Let’s just say that the last two nights are not ones the Cubs will be saving for the time capsule. Where on Monday, Dusty was content to let Carlos Zambrano stand out on the mound and take his thrashing like a man, last night he hooked Sergio Meat Tray with the game still in the balance. He then brought in Mike Wuertz who sprayed gas all over the fire.
It was a stellar night for the Cubs who did the following:
– They started Tom Goodwin in left field…on purpose!
– They started Todd Hollandsworth at first base instead of left field because Derrek Lee needed a night off and Moises Alou already had one “scheduled.” I had no idea MLB players got vacation time.
– The Meat Tray forgot to cover first base on a grounder to Hollandsworth.
– Wuertz stumbled during a pitch, balked, and nearly spiked himself and fell down.
– Wuertz hit for himself in the fifth, only to come out in the bottom half of the inning.
– Jose Macias went in to play center field, because really, who needs any offense when you’re down 6-0 and the Diamondbacks have one of the most horrendously bad bullpens in the world.
However, there’s good news for tonight. The Diamondbacks are starting Casey Daigle, a guy best known for being the guy who sleeps with Jennie Finch.
OK, sure she’s pretty, but she’s not THAT pretty. Just because she’s the masturbatory fantasy of every guy at Page 2 doesn’t mean that much. Besides, she’s a former college softball player which means her legs will eventually be the size of tree trunks and she’s likely gay. So there.
Since the Cubs went out last night and grabbed their ankles for the Diamondbacks, again, we bring you another excerpt from Desipio Publishing’s upcoming book, “The Team That Came From Nowhere and Then Went Right Back – The ’89 Cubs†written by Karry Ling.
In 1988 the Cubs had gone through one of the strangest years in franchise history. They managed to post a losing season despite putting SIX players on the National League All-Star team. Joining perennial Cubs honorees Ryne Sandberg and Andre Dawson were Greg Maddux, Shawon Dunston, Rafael Palmeiro, and Vance Law.
Six All-Stars and fewer than 80 wins? Impressive.
One wonders just how bad the other 19 Cubs had to be to pull that off.
At the All-Star Break, Maddux led baseball with 15 wins. He would finish the season with 18. Just to clarify, that’s not a good thing.
But the real turmoil was occurring in the radio broadcast booth where Dwayne Staats was saddled with perhaps the worst analyst of all time, former major leaguer Dave Nelson. Staats remembers those days.
“I don’t want to talk about it,†he said. “How did you get in here? Did you break into my house? I’m calling the police. I have a gun! Go away. What is that smell?â€
After the season, Staats would take a lucrative offer to join the broadcasting team of the New York Yankees and Nelson would be taken out behind Tribune Tower and shot to death.
That meant that in 1989 the Cubs would have a brand new radio team. They went out in an effort to find the most mediocre ones money could buy.
For their play-by-play man they stopped off at a Cincinnati Day Care Center and hired the 12-year-old son of legendary Reds’ announcer Marty Brennaman. Not only did young Thom Brennaman have a superfluous ‘h’ in his name, but his nasal, monotone style was perfect for anyone listening to the games who was in dire need of a nap. Nicknamed “Tylenol PM†by several people in northern Illinois, Brennaman was just like the nighttime drug. Sedating, painless and side effects included diarrhea, bloating and nausea.
The Cubs went out to the west coast hire former San Francisco Giants catcher Bob Brenly for the analyst job. Brenly was well known during his playing days for three things, 1) he was a terrible hitter, 2) he was a terrible catcher and 3) he never shut up. Teammates were so fed up with Brenly late in his career that would often times leave him sitting alone in the bullpen. So Brenly would just get on the bullpen phone and call whatever relatives he had left who would still take his calls. During one key game late in the 1988 season Giants manager Roger Craig had called down the bullpen to try and get reliever Jeff Brantley to warm up, only to get a busy signal. Brenly was on the line with the time and temperature lady having a lovely conversation. Bob apparently did not know that she was a recording.
With their announcing team set, the Cubs were ready to move forward into 1989. However, Cubs VP of Broadcasting and Promotions John McDonough received a phone call from former Cubs star Ron Santo. Santo at first inquired about the analyst position and McDonough politely told Ron the job had been filled. This angered the fiery Italian slugger so much that he threatened to beat McDonough to death with a spatula. Santo was given the “third analyst†job the next day.
Ron Santo had long been a Cubs’ fan favorite. During his playing days he had been the NL’s finest third baseman for nearly a decade. He was beloved by the Cubs and their fans for his feisty attitude, his passion for winning, his clutch hitting, Gold Glove fielding and the fact that he sold pizzas at Wrigley Field during games. His career was cut short by his battle with the debilitating disease, Diabetes, and he further endeared himself to Cubs fans after being traded in the early ‘70s to the White Sox (for among other players, Steve Stone) he played half a year and then quit.
In a press release to trumpet the arrival of the new WGN Radio Cubs broadcast team, the Cubs said, “There may be finer announcing teams in baseball than these three, but, well, but nothing, there just are. But you have to admit that anything is an improvement over Dave Nelson.â€
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So what happened to last week’s Cubs team? We liked those guys.
Dusty likes speed and doesn’t have any. I like inground swimming pools, and I don’t have one of those.
The Sox lost to the Indians.
Kirk Hinrich was named first team All-Rookie. He was also named first team All-Bad Haircut.
Mark Prior threw a 50 pitch side session in which he aired out his fastball and threw a few breaking balls and likely looked a lot better than the Meat Tray.
Emil Jones says that if the U of I doesn’t get rid of Chief Illiniwek that he’ll try and get their state funding cut. He also compared people who support the Chief to those who supported segregation in the ’60s. Emil, is, of course a dope. Just ignore him.
Kurt Kittner needs a job. Hey, don’t the Bears sign every QB under the age of 25?
Groucho on the pissing-and-moaning Lakers.
Honestly, shouldn’t somebody have hit Chad Tracy with a pitch last night?
Prior gave Dusty a thumbs up. In the fourth inning I wanted to give Dusty a different finger.
He’s the Brooks Boyer who played with Ryan Hoover at Notre Dame? Wow. How nice?
Lefty Clettitte is ready to start on Thursday. Anybody want to bet he goes back on the DL before May is over?
That might make me switch mobile phone companies.
America’s finest news source with your horoscopes, I especially enjoyed Libra.
Andy, Andy, Andy,
Hilarious stuff but for one MAJOR mistake–Staaaaaats and Nelson WERE the broadcast duo in ’89. They were replaced by the 3-headed monster in ’90, not ’89. That obnoxious, chain-smoking Young Republican weasel tHom never got to broadcast a Cub playoff team. He’s the only one. Shoot, even Milo was on the periphery in ’84.
Rumor had it at the time, by the way, that Santo and Brenly didn’t get along. Probbaly because Brenly never shut up.
I believe you need to take your issue up with the book’s author, one Karry Ling.
Sorry Andy,
That dumbass Karry his wouldn’t know his Depends undergarments from a hole in the ground.
Santo got mad at me for talking because he couldn’t promote some movie his kid was making about him. Oh, that movie only came out this year? Well, it seems like he’s been promoting it for 15 years!
My brother announced for the Cubs? Actually, he might have, I was high all the time, so I had no idea what was going on.
Hey, did you ever notice that former NBA and Notre Dame coach John MacLeod looks just like my dad did?
Hey everyone did you like my quality at bats last night?
Anyone with MLB extra innings notice that Mark Grace is just a horrible announcer? Can anyone get more annoying then him? I wanted to find a brick and throw it through my TV. He just sounds stupid. I hate say it but I’d rather listen to Chip then Mark Grace.
Honesty compels me to say, "thank you, Peterbilt."
Here’s a game – have a drink of your favorite non-alcoholic beverage each time I describe a hit as a "rocket" or a "rocket shot"!
Here’s a quote from Mark Grace "We need some chick’s" here’s another "he kissed the ball". I actually think Mark Grace and tHom has wet dreams about that Tracy kid who plays 3rd.
I’ve actually liked Grace. He’s cool.
So I was flipping back and forth last night between games…The White Sox bullpen is like a bad car accident; you don’t want to look, but you can’t help it. I really hate the Sox announcers. How many times can you say "duck snort"? Seriously. And also, I don’t know which of the two morons says this, but I hear it often, when a foul ball or hit or anything happens that just happened the play before, one of those idiots says "blueprint." Shouldn’t that be "photocopy" or "Xerox"? Isn’t a "blueprint" a plan of what is GOING to happen, not what just happened? God, I hate those guys. A city the size of Chicago and we have one (Stone) announcer that’s worth a shit.
Two things – first, how can Emil Jones protest the Chief, when he said himself that he has never seen the Chief. Tocco would be so pissed.
Second, Jennie Finch is to softball is what Amelie Mauresmo is to tennis. She catches you attention, but then when you actually take a good look at her, you feel a little gay for noticing her in the first place.
as the semi-official arbiter of fine young feminine flesh, I noticed me a little Jennie the other night during a Team USA-Arizona softball game on ESPN, while I waited in vain for the Cub game to come on.
Either one of the following is true:
1) Jennie is a little thick;
2) Those softball uniforms are specially designed to be the MOST unflattering garment, EVER.
Dear Nother,
If you’re looking at Amelie and thinking anything other than "What’s Lou Ferrigno’s son doing playing womens tennis?", you have issues of the married in California variety.
I was talking to a friend on the phone last night who was also watching the D-backs/Cubs fiasco, when I said "For chrissakes, can’t the Cubs bullpen guys throw anything but fastballs?". Not two seconds later, Stoney went into a more subtle tirade about how Wellemeyer should probably try a breaking ball now and then since they’re already getting pummeled.
It is obvious that this team is talented, but they and their manager and coaching staff continue to take a pretty simplistic approach to the game. Swing as hard as you can, pitch as hard as you can. The crowd on the road isn’t going to be on their feet cheering for a strikeout in the 4th inning. They have to play some smarter baseball, because there are going be days when they’re not going to get a shutout from the starters or 8 runs in the first inning.
