In defense of the Todd

Posted on Nov 8, 2010 in Cubs, Media Hacks | 14 comments


Mostly the Interwebs reaction to the Ricketts family embarrassment that was Todd’s appearance on CBS’ “Undercover Boss” has been the same.

What a goddamned buffoon that guy is.

On one side you have the people who couldn’t believe that the Todd was such a spaz.

Like us here.

Kermit.

Big League Stew.

Sully.

Tales from Aisle 424.

Even Cardinals fans found it amusing.

So who among us didn’t think the Todd made a complete ass out of himself while prepping a vote of no confidence in the whole family?

Who else?

Al Yellon is good for a lot of things.  He can really fill out a pair of sweatpants.  No one has stolen the left field foul pole on his watch since 2004.  And the Cubs can buy his lifetime of agreement in anything they do, just by inviting him to things and pretending to give a shit what he says.

To wit:

Todd Ricketts: Undercover Boss by Al Yellon

Many of you watched the CBS series “Undercover Boss” last night that featured Tom Ricketts’ brother Todd working several jobs at Wrigley Field. This fanshot started the discussion last night; I’m continuing it here because the Cubs invited about 250 Wrigley Field employees and their families to a viewing party at Harry Caray’s on Sheffield last night.

I’m still confused about the fanshot, fanpost thing.  I think Al should write another 4,500 word missive detailing when it’s appropriate to use which.

First off, the Cubs had to know that Todd was going to look like even more of a complete dipshit than he already is.  Why would they invite people to watch this thing?

Second, Al’s not a Cubs employee or the “family” of a Cubs employee is he?  Sounds like somebody’s love letters to PR director Peter Chase are finally getting answered, aren’t they Albert?  Smooch, smooch.

If you didn’t see the show, Todd moved out of his suburban home and into a barely-furnished space on Sheffield across from the ballpark for several days.

It was barely furnished.  All he had was a bed and a nightstand, and a dresser and a couch and a TV and a table and some chairs.  Todd was roughing it.  He normally refuses to sleep anywhere without his sex swing.

CBS approached the Cubs about doing this particular episode, and apparently had enough material that they considered making this a two-hour show.

Oh, that is such bullshit.  They barely had enough for the one steaming hour they gave us.  The only way there was another hour of material is if Todd somehow locked himself in a bathroom stall and almost drowned himself with the hose, only to have Daryl’s eight year old daughter swim in to save him while Jose translated Todd’s delusional gibberish French to a Spanish speaking EMT.  And I don’t think they got any of that on camera.

But one thing I found from watching the reactions to the show of the people who work for the Cubs who were at this party is the complete dedication that each one of them has for their work, and although none of the baseball people were there, there’s no doubt in my mind that all of them are working toward the singular goal of winning the World Series.

I agree completely.  Do you think it’s an accident that the San Francisco Giants just won the World Series?  Hell no.  They have shitters so clean at AT&T Park that you could eat those yummy garlic fries out of a toilet bowl there.  No stones in that infield, no sirreee!  Tim Lincecum is a hell of a pitcher, but he’s barely a third as good at his job as the hot dog vendors there are theirs.  And that had a lot to do with the Rangers inability to get a big hit.  Well fed fans scream louder and intimidate the shit out of people.  And you talk about parking?  Holy shit, there are only nine parking spots within twelve miles of that stadium, but those nine cars are lined up perfectly straight!

I love how Al can write a 68 word sentence and its completely meaningless.  All he needed was the words “although none of the baseball people were there” and everything else means nothing.  Is it nice to have a clean ballpark and to leave it without a door ding in your Honda Accord?  Sure.  Does that have anything to do with whether the team sucks or not?

If you think Tom Ricketts and his family aren’t dedicated to that, too, think again.

I’m thinking again.  And I’m thinking that Crane Kenny and Jim Hendry still have jobs and so yes, I think that Tom Ricketts and his family are not dedicated to “that.”  Unless “that” is paying incompetent assholes…like Todd.

It’s not easy to rebuild a baseball team on the field, as we have learned.

We’ve learned it 103 years in a row, in fact.  We’re so slow we’re going to have to end up getting two full time jobs…or maybe just going to Loyola.

But there are other things they have done to improve the organization and the ballpark, and that’s continuing this offseason.  Todd Ricketts said during the show that they want this to be like a family business and that everyone who works there should feel like family.

Family businesses blow.  Just ask Randy Moss.  You know what I want?  I want a team to be run like a successful business.  Not an incompetent dying media empire.  Not a mom and pop corner store.  I want a team to be run like the New York Yankees.  You know, the team has won 27 World Series over the last 100 years.  They’re owned by a family, too, and they don’t pretend like the fans have a say in how much they spend on players.  They just bend the fans over and bang out what they need, and then they piss away lots of money on players and some of them work out and some don’t, and when some don’t, they bend the fans over and they do it all over again.  And sure, the fans are left bleeding from the rectum, but it’s the blood of a champion!

They’ve already started a process to take suggestions from employees, something Tribune Co. never did.

It’s a process.  Here’s the process.

They spend $140 on some plastic boxes and hang them at 10 places around the ballpark.  Employees write down suggestions and put them in the box.  One day a week, Joe, the furry faced low paid marketing intern empties the box.  That afternoon Wally Hayward and Crane take the written suggestions shred them–unread–and stuff them in their pipes and smoke them while they drink brandy and act like the silver spoon assholes that they both are.

Nice process.

I have no doubt that the Ricketts will bring us a winner.

Because you’re a dope.

How about you just take a picture of Todd’s groin and go away?

Photo: Todd Ricketts’ “package” by Al Yellon