On Thursday, Brewers right fielder Ryan Braun beat the rap. After flunking a drug test during last year’s playoffs and getting caught red faced (especially around his upper lip), he managed to skip out on a mandatory 50 game suspension, because some dumb ass piss watcher in Milwaukee can’t read a sign on the side of a FedEx store.Read More
One of the least surprising things is that baseball players are still using performance enhancing drugs. What is surprising is that they are still getting caught. The latest dummy to get caught is Milwaukee’s Ryan Braun. He doesn’t look like a dummy. He doesn’t seem to be a dummy. (He also doesn’t look like a guy who should be hitting 30 homers a year, but I’m sure it’s just because he “puts a lot of backspin on the ball.”)Read More
Over at Fisted Foul, we’ve been busy mocking all sorts of big baseball news. Including:
The Genius takes his smarm to basic cable
Tony LaRussa is going to appear on an upcoming episode of Animal Planet’s “Housecat Housecalls”, and I recount a story about how Kermit and I were booked to be on that show, and how a simple misunderstanding got us booted off.
If a no-hitter falls in the forest…
Poor Dallas Braden threw a perfect game, but one sort of big thing was missing. You know, fans.
From prison to the Astros minor leagues
The uninspirational story of Rojo Johnson’s trek from a maximum security penitentiary to the Houston Astros minor league system. As Aaron Miles and Morgan Ensberg will tell you, there ain’t much difference.
Bruce Drennan just lost his shit
Must see TV as Indians post-game TV host Bruce Drennan…well, he loses his shit. Someday Ron Santo will do this very thing, and it’ll be the first time he’s earned his pay since the early ’70s.
Fergie always like them young
A Canadian national hero named Fergie making everyone uncomfortable on local TV? Who ever cancelled THIS show?
What’s a guy got to do to get a nap?
One is a sure-fire Hall of Famer, the other shared a coke supplier with Dale Berra, and both of them just want to take a fucking nap.
Bud will find a way to move these to Miller Park
The G-20 summit in Toronto this June will interfere with Roy Halladay’s return to Rogers Centre. So what’s a commissioner to do? He claims now he’s going to move the games to Philly, but we all know he’ll end up sending them to his old buddies at Miller Park.
All of this brilliance is only the beginning. We’ve got like five weeks of shit you haven’t bothered to read. So have at it, and we let you comment over there and everything. It’s really neat.Read More
I first read this completely inane idea about “floating realignment” in Major League Baseball on Monday, and I thought if I just ignored it, it would go away. I tried the same thing with a credit card bill in the ’90s and that didn’t work, either.
Interim Commissioner for Life Bud Selig put together a crack team of 14 baseball “experts” to come up with all kinds of idea about how to save a sport that has problems, but doesn’t really need to be saved. Most of baseball’s problems will be solved by just having a commissioner not named Bud Selig at some point.
So 14 baseball guys who think they have big brains–guys like The Genius (of course he’s on it) and Joe Torre, John Schuerholz, Andy MacPhail, Frank Robinson, and for some unknown reason, George Will–sat around and came up with a bright idea.
Let’s realign the divisions in baseball!
The major motivation appears to be that because the Yankees and Red Sox make the playoffs every season, it’s not fair to be in their division.
So, because the Orioles, Rays and Blue Jays have it rough, baseball needs to move everybody else around, apparently.Read More
A lot of us raised eyebrows (well, not Mike Quade, he doesn’t have any to raise) when as kind of a footnote to the Cubs announcement that they were going to stay in Mesa, Arizona for the next 25 years, we learned that Interim Commissioner of Baseball For Life Bud Selig “encouraged” the Cubs to stay in Arizona rather than move their training facilities to Naples, Florida.
Anytime this dope sticks his meddling little hands in things it creates suspicion. Bud gives off this air of someone who is endearingly clueless, when in fact he’s a nasty little conniver who has been screwing over players, agents, fans and team owners who aren’t in his cadre of evil, for two decades.
So you figure if he “encouraged” the Cubs to stay, that he did it because he had something else in mind for the rich people in Naples to throw their millions at. And, according to an Intrepid Reader in Naples (Florida, of course, the Italians could care less), the something else he has in mind, is a new, state of the art training facility for his beloved Milwaukee Brewers.Read More