The world officially ended at about 9:42 Central time last night. That’s when WGN came back from commercial and Glendon Rusch’s fat ass was standing on the mound pitching for the Cubs in the bottom of the third inning.
Preliminary reports were that Kerry Wood’s right arm had fallen off at the shoulder. Then we got word that Kerry had given his elbow ligament back to Tommy John.
Meanwhile, the Cubs were throwing the ball around the infield like it was radioactive.
In hindsight, when Adrian Beltre and something named Kevin Grabowski hit homers off Wood in the second inning we should have known something was up. Well, we did know something was up, we just figured Kerry sucked last night.
Then we suffered through several more innings before the Cubs Information Gestapo Ministress Sharon Panozzo finally released a statement that said Kerry had to leave the game for precautionary reasons with “tightness in his right tricep.”
As long as the words shoulder, elbow or death weren’t uttered, it was a relief. Say what you want about the way Dusty Baker and Larry Rothschild run their pitching staff, the one thing you cannot deny is that except for Matt Clement, they’re very careful, almost overly cautious with the health of the pitchers. Sure, they’ll let Clement throw 130 pitches in a game with his groin hanging down by his socks, but if Mark Prior or Kerry Wood have the sniffles they get pushed back a day.
I’m sure conspiracy theorists will tell us otherwise, but there’s no reason to not believe that Kerry complained that his tricep had tightened up and the Cubs said, “Sit down, Bubba. You’re done for the night.”
This morning, Mike Murphy was in full human-fire-alarm mode. He got mad when they played the clip from WGN where Chip Caray and Steve Stone made the announcement of Kerry’s “tight tricep.” Steve said, “That means he has a sore arm.” Chip chuckled uncomfortably in the background and Murphy went nuts. God forbid you laugh at an awkward joke. This is Kerry Wood’s arm we’re talking about, nothing is more important!
Look, I dislike Chip more than anybody I know, and even I won’t get on him for that. You just have to love it when Murphy decides he’s going to find something to get mad about and then does. It could be why that amateurish morning show on the Score is the worst on a very bad station.
Murph kept bringing up the fact that Wood threw 131 pitches in a game a few weeks ago. Yeah, that’s probably what did it. He threw 130 pitches in a game on April 17 and then nearly 30 days later his arm finally remembered.
Another irresponsible thing is that they had the director of sports medicine from Loyola on, and he comments on the injury though he hasn’t seen it. So basically you get him saying, “It could be really bad, or it could be nothing at all.” Now there’s some valuable information. Can you let me go get a pen and then repeat it?
After the game Wood said that it didn’t really hurt, but it didn’t feel right and that he felt like he could pitch through it, but they wouldn’t let him. That sounds pretty reckless to me.
George Ofman said that the conversation went like this:
Wood: “Something’s tight in the back of my arm.”
Dusty: “When I played, Bob Gibson’s arm was so tight in the back he used to have to hook jumper cables to it and shock it to loosen it up.”
Larry Rothschild: “What are you, some kind of pansy?”
Wood: “It’s not that bad, but I’m worried if I keep throwing I’ll hurt it.”
Dusty: “Back in the day, Juan Marichal used to get so tight before games that they had to soak him in tomato juice.”
Larry: “I thought that was what you did when a guy got sprayed by a skunk?”
Wood: “I’ll just go back and out and pitch the third.”
Larry: “You bet you will, you sissy.”
Dusty: “I remember one time, Don Drysdale threw 185 pitches in a game, and the next day, he came out of the bullpen and threw six more innings.”
Wood: (Thud) “Oops, my arm just fell off.”
Larry: “Well, you’ve got two don’t you? Just use the other one.”
Glendon Rusch: “I can do it! I’ll pitch!”
Dusty and Larry: “OK!”
Wood: “Phew! Thank God for Glendon Rusch!”
So really, nobody knows how bad it is, though at first glance it doesn’t appear to be too awfully terrible. So how about you wait and worry about it if it turns out to actually be something?
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The Google ad clicks were down yesterday. I don’t mean to complain…
…but every time you visit without clicking on a banner Al Qaeda beheads another subcontractor. Do it for your country.