Here’s my point – (and don’t tell me no one else has done this). You’re flipping channels on a lazy Sunday, and you come across a women’s tennis match. You pause for a minute with hopes that Anna K. is making a comeback. You notice a tan, toned brunette on the court and it peaks your interest. Then they show a closeup and what you tought was a nubile young tennis talent, is actually a transgendered freak running around in a tennis skirt. Next thing you know, you’re in the shower re-creating the cleansing scene from Ace Ventura when Jim Carrey finds out about "Mr. Winky".
I’m not proud of it, I’m just being honest.
Hmm, so much for the "I’m in the Army, and I’m shipping out to Baghdad tomorrow" line not working…
http://www.takeoneforthecountry.com
I can’t believe I forgot two things I was going to mock today.
The first involves Chip (of course). He was being Mr. Baseball Analyst about Steve Finley.
"Finley’s an interesting guy, Steve. He started off as a leadoff man, and then became a middle of the order guy. He’s not as productive now, but he’s always been a good righthanded hitter."
That’d be true. If he weren’t lefthanded.
The second, is my favorite foul ball of the year.
The one that Tom Goodwin fouled off his own nuts.
Kudos!
Tonight’s game should make for good watching if Jennie Finch is in the stands. There will be a serious conflict of interests between the Cub cameramen and director, who are notorious for showing young females, and Chip, who is notorious for being a flaming homosexual.
I’m not starting my Dusty Baker tirade yet.
I’m waiting for when we finish this road trip 1-6. Yeesh.
I know you guys are all wondering how I’m doing in AAA, I’ve only walked 10 guys in 6IP. And have an ERA over 10.
I know you guys are wondering how I’m doing. I’m sore. Very sore. Kind of like I was after Tom took that long weekend to Parumph.
Hello again, everybody, it’s your old pal Karry Ling!
![]("https://www.desipio.com/images/kerryling.jpg"/)
I’m sure by now you know that I got a couple of things wrong in the excerpted chapter of my soon-to-be Pulitzer Prize winning book, "The Team That Came Out of Nowhere and Then Went Right Back: The ’89 Cubs".
I admit that perhaps that chapter, the one about the radio announcing team was not as well researched as it probably could have been.
Should I have known that Brennaman, Brenly and Santo were hired in December of 1989? Sure, I should have. I want you to know that my editor’s and I are working on revising that chapter and we’ll move it to the end of the book as a look-ahead to 1990, then I’ll use my copious notes from my interviews with Staats and Nelson for a new chapter.
By the way, the book is almost done, and if any of you know how I can get a hold of Phil Stephenson or Kevin Blankenship, I’d appreciate it.
You can e-mail me at karry@desipio.com or call me on my cell phone at 312-591-7200. Ask for Kappy.
9 IP, 8 H, 1 ER, 4 W, 7 K, 0 HR.
All in "The Bigs" by the way. But I’m paging Andy Pratt in Iowa to get tips on exactly where the best spot is to hit the backstop.
http://www.suntimes.com/output/feder/cst-fin-feder28.html
From today’s Sun-Times…
Tommy Williams, former overnight sports talk host at WSCR-AM (670) and weekend host at WMVP-AM (1000), has joined WJOB-AM (1230) in northwest Indiana as sports talk show host from 9 p.m. to midnight Monday through Friday.
During the day, I’m free to read your child’s lunch menus over the P.A. system. Or just to sweep up the cafeteria after their done eating.
their vs. they’re, dumbass. I should have kept your ass in the 4th grade, scat-for-brains.
Five freaking games?
Aaron Spears………….HE GONE!!!
Bruce, you had better get back to recruiting.
Losing out on players the caliber of Luke Zeller isn’t what we hired you for.
How interesting you mention Jennie Finch and her boyfriend Casey Daigle…Here in Tucson, where Jennie went to college of course, the local media regularly shoves women’s softball down our throats and insists if we don’t like this crap (the only sport I’ve seen where they score less than soccer), we’re horrible people and probably worse, even, than John Mackovic, former UA football coach/human pinata and our Official Media Antichrist. If you think Jennie Finch’s hype is bad enough from ESPN Page 2, just be thankful you don’t have to see her mumble her way through cell phone ads on local TV here. By the way, judging from what I’ve seen, by softball standards, ANYONE who’s remotely attractive at all is incredibly hot. The girl sure has a great press agent…
Gotta go now, the game’s about to start, gotta see how idiotic Mark Grace can get tonight..
Hey, we’re great!
The Reds were winning 9-1 earlier in our game against the Brewers tonight.
Now it’s tied 9-9 and it’s only the bottom of the eighth!
do we have to go through this again with the bullpen. i thought we got rid of antonio afonsucka. it’s pretty sad that our best out of the pen is a guy from jersey that drives a 1992 ford taurus(the taurowski). go get’em joe!
Me like to hit fast straight ball.
Me can’t hit curving ball.
Me win game hitting fast straight ball tonight.
During the first assault of passion as under a thunder stroke the sentiments of virtue may yield for a moment. by free online poker
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