Desipio Media Ventures

Because we know you love them, we've saved all of the beginnings of our most recent Doses for your enjoyment. We can't archive the Dose because the other sites' links expire too quickly, but we aim to save as much of our humor as you can stand.

They don't make it easy, do they? How many times last night did ESPN broadcaster Dave Barnett say, "Despite the fact they're dominating the stats, Notre Dame only leads by a touchdown,"? A lot, that's how many.

Has a team ever kicked another one up and down the field on both sides of the ball like that and not won? Oh, wait, ask Pitt last week. Oops.

But that's the point. The Irish treated Air Force the way Notre Dame is supposed to treat Air Force. They took the wingbone and stuck it up their hiney. They lined up on offense and ran all over the undersized cadets.

And don't think I appreciate that Air Force Academy students can't be 350 pounds, or that 6'7 guys don't fit real well inside a cockpit.

The nation of Notre Dame loathers were looking forward to last night. They saw the scores that Air Force was hanging on everybody else, and they licked their lips. Finally, these lucky, opportunistic Irishmen would get their comeuppance.

Ryan Grant played the way we only dreamed he could play. Arnaz Battle caught every completed pass that Carlyle Holiday threw. Carlyle himself shrugged off two early fumbles to make an electrifying 53-yard touchdown run. Try and be objective and think of how Holiday played from the second quarter on, last night. He ran when it was there, he didn't force throws and he finally looked comfortable.

Then, he got hurt and you had to think (just for a moment, because he returned) about what it would be like next week in Tallahassee without him. Not a pretty thought. He may not be the best there is, but he's the best we've got. And he's good enough. Trust me. When have I ever steered you wrong?

Defensively, you could write a novel about how well the Irish played. The only points Air Force could manage came off a fumble return for a touchdown and a 16-yard TD drive after a Vontez Duff fumble on the second half kickoff. The longest Air Force drive of the night was 26 yards. They averaged 2.7 yards per rush, and they were the number one rushing team in the nation. The domination was thorough, complete and simply beautiful to watch.

After getting ready for Nebraska the past two years, and doing a good job in both games of handling the option (despite two losses) you felt confident that the Irish would limit Air Force's big plays. They didn't limit them, they eliminated them. Well done, men.

Speaking of Nebraska, the mighty Huskers are 5-3 and their five remaining games include trips to Texas A&M and Kansas State (both likely losses) and home games against Kansas (win), Texas (loss) and Colorado (loss). Can you say 6-7? Can you say new head coach?

The Bears head to Detroit today to take on Matt Millen's Lions. Matt spent his week going on The Mike Ditka Show on the Score and ripping a player on his defense who Matt says, "you have to ask, where are your testicles?" Uhh, this is why front office people should not be allowed in the locker room.

Emmitt Smith needs only 150some yards to break Walter Payton's all-time rushing record. Let's see 150 yards, yeah that should only take Emmitt six games or so, right?

OK, because we're all adults here, I'm going to break down the biggest issue we currently face. The NBA season starts in a couple of weeks and I know what you're thinking. Which game should I buy for my PS2? Should I get the old standby EA Sports' NBA Live 2003, or Sega's NBA 2K3?

Glad you asked. Go with NBA Live. While it sucked the last two years, it roared back with a vengeance this year. Great graphics, smooth gameplay and it's fun. NBA 2K3 bills itself as a "true basketball simulation." What does that mean? It comes with a dime bag of weed and a paternity suit? I'm afraid to even find out. Though, it would be cool if it came with your very own tricked out Escalade.

So Jim Miller has a bad arm? Yeah, like we didn't know that already. Oh, you mean it's worse than usual. Well that's too bad.

So on the day that frequently concussed Bears backup quarterback Chris Chandler takes over the first team Bears offense, Bulls power forward Tyson Chandler gets hit, falls down, knocks out two teeth and gets a concussion.

Other than perhaps a black crow sitting on your car as you drive to work, can you get a worse omen?

Did everybody see my dad on Ed last night? Yeah, I had no idea that Carol Vessey was my sister. Now I'm a little creeped out by it.

Seriously, Dan Lauria, the guy who played Carol's dad on last night's show and Jim Fregosi the former Sox and Angels (and others) manager look just like Desipio Senior Correspondent Mike Dolan. I know that you don't care, but like our friend Robbie Hart said in The Wedding Singer, "I have the microphone and I will say whatever the hell I want!"

Are you like me, do you think you ought to own a radio station and program the damn thing yourself? Sure you are. I have my own radio station at work. OK, it's not really a radio station, it's WinAmp and I have a bunch of songs on there and I just hit random and work, work, work. Except for the fours on which I give weather and traffic together.

At 9:14 it's 39 degrees and in Durand there is a tractor and a car on the road at the same time. So yes, it's gridlock.

I was going to do a quick recap of Ed and The West Wing, but frankly, neither one was worth it last night. Carol and her dad argued and then hugged, Warren showed up for class wearing nothing but a big SAT answer bubble and Ed lost a jitterbug contest. The president is getting ready for the big debate and Toby knocked up his ex-wife.

It snowed this morning. It's OCTOBER FREAKIN' 17TH and it snowed! OK, so it merely spit little snow flakes and they didn't stick to the ground, but it's still damn depressing, and so I'd like to announce that tonight I'm packing up the Passat and heading to the desert.

I'm still seriously freaked out by the whole Chandler-Chandler concussion thing. What are the odds?

What's the fascination with Lou Piniella? I mean sure, the guy has won a World Series and last year his Mariners tied the major league record with 116 wins before crapping out in the playoffs. But does anybody think his mere presence with the Cubs makes them winners?

Do we really think that Sammy Sosa's boombox is really a huge problem and we need a guy like Pinella to roll around on the floor with him Rob Dibble style and force him to wear headphones?

What the Cubs need is talent. A good manager is a step in the right direction. But if you're going to give Lou Piniella a bullpen of The Farns, Joe Borowski, El Pulpo and Huey, Louie and Duey he's going to go 70-92. Remember how well his Mariners' teams did when they had bad bullpens? This is a team that once thought trading for Heathcliff Slocumb was the answer.

Granted, he did incredible things with the Mariners after losing two future Hall of Famers, Randy Johnson and Alex Rodriguez and also losing Ken Griffey, Jr. (Anybody think Junior's a Hall of Famer, anymore?)

Hiring him would be a fine move, one you could not argue with. But it's not going to happen. And not for the reasons you might think.

General managers always want to find the diamond in the rough. They want to sign a top prospect on the hood of a car in rural Oklahoma and have him turn out to be Mickey Mantle. They want to grab an unknown manager and have him turn out to be Casey Stengel.

