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1  General Category / Boobtube / Re: Justified on: Today at 08:35:19 AM
Goddammit Carl.

Goddammit Mikey.

2  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: Cubs' Prospects FUTUREBONER thread on: March 31, 2015, 07:00:21 PM

Baseball America has a Cubs' prospects FUTUREBONER as well.

7.    Pissburgh
16.  Tards
17.  Reds
19.  Brewers

Looks like it's going to be the Cubs and the Pirates battling it out for the NL Central for the next five years or so.

Don't kid yourself; the Cardinals are going to be good forever.

Yeah I don't really see where anyone ever has any reason to think they can discount the Cardinals at any time in the near future. Their organization is everything we HOPE the Cubs are becoming, i.e. loaded with young prospects while having the prospect depth and payroll flexibility to fill any need (like trading for Heyward). They're not going anywhere. I'm far more worried about them than Pittsburgh, considering Pittsburgh basically has no recourse if prospects flop.

Glug-glug, vroom-vroom, thump-thump.

Yeah, but not even that has stopped them.
3  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: The Ryan Pace Era... BEGINS!!! on: March 26, 2015, 09:10:07 AM
Fuck this team.

This team? How about the whole NFL? The Bears don't have a history of employing a bunch of Charm School Graduates over the years, either.

They signed McDonald because he's good at football. Starlin Castro: good at baseball, and no one on this board not employed by a suburban bank is clamoring for him to be shipped out.

Did I miss the part where Starlin beat his pregnant girlfriend? I love that past employment of scumbags justifies future employment. God forbid you raise the standard. McDonald's a mediocre 31 year old 5 tech on a team that's not winning shit next year. There was no need to make this signing other than to make themselves look bad. Fuck em.

Fuckem, indeed. But this is the same team that signed Bryan Cox, among others.

The league is fucked.

Just curious (and I will admit to not paying very close attention lately) who was the last NFL owner to give a public interview disparaging a domestic violence victim and claim said victims gain the benefit of "reverse sexism"?  This is supremely fucked up and I won't knowingly put another dime in this asshole's pocket.

4  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: Kris Bryant Firehose of Splooge Thread on: March 23, 2015, 01:31:58 PM
First family reunion I ever went to with my wife's family was in 2011. Her cousin from Denver came wearing a Tebow jersey. He made mention of Tebow being better than Cutler ever was and....I'm not going back to anymore of those reunions, I'll tell you that.

Tebow playoff wins per season: 0.33
Cutler playoff wins per season: 0.11

Well now, that's just plain provocative.
5  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: I admit it... on: March 20, 2015, 06:38:06 PM

You're both Irish, so let me explain something:

You know when you're sitting in your wattle-and-daub hut, drinking your breakfast whiskey and eating your first potato of the day, then you open your eyes and suddenly you're back in your sleep-bog, still sober and hungry? Unless it was due to one of your not infrequent blackouts, that whiskey and potato morning was just what we non-micks call "a dream."


True story: when I was in Ireland last year, I had potato for every meal

Can you imagine whiskey made from potatoes?
Well I suppose one can always dream of such a thing of absolute perfection.

Intrepid Reader: Boulder, CO


Having read roughly 2 sentences of that blog, I'm willing to trade SKO straight up for Sku right now.

Having read the entire post, I grant you your unconditional release from Desipio so that you can pursue your future there.
6  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: 2015 NFL Thread: Burn It All Down on: March 18, 2015, 09:37:44 AM

I'm glad I made it to the final paragraph:

You know, I know another head-banger named Boreland who quit on his team- Wes Boreland, the guitar player from Limp Bizkit. He tried to start a side project and now I dont know, hes dead probably. Being in Limp Bizkit was the only thing that kept structure and a countability in his life, just like being in the NFL is the only thing I think that Chris Boreland should care about. I want a guy who does it all for the nookie, not a guy who thinks he did it all as a rookie, and In MY Opinion, Chris is the one whose stuck looking like a chump, hey, like a chump.

