So, on Saturday, the Phillies fired folksy old Charlie Manuel and replaced him as manager with Ryne Sandberg. Cubs fans had three reactions:
- That’s nice for Ryne.
- Who gives a shit?
- THE CUBS ARE SO STUPIDS! WHY DIDN’T THEY HIRE RYAN SANDBURG TO MANAGE THE TEAM, HE’D MAKE STARLIN CASTRO MAKE NO ERRORS OR ELSE!
Two of our favorite deep thinkers, Chicago Tribune national baseball writer Phil Rogers and erstwhile Cubs blogger dumbshit Al Yellon both wrote predictably vapid hot takes on the subject.
Let’s hit the highlights:
Several times per week (hell, twice a day, sometimes) baseball dumbass Phil Rogers writes mind-numbingly dumb things that he deserves to be ridiculed for. So just how dumb must something he writes be, to have him be completely self-aware about how dumb it is?
Apparently Rick Morrissey is still being paid to write sports columns for a Chicago newspaper–believe me, I’m as surprised as you are–and earlier this week he had a very important message for all of you Cubs fans getting excited about the debut of first baseman Anthony Rizzo. Rick wants you to knock it off, because he’s got bugs to light on fire…or something.
What? Oh, let’s look at part of Rick’s magnum dopus.
Did you know that the Cubs and Sox start a three game series tonight? Apparently they do, and with the return of three more mildy interesting games comes a second chance for baseball genius Phil Rogers to pass on doing an All-City team, because nobody gives a shit.
Back in May, when these two teams last hooked up, Phil declined to pick his awful annual (and prestigious) best of two team. Surely nothing much has changed, right?
When last we left our beloved national baseball writing dumbass he was trying to figure out why Joe Maddon can’t just pick a lineup and use it, his boner was only partly flaccid over the Conor Gillaspie era in San Francisco (alas, Conor lasted only six days and hit a robust .150), and he just couldn’t figure out what was wrong with Luke Hochever (well, Luke sucks, that’s what’s wrong with him.) What will Phil unearth for us this week that will make our brains hurt? Let’s dare to find out.