Normally you end up with Pete Incaviglia and Preston Gomez, but you know what I mean.

Last Monday you could have gone into the Cubs clubhouse and made up a Ken Macha jersey and you'd still be right today.

The Cubs need a good manager. He doesn't have to be famous, or loud, or a former All-Star. He just has to have the brains to play the right guys and the credibility to hold them accountable.

Did anybody else wonder what the odds were that Anthony Thomas would just happen to be driving by when some drunk's car caught fire the other night? A-Train pulled the guy out of the car and saved his life.

Probably not as good as somebody driving by and stuffing Kyle Farnsworth into a burning car, huh?

Has anybody else noticed this little trend from the Bulls horrible 1-3 preseason start?

Eddy Curry is averaging 15.5 points, 6.5 boards and shooting 51 percent from the field? He's also making 62 percent of his free throws.

Granted, that's about half of Shaq's numbers, but he's 19 freakin' years old. I'm just saying...

The Cubs will call the Mariners about Lou Piniella today. Here's that phone call:
Jim Hendry: Hello is Pat Gillick there?
Pat Gillick: This is he.
Jim: What do you guys want for Piniella?
Pat: Mark Prior.
Jim: Click.
Pat: Hello. Hello. Hello? Jim, I know you're there, I can hear you breathing.
Jim: No you can't.

Intrepid reader Chuck Shipman thinks he's figured out who the gay ballplayer is. But Chuck, this is a west coast player. Oh, well. Decide for yourself.

Wait, is that David Eckstein or Kannon Kile? Wow, is that guy little. And what do we think happened to his shoes?

Actually, I noticed this after the ALCS clincher. The Angels came into the locker room and there was a big barrel where they all put their hats. Then they grabbed those tan American League Champions hats and then they all stopped, took their spikes off and threw them in a different big barrel. What, does Disney sell those at Disneyland or something?

"Hey mommy, can I have these Tim Salmon spikes. They're cool, they smell awful."
"No Billy, you're only four. You have to wear these David Eckstein ones. They fit."

Those of you who've been frequent visitors to the site know who my favorite baseball player of all time is. And there he was, right in the middle of a pennant winning rally last night. To say it put a little extra hop in my step is an understatement.

I'm nine years old and at a Beloit Brewers Class A game against the Peoria Chiefs. My dad makes sure we get there really early and during batting practice he leans over the dugout and yells to one of the players. The guy is fat--no he's portly and he turns to see who's yelling at him. Dad yells something about one of our neighbor's farms and the guy comes over. It's Cubs pitcher Rick Reuschel, in Peoria on a rehab assignment. He and Dad talk a while and he signs my program, and after a while Rick asks me if I want to meet anybody. The only Chief I had ever heard of is a scrawny little rookie shortstop, the number one pick in the 1982 draft. Rick disappears into the dugout and a few moments later he re-emerges with a kid who looks like he's my age. But he's not. He's 19 year old Shawon Dunston. Shawon says hi, signs my program and shakes my hand.

Hey, I was nine. That's all it takes. Shawon was my favorite from that moment on. In years since, I've thrown my affections at other players like Sammy and Kerry and the rest of the y's, but it's like your first true love. You never forget.

And there he was, with two outs and a man on in the bottom of the ninth in a 1-1 game. I was sure he was going to jack one. Shawon Dunston was going to hit a homer to send the Giants to the World Series and Jon Miller would scream "The Giants win the pennant! The Giants win the pennant! The Giants win the pennant!" on KNBR like Russ Hodges had so many years ago done for the then, New York Giants.

Shawon didn't homer, he singled, and set up another Chicago ex-patriate, Kenny Lofton, to be the hero. Shawon and his superfluous 'o' are off to the World Series.

And as we've come to know over the years it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. On that fateful day in Beloit, Wisconsin 20 years ago, two kids with bright futures shook hands. One of them is a pennant winner, the other one is still waiting for the greatness that awaits.

I want to take a moment to say something that needs to be said. It's not going to be easy, so brace yourself.

Was anybody else as creeped out by the footage of Matt Morris rolling around in the outfield with Darryl Kile's son as I was? The opening shots of The Courtship of Eddie's Father were more natural than that.

The best thing about the Cardinals losing is that they can take the shirt off the hanger now. Just why they ever thought that carrying Kile's laundry around was a fitting tribute to him, I don't know.

It's official. If you need somebody to trot in out of the bullpen and give up a series losing hit, nobody does it more efficiently than Steve Kline.

I think those of us who think that The Genius is the most overrated windbag of all time, got plenty of ammo the last two nights. Just what was going on in Tony LaRussa's head? Letting Matt Morris bat in the top of the ninth made no sense. The score was 1-1 and last I checked you have to score again to win the game. What LaRussa basically said by leaving Morris in that game was this:

The only pinch hitter I've got left is Tino Martinez, and he sucks. So I'm going to let Morris strike out, and we won't score in the ninth. Then I'll trot his tired butt out there for the ninth, and if he can somehow not lose the pennant in that half inning, then we'll try and score in the tenth and then we'll have to stop the Giants again in the bottom of the tenth. I'm brilliant!

Do we remember what happened in the fifth game of the NLDS last year in Phoenix? Morris hit for himself in the top of the ninth and made an out. He went out to pitch the bottom of the ninth, got in trouble and then was relieved by Steve Kline who gave up the series losing hit to Tony Womack.

I honestly think that the only real difference between Tony LaRussa and mediocre managers like Buck Martinez or Jerry Royster is this: the law degree and the mullet. That's it.

The best quote of the night came from Dusty Baker when a reporter asked him if Benito Santiago should have been given home when obstruction was called on Miguel Cairo at third base. "Do I think he would have scored?" Dusty answered. "No. I was just out there to argue, but that's why I didn't stay very long."

But wait, you think we wouldn't bring our own Umpiring Expert David Bohnenkamp in to weigh in on this? Hey, we're not full-service for nothing.

Nice to see White Sox cast-off K-Lo come through with the saga-ending hit last night in Game 5 of the NLCS. After spending a little over 24 hours in the Cardinal nation this weekend and gaining first hand knowledge of how creepily obsessed and narrow-minded they are over their boys, I can only imagine how deflated they are this morning. Maybe Kurt Warner can put "DK" on his helmet and Pierre Turgeon can put "57" on his hockey stick to keep the mission going.

Horrible night by 3B umpire Jeff Nelson in the NLCS last night. They can put whatever spin then want on the call (and Steve Palermo must've sprinted to the Fox booth to try to put out that fire), but he was more wrong than he would've been had he awarded Santiago home plate. As an experienced umpire, I know that it is an automatic award in high school and college baseball.