The whole whose?

Unfamiliar with PFT Commenter's schtick?  He's a parody of the hot take spouting commenters on football blogs. The misspellings are intentional

My favorite PFT Commenter moment was he(?) and Paul F. Tompkins getting into a slap fight on Twitter thanks to a bizarre case of mistaken identity.
7  General Category / You'll Laugh, You'll Cry, You'll Kiss Eight Bucks Goodbye / Re: Chef on: March 17, 2015, 04:15:27 PM
I watched this last night on Netflix.   It is a terrifically entertaining movie.  Jon Favreau  has made some good independent movies, including "Swingers".  "Chef" is a little formulaic with a very Hollywood ending that contradicts the
premise of the rest of the movie.  Nevertheless it was engrossing.  Favreau plays a "celebrity" chef whose attitude gets him fired by the "celebrity" owner (Dustin Hoffman in a two scene throw-away part).  He buys a ramshackle food truck and quickly becomes nationally famous.  (I told you to ignore the plot).  You can substitute any occupation for that of cooking and the movie would be forgettable.  But because of the food, the shopping for it, the preparation of it and the enjoyment of it, this is a memorable movie and deserves cult status.  This probably sounds like I am a gourmet, or possibly a gourmand.  I am not.  Mrs. CBStew has been away visiting the grandchildren in Japan for two weeks and I have been contentedly living on canned soup and Subway sandwiches.

I agree with all of this. It was one of the best films I saw all of last year. I work with a friend who has a food truck business and everything about this film was perfect with regard to that vocation. Favreau and John Leguizamo are funny as hell together too. You guys should all watch and talk about your sons in this thread afterward.

Well fuck me then, I guess.
8  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: Kris Bryant Firehose of Splooge Thread on: March 16, 2015, 03:03:43 PM
Man, Oleg just NOTANEWGUYFACED me.

But, I'm not sure if he's a LOCAL GUY.

I honestly remember him being in or from Australia.
9  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: 2015 Splooge Training on: March 16, 2015, 11:55:00 AM
Bryant with 2 dongblasts & a ground-rule double double that flew over the CF's head, Soler with a dong and a 2-RBI hustling double and Russell went 3-for-3.

It all seems like too much good stuff too soon, like I need to pinch myself.  


Ground-rule double doubles are rare indeed.

A "ground rule double double" is what you're mandated to order at Inn N Out.

Also, is "Inn N Out" a hotel with awesome cheeseburgers? If so, I need a week's vacation.

The second "n" is for "BYOBB"
10  General Category / Boobtube / Re: Justified on: March 14, 2015, 12:50:25 PM
I don't want this show to end.

I loved Katherine’s incredulous “it’s 9:30 in the morning” reaction to Wynn eating guacamole, as she’s reaching to pour herself a bourbon.  That’s Kentucky, I guess. Also, Mikey is another one of this shows bit players who has taken their small part and just owned it.
I felt for Walker a little bit at the end, but I will say that in a series that has always had its share of violence, his murder of those two paramedics in the previous episode struck me as one of the most cold blooded acts I’d seen on Justified.
The scene with Katherine and Art was the balls, although my fear is that if Art starts poking his nose back in things he might get retired permanently.
I have seen television characters burn possessions as way to symbolically put the past behind them before, but I enjoyed that Tim totally called Raylan out for wrecking his lawn.
I keep wondering if Karl isn’t going to end up being the wild card in all this.  He’s Boyd’s smartest henchman ever by a long shot, he clearly wasn’t pleased when Boyd basically told Zachariah that he considers his guys to be disposable, he knows where Dewey Crowe’s body is buried and if I’m not mistaken his dumbass brother Earl is still wearing Dewey’s gator tooth necklace.
11  General Category / Boobtube / Re: The Odd Couple on: March 13, 2015, 03:40:46 PM
Broadcast TV is just about dead. Cable is next. The HBO Now app is the last rites.

