There are dozens…no, probably hundreds of people who take the time to write, at least occasionally, online about the Chicago Cubs. Some of them are entertaining, some aren’t, some are pretty good and some are terrible. But for some reason, one stands above us all when it comes to spewing opinionated nonsense about our favorite baseball team. It’s not just opinionated. Hell, anybody worth reading has an opinion, it’s especially sanctimonious opinionated nonsense in this case.
Over the years, I have taken the time to take this person to task when he’s been especially daft. If I did it every time he wrote something dumb, it would be my full-time job. Nowadays when he’s really asking for it, people on Twitter send up the Al signal, and I feel compelled to drop what I’m doing and respond.
Our buddy Al Yellon took a break from his annual vacation on Fire Island to voice his depression that Theo Epstein FAILED AGAIN and couldn’t talk Joe Girardi into dumping the New York Yankees for the Cubs. Al says he’s going to write just a few words, but goes on for…ever, but let’s just hit the highlights.
I wish Joe well — and wish him luck, too, because the Yankees seem poised to enter a decline phase.
Terrible decision, Joe. The Yankees are about to suck, and you could have been basking in the glow of the mighty Chicago Cubs! Hell, the Yankees don’t win the World Series every year, they’ve only won 27 of them in 100 years, so on average they have to wait nearly FOUR YEARS before they can celebrate another world’s championship. It’s gonna be a rough two fifths of a decade, Joe!
Last week, self appointed President of Cubs Fandom Al Yellon decided to explain once and for all why he has been, and remains, a Chicago Cubs fan. I wanted to just ignore it, I really did. But then some of you decided I just had to read it, and once it started, my fate was sealed.
Some of you — at times, most of you — have wondered why I keep going to every home Cubs game, and continue to keep my season tickets.
Let’s just say for a minute you are paid to write about the Cubs, as a fan, and you do it and apparently lots of people ask why you’re doing it, wouldn’t you take that as a sign that they wish somebody other than you was doing it?
You’d have to be somewhat self-aware for that to cross your mind. Thankfully, Al is the least self-aware ninny in the universe.
I’m sure I’ll be accused of basically sitting out another Cubs season only to post when someone (usually Al Yellon) writes something so dumb that I can’t let it go without comment.
That’s pretty much completely true.
So on Monday, when Al wrote his idiotic “Open Letter to Cubs Fans” I realized I was going to have to find time to rip it to shreds, and today seemed like the first real chance to do it.
But Al couldn’t wait for me. He wanted to top that bit of idiocy and he did.
So what’s a boy to do? I guess, I’ll just have to scream at both.
So, on Saturday, the Phillies fired folksy old Charlie Manuel and replaced him as manager with Ryne Sandberg. Cubs fans had three reactions:
- That’s nice for Ryne.
- Who gives a shit?
- THE CUBS ARE SO STUPIDS! WHY DIDN’T THEY HIRE RYAN SANDBURG TO MANAGE THE TEAM, HE’D MAKE STARLIN CASTRO MAKE NO ERRORS OR ELSE!
Two of our favorite deep thinkers, Chicago Tribune national baseball writer Phil Rogers and erstwhile Cubs blogger dumbshit Al Yellon both wrote predictably vapid hot takes on the subject.
Let’s hit the highlights: