BREAKING NEWS – The Tribune and Sun Times are both reporting that lethargic, overweight, sleepy-eyed Cubs catcher Geovany Soto tested positive for marijuana at the WBC this past March.
Former Cubs left fielder Moises Alou was unavailable for comment, mainly because he was busy keeping his streak alive of smoking weed for the 12,297th day in a row.
Honestly, why do they test for marijuana? Can you think of anything less performance enhancing than that? What’s next, is Derrek Lee going to call time to pop an Ambien while he’s in the batter’s box?
Soto was given today’s loss (a day game after a night game last night) off, but pinch hit in the ninth. His Cheetos stained fingers nearly came completely off the bat as he struck out to end the game.
He was expected to talk to reporters after the game, but said he’d be a “while” because he really wanted a nap, and had already promised to explain to Reed Johnson how to synch up Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon” to “The Wizard of Oz.”
The test does carry a suspension. Soto will not be able to participate in international baseball competition for two years. It’s pretty severe, considering the next World Baseball Classic is in THREE years.
By the way, just how high was the graphics person at the Sun Times who put the picture of Geo with the marijuana plant superimposed over his shoulder?
It looks like he’s the guest newscaster on Telemundo giving the ag report.
June 25th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
it is just indicative of what Soto thinks about his craft, his team, and his fans. Shall I prepare to do battle in 2009, and win a World Series? Nah, lemme just spark up….
To all the fanboys who have ripped me a new one this year for suggesting that Soto came in fat, lazy, and disappointing: HOW MY ASS TASTE?
June 25th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
Why all the hate, man? Why can’t we, like, be all together on this stuff. It’s like, you make all the jokes, but… wait… did you ever hear this one? A priest walks into a bar and he has a duck… wait… the duck is Irish… no… anyway, dude, it is WAY FUNNY. Do you have any cookies?
June 25th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
I thought I was the sleepy eyed lethargic catcher.
June 25th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
We’re the sleepy-eyed, lethargic team.
Or maybe we just suck.
June 25th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
We’re all of the above, #4.
June 25th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
More twitter harassment please
June 25th, 2009 at 6:09 pm
> It’s pretty severe, considering the next World Baseball Classic is in THREE years.
Actually, it’s penciled in for 2013.
So FOUR years.
June 25th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
Your mom’s lethargic.
June 25th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
Fawcett, McMahon, Jackson..perhaps the most famous triumvirate of all time.
Your mom’s a triumvirate.
June 25th, 2009 at 6:30 pm
Goddamn it, won’t somebody think of Bubbles?
June 25th, 2009 at 6:43 pm
Is winter ball considered international or is it MLB affiliated?
June 25th, 2009 at 6:53 pm
Is that what a reefer looks like?
June 25th, 2009 at 7:02 pm
This is the worst news I could possibly hear today.
June 25th, 2009 at 7:43 pm
dude..lets see if he uses sister’s pee at the next drug test to find out he’s pregnant
June 25th, 2009 at 8:24 pm
big gulps huh…welp, see ya later
June 26th, 2009 at 12:58 am
I’m dead! I’m dead!
(Really, really dead)
Ooo!
June 26th, 2009 at 8:42 am
Your mom’s a moonwalker.
June 26th, 2009 at 9:39 am
Death comes in fours bitch-ezz.
June 26th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Your mom know kung fu Trebek.
June 26th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Your mom knows kung fu Trebek.
June 26th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
“It looks like he’s the guest newscaster on Telemundo giving the ag report”
THAT’S RACIST!!!