So who's going to be the one to tell Chuck about Netflix, HuluPlus, ChromeCast, etc?

Those guys were never a coax delivery. That a coax is, for the first time, allowing a streaming only option, is the towel being thrown in.

Starting to wonder if the CubsNet ever launches with a coax option. Cubs may have missed out on their 3rd party payday (Comcast / Time Warner) and may have to do it all in house. Probably more profitable in the long run to do it that way.

Eh, there's still some time to sort out who's going to be the Betamax and Laser Disc of this whole thing.
12  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: 2015 NFL Thread: Burn It All Down on: March 12, 2015, 03:44:27 PM
Pen's weird bitching about Eddie Royal's contract only makes sense to me if he reveals that he's one of those members of the McCaskey family who owns part of the team but won't get shit until they sell it.
13  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: 2015 NFL Thread: Burn It All Down on: March 12, 2015, 02:06:10 PM
That said Chip Kelly is fucking nuts and I am interested in seeing how quickly he burns all of Philadelphia down.

He definitely is the most fascinating thing going on in the NFL right now.

Well, except for the time that the Bears gave Eddie Royal $10MM guaranteed.

The Colts gave Andre Johnson $16.5MM and he's five years older than Royal. I understand the Colts are trying to get into a Super Bowl while the Bears are trying to get out of their own way. I don't know. That's what people cost these days.

Where did you get that guaranteed number for Andre Johnson?  I only see $7.5MM - $10.5MM.

I feel like an average of $3.3 million guaranteed dollars a year is probably about what you'd expect a 28 year old accomplished slot receiver to make. I mean the absolute vet minimum, is what, $750 K? This seems like a really weird thing to call more bizarre than Chip Kelly or the strangest thing going on this offseason when Ndamukong Suh just got $60 million guaranteed.

Why would you guarantee 3 years to Eddie Royal?

I know you've only watched Bears games in your life, but Eddie Royals LITERALLY grow on trees.

And the Dolphins always overpay for the top Free Agent. It's like a rite of Spring.

The years on an NFL contract are NEVER guaranteed Pen. Jebus.
14  General Category / The Dead Pool / Re: Mort. on: March 12, 2015, 11:34:28 AM
Damn, I knew what this was as soon as I saw the title.

My only quibble with the thread title is that it should have been in all caps.
15  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: National Tonkoon's Vacation on: March 12, 2015, 10:01:34 AM
It occurred to me that it was probably easier, and would save a day's travelling, to do a three-legged roadtrip from Chicago - Menver - Nashville - Chicago.  So I factored that into the plans and, just for giggles, had a quick look at the Nashville Sounds' schedule in the last week of July, which is when we'd be there.  Turns out, they're playing Iowa that week.  You fucking beauty.

Everything's coming up Tonk, bitches.

That actually would work well -- your trip from Chicago to Denver would be a bit quicker going through Iowa/Nebraska, and then your KC stop (hi!) would just be directly along 70 on the way to Nashville.

You can also marvel at the number of porn/fireworks billboards on I-70 in the middle of Missouri. Then you can stop in St. Louis for the world's greatest Italian food and St. Louis style pizza/BBQ/waffle cones.

Eli raises a good point. Are fireworks also legal in your pot/prostitution/universal healthcare legalizing socialist hellhole of a country? If not, stop and buy some. You'd be amazed at the caliber of explosives you can get for just $25, and they'll throw in all of the firecrackers you could ever want for free half of the time.

You hilljacks are going to have Tonk in jorts telling people they have purty mouths before he leaves, aren't you?

Does the 5th person to make a deliverance joke in this thread get a prize or something? Or just the first one to actually be funny.

If a link to the scene of poor Ole' Ned Beatty getting plummaged by one of your ancestors doesn't make you laugh then I don't know what the hell's wrong with you.

Has anyone here ever actually seen Deliverance?  It takes place in Georgia, you dopes.
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