Pitching matchup
Hou: Roy Oswalt, 20-10, 3.49 ERA
Atl: Mike Hampton, 13-9, 4.28 ERA
Lineups
Houston
The Beege, lf
Carlos Beltran, cf
Jeff Bagwell, 1b
Fat Lance, rf
Jeff Pornstache, 2b
Morgan Ensberg, 3b
Jose Vizcaino, ss
Raul Chavez, c
Roy Oswalt, p
Atlanta
Rafael Furcal, DUI
Marcus Giles, 2b
JD Drew, rf
Larry Wayne Jones, 3b
Ponch, c
Adam LaRoche, 1b
Andruw Jones, cf
Justice Charles Thomas, lf
Mike Hampton, p
The Hooters near the ballpark is closed for renovations. That’s how I sprained my right wrist. Too much self love.
I’m the new Bobby Valentine! I will parlay my second straight underwhelming managerial performance into a full-time job at ESPN.
Just how in the hell did Atlanta win the East with this starting staff? No wonder Bowa got his ass fired.
I’d be interested if the Phillies called.
I love the Phillies fans. They know baseball. And some of them have jobs. Not like those c@#$suckers in Chicago. Yeah, those are real fans! Those f@#$ers!
Honesty compels me to say that my new team is the greatest organization in the world. Since I have come to work for them I want you to note that the ratings for yesterday’s game one were absolutely the highest rated show on ESPN yesterday from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. Eastern. It wasn’t even close.
I don’t thnk that’s a coincidence.
The game’s at four eastern? I’ve got half a plate of brownies to eat, still. Give me until 4:09.
SCARF!
Sorry Larry, the network’s full up on untalented jackasses.
Try Fox Sports Net, I think there’s an opening on that show with the hot lesbian swimmer.
When Jeff Brantley’s got the best hair in the booth…you need a new booth.
How’s Roy Oswalt’s groin?
You’ve got to be kidding me. We knock the Cubs out of the playoffs and Chip moves to Atlanta just to stalk me some more?
Time to re-up the restraining order.
Hope everyone noticed my control problems or as I like to call it "Cruz Control" followed me to Atlanta.
How could God have given me such an annoying son? Could it be divine punishment for naming him "Chip"?
I can’t get Yahoo or MLB.com’s gamecasts to work right. Is anything going on yet?
Bagwell’s enormous pants hit a homer in the first. 1-0 Stros top 2.
Bagwell hit a rocket shot that the park couldn’t hold! The Amazing Astros are up uno to zero!
But Mike Hampton has stifled the heroes from Houston otherwise, they’ve just hit some little ground balls and the Braves have been up-over-and-acrossing them all day.
I think Bags is rubbing that "Gary Sheffield" cream on his shoulder. That guy was left to die in late June.
Hey, we test for steroids! OK, so we only do it once, and once we test you, you know you can roid up the whole rest of the year, but still…
Raul Chavez just took Hampton deep. Raul is about 40 pounds overweight and it took him approximately nine minutes and three oxygen breaks to get around the bases.
I run like my feet hurt.
Who am I again?
Juan Cruz has already been heard from, but he hasn’t cost anybody a game yet. Who will it be? Jose Vizcaino? El Pulpo? Cruzer?
Tanyon Sturtze tried it last night, but Joe Nathan wouldn’t let him.
Did you see me get picked off second yesterday when the bases were juiced? It ended the inning. But hey we won.
The Astros only score with solo home runs
Bobby Cox sucks! We should fire him!
I told you morans that Hampton can hit.
Jeff Brantley just showed us Roy Oswalt’s "five finger curveball" and showed us how he throws it by putting "all five fingers on top of the ball." Unless, he’s a six digit marvel like Pulpo, I’m guessing it’s a "four finger" curveball.
Check swing and a beauty! I’m ready for left field in Wrigley next year!
You guys still want me?
I also said that Juan Cruz had a reputation of throwing at people as a Cub.
Brantley just said, "We can see Chipper’s lower hand hurting."
Hey Jeff, this isn’t a cartoon it doesn’t have the "pain bars" shooting off of it.
Larry Wayne’s and JD’s batting average in postseason.
If stupidity was a crime, I’d, uh, be a criminal.
The Braves are suckers for anything that bounces three feet in front of the plate. I swear, it’s like the Cubs flew south after the season with Chip.