Although they tried to clarify a pretty ambiguous rule, the explanation by Palermo opens the door for every fielder to tackle a runner and leave it up to the umpire to judge whether not the runner could score or if a play was being made on him. The whole explanation was weak, and for once I could empathize with Tim McCarver and his disbelief. On top of all this, Nelson makes the call at 3B the following inning on a sac bunt, calling the Cardinal runner safe simply because he beat the ball to the base. Had the Cardinals found any semblance of clutch hitting and won that game, they could never mention Don Denkinger again.

On to the Cubs: if hiring Lou Piniella requires compensation of prospects to the Mariners, I say forget it. I would rather have Macha, Melvin, or even wait to see if Dusty Baker will be available than to spend the money AND prospects it would take for Piniella. But if they'll take Todd Hundley, I say go for it.

I say Anaheim in six, unless Shawon Dunston goes nuts and kills one of the Angels' fair-weather fans by shoving one of those Thunder Sticks up their butt. The only bad thing about the absence of St. Louis in the World Series will be the fact that The Score's Dan Bernstein's dream match-up of a fight between Anaheim's Rally Monkey and five-year old Kannon Kile won't come true.

Now the Cardinals fans go off to the winter with a list of what ifs as long as the pock marks on Eli Marerro's face.

What if Darryl Kile hadn't died?
What if Scott Rolen hadn't gotten beaten up by a 125 pound shortstop?
What if our fans had entire sets of teeth?
What if Tino Martinez wasn't such a complete waste of cash?
What if our manager didn't insist on playing untalented jagoffs like Eduardo Perez and Eli Marerro at key times?
What if we had a guy who could hit three homers in a big game like Adam Kennedy?

Now we kick back and enjoy a World Series with nobody to root against. It's the Giants and the Angels. We'll preview it later on this week, but how can you not...

One out, top of the ninth inning in San Francisco, and there it was, tangible proof of what I've been trying to tell you people for years now. Jim Edmonds is an ass.

When he left Anaheim for St. Louis a few years back the other Angels players breathed a sigh of relief. For all of his talents, it's all about Jim, all the time. He runs into fences at times, hides from them at others. His homers, RBI and batting average fluctuate for no known reason. But mainly, he's a jerk. And he looks like a jerk. Some things you can tell by just looking at Jim.

One out, 4-2 Giants, runners at second and third. Edmonds lines a single to right field. Kerry Robinson scores from third, but because the ball is hit right at Tom Goodwin and because Tom does a very un-Cublike thing (he hits the cutoff man) Fernando Vina has to stop at third.

Fox gives us a close up of Edmonds as he glares at Vina screaming, "No f@#$ing way! No way!"

Now it takes a lot for someone to make Fernando Vina look like a good guy. But Edmonds is all about giving, isn't he?

Say what you want about The Genius, Tony LaRussa, but I think it was a very dumb thing to intentionally walk Barry Bonds in the eighth inning, with nobody on and two out. Here's why.

1) The Giants are hitting .455 with eight RBI in the playoffs after Bonds is walked.
2) Two outs, eighth inning, nobody on. If Steve Kline and his dirty hat are so wonderfully talented, have them trot into the game to pitch to Barry. If you're scared, get a dog.
3) Walking Bonds puts Rick White in a tough spot. He's got to pitch to Benito Santiago and throw him strikes. You get Benito out by making him swing at balls. But with Bonds on, White can't afford to walk him so he has to throw Benny a strike--and what happens? OK, so you couldn't have predicted a homer, but a hit seemed likely.
4) Rick White? Didn't The Genius think he'd milked this loser about as much as possible already? Rick White, journeyman middle reliever--a fat, bald, loser--needs to go almost three full innings? Didn't think so.

I just wish Fox had given us a shot of Edmonds in center yelling at White. You know he did.

Meanwhile in Anaheim, the Rally Monkey was out in full force, and who knew he had this much power?

One inning of his magic ended up with the Angels scoring ten runs and Adam Kennedy hitting his third homer of the day. Adam Kennedy? Guess who the Angels traded to get him?

Our second straight Bear-less Sunday brought us some of the most boring football on tap. Save for great finishes in the Kansas City-San Diego game and the wild finish to the Broncos-Dolphins, it was a real snoozer. We need our weekly Bears fix. We need our blood pressure to spike and for venom to form in the corners of our mouths. We need Hub Arkush!

If you watched HBO's Inside the NFL this week, you saw a rare great piece of sports journalism. About a minute into an interview with Kurt Warner and Marshall Faulk, Bob Costas went off on one of his patented no question-questions.

Costas: Marshall, this was a team that had been to two of the last three Super Bowls, was expected to challenge for, if not be the favorite to win the Super Bowl this year, to go to three out of four Super Bowls. You have a great offense, a solid defense and really cool uniforms. But a number of things have contributed to the demise of the Rams, including poor offensive line play, bad defense, turnovers, the loss of Kurt's wife's lucky feather boa and the fact that the losses of Darryl Kile and Jack Buck have crippled this entire town. The Rams have been very disappointing.

Costas: Does that bother you? Is that wrong? What's wrong? How's my hair? Why did my wife leave me? Does any man in America own more brown suits than me? Why is it that I can never remember the entire reprise to Thunder Road is it, "lying out there like a killer in the sun?" What's a killer in the sun? What's the square root of 64? Why can't I remember that? I should know that. Wait, it's eight! I knew it.

Faulk: I can't do this. Sorry.

Costas: Sure you can. Come back Marshall! Come back!

I may have sort of paraphrased some of Costas' comments, but you get the idea. Faulk walked off and didn't come back. This never happened to Len Dawson or Nick Buoniconti, did it?

Does anybody else see this whole Ralphie-Tony horse thing ending poorly for Ralphie? If Tony gets that worked up over his geese, what's it going to be like when he finds out Ralphie doesn't really like the horse?

Somewhere, high above the manic throngs of Twins fans, Bud Selig and Carl Pohlad were stowed away in a sky box, wondering, "How the hell did this happen?" Are there two more reprehensible people in the world? The Twins were going to be contracted not because they have no fans (even last year they drew more fans than the White Sox) or no talent, but because their owner wanted a check for $250 million from the other owners rather than keep running a team. Gee, that's swell.

Now the Twins are up 1-0 in the ALCS and only three wins away from the World Series. All they need is to trade for Jake Taylor, Rick Vaughn and Willie Mays Hayes and we'll have quite a little feature film on our hands, won't we?

