BREAKING NEWS – The Tribune and Sun Times are both reporting that lethargic, overweight, sleepy-eyed Cubs catcher Geovany Soto tested positive for marijuana at the WBC this past March.
Former Cubs left fielder Moises Alou was unavailable for comment, mainly because he was busy keeping his streak alive of smoking weed for the 12,297th day in a row.
Honestly, why do they test for marijuana? Can you think of anything less performance enhancing than that? What’s next, is Derrek Lee going to call time to pop an Ambien while he’s in the batter’s box?
Soto was given today’s loss (a day game after a night game last night) off, but pinch hit in the ninth. His Cheetos stained fingers nearly came completely off the bat as he struck out to end the game.
He was expected to talk to reporters after the game, but said he’d be a “while” because he really wanted a nap, and had already promised to explain to Reed Johnson how to synch up Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon” to “The Wizard of Oz.”
The test does carry a suspension. Soto will not be able to participate in international baseball competition for two years. It’s pretty severe, considering the next World Baseball Classic is in THREE years.
By the way, just how high was the graphics person at the Sun Times who put the picture of Geo with the marijuana plant superimposed over his shoulder?
It looks like he’s the guest newscaster on Telemundo giving the ag report.
it is just indicative of what Soto thinks about his craft, his team, and his fans. Shall I prepare to do battle in 2009, and win a World Series? Nah, lemme just spark up….
To all the fanboys who have ripped me a new one this year for suggesting that Soto came in fat, lazy, and disappointing: HOW MY ASS TASTE?
Why all the hate, man? Why can’t we, like, be all together on this stuff. It’s like, you make all the jokes, but… wait… did you ever hear this one? A priest walks into a bar and he has a duck… wait… the duck is Irish… no… anyway, dude, it is WAY FUNNY. Do you have any cookies?
I thought I was the sleepy eyed lethargic catcher.
We’re the sleepy-eyed, lethargic team.
Or maybe we just suck.
We’re all of the above, #4.
More twitter harassment please
> It’s pretty severe, considering the next World Baseball Classic is in THREE years.
Actually, it’s penciled in for 2013.
So FOUR years.
Your mom’s lethargic.
Fawcett, McMahon, Jackson..perhaps the most famous triumvirate of all time.
Your mom’s a triumvirate.
Goddamn it, won’t somebody think of Bubbles?
Is winter ball considered international or is it MLB affiliated?
Is that what a reefer looks like?
This is the worst news I could possibly hear today.
dude..lets see if he uses sister’s pee at the next drug test to find out he’s pregnant
big gulps huh…welp, see ya later
I’m dead! I’m dead!
(Really, really dead)
Ooo!
Your mom’s a moonwalker.
Death comes in fours bitch-ezz.
Your mom know kung fu Trebek.
Your mom knows kung fu Trebek.
“It looks like he’s the guest newscaster on Telemundo giving the ag report”
THAT’S RACIST!!!