Much like Jimmy Chitwood’s unexpected decree announcing his much-awaited return to the Hickory High basketball team, “I don’t know if it’ll make much change, but I figure it’s time I start playing ball.”

Or at least talking/writing ball—so to speak. Not that Desipio is in any danger of becoming an also-ran like a Chitwood-less Hickory, mind you. But I do recognize that I bring some things to the table that this site’s founder and other contributors do not. I don’t edit your comments, because I view them as being separate from the article and your constitutional right to voice your opinion and reaction. If I don’t like what you have to say, I’ll respond and let you know. If I sense a real problem developing, I have Andy retrieve your computer’s IP address and I either try to get you fired for inappropriate use of internet on company time, or I visit you at your house and whip your legs Charlie Murphy-style. That’s just how I do. More importantly, I always hook you up with the barely-safe-for-work pictures of hot chicks you might not yet have heard of. Like one of the many beauties from Nip/Tuck below.

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Or maybe you prefer candid out-of-season shots of Bruce Weber, but I’m of the opinion that hot chicks make everything better. I think even the ugly chicks that read this site can agree on that. Sometimes the pictures are somewhat relevant to what I may be rambling about, but that’s no rule or anything. The point is there are few givens in this world, but you can rest assured that clicking on one of my articles will never be a complete waste of your time. Only a partial waste.

Speaking of wasting time (*yes, I did read BC’s column today—more on that in a second), that’s pretty much all I’ve been doing since my last post sometime right around when J.J. Redick threw himself in the lane of the UConn Final Four game with hopes of drawing a foul. The one foul out of a hundred the refs didn’t call that night. Sure, there were times when I was almost inspired to contribute a few words of wisdom or commentary, like documenting Britney Spears’ unbelievable fall from grace this summer. Or the fact that Andy let you get through an entire Olympics without one gratuitous shot of May and Walsh (I’ll take Walsh, thanks).

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Or the day I met and shook hands with Mike Krzyzewski (yes, this really happened and there are no pending restraining orders). Then there was the time, you know that one time, that in between the “witty asides” B.C. stirred something so deep within my conscience, that I just couldn’t get to sleep. I figured out in the middle of that night, that a contaminated order of Kung Pao Chicken was actually to blame, but still.

Oh yes, and there was and continues to be my growing fascination and addiction to No Limit Texas Hold ‘Em. Gus Hansen, Antonio Esfarandi, and Phil Ivey are among my faves, and I’ll watch it on ESPN, Bravo, Fox Sports Net, or the Travel Channel every chance I get, whether those three are playing or not. It’s becoming a sickness, but I’m actually playing in tournaments with mixed results (one final table, four top 20 finishes) which makes it much easier to cope. For me anyway. The wife and now 1-year old bambino could probably think of better ways for me to spend my time, but they’re not seeing the bigger picture. The life of the professional poker player actually allows much more quality family time than the life of the Desipio college basketball analyst.

Did I mention I also watched a lot of women’s beach volleyball?

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Then of course there’s my continued embrace of reality programming. Although Big Brother 5 has been a bit of a bore with no attractive females remaining (besides Julie Chen—yes, I said it), the Apprentice/Survivor/Real World seasons are just getting started. What better time for me to get back in the fold?

In case you haven’t been watching I’ll give you the quick rundown:

Apprentice – Raj (i.e. Mr. Bowtie and Cane) = biggest dork, Stacy J = crazy, token Omarosa-wannabe black chick, Elizabeth/Jennifer = most likely to appear in FHM after the season.

Survivor – Twila/Scout = ugly old hags with too much work ethic and only three real legs between them to overcome the collection of cute “bow-heads” (i.e. sorority girl types in Scout’s words), Rory = token black dude and ‘the guy’ that forgets you don’t last very long in Survivor when you start bossing people around from Day 1, Eliza = hot if you can get past the incessant talking/whining, Dolly = will singlehandedly break the sheep farmer/shepherd stereotype… I couldn’t really tell last night as most of the premiere was shot in night vision, or with everyone covered in mud, but I think this cast has quite a few reasons to keep watching (i.e. Eliza’s rack qualifies as one, or two, of those reasons).

Even though the guys (boys vs. girls format to begin) lost last night’s first reward/immunity challenge, they’ve got a headstart at “playing the game” vs. the girls. Anytime an athletic, young dude like Brook gets blind-sided this early, when an obvious weak link emerged (the fatass, ponytailed highway worker that couldn’t navigate the balance beam) you know the competition came prepared. The girls are going to vote off the ugly chicks, but not until their shelter has been acceptably constructed and passes inspection. By the merge, most of the young guys that would be most succeptible to flirtation like John the mechanical bull operator (how much you think that job pays?) will likely be gone. No real characters like Rupert or Jonny Fairplay to root for/against though.

Real World – Believe it or not, I was considering skipping this season, but I quickly reverted to form. I don’t have the names down yet, but there’s the curly haired dude that likes the hot black chick, the over-sexed average-looking redhead with the hots for the other curly haired dude, the gay black dude that no one thought was gay, the gay latino that everyone knew was gay, and the annoying white chick who won’t be hooking up with anyone and you won’t be seeing much of. Overall entertainment level should fall somewhere between Paris and Las Vegas (don’t they all?).

And don’t even get me started on how ecstatic I am for Flava Flav to once again play a meaningful role in my life on a weekly and visible basis (see: VH1’s Surreal Life, where he’ll be banging Mrs. Ivan Drago any day now, yeeeeeeeaaaaahhhhhhh, boyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!).

Finally, there’s the return of the NFL— which would be much more enjoyable had my hometown Chiefs added one single accomplished wide receiver to the roster (trade a 2nd for McCardell already!!!), or had I ended up with a higher position than #8 for my fantasy football draft (went with Moss). I won’t be at all surprised if the Chiefs don’t make the playoffs, and even if they do, they’ve won one playoff game in the last 10+ years. It’d be less aggravating to be a Bears fan. No, seriously.

Which means before you know it, I’ll be once again counting down the minutes to the college basketball season. One with much less promise with Luol Deng in a Bulls uniform than in a Blue Devils one, but I’m willing to take my chances. I heard Shavlik added 3 more pounds of muscle in the off-season. Whatever that means. Actually, the Devils will be playing Valpo on December 4th in the United Center this season, and I am actively recruiting hosts/tour guides/designated drivers in the Chicago area during that weekend, in exchange for my incomparable wingman services. Sort of a Desipio version of Entourage… We’re talking, VIKING QUEST!

* But as much of a college basketball junkie/degenerate as I may be, I realize there’s simply too much going on in the world of sports and entertainment for the next couple of months to give it any real thought at the moment. Let alone succumb the Desipio readership to it. I considered running a full counterpoint to BC’s Bruce-Weber-sucks-but-then-again-maybe-it’s-too-early-to-know-for-sure article, but I’ll make it brief. Why would you bemoan losing Illinois’ products Livingston and Maggette? The two combined for one season of college ball, what exactly did you miss? Embrace the positives (for once in your life). Weber doesn’t stutter, he has his own hair, and just like Self he seemingly owns border rival Mizzou. Those are all good things. Self wasn’t exactly winning recruiting battles with Duke either. Michigan State, maybe. Weber got a late start last season, meaning this was his first full summer of recruiting, so tell me again what you’re so worried about—–in September!!!

In BC’s defense though, I’ll say Tom (assuming your comment/constructive criticism has not been deleted), you are wrong. Parentheticals rule! At least mine do.

As always, thanks for the time, it’s nice to be back, and now I’ll invite you to exercise your First Amendment rights in the comments below…