Nice moment on the Dick Jauron radio show last night when a caller told Jauron, "I think Angelo should fire you," and "host" Hub Arkush hung up on the guy because "he didn't ask a question." Look, if you want to have a radio show you have to learn to deal with people who don't agree with you, and as for Hub, what a toady, McCaskey family kissass this guy is. That's one of Hub's many problems, he tries to endear himself to the players and coaches. Look, Hub, you're not an NFL player or coach, you're a fat little weenie with a combover who has glory holed his way into our radio broadcasts for 13 years because back on WGN, Dick Butkus and Gary Fencik didn't want to read the in-game promos. You are a talentless dope who might be the most hated person in Chicago with ties to the Bears, and that's saying something when you factor in Mike McCaskey and John Shoop.

Speaking of horrible announcers, just how dumb is Fox TV jagoff Steve Lyons? He just spouts cliche, after cliche. What else do we expect from a guy who got his rep as being colorful by dropping his pants at first base in Tiger Stadium?

One nugget in particular of Lyons'. In the ninth inning, Twins manager Ron Gardenhire pulled starter Joe Mays for closer Eddie Guardado. This prompted (in order) the following things from Lyons:

"This game has become so specialized that even though Mays has retired 13 guys in a row, that if you're the manager you have to bring in Guardado so that if he gives up the lead it's not your fault."

"Two of the first three hitters are lefties, so that's why he brought Guardado in."

Huh? First of all, Steve, any manager who makes moves to avoid blame is a moron, or Jim Frey. Actually, it's the same thing. Secondly, a stopper is the ace starter on your staff, the guy who can stop a losing streak, your closer is the guy who finishes the games.

All of this is almost as good as Rex Hudler on the field Saturday interviewing Tim Salmon after the series clincher versus the Yankees and his, "So how does this, this must really feel, how'd you...how cool is this?" question. Or whatever it was.

And tonight, the Cardinals and Giants get going on Fox, while the Twins and Angels play at the same time on Fox Sports Net. This will be the fourth TV network to show a playoff game (Fox, ABC Family, FX and now Fox Sports Net---actually you could include ESPN who showed the first two innings of one of the A's-Twins games when the Braves-Giants ran long Wednesday) and couldn't they stagger the starts by an hour or a half hour so that it would less likely that both games would end at the same time?

Sports Guy gets a few chuckles out of his ramblings. I'm not trying to be critical, but don't we think that maybe Sports Guy is having a little sexuality conflict? Does he ever write an article anymore without mentioning that he has a girlfriend? What's next? Last night I was thinking about how good the Celtics are going to be, but then I had to stop so I could have heterosexual sexual intercourse with the Sports Gal, which we do on a regular basis. Did I mention she's a girl and that I have sex with her?

OK, OK, before the e-mail pours in to criticize me for criticizing Bill, roll the photos:

Joe Morgan has no idea how to turn a computer on, much less type on one. And yes, for those of you who asked, I still think that Joe Morgan looks like Ben Vereen. Let's go to the photos:

Nobody sucks the life out of a night like the Bears, do they? In hindsight (and foresight and nearsight) the game was over when Favre rolled out and hit Donald Driver for an 85-yard touchdown. As Al Czervik once said so eloquently, "I should have stayed home and played with myself."

So the Bears are 2-3, the Packers are 4-1 and as Monday Night Football was so kind to tell us, the Bears have never won a division title in a season in which they trailed by two games or more. I'll be out back hitting myself with a hatchet.

I think this game was best summed up by John Madden with a dollar and change left in the first half. Basically, and I'm paraphrasing here, in the 11-year history of this "rivalry," the Bears have started 11 different quarterbacks to the Packers one. And therein lies the problem. While the Packers have been the picture of stability in the NFL, the Bears remain a team in flux, with no true identity to build around. Not that I'm stepping off the bandwagon -- sadly, I'm here to the death. I love Brian Urlacher, I love Mike Brown, I love the entire personality of this defense, but right now, they couldn't stop my granny at a crosswalk. Last year, I had nothing but praise for coordinator Greg Blache, who was able to disguise a lot of the weaknesses on the defense, particularly on the outside, with a smart bend-but-don't-break scheme.

Well, dammit, the scheme's broke. Neither defensive end can rush the passer, Alfonzo Boone might as well be an usher with the doors he opened for Ahman Green tonight and Reggie Austin has become the poster boy for pass interference in the National Football League. If we're not going to attack on offense, at least attack on defense. Get exotic with the blitzes, rush two and drop thee -- something. Anything. It's not like Brett isn't tearing the D up anyway. Least we could put him in the turf a few more times.

As for the offense: pitiful. We might as well run all our plays out of a strong-I if we're not going to pass to any of our other receivers. It's as if to improve the offense, Jauron had to offer up the right tackle and left guard spots as sacrificial lambs. I like Jauron too much to just let him go for cabbage to the Queen City, but if Shoop-bey-Doop doesn't get the boot by season's end, I won't blame Angelo if he decides to go in a different direction.

Meanwhile, the Giants were sending the Braves packing...again. Has any team ever had such talent over a ten-year run and done so little? I'd like to say I'm glad I'm not a Bears fan, but 11 straight division titles would be nice, huh? I'll take that kind of underachievement.

One story I read and enjoyed and forgot to link to yesterday was this one about Denny Hocking of the Twins. I actually thought it to myself as the Twins were jumping on each other after their game five win. "How come nobody ever gets hurt during these celebrations?" Hee hee. The best part is that it sounds like Hocking thinks Jock Jones did it to him on purpose.

Tonight is the night many of you have breathlessly been waiting for (and really, that's pretty sad when you think about it). Starting at 8pm CDT, Desipio will have our first Monday Night Football gamecast for the game between the Bears and Packers. Don't miss a minute of our thrilling recount of what happens on the field. Think of it as us being the third booth member between Al and John, or the fourth amongst the horrendous trio of Hub, Jeff and Tom. I'm getting queasy just think about it.

A lot is being made today of Terry Bradshaw's "rumor" that Bengals president Mike Brown (not to be confused with the Bears overtime hero of the same name) will make Dick Jauron an offer to become the Bungles' GM and head coach. I watched the Fox pregame show yesterday and Bradshaw said something, but he stuttered and stammered about it so much that it made very little sense, so who knows?

This morning, on that awful WSCR morning show, Mike Murphy was taking his usual calm, rational look at things (snicker, snicker) and he was happy that Jauron might be leaving. He then said, "Name the three best coaches in Bears' history. Halas, Ditka and who...Neil Armstrong?"

Well, Mike, there have only been three coaches in Bears history to win 13 games in a season. That'd be George Halas (check), Mike Ditka (check) and Dick Jauron (well, I'll be!)

Just go away. Whatever compelled the Score to not fire him, and to give him two extra hours of morning radio is even more astounding than Dusty Baker thinking that putting Manny Aybar in game three was a good idea.

