Yesterday was quite a day for the guy at Bleacher Nation, Brett Taylor. It started innocently enough:
- a recap of the exploits of the Cubs minor leaguers–written by a guy named Luke they are infinitely better than the ones at Al Yellon’s House of Dumbassedry
- Dale Sveum is trying to ruin Darwin Barney the way Lou “ruined” Ryan Theriot (there’s so much wrong with all of this that I’m not going to even bother)
- News about how the neighborhood assholes are slowly starting to realize the Cubs are going to be able to ram this whole renovation thing down their throats (insert your own Lakeview joke here) starting with the increase in night games
- News that one of my all-time favorite Cubs has signed a minor league deal with the Phillies (no, not Brian Dayett (but that would have been cool)
- Update of the Tommy John Disease ward the Cubs are running in Mesa
- That “Lukewarm Stove” thing where he plays MLB Trade Rumors
Then a post about a reader who lives in the same apartment complex as Cubs current whipping boy Carlos Marmol overheard Marmol telling his agents he wants “out of” Chicago. The guy lingered for a while and took photos of Marmol and his agents hanging around the lobby. One of the agents even said it’s too bad the Brewers are so lousy this year because that might have been a place the Cubs could have traded him. Milwaukee already has a Marmol, his name is John Axford (actually, Axford’s been even worse.)
Yesterday’s opener was a new experience for most Cubs fans. Starting pitcher Jeff Samardzija was terrific, striking out nine and allowing only two hits over eight innings. The defense, except for the first ball hit at human wombat Brent Lillibridge was also good, with Starlin Castro turning in two impressive plays that required him to range deep into the hole and make strong, accurate (did I mention accurate) throws. Anthony Rizzo, after not homering in an actual Cacti League game all spring, crushed the first pitch he saw for a two run shot. The Cubs won 3-1, are over .500 for the first time since very early 2011 (seriously) and most people are bitching about Carlos Marmol.
It’s a good thing smart people like you and I understand what’s going on. It’s comforting, when surrounded by idiots, to know that you are right and they are…idiots. Cubs fans are a special kind of dumb.
We’re not racist dumb like Cardinals fans, or trailer trash dumb like White Sox fans, or obese cheese obsessed dumb like Brewers fans. We’re cluelessly optimistically dumb. It’s just as sad, if not as revolting as the other three.
Cubs fans know, though they appear loathe to admit it, that this season does not matter. Wins and losses are irrelevant. Well, wins are irrelevant, losses will prove to be helpful. It doesn’t make the losing entertaining. But you and I (and not those other dopes) understand that losing is part of the deal. This team isn’t good enough to win enough games to be relevant. So there’s no need to try to squeeze a few extra wins out of a team that probably won’t win 70 games even if you tried to do it.
Yesterday we took a tour of the Cubs position players as we head into the 2012 season. It wasn’t a pretty sight. It was like coming up on a motorcycle accident and realizing that the driver wasn’t wearing a helmet or pants.
Today, we hold our nose and cast a quick glance at the other half of the roster. The pitching staff.
Not since the days of Steve Rain, Daniel Garibay and Ruben Quevedo have the Cubs been this stacked with talent. Wait. I think I just lost the will to live.
The Cubs have started spring training, so winter is officially over. To celebrate, I burned all of my winter coats and threw my shovel onto my neighbor’s roof. Those kinds of traditions never get old.
When they allow him to use his actual camera, and not just his iPhone, Tribune photog Scott Strazzante does a pretty nice job. But the captions the Tribune puts on his photos are shit. So I’ve improved them. Mouse-over the photos to get a second whack at each caption.