Cubs Live! – Dodgers at Cubs, 7 p.m.

1. I’m the new DLee!

2. Costas and Plesac will beat this to death, but you don’t bunt there with Soriano because you have the tying run in scoring position and you have one of your run producers up. He’s supposed to try to drive him in.

3. When my at-bat ends before Plesac can say a word, perhaps I should have seen a couple more pitches?

4. Hit it to me! Hit it to me!

5. How many guys should I hit tonight?

6. Sure Andy now you write an explanation.
   I stopped reading the Dumbass link years ago because it was usually a sentence of obvious information.
   I think you can find a better Dumbass Du Jour.
   How about Fonzy?
   Keep swinging at that crap.

7. We’re apparently now attempting to beat the LA Dodgers, and coming closer than last year’s big league Cubs.

8. Plesac is now talking about all of the stuff he talked about in the first inning. He’s literally a Chatty Cathy doll. Costas must have just pulled his string again.

9. Why am i wearing Gregg’s RecSpecs?

10. and will he want them back before I leave for Des Moines?

11. You and Gregg might be going back together.

12. If it’s still 2-1 in the bottom of the ninth and Mota comes in, the Cubs will win.

13. I just asked like it’s really a question if the Dodgers should “try to get a two or three run lead here in the ninth?”

14. I’m announcing this game like every viewer has never seen a baseball game before. I do realize this is the MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL NETWORK, right? The viewers might actually be fans.

15. It’s all cool, guys. I’ve got Guzman wiggling out of this.

16. I e-mailed Bruce Miles to find out why Blanco, the “switch hitter” wasn’t batting righty against Wolf. Apparently Blanco only switch hits against certain lefties. You’re going to be able to spoon my brains out like pudding by the end of this season.

17. I’m smooth at third. My hands are catlike.

    It’s as though I actually have paws instead of hands.

18. I came a long way over that bag to take out the Legendary Bobby Scales.

19. Shit. I should have pulled an Orlando Hudson and stood on the outfield grass to protect myself from the slide.

20. Toronsco is a decoy! Look out!

21. Speaking of pudding brains. I’m letting my pitcher bat with two on and two out?

22. Who am I?

23. According to me, one of Orlando Hudson’s nicknames is “Headquarters.”

24. I nearly overran that grounder, if that’s even possible on a two-hopper one step to your left.

25. Troncoso looks better at the plate than Andres Blanco.

26. I’ve got a wild pitch in me. Anybody want to see it?

27. Fuck you, ‘Sac. I’m going with the old number one.

28. Bradley will hit one off the basket that will be called a homer, then overturned by replay and it’ll be a double. Lee will fly out to the warning track. Johnson will single and Bradley will be held at third. Soto will ground into a double play.

    At least that’s what Virtual Nine says.

29. Hey, I won four World Series! I know what I’m doing.

    Wait, I let who bat now?

30. I’ll start hitting. You guys quit judging me! (Anybody? Huh, huh? OK, maybe I’m a lame joke about 180 posts too late.)

31. Wow, you guys can’t wait to watch me on TV! It’s like the NHL draft without the plaid jackets and smoking.

32. I’m a bunting fool, baby!

33. 6-4-3 or 4-6-3? You decide.

34. I’m going deep.

35. Heh!

36. I’m fairly confident I can score from second on a triple. Maybe even a double. Almost positively a homer.

37. I won it yesterday, and I’ll do it again. Get ready ladies, it’s party time!

38. Hey Superstar, if you’re going to bunt, bunt, don’t try to bunt for a hit, dummy.

39. Gotdamnit!

40. Just run the old “try to bunt twice, then win the game with a homer” play. We did it twice last year.

41. That’s my swinging bunt.

42. Bobby “Homerun” Scales

43. You do not want to walk Geovany to get to me.

44. To win.

45. I’m the only guy left on the bench.

46. A hit here and the Harry statue out front of this dump is getting replaced.

47. I’d squeeze here.

48. Fuck IOWA.
    I don’t ever want to see IOWA again.

49. hero time

50. I’m going to take two and single to Juan to win the game.

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