Buck Showalter met with Jim Hendry yesterday. There's a meeting of the minds, huh? If Jim is smart, he'll just hire Buck.

I used to think Buck was an egomaniacal jackass, but then something funny happened. He managed to serve two years of prison time on the Baseball Tonight set with Harold Reynolds and Karl Ravech's hairpiece. He's not Mr. Personality, but it's obvious that he knows baseball, and his teams won big in both New York and Arizona. What's not to like?

As for the other candidate, A's bench coach Ken Macha, you have to give him credit. He did manage to catch the fact that with two outs in the bottom of the ninth inning of the fifth game of the ALDS that Ray Durham was about to let Greg Myers bat out of order. How amazing would that end have been to the playoff series? Wow.

You have to give the Twins credit. They showed more grit and resolve in that series than the Cubs have shown since the invention of television. How can you root against them? How great would it be to see Bud Selig present the World Series trophy to owner Carl Pohlad. The same Carl Pohlad who would still have a check for $250 million than a baseball team.

Intrepid reader David Bohnenkamp weighs in on a few things:

As much as I've always hated the Cardinals, I couldn't help feel a little bad for the Kile and Buck situations. By all accounts they were decent guys, though not the supermen their fans have since made them out to be. Was anyone else as creeped out as I was Saturday night when that hayseed Matt Morris was running around on the field for their victory celebration carrying Kile's jersey on a hanger? Man, get over it. What's next, Jack Buck's plaid sport coat? Why didn't they just freeze both of them like Ted Williams and prop 'em up in the dugout?

The joke the Phoenix DJ played on Kile's widow was classless, but LaRussa and others threatening him w/ injury was equally tacky. He and Dave Duncan (The Dynamic Duo w/ mullets) are among the most arrogant people in sports.

Let us not forget the accusations that Sammy and Alomar were stealing pitch locations. Sammy had his worst offensive season in six years and Alomar got canned. That'll show those nasty ol' Cubs.

I like the Twins and Angels. I really have no preference who gets there, as long as they beat the NL. I will be in St. Louis this weekend to watch hockey (I hate the Blues) and football (I hate the Rams, but the girl I'm taking loves the Raiders, so sometimes a guy's gotta suck it up). I'll have to get a Braves or Giants hat before I go.

Thanks to VH1 and TiVo I watched the first episode of the NBC series American Dreams. It's about a family of six in 1960's Philadelphia. Here's what you need to know about the show.

The dad is a jerk who manages to do the right thing just before it's too late, every time. The mom (Gail O'Grady) is smokin' hot. The older daughter (Brittany Snow) is really cute. The older son thinks Notre Dame is going to give him a football scholarship, but he quit the team because his playing was making his dad happy. The younger sister is annoying, the younger brother is little Forrest Gump (even has the leg brace), and the older son's girlfriend is supposed to be in high school, but the actress who plays her has to be 27 years old.

The older daughter, Meg, is now a featured dancer on American Bandstand. And Bandstand is one of the stars of the show. It uses old Bandstand footage and current singers impersonating older ones in the footage. Jake's hottie (snicker, snicker) Michelle Branch played Lesley Gore on last night's second episode. Michelle and Lesley have the same lisp, so it worked fine.

Here's my biggest problem with the show. The high school football season has a few weeks left in it, and it's snowing, and John F. Kennedy just got shot, and they just had Thanksgiving. Huh? You mean Pennsylvania plays its football playoffs in December? I don't think so. That seems like kind of a big screw up.

Another funny moment happened last night. Meg's best friend is kind of a slut (for the early '60s anyway--she makes out with all the boys) and in one class she turned to Meg and said, "I'm going to put on some eye shadow," and Meg gasped in horror, "Here? In class?" But the funny thing is that Meg's friend has more eye makeup on than Carrot Top to begin with. Why am I the only person who notices this?

Anyway, I didn't want to like the show, and now I do. So I'm screwed. Damn, that NBC, they turn on the soft focus and amber lit sets (Ed, West Wing, American Dreams) and I'm hooked. They've even got me watching Boomtown.

We were treated to another inspired episode of The Sopranos last night. I think I speak for the world when we got a good look at Johnny Sack's wife, Ginny.

Holy crap is that woman fat. Richie was right, you could take a 95 pound mole off her ass.

Two scenes just stood out (we're not even talking about Tony humping Carmella at the end--we'll pretend it didn't happen. OK?) The first was Silvio and Christopher going to Boston to hire the "DiMaggio's" to whack Johnny Sack. That whole scene was hilarious. From the blind daughter who thought Silvio was a priest to neither Sil or Christopher wanting to do in the house, to the decrepit condition of the DiMaggios, to the one guys' description of how they killed one fella. "We cracked his skull with a pipe and then cut his head off with a hacksaw. We could arrange for that to happen again." Yow.

The other scene, and I don't know why I thought that was funny, was earlier on when Tony and Silvio were sitting in the Bada Bing office eating McDonald's. You don't expect to see those guys eating McDonald's. Then Silvio gets up, leaves the room for a minute and Christopher eats his french fries. I love little crap like that. What a great show. It should never end.

Let's just get this out of the way. I'm rooting against the Cardinals. I'm not going to be a jerk and say I don't think it was tragic that they lost Darryl Kile and Jack Buck. But, I'm not going to pretend to feel for them that Scott Rolen's shoulder can't stand a collision with a 160 pound middle infielder. I'm not going to pretend that don't I detest The Genius or the so called "best fans in baseball."

They live in St. Louis for godsakes. What else do they have but baseball? The Arch? Ooh, good time there. The Anheuser Busch brewery? The Miller brewery in Milwaukee is far superior. Go steal another football team. The one you got just imploded. So I don't know about you, but I'm about to become the biggest Braves or Giants fan, ever. Hey, whatever it takes.

The best story in college football just keeps rolling along in South Bend. In about four minutes, the Irish turned a 7-3 Stanford lead, and one horribly played football game, into another notch in Ty Willingham's belt. The score looks like a blowout, and our good friends at the wonderful, thoughtfully designed New York Times computer poll (which just happens to have ND ranked number one) should be very happy.

Look, I know the Irish aren't the best team in the country, and I know that there are four games left on their schedule that could be lost. But you take a look at that defense and tell me that it's not the best one not playing home games in the Orange Bowl. I'll take my chances. If nothing else, the last seven games are going to be fun, and who'd have thought that would have been the case.

Today is the first of two straight Bear-less football Sundays. So this is why we pay the big bucks for NFL Sunday Ticket? Between access to every game today and playoff baseball in Oakland and San Francisco today, it's kind of nice that the Bears are on tomorrow night.

