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News: Oct 12 - Oral History: Cubs hire Theo  http://www.desipio.com/?p=3639
 
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1  General Category / Boobtube / Backstrom on: Today at 12:22:13 AM
I left the TV on and Backstrom started and I said, what the hell, maybe I'm wrong about this because I've only seen the promos.  Holy shit does this show suck.  It's so flat it actually insists that you not care about it.  Rainn Wilson is supposed to be this super-confident, super-cool rebel but it just doesn't work.  It's really uncomfortable watching what's left of his career dribble down his leg as he realizes not every character can be played as Dwight Schrute.  This show is "House M.D. Except With Cops Now", without Hugh Laurie and without the writing staff to boot.  I hated every minute.  How the hell did this garbage get made?  Oh yeah, it's Fox.

In conclusion, water is wet.
2  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: Cubs Offseason 2014: So, what did your team do this offseason? Isn't that cute. on: January 28, 2015, 07:05:29 PM
I HATE THE OFFSEASON.   PLAY BALL ALREADY!

SO MUCH THI
3  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: The Chicago Shite Sox on: January 28, 2015, 03:49:41 PM
They must be all out of shitty ex-Cubs because now they're signing shitty ex-Sox like Gordon Beckham.  A lot of people I talk to are convinced the White Sox are going to be a lot better than the Cubs this year.  We'll see.
4  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: Cubs Offseason 2014: So, what did your team do this offseason? Isn't that cute. on: January 28, 2015, 03:48:40 PM




Someone should tell PECOTA that Edwin Jackson will not be in the rotation.
5  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: Totally Unreadable on: January 28, 2015, 12:27:55 PM
This is quite possibly the biggest pile of sanctimonious horseshit I've read since the last time I read something by Rick Telander.

http://www.philly.com/philly/sports/eagles/20150128_Seahawks__Lynch_makes_a_mockery_of_Media_Day.html

There's lots of badness here, but I think this may be my favorite:

Quote
His teammates' defense of him is understandable; to them, Lynch is loyal in the locker room and ferocious on the field, fully worthy of his "Beast Mode" nickname.

Also, consider their general profile: These largely are very young men whose talent has afforded them shelter and structure most of their lives. They are people for whom "hard work" equates to lifting weights and running sprints; for whom "commitment" means adhering to a loose daily schedule that tells them when to wake, when to eat, when to think; for whom "adversity" means being .500 midway through a season and somehow making the playoffs.

They know little of the real world and its gravity.

These layabouts will never know the hard work that comes from typing on a keyboard to meet a deadline for a sports section.

Quote
Ever self-serving, Lynch was thrown a bag of Skittles candy, with whom he has an endorsement deal.

What has this world come to?

Quote
If he is allowed to act this way, nothing would prevent other players - all players - from acting this way.

Probably best to have him killed.

Quote
It was the height of hypocrisy. Lynch was afforded a priceless, 5-minute ad for Skittles and New Era caps.

No hypocrisy higher.

Beast Mode should be the MVP for simultaneously sparking hyperventilating hot takes and exposing the NFL for caring more about the integrity of silly media availabilities than DV victims. Team Marshawn all the way.
6  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: Pollyellon banned me on: January 26, 2015, 03:32:02 PM
Quote
2015 Cubs ZiPS Projections

Quote
You probably won't like many of these.

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I'm going to let you have at it rather than say anything really detailed here, except that the system doesn't appear to like batting average much at all.

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It's got Kris Bryant hitting 29 homers -- Rookie of the Year, right? -- except with a .226 BA.

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Javier Baez is projected with 30 dingers, but to hit .215 (actually, that would be a huge improvement).

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Anthony Rizzo, another 30-homer guy for the Cubs, says ZiPS -- except he'll hit .235

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UPDATE: As pointed out in the comments, I divided hits by PA instead of looking at the actual numbers in the second chart.

It's 2015.  If BCB is your "only site"--or at least your first site, or go-to site or what have you-- you need to kill yourself.

This is my favorite Yellonism in a while. There's someone in the comments who points out his error and then Al says "cripes" and that it invalidated his entire post. I'm kind of surprised he didn't delete the entire thing.

I would say that this is my favorite Yellonism of all-time but then I remember what a treasure trove of unintentional hilarity he's provided us through the years (the BCB shirt contest for a disease which Derek Lee's kid didn't even have, Cubs Anal etc.) and then I feel silly.

Still, though, this one's definitely in the team photo.

Just when I think Alvin's schtick is in danger of going stale, he takes it to another level of inanity. His run of jaw (or soap)-droppingly terrible sports analysis is rivaling 90s Simpsons for pure, consistent humor.

How many home games this season until he starts bitching that his precious left field perch isn't ready and there's no room for his brown bag bologna sandwich in terrace reserved. Zero?
7  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: Bears 2015 Draft Discussion on: January 26, 2015, 01:21:47 PM
FWIW, heard from a guy here in Pittsburgh that a NFL agent who shops at his store, that the Jets are very interested in Cutler.

