Major League Baseball has officially hired recently retired Tony LaRussa as a “special advisor.” LaRussa will be paid $2.5 million to handle “special projects” and will not have to hang out in the New York MLB offices.
Pretty amazing that the biggest perpetuator of the baseball steroid era now is officially on the payroll of the league office. Wait, it’s not amazing. It’s baseball. This kind of contradictory horseshit happens all the time with them. The next thing you know they’ll be putting Ron LeFlore in charge of day care. (Yes, that Ron LeFlore joke is 30 years old.)
Nobody, it would seem, is better equipped to spar with the media after games than The Genius in St. Louis. Tony LaRussa is a bona fide lawyer. The man studied how to argue. And so, you’d expect that he’d enjoy the give and take that you get in a postgame press conference.
When you factor in that the St. Louis media are such lapdogs that Tony, the noted animal lover that he is, has seen to it that each of them be spayed or neutered, what problem could there be?
After the Cardinals dropped their second straight home series of the season (they’ve gone 2-4 so far against the mighty Padres and Pissburgh) Tony was in no mood to talk about the dismal offense of his club (they have yet to score more than three runs in a game).
Check out how after the first question he hopes it’s the only one he’s going to get and tries to leave.
The video doesn’t get really good until around 3:50, when he starts to lose his shit about the lack of offense, and tries to remember who plays second base and shortstop for him.
Tuesday night some of Tony LaRussa’s friends got together and roasted him for charity. Now that seems like a good idea. Who better than to take pot shots at than a self-important, overrated douche like Tony LaRussa, right?
The problem is that when you assemble a humorless band of dopes like Bob Knight, Billy Bob Thornton, Jim Leyland and Steve Kline, what you really end up with is just a long line of suck.
– Bob Knight doing not one, but two Bob Newhart phone bits, neither of which are remotely clever or funny. I admire Bob’s comedy strategy. He just figures if he acts mad enough long enough that people will start to laugh out of the sheer discomfort of the situation and then he’ll feel like he accomplished something. What a shock that this asshole and LaRussa are pals.
– Jim Leyland’s story drones on so long and has such a painful payoff that for a moment I thought he was re-enacting his tenure as Rockies manager
– Mike Shannon is really phoning it in, he doesn’t even come up with a joke, he just tells a story that anybody who’s ever seen a commercial for the best of “The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson” DVD set has heard 12,000 times.
– Of all of the “roasters” only Kline seems to understand what the purpose of a roast is, as he actually insults Tony, but he’s not remotely funny. He’s just a dick, like we all knew he was when he pitched. Oh, and he’s got to be 280 pounds, which only surprises those of us who figured he’d be even fatter than that by now.
The one real highlight is a spot on impression a guy from one of the local St. Louis stations does of Tony, but he’s sharing the stage with John Rooney and his terrible and completely unfunny Harry Caray impression, so even that has the life sucked out of it.
Basically, it’s just as terrible as you expect it to be. Ryan Theriot’s going to fit right in.
The Genius takes his smarm to basic cable Tony LaRussa is going to appear on an upcoming episode of Animal Planet’s “Housecat Housecalls”, and I recount a story about how Kermit and I were booked to be on that show, and how a simple misunderstanding got us booted off.
From prison to the Astros minor leagues
The uninspirational story of Rojo Johnson’s trek from a maximum security penitentiary to the Houston Astros minor league system. As Aaron Miles and Morgan Ensberg will tell you, there ain’t much difference.
Bruce Drennan just lost his shit Must see TV as Indians post-game TV host Bruce Drennan…well, he loses his shit. Someday Ron Santo will do this very thing, and it’ll be the first time he’s earned his pay since the early ’70s.
Bud will find a way to move these to Miller Park The G-20 summit in Toronto this June will interfere with Roy Halladay’s return to Rogers Centre. So what’s a commissioner to do? He claims now he’s going to move the games to Philly, but we all know he’ll end up sending them to his old buddies at Miller Park.
All of this brilliance is only the beginning. We’ve got like five weeks of shit you haven’t bothered to read. So have at it, and we let you comment over there and everything. It’s really neat.