So, Andy’s already disenchanted with Real World-San Diego, and since this is one of the few shows My Baby’s Mamma (MBM) and I both enjoy during the college basketball season, rest assured that I’ll be there every Bazooka Joe step of the way…

But, first let’s just take a moment to quickly review the ACC standings and realize that Gary is the only head-coaching Williams with a .500 in-conference record. Awwwwww… Shoulda stayed at KU, Roy. Where you would’ve absolutely dominated the Big 12 this season and been on your way to yet another #1 seed that you could have surely found a way to take you just short of a Championship season yet again. By the way, Rashad McCants’ dad is on line 2. He thought you looked at his boy a little too sternly after that game-clinching technical last night. (Marquette’s overrated, so Cincy’s win didn’t do a whole lot to convince me of their #7 ranking, even though they’re only one of four remaining unbeaten teams)…

Back to the important stuff. When you consider the distinguished Real World alums previously honored with induction to the Real World Jackass Hall of Fame, it’s somewhat hard to imagine the pressure bestowed upon future Real World’ers hoping to seek admittance. LA’s country-singing slacker Jon, San Fran’s whining cartoonist Judd, Seattle’s effeminite bich-slapping Steven, Hawaii’s back-stabbing wuss Matt, New Orleans’ muscle bound come-on-be-my-baby-tonight crooning David, Las Vegas’ condom-hating divorcee Steven, and Paris’ ear-grating talentless mack/poet Adam, form a mostly male pantheon of ridiculousness the likes of which you’d think could never be neared, let alone topped.

But early on, I think the class of 2004 has some very compelling possibilities. And if you’ve only watched the premiere, you may be surprised to learn that Orland Park’s very own, Brad, is no longer worthy of consideration.

First, the recaps. Tuesday brought not one, but two new episodes, in a desperate attempt to tittilate the fans of the series who lost interest in the Paris cast right around the time Mallory stopped getting drunk on camera.

Frankie the pierced/tattooed/chain-smoking/cystic-fibrosis diagnosed chick from Kansas City, Jacquese the Morehouse student, and the cute Korean girl (Jamie) whose eyes are too close together for Andy’s liking, are feeling left out—as in outcast. They think that their other four roommates have formed a clique and are denying them entrance, when in reality it’s just that the other four are better looking and all attracted to each other. The cool, good-looking kids are planning to check out downtown San Diego’s nightlife, and Jacquese’s panties are bunched because he didn’t receive a formal invitation. Cameran uses her cute southern drawl to convince him otherwise, and once his jeans are ironed—Jacques is down.

After some dancing and drinking the cast make the mistake of hanging out in the streets after the bars have closed, a place and time where trouble is always sure to follow. In short, someone calls Coyote Ugly’s Robin the b-word, and she retaliates with an n-bomb. Jacquese nobly comes to her defense until she repeats herself for his benefit, and he responds along the lines of, “Oh, hell no!”

Then Robin tries to defend her usage of the word in front of her African-American roommate whom she’s known barely longer than 24 hours by pointing in face, and ya know gettin’ all up in his bi-ness. She firmly believes that since she’s ‘dated’ African-Americans in the past, and used the n-bomb with the ‘a’ ending as opposed to the ‘er’ she’s somehow absolved of any guilt.

Jacquese has never been so mad before in his life. He is so mad he starts walking home down the middle of the street to call his mamma. No seriously. She tells him not to be the angry black man, a role the series has lacked since Kevin from Season 1, and one that MTV is secretly hoping he’s ready and willing to play.

Randy, the art-student/head of security tells Robin it’s all good, probably because he has no friends of color and more importantly because he’s hoping to get a lil’ sum, sum. Once home, tears are shed, Jacquese gets on the internet to google ‘definition of racism’ to seemingly build some type of formal defense and legal debate, but quickly throws that strategy out the window when Robin cries and vaguely refers to being raped by—–an African-American. Everyone hugs then gets in the hot tub, and the next day Robin tries to endear herself to Jacquese by shooting hoops, and rhymin’. I’m not joking.

Some of you may have switched the channel then, but you missed a second new episode in the process. The one in which Frankie hits the ball out of the park in her early resume-building for Jackass-status. If you hadn’t noticed already, the kids live right on a pier of the Pacific Ocean. It took only a day or so for a big cruise ship to pass by, at which point Frankie screams and runs for cover. Turns out in addition to suffering from selective memory on drunken nights when she unsuccessfully hits on roommates and passes out in her own vomit, she also has a huge fear of—-cruise ships. And other “large, metal boats.” Cameran wants to know if she has a fear of all big things, and if so she should probably stay away from Brad’s allegedly endowed package.

Trouble is, Frankie’s going to have to face her phobias up close and personal, as this year’s ‘job’ is running sailboat excursions. Nevermind that Jacquese predictably can’t swim, and that Cameran is the only person with “sailing experience,” as in she’s been on a sailboat. The excursion crew find a life jacket for J, and take everyone out for a test spin, during which Frankie spends a large amount of time crying her way through an anxiety attack. (Prediction: Cameran will hook up with one of her non-roommate “co-workers”).

Back at the house after a long day’s work, the hot tub is yet again in play, this time as Randy seduces Robin with the mysterious world of agnosticism. They follow this ‘deep’ conversation by ‘spooning’ in Randy’s bed. Unfortunately for Randy, the rest of his roommates are listening in to his pillow talk, during which he says, “Boom, I’m Bazooka Joe, man.” He doesn’t recall saying this the next morning, though he is clearly Bazooka Joe for the remainder of this season, and now probably his life. For the record I think they fell just short of pulling a full-on Steven and Trishelle, but the groundwork has been laid for a beautiful friendship nonetheless…

Next week: At least two of the girls get bi-curious, and Brad pulls out his wang… It’s looking like a very promising season.

Tonight: Don’t miss The Apprentice, another reality-show we’ll be monitoring in this space closely.

This weekend: O.U. snaps their two-game skid (UConn/Oklahoma State) by running Quin’s Missouri Tigers out of Norman, Duke hopes to follow the Texas gameplan against visiting Wake Forest, UConn looks to kick Carolina while they’re down and keep their #1 ranking, St. Joseph’s gets one of their only tests of the year at Xavier, Illinois tries to keep pace with (snicker) Iowa, Peyton attempts to match wits with Bill Belichick and the Panthers look to prove Rush Limbaugh right once and for all…

Next time I promise to actually post a couple of photos of good-looking chicks. It’s the least I can do, I know.