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Paul Sullivan plays amateur doctor and compares it to when Frank Thomas tore his triceps. Except that time, Frank’s ruptured, he was in horrible pain and it’s not anyting like this. But thanks?
Mike Remlinger’s off to check the corn crop in Iowa.
The Franchise is closer than ever.
This Rick Morrissey effort starts out well, but like everything he writes, it just kind of dies.
Mike Kiley seems to think Kerry Wood’s “injury” is the beginning of the end. Mike’s a fun guy, ain’t he?
Sure, now Rafael Palmeiro wishes he would have come to the Cubs. Just how dumb is this guy? Everybody in the world knew Texas wasn’t going to bring him back. Besides, it worked out alright for the Cubs who didn’t give up anything to get Randall Simon who enjoyed a flukey hot streak just in time to help the Cubs out. If Cubs minor league pitcher Ricky Nolasco continues his rise towards the big leagues, you’ll have Raffy’s indecision to thank. He’d be a Ranger if Raffy had come to his senses last August.
Syracuse won’t be the Orangemen anymore. Just the orange. Oh, that’s just dumb.
John MacLeod is going to be interviewed by the Raptors and Hawks. I love the guy, but either place is suicide.
Skippy Bayless should have just let Don Pierson actually write this.
LeBron’s going to the Olympics. In what event? Oh, I kill me.
Sports Guy shows Sleepy Floyd some love.
Jayson Stark with some interesting stuff. Greg Maddux has the most stolen bases of any active pitcher (a whopping six) and Ismael (Don’t call me Valdes) Valdez is second. And Murph wants the Cubs to get Omar Vizquel, but he might want to check out the seven errors Omar’s made so far, and the fact that he can’t hit and the fact that he flunked his physical this winter. Otherwise, Omar’s great!
Peter Gammons with some stuff, including news that the Cubs are trying to rescue another guy from the Mexican League.
The officiating was curious last night, but it is the NBA Playoffs of course. It’s not like they’re fixed or anything. Right? Oh, and this just in, Kobe’s good.
If you really want to see it, Drudge has stills of the guy getting his head cut off in Iraq. Eww.
The soldier with the naked Iraqi on a leash says she was ordered to do that. She’s also gained about 30 pounds since that photo.
More Iraqi fun on 60 Minutes II.
Al Gore just endorsed the movie “The Day After Tomorrow.” After what he did for Howard Dean, the movie is now expected to bomb.
America’s finest news source says that 34 Congressmen have been implicated in a cock fighting scandal.
Now I can be the lefty starter everyone says we need.
The reason I’ve gained 30 pounds is because there is nothing to do in Iraq except abuse prisoners and get knocked up by fellow soldiers.
I was listening to Murph early and he seemed giddy about Wood’s injury. He even stawpped himself, as Buffone would say, and asked rhetorically why he was in such a good mood.
This was after he harped for 15 minutes about how it’s "triceps" not "tricep", as he’s seeing reported elsewhere.
They ought to check out the tricepS on Lee’s scooping hand while they’re at it.
I’m four months pregnant. So how much weight am I going to gain before this is over, 90 pounds?
So Murph wants Omar Visquel now? What happened to his Jose Valentin jones? How does a guy, who knows so little about his supposed are of expertise, baseball, have a job at a sports radio station? What an idiot.
Hey Andy,
Any way to put the Google banner on the Dose page too? You might get more clicks if people can click on their way off the page as opposed to having to go back to the homepage and then click the banner. Just a thought.
If you think Murph was bad and almost "giddy", you should’ve heard Laurence Holems on his junk-ass show last night on The Score. Hell, I thought he and J Hood were gonna play music and dance in the studio because they were so happy that Woody had to leave the game. Holmes kept ranting about how no Cub fans were calling in to comment or panic over the injury. He theorized that they all went to bed early. No Laurence, you actually have to have people listen to your show in order for them to want to call in, and you haven’t got any. I was listening only in hopes of getting some post-game soundbites, but he was too busy crowing over no one calling in.