Don't forget (but how could you?) our Bears-Packers gamecast starts at 8pm tomorrow night. Don't be late.

Manny Aybar is the guy Dusty Baker called on with the bases loaded and nobody out? That ought to be enough to scratch Dusty's name off the potential Cubs manager list.

Because you want to know. Take the A's and Giants today. Just a hunch. Besides, we need to see the A's and Angels in the ALCS. That should be just plain great baseball.

I know Livan Hernandez is pitching for the Giants, and I know that Eric Gregg and his supersized strike zone is back at Duke University fat camp. I just have a hunch. Plus, I hate Tom Glavine.

I know I promised you all a Daily Dose yesterday, but my dog ate my homework. Or some other lame excuse. Anyway I'm back today. Honestly, I think spending three days with Karry Ling simply exhausted me. The man's strange.

The Cardinals are up 2-0 in the NLDS and the Diamondbacks are cooked. I also want to take a moment to express just how badly I feel for Scott Rolen, since his shoulder injury is now believed to keep him out of the rest of the playoffs.

Yeah, I really don't feel bad for him. One, he's a Cardinal. Two, well, the first point was probably enough.

Over in the other National League series Woody Rueter was doing a Steve Smyth impersonation wasn't he? There was literally a fight at the Braves bat rack, those guys wanted to be up there so bad. I'll tell you this, if Javy Lopez actually hits in the playoffs, the Braves are going to be tough.

The AL series get back underway today with a huge game in the Metrodome that starts at three o'clock in the freakin' afternoon. Ahh, baseball, they sure know how to suck the life out of their best games, don't they?

And the Yankees, who should be down 2-0 head to Anaheim where the ghosts of Donnie Moore and Bobby Grich would normally be enough to sink the Angels. But not this year, my friends. There is an all powerful force at Edison International Field (or whatever it's called). Yes, it's...

The Yankees have no chance. The dynasty dies this weekend. Oh, I'm going to miss it so.

Even better news for the Rally Monkey, is that on the Jack Wagner TV show that Karry referred to on Wednesday, Off Course that airs on ESPN, Arizona suberbabe Jennie Finch professed that she wants to own a monkey.

I have never understood the fascination with monkeys---well, other than Calvin Schiraldi---because once the monkeys get to be two years old they get mean and they attack people. They bite, they claw, it's like what Karry experiences on most of his dates.

Speaking of Calvin Schiraldi. Some day we need to start an official Chicago Sports Losers Hall of Fame, of which guys like Calvin and Bob Scanlan and Stacy King and Terry Bevington would be first ballot inductees.

Calvin has already sat for a very nice photo for us. Check out the beard, it makes him even more simian, if that's possible:

Survivor rebounded from an awful second episode with a pretty good one last night. The whole thing is recapped here.

Friends was particularly funny, with Chandler referring to Tulsa as "the Paris of Oklahoma", Joey inadvertently beating the crap out of Ross and the comically bad fake gut that they put on Jennifer Aniston. Scrubs is always funny, and I've got to say that Christa Miller made the right choice when she jumped off the tragic death that is The Drew Carey Show to be a full-time cast member. Nice move.

CSI: had their best episode ever in my opinion. The whole, "they're putting CSI on trial," -- "CSI is always on trial" exchange between Warrick and Grissom set the tone, and the guy who played Grissom's mentor was perfectly smarmy. It also made good use of all of the characters, someting CSI: Miami has no clue how to do.

And then, true to my word, I didn't watch ER. Oh, I haven't abandoned it altogether, rather I taped it and haven't watched it yet. I stuck with CBS at 9pm and watched Without A Trace again. It's a good show. I've liked Anthony LaPaglia ever since his one-year stint on Murder One, and he's good in this show. But the real star is Poppy Montgomery.

She's not to be confused with Poppy from Seinfeld. You remember Poppy, he had that unfortunate medical condition, "Poppy peed on the couch!" And he didn't wash his hands after he used the bathroom.

Good morning again, gang, it's your old pal Karry Ling back for my final day of guesting the Daily Dose. Did you check out the Desipio coverage of game one of the A's and Twins yesterday. Great stuff. I laughed until what's left of my teeth fell out, and I didn't understand a word.

Andy's warming up in the bullpen as he prepares to go both ends of a doubleheader that starts at noon today with the New York Giants and the Milwaukee Braves, and then on to game two of the Twins and A's. So come on back at noon.

I checked out The Real World: Las Vegas last night and let me tell you, the ladies love Steven. Wait until they find out he's gay. I also had the fat boss guy tabbed as a friend of Nancy, but then in the previews he apparently sleeps with Irulan next week. What you don't see in the preview is that he forces her to wear "the aparatus" if you know what I mean, and gang, I think you do.

I have no idea what kind of cell phone Catherine Zeta Jones is selling in those commercials, but I want one. Wow. You might not know this kids, but Michael Douglas is older than his father-in-law. As Andy would say, "I'm not making this up."

If you're like me you can't stay up late enough to actually see Late Night With Conan O'Brien, you can catch the rerun of the previous night's show at 6pm on Comedy Central. That's great. Does anybody know when they show the reruns of the previous night's Ed Sullivan Show?

I can't tell you how much I've appreciated this forum for my thoughts the past couple of days. And before we get on with the Dose there are a few things I want to get off my chest.

If you watch one new TV show this fall make sure that it's that new Hal Linden comedy about life in a New York police station, Barney Miller.

Nobody's better in the fall than Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter, he's the best all around talent I've seen since Donald O'Connor.

I just saw the new video for Vanessa Carlton and she'll be a real hottie in about 40 years. Wow.

Speaking of musical superstars, did you catch the new Jack Wagner golf show on ESPN? In the first episode he interviewed Mike Ditka and Jennie Finch. I have no idea who Jennie Finch is, but in 30 years she'll be perfect:

Apparently Jennie is the greatest softball pitcher of all time, which explains why Jack yelped every time he tried to catch one of her pitches and why he wore the chest protector over his Johnson. Her boyfriend plays in the Arizona Diamondbacks minor league system, but I think we can all agree on something guys, we'd all be much better for her than he is.

Hey there gang, it's your old pal Karry Ling here today, filling in for Andy Dolan, who's off preparing for the big Desipio Gamecast of the first round playoff game between the Kansas City A's and Washington Senators today at 3 p.m. Central Daylight Time. The game will also air on ESPN Radio and the ABC Family Channel. What, they're going to pre-empt reruns of Sabrina The Teenage Witch? How am I supposed to get my Melissa Joan Hart fix?

