Hello again, everybody, it’s your old friend Karry Ling here filling in for Andy on today’s Daily Dose. Andy started to write the Dose today and muttered something that sounded like “Bake up your thyme, Red Attix you jackass.” I don’t know, it’s hard to hear when you’re as hung over as I am.

So, he barged into my office, threw pencils at me until I woke up and told me he wanted me to do the Dose. So let’s get to it.

First off, I want to second everything Andy said in his review of the movie “Miracle.” It’s the best Kurt Russell movie since “Overboard.” I laughed so hard, I nearly soiled myself. The scene where Emilio Estevez shows the kids how to shoot a slapshot was hilarious. He’s a genius.

Honestly, I don’t know why they called the movie “Miracle”, they should have just called it Mighty Ducks Four. Oh, well, who better knows how to market their stuff than Disney? As long as they keep pumping out quality movies like Toy Story, Finding Nemo and the Apple Dumpling Gang Rides Again, they’ll never have a problem.

Baseball camps open on Saturday when Lou Piniella’s Tampa Bay Devil Rays report for duty. The Devil Rays lost 100 games last year and they play in a division with the Yankees and Red Sox. Honestly, in order for them to be adequately prepared for the season, they should have started Spring Training in…oh…November.

But it’s great that baseball’s back. Honestly, some of my fondest memories as a kid are of going to old Ebbetts Field with my dad and sitting in the bleachers watching Duke Snider and Pee Wee Reese and Albert Pujols. Those were the days. If I close my eyes, I can smell the peanuts and the stale beer and I can picture my dad in his white Dago t-shirt, suspenders, cut off dress pants, brown dress shoes and brown socks. Oh, he was a handsome man.

That’s the thing about baseball, gang. It’s about fathers and sons. It’s about putting your differences behind you and spending time, relaxing with your loved ones. If not for baseball, the only memories I’d have of my dad would be of him putting his cigarettes out on the dog and banging hookers in the bedroom while my mom pounded on the locked door screaming that she was going to “cut it off.”

How much of that was out loud?

Martha Stewart’s trial is fascinating to me. Let me get this straight. In America, if you know that a stock that you own is going to go into the toilet you can’t sell it? Remind me to dump my GE stock. Especially if the sale to Desipio ever goes through. Tim-berrrrr!

The prize witness for the prosecution was a guy who worked for her investment firm and the defense got him to admit that he frequently used drugs while he was working for the company. What, a rich, young stockbroker using drugs? Somebody call Michael J. Fox and we’ll make a movie about it!

Speaking of our favorite dwarfish actor, did you see him on Conan last night? At one point he called himself a “twitchfest” which was funny and sad, since his Parkinson’s Disease is pretty much continuing unabated, but the real prize of the show was just before that when the Space Needle mudwrestled the CN Tower. I guess you had to see it.

By the way, Michael J. Fox has joined the cast of “Scrubs”. You all remember Scrubs, it’s the only funny show that NBC has left and they took it off of Thursday nights because apparently it was getting ratings that were too high for their comfort. Or something.

The guy with the tight pants has re-signed with the Cubs. Maybe he can afford pants that fit now?

The Bears hired Greg Maddux’s agent to be their tight ends coach. Really?

Phil Rogers thinks that Rickie Weeks was the first pick in last year’s draft. Somewhere, Delmon Young would beg to differ.

Luther Head likes the home games. You know, the ones he can walk to.

Andy wanted to break in and address today’s Mariotti diatribe. Today it’s about how Notre Dame’s football is in complete disrepair. Boss man…

Thank you Karry, and by the way, I’m impressed you knew that Rickie Weeks wasn’t the first draft pick. See, even at your advanced age and drunkeness you’re more lucid than Phil Rogers.

Today, Mariotti puts down the doughnut to give a typically thoughtful, insightful look at Notre Dame football.

As in the past, I could have eaten a bowl of Alpha Bits and shat out a better column than this.

Mariotti contends that elite football players don’t want to go to Notre Dame because they don’t know who the Four Horsemen are. He bases most of his criticisms for the column on a phone conversation he had with some nitwit Irish alumn who lives in Wisconsin. Look, anybody smart enough to go to Notre Dame and dumb enough to live in Wisconsin by choice is obviously a schizo. Step away from this man carefully.

Here’s a doozy from Jay, “In the ever-evolving landscape of college football, this program is on no higher footing right now than Northern Illinois.” That’s right, NIU has the same quality football program as Notre Dame, because one 10 win season erases 100 years of football ineptitude for the Huskies and also erases 100 years of success for Notre Dame. Look, I went to NIU, I was as happy as anybody that they had a good year, but even for the dumbest man with a pen in Chicago, this statement is absurd. In fact, you know it was in there so that he could double his radio audience today from six to twelve.

Why is it that Mariotti insists on writing a column every day? He obviously has run out of things to write about. Why doesn’t he do us all a favor and kick back, take a few months off and just drink a nice big glass of Shut the Hell Up?

Back to you, Karry.

Mike Kiley says that Andy MacPhail and Mayor Daley are becoming regular chums.

Did I mention yesterday that the SI swimsuit issue is out?

Did I?

Paul DePodesta is 31 and he’s going to be the GM of the Dodgers? I have underwear older than him! Hey Andy! You’re 31 and you’re not the GM of a major league team! Ha ha!

Andy’s note: “Karry…do you want to go back in the cage?”

Phil Jackson’s apparently tired of banging the owner’s daughter.

What part of injury-plaged and sucky do the Redskins not understand with Mark Brunell?

The Wonderful World of “ahhh! I’m being crushed to death by this parade float!”

America’s finest news source reports that Saddam Hussein is dictating over his little jail cell.

Until next time, America!….