EPISODE FOUR: COLD FEET
PREVIOUSLY ON THE FRONT OFFICE – New college graduate Brent David starts his internship in the public relations department with the Chicago Cubs. His boss, Linda Zapatos is seen throwing out an empty bottle of booze and drinking a ludicrous amount of mouthwash before a meeting with the Cubs brass. Her secretary, admitted compulsive liar Carrie Fitch and Brent watch on as Cubs’ announcer Flip Tocco says an unfortunate word on the air during a telecast.
SCENE ONE: CUBS PR OFFICES, WRIGLEY FIELD, CHICAGO
Brent David is sitting at his desk in his Wrigley Field cubicle when Linda Zapatos enters the office, accompanied by her PR co-worker Mitch Kricksteen.
LINDA ZAPATOS
Everyone! Everyone gather around!
Brent looks around and sees that he’s the only one in the office, so he “gathers” up to Linda and Mitch.
LINDA ZAPATOS
Intern? Where’s everybody?
BRENT DAVID
Carrie went to the supply room, and you and Mitch are kind of the rest of ‘everybody’ right now.
LINDA ZAPATOS
Big news about opening day tomorrow! Big news! Ryne Sandberg’s going to throw out the first pitch.
MITCH KRICKSTEEN
That’s not really the surprise. We’ve been promoting that since he got elected into the Hall of Fame in February.
LINDA ZAPATOS
Right! Right. He’s here right now! I guess that’s the big news.
BRENT DAVID
Wow. Do I get to meet him?
LINDA ZAPATOS
You? Probably not. But you can come with and look at him. Just don’t look him directly in the eye. That’s creepy.
MITCH KRICKSTEEN
Yeah, but it’s creepy to have somebody look at your shoes or something if you’re talking to them, right?
LINDA ZAPATOS
Yeah, like he’s going to talk to the intern. Fine. Intern, if he talks to you, you can look in the general direction of his face. But don’t look Ryno in the eyes!
BRENT DAVID (awkwardly trying to be funny)
Why, will he charge me?
LINDA ZAPATOS
Fine! You can’t come! You can’t meet him. You’re grounded!
MITCH KRICKSTEEN
You can’t ground him, he’s an employee.
Zapatos storms out of the office.
MITCH KRICKSTEEN
Don’t mind The Big Shoe. She’s got some issues. She kind of thinks as all of the players, present and former, as her kids.
BRENT DAVID
As her kids? She’s probably younger than Sandberg is.
MITCH KRICKSTEEN
That’s why I said it’s an issue. Anyway, Sandberg’s in the conference room, yukking it up with some of the other staff. Let’s go. Just don’t look him in the eye! (Laughs.)
BRENT DAVID
Yeah, what was that about?
MITCH KRICKSTEEN
She’s nutty.
On their way to the conference room they run into Carrie Fitch who is carrying a box of Post It notes.
BRENT DAVID
So, you got some Post Its?
CARRIE FITCH
You are incredibly perceptive. What tipped you off? The fact that it says (bleeping) Post It on the side of the box?
MITCH KRICKSTEEN
Hey, take it easy on the Intern. He just got Big Shoed.
CARRIE FITCH (excited)
Really? What’d she do to you? Did she send you to your “room.” I love it when she gets flustered and calls our offices our rooms.
BRENT DAVID
Actually, she grounded me.
CARRIE FITCH
Wow. She must have been pissed. What’d you do?
MITCH KRICKSTEEN
He made a Sandberg joke.
CARRIE FITCH
You’re lucky you still have all your teeth. The Shoe loooooves, Ryno. Why, I’m not sure. He’s bald now and dull as dirt. He wouldn’t say (bleep) if he had a mouthful. So where are you losers headed, anyway?
MITCH KRICKSTEEN
(Bleep)mouth is in the conference room.
CARRIE FITCH
What’s he doing in there? Boring the plants to an early death?
MITCH KRICKSTEEN
We’re not sure. Drop the box, we’ll pick it up when we come back.
April 14th, 2005 at 12:13 pm
“Oh, that’s unfortunate”
Now, that sounds like something Ryne would actually say.
April 14th, 2005 at 3:46 pm
I doubt anyone sees this, whats up with the script thing anyway, but Carrie Muskat over on cubs.com was asked if Wuertz should be the closer?He has had success in AAA with this and Hawkins seems more suited for a set up role. Muskat’s reply was “with this logic the Yankees should give up on Rivera, after all he has two blown saves” What the Fu*&%!!! What about last year, or the years in Minnesota when they tried it? Im sick of this Tribune bullshit that they always spew out. Do they think we are that stupid? OK I feel better now.
April 14th, 2005 at 4:36 pm
“Resent the inference” needs to be updated more often. We say stupid things every day!
April 14th, 2005 at 8:07 pm
Yeah, we are a stupid bunch of assclowns, aren’t we?
April 14th, 2005 at 8:13 pm
Then again, we own a bunch of newspapers, a tv station, a ball club, plenty of real estate, our own scalping agency, plus we get a piece of said ball club’s merchandising. Hell, we even get $ from the stupid ***** that live across the street. Yet you idiots keep showing up, and paying top dollar for all kinds of shit. With all the money we make, you’d think we’d have bought a winner by now. Well, with our great fan base, we don’t need to. Yeah, a real bunch of assclowns, huh?
April 14th, 2005 at 8:29 pm
I am absolutely worthless.
April 26th, 2005 at 5:54 am
play online poker Humans ought to preserve for themselves an environment adequate to match their capacity to wonder.
May 6th, 2005 at 5:30 pm
online poker Socrates is a doer of evil, who corrupts the youth; and who does not believe in the gods of the state, but has other divinities of his own. Such is the charge.
May 12th, 2005 at 1:57 pm
online poker We have unmistakable proof that throughout all past time, there has been a ceaseless devouring of the weak by the strong.
June 8th, 2005 at 3:26 pm
Nice! We truly liked this work .
June 14th, 2005 at 11:24 am
This is a one super duper site
June 14th, 2005 at 9:40 pm
world series of poker No arts, no letters, no society, and which is worst of all, continual fear and danger of violent death; and the life of man solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.
June 17th, 2005 at 11:26 am
check this out!
June 17th, 2005 at 11:27 am
check this out!
June 21st, 2005 at 2:56 pm
Hello! I figured it would be nice if I signed your guestbook. I just thought that I would visit your homepage and see what all you have been up to, well – it’s awesome!
July 2nd, 2005 at 1:02 pm
Cocktails
July 7th, 2005 at 4:48 am
nice site indeed
July 7th, 2005 at 12:36 pm
generic viagra Religion in its humility restores man to his only dignity, the courage to live by grace.