside the pole.” Huh? How well inside could it be when it hit it?

Greg Brady was on hand to butcher the National Anthem and he stopped by the booth to blather endlessly about his new Vegas show. He did mention that Chip’s spouse is in town, but we already knew that. In fact, we just talked about him.

Has there ever been a collision of less talent on a baseball field than when Doug Glanville and Augie Ojeda collided? Unless Steve Henderson and Ivan Dejesus once cracked skulls, I doubt it.

It’s bad when two of your teams’ players hit the ground and you don’t really care if either of them gets up, isn’t it?

I don’t want them to be seriously hurt, that’s just mean, but if it means the recall of Dave Kelton and Bobby Hill, would it really be a bad thing?

Very inspiring pinch hitting execution by Troy O’Leary and Alex Gonzalez in the ninth inning. They took eight pitches, six for strikes. Only O’Leary actually swung at a pitch. Woof.

Somewhere, Rafael Palmeiro was napping on a clubhouse couch and thinking, “Yeah, boy, I’m really missing a big time now, aren’t I?”

One last thing before we expunge that game from our memory, didn’t you love it when Chip and Steve complained about how “cold” it was last night. It was 67 degrees at game time. Shut up.

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Miracle on Ice coach Herb Brooks died yesterday in a car crash. Brooks’ guiding of the 1980 hockey team to a gold medal will forever be one of the greatest coaching accomplishments of our lifetimes. But it’s surprising to me how many news reports have referred to the Olympic medals he won as a coach in 1980 and 2002. You don’t win medals if you’re a coach, only the athletes win them. Oh, well.

EM Swift wrote this piece on that fateful night in 1980 when beating the Russians meant so much more than just winning a hockey game.

Rosey with his ascerbic take on things.

Take a moment to think about this. Of all of the pitchers in big league history, nobody has ever recorded his 1,000th career strikeout in fewer innings, or in fewer starts than Kerry Lee Wood. Pretty heady stuff, there.

Kerry’s keeping pretty good company.

Dusty’s not going to lose any sleep over a guy who doesn’t want to play for a pennant.

The Sox dropped a game and a half behind the Royals, but more importantly, the Twins are only a game behind them.

Carlos Zambrano used to like soccer, then he came to his senses.

Carlos, Kerry and Mark’s numbers are closer than you might think.

Mariotti puts down the doughnut and urinates all over Rafael Palmerio.

The Pirates will pick the player to be named later by Friday. If they don’t take Francis Beltran they’re doing us a favor.

You know you’re running a crappy franchise when your player signs with another team and begs you to not match the offer.

Stewey defends Michigan QB John Navarre. Here’s what you need to know about him. Fourth quarter in Notre Dame Stadium. Notre Dame up 25-23 and Michigan takes over on their own 30 yard line. When the drive ends they’re on the 36. Their own 36. Oops! Not exactly a Joe Montana moment.

Bob Klapisch says that there should be no surprise if Mike Piazza wants out of New York. But why, those Mets are just super!

Dontrelle Willis might be showing signs of the league catching up to him. He’s now been torched in recent weeks by the Dodgers and Cubs. Not exactly offensive juggernauts in either case.

Fox News is suing Al Franken for making fun of them. First off, Al Franken’s not that funny. Secondly, Fox News needs to get a grip.

Noah Wyle’s taking a break from ER. You know, just like most of its viewers are.

A New Jersey woman punched out a Bear. And it wasn’t John Shoop.

In Packerland? You don’t say? Really?

An Ohio woman pretended her daughter had cancer so they could get thousands of dollars worth of donations for “treatment.” Police caught on when the girl claimed somebody had stolen her leukemia out of the back seat of Maurice Clarett’s loaner car.

How much for the little boy? We want to buy your men!

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