FYI- if you want to see the video, it’s on http://www.ogrish.com
Hey TW… look up. We’re right here at the top of the page!
So she’s pregnant…and smoking?
Nice. So the baby’ll be born in the brig with a ready-made hacking cough.
Did you hear Steve chuckling in the background when the Cubs went down in the 9th?
Before we went to the break, I called the game "a very costly victory for the Cubs."
Another 70 victories like this and we can all look forward to next year.
Andy:
The line about beheading a contractor and ad clicks was in unusually poor taste.
I’m not a stickler for PC, but this crosses a line in my book.
Re-read and re-think what you wrote and I think you’ll see what I mean.
Still a loyal reader of the site.
Best regards,
Chuck
I’m with Chuck.
Dolan, I’m after you. In fact, I find the line about Bob Gibson and jumper cables to be unhealthily erotic. You’ve made the list, buddy.
1) It got me to chuckle.
2) Are those the links we’re supposed to be clicking? I’ve been going back to the homepage and clicking on the huge Google banner.
I liked the "unusually poor taste" line. Just proves we normally are at a level of acceptably poor taste.
And yes, TW, if you click on the Google banner on the home page all you get to is google.com. Click on the ads on each page that have the little Ads By Google line on the bottom.
Thanks.
Uh, Mr. Ashcroft? You’re the Attorney General, not a military general.
I am grateful that you aren’t like everyone else in Cub Nation bellowing that "Dusty broke Kerry".
Still, I cannot wait with you until they actually find something on him. He may have the best stuff in the universe, and he may get screwed over by his offense, his bullpen, etc.
But in the years since 1998, Kevin Tapani has had a 19-win season, Jon Lieber has had a 20-win season, Mark Prior has had a 18-win season, and even Steve fricking Trachsel had a 15-win season.
Wood can only manage 14. There’s a reason for it…
and, as far as the beheading is concerned, I am quite upset over it, because thanks to the slope-headed inbreds who couldn’t think for themselves and took pictures of each other stacking Iraqis like firewood, America has to take much of the blame.
Well, John Ashcroft does run the Department of Justice like the military would.
Kerry Wood’s injury is just another in a spat of injuries for the Cubs. If we get one to another pitcher or either Sosa or Ramirez we are in big trouble.
I no get injured buddy. I am a warrior. That is the type of person that I am buddy.
Remember me, Buddy? I’m growing back. Soon, I’ll get infected again. Buddy.
Shut up and drink your Pepsi
Listen up, CT. For not understanding my dry brand of Pentescostal ironic humor, you are now under surveillance.
Andy:
Your response is right on. I have no problem with jokes in poor taste. That’s usually what makes them funny. Hell, Larry David made $400 million on that concept.
I just thought this line was too far.
ATTORNEY General Ashcroft. Very brave of you to accept a military commission, especially in these troubled times. I’m sure you will fight well for your country, just like your fellow patriots, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld and the rest. Also, go ahead and survey me. If you’re so smart, how come you couldn’t win an election against a dead guy?
Hey Sloth, 14 games isn’t too bad. I won 14 games once!
For all of you "patriots" that call ME unAmerican, I call Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Ashcroft, and anyone in favor of getting our people killed unAmerican.
If this is the caliber of person our Ivy League schools are churning out, then f-ck it, my kids are going to state schools.
You take drugs, Danny?
And, oh yeah, Lynndie? I’ve drank straight Everclear, I’ve drank baby shampoo, I’ve drank store brand tequila, I’ve drank The Wall at O’Malleys, and I’ve blown .31 in a breathalyzer before.
But I’ve never been so drunk that I would ask someone that looks like you to DANCE, let alone bone.
I drank pee from Sloth’s toilet and blew a bigger breathalyzer number than Walter Jacobson.
Free Walter! Let him dress up like a skid-row bum for sweeps week! Arf Arf.
That’s a broad brush you got there Slothie. I don’t think anyone at any level is infavor of getting our people killed (well, other than enemy combatants). It’s a terrible byproduct of war. You may not agree with what we are doing there or why we are there, but to cast the unAmerican stone is a bit much.
Did someone call?