I had a rare treat last night, gang. I got to watch my new favorite TV show, CSI: Miami right here at the Desipio Tower with the rest of the staff. It was great. Andy made some popcorn, Jake brought a case of that Jack Daniels cola stuff and Campbell offered to put me in handcuffs.

OK, she actually told me that if I didn't stop trying to massage her that she'd have the police put me in 'cuffs, but I knew what she meant.

Two things about that show. One, it's almost as good as the original forensic drama on which it's based...

I saw my good friend and frequent talk show guest Robert Toricelli on the Today show this morning talking to Katie Couric about why he dropped out of the senate race in New Jersey. He did a great job, although the 20 second pause after she asked, "Have you recently been subpoenaed again?" was a little shaky.

Hang in there Bobby, taking money and gifts from reputed gangsters and criminals isn't that bad. Is it?

Before we get to the mess that is the Bears defense right now, let's set the schedule around here for our live gamecasts of the MLB playoffs.

Because you'll be at work the next two days, you're going to need a diversion. That's where we come in. Here's our "broadcast schedule."

Wednesday, October 2
noon CDT, San Francisco at Atlanta
3pm CDT, Minnesota at Oakland

And don't forget our NFL season debut:
Monday, October 7
8pm CDT, Green Bay at Chicago

On Wednesday, we'll stick with the Giants and Braves until its over and then head on over to the A's and Twins. But if the Giants and Braves is a little lopsided we'll flip back and forth, just to confuse you.

Because I'll be busy prepping for the games the next two days, our old pal Karry Ling will be handling the Daily Dose duties, and he'll be the one sending out the Desipio Insider newsletter. You've been warned.

OK, have we put it off long enough? Do we have to talk about the Bears? I think the stat that truly summed up how low the defense has sunk was that on the Bills' four TD drives Drew Bledsoe was 15-15 passing with three touchdowns. I went home and put my head in the oven.

How could the Bears not run the ball? The Bills were giving up an average of 5.8 yards per rush, and the Bears averaged right around 1.8 for the game.

To make matters worse, I started the A-Train over one of my other running backs on my fantasy team this week, and I only did it because the Bills had such a lousy run defense. That other running back? Shaun Alexander. He scored FIVE touchdowns! FIVE! Barring a complete collapse of the Broncos defense tonight (and they're playing the Ravens, so that won't happen) I'll still win this week. But FIVE touchdowns? Sigh.

The Cubs didn't fire Bruce Kimm yesterday. He was an interim manager, that means he never had the job, officially. They merely opted to not hire him. I know, it's semantics. The thing that will bother me (not too much, though) is that Kimm took over a team that had already quit, and never unquit. Is unquit a word?

The best news, though, is that "hitting" instructor Jeff Pentland finally got the axe. This guy did more harm than good for five years. FIVE! (I hate that number.) And the Cubs offense got progressively worse. You watch, with him gone, Corey Patterson will go back to the player he looked like he was going to be in April, May and June. I know this is true.

As promised I watched the premiere of the CBS show Without A Trace over the weekend. It airs on Thursday nights after CSI and I have to admit I was impressed. It's about an FBI division that searches for missing persons and stars one of my favorite guys Anthony LaPaglia, and a saucy little Aussy named Poppy Montgomery. Not bad. Since ER is destined to suck this year, I think I'm changing teams. I'm gonna miss Abby though. Sigh. Maybe we can get her to switch teams, too. Wait, in that context it means something entirely different and altogether wrong.

The Sopranos was inspired last night. The episode was basically about one thing, Indians protesting Columbus Day. Trust me, it was priceless. Two things though. Poor Bobby Bakala, his wife Karen was killed in a car accident last night and now he has to raise the two fat kids by himself. And, how great was the scene where Janice was working up the nerve to tell Ralphie she didn't want him to live with her and instead she just pushed him down the stairs? You don't get that kind of quality TV anywhere else.

Boomtown premiered on NBC last night. It's written by the guy who wrote most of the episodes of Band of Brothers and starts half of that cast. Great show. Neil McDonough plays the LA District Attorney and he's great and Bubba from Forrest Gump, Mikelti Williamson plays one of the cops. Even Donnie Wahlberg is good in it. Jason Gedrick is in it, too, and he sucks, like always. I can't believe Iron Eagle is still getting this guy work.

I was worried that for once the payoff on Curb Your Enthusiasm wasn't going to come together, but in the last ten seconds of the show, it did, big time. Who knew that salt and club soda could be used for so many things? It gets out stains, it saves rugs, it allows you to cop a feel...

For the second week in a row, TiVo will save my biscuits as I spend time with my family when it would much better be spent with the Bears. I'm kidding. Right? Sure.

Take advantage of the noon kickoff to e-mail Chicago Tribune wonk George Knue during the game. This is the guy who rebuffed my offer to do the gameday commentary for them for free because Adam Calderelli was so friggin' bad at it. Look who's doing it today? It's George.

Those Nebraska "greatest fans in the world" will be tested this year, huh? I know some of them and they are nice people, very nice as a matter of fact, but it always rankled me that nitwits like Brent Musberger thought the Husker fans were better than anybody elses' fans. They have a bad team and they want their coach fired. Just like every other college football fans would.

But man, as bad as the Irish had been for a while, we never got consistently pantsed on the road like the Huskers are right now. That has to hurt.

Did anybody catch that Randy Moss interview on ESPN with Andrea Kramer? The one in which he cried for no reason . Wore a hat backwards that said "Three Deep" on it, in which he crossed off the "Three" and wrote "One" and crossed off the names of Cris Carter and Jake Reed off the hat? He apologized to Nike and Michael Jordan (huh?) but not the lady he hit with the car. He also claimed he tries to live his life the right way and that he's trying to do a "360" with his life. Sigh. Poor, dumb, dumb, dumb, arrogant, dumb, dumb, Randy.

And suddenly the future is wide open and promising. The resurgent Irish had but one game left on their schedule that didn't seem a fair bet to be a victory, the October 26 game at Florida State. Can't say that anymore.

With FSU nearly upchucking in Kansas City against Iowa State to open the season, and then inexplicably blowing a lead in Louisville last night, the Irish are staring at a very real 12-0 season. Logic says it won't happen, but when you figure that logic has had nothing to do with a 4-0 start, perhaps the best defense in the nation this side of Norman, and a team that gets better every week. I'm just saying. Buckle up.

The next four weeks see Stanford at home, Pitt at home and then trips to Air Force and FSU. Stanford might be the most dangerous game. Here's why.

Even if Holiday plays he's not going to be 100 percent, and as much as we love him here at Desipio (and we do) he's a little shaky, even at 100 percent. Stanford's players are going to want to stick it to their old coach (who wouldn't?) and the Irish will have had two full weeks of being patted on the back.