I heard from a guy at the Cubs store (who heard it from a guy who is "wired into the Cubs" that the Cubs were going to keep Bryant in Iowa until he relented and started playing LF, because the Cubs were all-in on Valbuena (despite my asking why the Cubs would want to get into a dick-measuring contest with their top prospect, who is also a Boras client). That was last weekend. So dudes in stores are great sources.

I heard from Dan Bernstein that the Bears are done with Brandon Marshall, unless they aren't, which they probably are, except that they aren't, maybe.
8  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: Cubs Offseason 2014: So, what did your team do this offseason? Isn't that cute. on: January 25, 2015, 06:44:05 PM
Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

Quote from: Rob Manfred
I would be aggressive about using the clock over the long haul, I think it's a helpful thing in terms of moving the game along.  I think the second set of changes I would look at is related, and that relates to injecting additional offense into the game.  For example, things like eliminating shifts, I would be open to those sorts of ideas.  [Interviewer: The forward-thinking, sabermetric defensive shifts?] That's what I'm talking about, yes.  [Let's eliminate that?]  Mm-hmm.  [So all the work that the Cubs and/or Angels or whoever has done, you're willing to say I appreciate that, good idea, but it's killing the game in a sense.]  Yeah, I mean I think that you can-, look, we have really smart people working in the game.  And they're going to figure out ways to get a competitive advantage. I think it's incumbent on us in the commissioner's office to look at these changes and say, is this what we want to happen in the game.

What a dumb thought.  Hearing Manfred say listen up, you damn nerds, I'm on to you must send a chill up Theo's spine.

Never going to happen.

Maybe he plans to honor Derek Jeter forever by tethering fielders to a spike.  Nice going, Rob.  A commissioner who doesn't say stupid baseball things out loud would have been a nice change.
9  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: Cubs Offseason 2014: So, what did your team do this offseason? Isn't that cute. on: January 25, 2015, 05:20:59 PM
Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

Quote from: Rob Manfred
I would be aggressive about using the clock over the long haul, I think it's a helpful thing in terms of moving the game along.  I think the second set of changes I would look at is related, and that relates to injecting additional offense into the game.  For example, things like eliminating shifts, I would be open to those sorts of ideas.  [Interviewer: The forward-thinking, sabermetric defensive shifts?] That's what I'm talking about, yes.  [Let's eliminate that?]  Mm-hmm.  [So all the work that the Cubs and/or Angels or whoever has done, you're willing to say I appreciate that, good idea, but it's killing the game in a sense.]  Yeah, I mean I think that you can-, look, we have really smart people working in the game.  And they're going to figure out ways to get a competitive advantage. I think it's incumbent on us in the commissioner's office to look at these changes and say, is this what we want to happen in the game.

What a dumb thought.  Hearing Manfred say listen up, you damn nerds, I'm on to you must send a chill up Theo's spine.
10  General Category / The Dead Pool / Re: Let's Play Dead on: January 23, 2015, 10:43:49 PM
FACED. With the same title. By five seconds. By Pank. Fuck. So here's my link since I deleted it.

Shoulda been you, Woo-Woo.
11  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: Cubs' Prospects FUTUREBONER thread on: January 23, 2015, 02:20:27 PM

Where does he rank today?
12  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: Totally Unwatchable on: January 21, 2015, 05:05:03 PM
It looks like the "JI" thread is dead, so I'll just leave this right here.

Jim Edmonds to join the Real Housewives of St. Louis.

What a hilarious take.  Anyway if you want to know what Pen's link is referring to, try this.  Hope Bravo remembers to invite a minder from the SPCA.

I think Pen's link pretty much explained itself.

Quote
Trish’s Trash: Jim Edmonds to RHOC?? I Have my Bravo Taglines Ready!!

Clear as mud!
13  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: Totally Unwatchable on: January 21, 2015, 03:18:58 PM
It looks like the "JI" thread is dead, so I'll just leave this right here.

Jim Edmonds to join the Real Housewives of St. Louis.

What a hilarious take.  Anyway if you want to know what Pen's link is referring to, try this.  Hope Bravo remembers to invite a minder from the SPCA.
14  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: 2014 General NFL Thread on: January 20, 2015, 04:05:45 PM
Baltimore Ravens hire OC Marc Trestman.  Hilarious.

It's a good hire.
I don't get why it's that funny. 

I hope they do fucking awful, but as someone who roots passionately against the Ravens, I'm not thrilled about this development.

Because his ass just got fired for being a total disaster, and as an assistant, he has a long history of starting out well but flaming out fairly quickly thereafter.  I wouldn't want him anywhere near my team.
15  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: 2014 General NFL Thread on: January 20, 2015, 03:52:05 PM
Baltimore Ravens hire OC Marc Trestman.  Hilarious.
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