I’m in the booth with Dan Schulman and David Justice on ESPN right now during the Royals-Blue Jays game! I’m still a moran!
That was me, Jim. Wanna go for the Triple Lynndie? There’s room for one more.
TW, I’m just throwing back the one some warmonger chucked at me.
Concerning the Cubs: what’s worse:
Kerry Wood having inflamed triceps, or Kerry Wood pulling out of a game because he didn’t have his usual stuff.
Oh, you’re right Sloth. I never battle anybody. If I don’t have my good stuff, I just fake an injury and give up.
Kerry Wood may not have piled up Iraqis like cordwood but I still think he went to an Ivy League school. When someone starts picking on my dog..now thats unAmerican. My dog never sent anyone into combat and given half a chance he coulda won at least 14 games by this time in his career. And my dog didn’t send any comments to this site. He couldn’t because he doesn’t know my password. Whoever posted that LIE I call YOU unAmerican, an Ivy leaguer, a photo taking Iraqi stacker and a pitcher who can’t post enough wins!
Easy there, big fella. Put down the paint thinner and get back in the Vanagon.
Sloth, I spoke with your dog yesterday, he says he got the password.
Wheeeee!
Rick Telander is a bozo. No offense intended to Bozo. He says that Mayor Daly is wrong when he says that last week’s shooting had nothing to do with the game earlier that day. He wants the mayor to pay more attention to the drinking in Wrigleyville. I am beginning to suspect that the media are complicit in the eventual drive to send the Cubs to the suburbs. He refers to Wrigleyville as "Bourbon Street North". People come there looking for action. (sex, drugs, alcohol and someone to shoot) Rick, they also come looking for baseball. You don’t like what goes on after the games in neighborhood bars? Re-locate the bars. Until you show me that the Cubs own the bars or are taking a percentage of the action, I am with da Mayor.
You didn’t hear the "interview" Terry and I did with Trib sports editor Dan McGrath? It was great. We kept trying to get him to admit that the Trib buries bad stories about Wrigleyville because the Tribune Company makes us! We also wondered why the Sun-Times gets all fired up about any little thing. I failed to realize that the Sun Times is a tabloid. If it looks like a tabloid and it folds like one, it is one.
Telander is a nightmarish clone of Bob Greene, sports-style. He’s so hidebound, sentimental and delusional, you suspect he really believes the pap he puts out there. Not only is it half-baked, but the tired, proselytizing manner in which he writes is positively unreal.
Who is this guy writing to?
It almost makes you wonder if, like Bob Greene, this high-and-mighty self-righteous moralism is a cover for some personally immoral behavior on his part. I often wonder about people who beat their chest while appearing to take the moral high ground; that they often are just overcompensating for their own skeletons. Telander smacks of this these days.
Back in the day, Telander was a very effective features reporter for Sports Illustrated. In the 10 years that he’s been at the Sun-Times, however, he has completely deteriorated, and appears as though he’s juts been mailing it inall this time. I used to think that a daily column just wasn’t his strength–unlike his work at SI–but upon further review, it’s become obvious that it’s not the forum that he’s got trouble with, but rather his own tenuous grip on reality.
Do the clicks still count if you open them in another window?
Seriously.
I’m batting seventh tonight, but I almost fractured Meat-Tray’s skull when I swung at the first pitch to Ramon out of habit.
Rick Telander is a pretty good feature writer (such as the stuff he wrote for SI), but as a columnist he is boring and vapid. Bob Greene is a great comparison, with a dash of Rick Morrisey. Of course, if he was Bob Greene, he’d write about the shooting every day for three months.
It’s my time now, baby!
Everyone I think there is a curse. Three chinkers, two runs, I think Santo is going to kill himself.
WE SUCK. TRADE THE WHOLE F-IN’ TEAM.
CARLOS BELTRAN, CARLOS BELTRAN, CARLOS BELTRAN,
We can’t hit for shit.
Wheeeeee!
Eat shit and die.
We have died, but thanks Matt.
Andy I’ve the Daily Dose for today so you can have the day off. (Headline)The Cubs Offense Sucks (Body) That says it all