Why am I batting seventh?
Perfect swinging bunt by Charles Thomas! That’ll advance the runner! And the inning’s over! Oh, so that didn’t advance him, huh? This baseball stuff is so darn tricky.
Hey Chip, we’re hoping that the Braves offer us contracts in the offseason. See you on the plane!
I own Mike Hampton!
Jeff Brantley once said, "That’s not good…walking the pitcher right there."
Now that’s analysis!
I once saw Pete Van Wierren naked. It’s how I went blind in my left eye. I ain’t signing in Atlanta.
Andy, you said the Braves are suckers for something… Doesn’t that make them Cox’s Suckers?
I feel home already. If only I could get Schuerholz to engineer a trade for the Beege.,
Chip, that was worse than your Arby’s joke.
Dave O’Brien just said, "With a pitcher with a bad foot and a third baseman with a band hand this (bunt attempt by Oswalt) could get interesting."
That’s like saying, "With Jenna Jameson having crabs and Cheynne Silver pussing gonorrhea like a fountain, this porno could get disgusting!"
Or perhaps not.
Actually it was The Beege batting. How was his execution? I’d say that after he grounded into a 5-4-3 double play, most of Houston would be in favor of his execution.
I’d be happy to give him a lethal injection, if you know what I mean!
I was a gift from his friend Dorothy.
"That’s not good…walking the pitcher right there."
What’s wrong with that type of analysis?
Mike Hampton is a multi-versatile athlete.
Oops. All this talk of Moises Alou got me distracted.
It looks like we’re having Bagwell and Biggio’s usual postseason.
I’m an ex-Cub.
I just dropped a flyball.
Look out Houston!
Dave O’Brien got awfully excited about a routine flyball that Beltran caught 40 feet in front of the wall.
That’s because my enthusiasm is contagious.
That’s not all that’s contagious about you, Chip.
Dig my sunglasses!
I have come from the future to coax seven innings out of Mike Hampton!
Oh no, not again.
Thanks, #54, now I have a mental image of a nude Leo Mazzone teleporting back to 2004 and ending up at the Galleria in Atlanta and having to beat up a guy at Merle Harmon’s Fan Fair to get clothes to wear to the game.
I’m also patting myself on the back for making a Merle Harmon’s Fan Fair joke that only I get.
Patting yourself in the back while fantisizing about a nude Leo Mazzone is illegal in Georgia.
Oh, and it’s really me. Day care is closed today for Simchas Torah.
I’ll let Sloth make the appropriate Jewish joke here.
Lidge in for a 7 out save? WTF? Chanelling Bruce Sutter?
God, I love Jim Durham. He’s doing the game on ESPN Radio.
On the walk between the circles…
Eighteen footer… Book it.
A foul line shot on Ehlo… GOOD!!! THE BULLS WIN IT!!!
Silly Furcal knows he can’t walk in a straight line.
Hiccup!
2 innings + 2/3 inning = 8 outs
Walkoff Homer for me!
Now for some beers!
Car drivers in the Atlanta metropolitan area better had be really careful this evening. Not only will there actually be some heavy traffic coming out of the Turner Field area this evening, but Furcal has a reason to party hard tonight…
Car drivers in the Atlanta metropolitan area better had better be really careful this evening. Not only will there actually be some heavy traffic coming out of the Turner Field area this evening, but Furcal has a reason to party hard tonight…
Car drivers in the Atlanta metropolitan area better had better be really careful this evening. Not only will there actually be some heavy traffic coming out of the Turner Field area this evening, but Furcal has a reason to party hard tonight…
Car drivers in the Atlanta metropolitan area better had better be really careful this evening. Not only will there actually be some heavy traffic coming out of the Turner Field area this evening, but Furcal has a reason to party hard tonight…
Yikes… The dreaded quadruple post. I don’t have any idea what happened there.
I’m still an assclown.
I’m the only member of the BC fan club!
I am interviewing for the Phillies’ manager. How about you ship Sosa to Philly so we can be reunited.
Few persons care to study logic, because everybody conceives himself to be proficient enough in the art of reasoning already. But I observe that this satisfaction is limited to one’s own ratiocination, and does not extend to that of other men. by cheap levitra
Socrates said he was not an Athenian or a Greek, but a citizen of the world. by casino gambling