Air Force is completely one dimensional, and that won't go well against the Irish defense, even at altitude in Colorado Springs.

FSU is just overrated. Playing them at Doak Campbell Stadium is a nightmare, but since they'll be coming off a physical whupping from Miami the week before, I like the Irish's chances.

Then you have to get past the next week's game against BC and the inevitable comparisons to 1993, but Pete Bercich won't be around to drop the game-sealing interception this time.

Then it's easy romps over Navy and Rutgers before a 1988 redux against a surprisingly frisky USC team.

There are a lot of pitfalls, but it's possible isn't it? I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it.

When the unofficial BCS numbers come out this week, Notre Dame will be no lower than fourth. Yikes.

OK, we had a huge night of TV last night. It all started with a pretty ho-hum Survivor, although next week's looks great.

Friends was mildly amusing, but I did like how they managed to throw in a twist at the end, just when it seemed like Ross and Rachel were finally getting back together. Rachel did say yes, after all, when she thought Joey asked her. I just can't believe that after four straight years of making Ross the whiniest, most pathetic "male" character on prime time TV that they want us to believe that Mrs. Brad Pitt would choose him over everybody's pal, Joey.

Scrubs was mildly hilarious. I love that show. I never thought a show that relied on visual gags and non sequitirs could be consistently funny, but I was wrong. It is most likely the best comedy on NBC, period.

CSI: didn't disappoint in its return, though are we really supposed to think that the Vegas PD would let Catherine and Warrick drag race those street racers to see if the guy could have gotten a shot off through both windows while going 140 MPH? Sure. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Jorja Fox is the best looking lesbian on TV. There's just no debate.

ER sucks. I did enjoy watching Dr. Romano get his arm cut off, and I'm a big fan of Abby as a blonde, but the show is just over. I taped Without A Trace on CBS and will be watching it this weekend sometime. If it's as good as I hear it is, you might not get any more ER updates on Fridays. I know, you'll be crushed.

That being said, I've lumped the reviews of Survivor, ER, Friends and Scrubs into one article. Go nuts.

As many of you know, we're going to have live baseball here on Desipio next Tuesday and Wednesday afternoons, and we'll be reporting live during the Bears-Packers Monday night game a week from Monday.

You might also know that I sent an e-mail to ChicagoSports.com wonks George Knue, the content editor, and Jeff Lulenski, the business development guy. I got an e-mail back from George, which unfortunately I have on my other computer, but it basically said that the responses they get to Adam Calderelli's Bears in-game comments are all positive and that he "remembered my writing from before." I had written him, telling him that he should let Desipio handle those game commentaries because their's suck. I said it a little more tactfully (thought probably not much).

I thanked him for his response, as terse as it was. But then I started thinking about it. We link to most of Chicagosports.com's articles each day, and on a busy day we get thousands of readers who follow those links. We're driving content to their site for them. I wasn't surprised that he defended Adam, as a good boss he should have, but he didn't have to be a jagoff about our site. So we're going to make a subtle change to the way we do our links from now on.

I think Mike Tice said it best. "I just have one word, 'I'm disappointed.'" Which one word would that be Mike, I'm or disappointed?

Can you believe that the cops found marijuana in Randy's car? Me neither. I would have thought that in order to run over a parking cop he'd have needed to smoke it all.

I'm just glad he's out of jail and back in the Vikings lineup. At least on the field he won't hit anybody.

I don't know if any of you watch Ed on NBC, and frankly, it's my site so I don't care. We won't spend a lot of time on this show, but I can't get over the tremendous amount of hand wringing at www.stuckeyville.com about Ed and Carol. You know Carol, she's played by Desipio babe Julie Bowen--Happy Gilmore's girlfriend. On last night's show the evil Dennis Martino proposed to Carol and she said no. He packed his bags and was going to leave and she said yes. It sent the Stuckeyvilians into an uproar. Here's a little hint kids, the show is called Ed. It's not Dennis. If it were Dennis, then Dennis would get to schtup Carol. Besides, Dennis does not appear in any of the photos on the NBC Web site and there are lots of these type of photos there instead:

That's Carol on the left and Ed on the right. I don't think his pants match his shirt, but that's just me.

Meanwhile, on The West Wing we got two full hours of Toby and Josh making lame farmer jokes. I also think that our president is becoming a little too snooty for my tastes. I said yesterday and I mean it, I'm voting for James Brolin.

Anyway, there were some good moments, and as always with the permanently stoned Aaron Sorkin, it takes a while to get there. The scene in which Rob Lowe was obviously delighted that Leo's daughter had dumped her hockey player boyfriend was good. The scene in which Charlie slammed the uppity "Little Brother" of CJ into the wall was nice. But they all kind of get lost in their less than thinly veiled attempts to paint their opponent Florida Governor Ritchie (Brolin) out to be some stupid, hairdo governor who can't talk and is dumber than a box of nails. Why don't they just call him Gee Dub Bush? Don't you hate it when writers try and be clever?

You just know that Al Gore sits at home on Wednesdays eating moon pies and watching The West Wing and thinking he's Josiah Bartlet.

He's not. Number one Josiah Bartlet went to Notre Dame, Al went to UT-Chatanooga or someplace (Harvard--whatever). Josiah has a way with words. Al has a way of mangling them and saying them through his nose like a cross between Forrest Gump and Christopher Lowell (look out, here it comes)

Josiah picked pledge chairman Eric Stratton (damn glad to meet you) as his vice president, Al picked the evil Senator Palpatine--er, Joe Lieberman.

Whilst watching Ed I taped The Bernie Mac Show and Cedric the Entertainer presents. I loved both shows. Bernie had a great Godfather set up when he ordered his nephew to eliminate his youngest niece's doll. You have to give the little boy credit, he threw the doll in a wood chipper, but it wasn't enough.

Cedric is just plain funny. You had to see the sketch where he and two other guys played babies in the hospital nursery, but the one that got me was Cedric and another castmember, Shaun Majmuder, broadcasting live from the Bombay Open. Cedric is cool as cucumber and Shaun is sweating like a pig with his jacket off and his shirt open. He can't help but go on about how hot it is, even wishing out loud that he was Vijay Singh's ball which just rolled into the "cool, cool water." He then passes out and eventually dies. I don't know why that was so funny. But it was.

Tonight we have to endure the whole Ross-Joey-Ross-Joey thing on Friends. Everyone in the world knows Rachel is going to marry Ross, but she shouldn't, because Ross is the most annoying man on TV, well other than:

And we get the season premieres of CSI (yay!) and ER (yawn). Plus more Survivior. My god, what did the pioneers do without TV? I shudder to think...