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News: Oct 12 - Oral History: Cubs hire Theo  http://www.desipio.com/?p=3639
 
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4741  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: Winter Olympics 2010 on: February 20, 2010, 11:25:39 AM
The Russians have some hot curlers. Much hotter than those Danish zombie broads.
4742  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: Spring Has Sprung 2010 on: February 20, 2010, 11:25:01 AM
You're missing the part where you don't overanalyze irrational hatred.

I think my hatred of how the Cubs do business makes me unable to understand your hatred
of the short bus.

Can't we hate them both? You have a point. Siding with the Cubs is like siding with my company over one of my fellow workers.

I just hate Theriot. And he lost. So he can eat a wiener.
4743  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: Spring Has Sprung 2010 on: February 20, 2010, 12:09:34 AM
This Ryan Theriot shit is making me hate him more than before. At this point there is almost nothing he can do on the baseball field that will make me stop wishing for him to fall into a pit of regurgitated corned beef hash.

Am I missing something?  You hate him for going to arbitration?  I don't like Theriot at all, but I think it's
pretty awesome he's willing to double down on $400,000 (assuming the Cubs offered him the midpoint).

And I think it's total bullshit that the Cubs are crying about a player going to arbitration.  Given that the
owners have spent most of the last 100+ years colluding against the players, I'm happy to see a player
stick to his guns (likely literally plastic toys with red tips in this case) and take advantage of the collective
bargaining agreement that the owners signed on for.

If I could go to arbitration for my job, I sure as hell would.

You're missing the part where you don't overanalyze irrational hatred.
4744  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: Spring Has Sprung 2010 on: February 19, 2010, 04:29:25 PM
This Ryan Theriot shit is making me hate him more than before. At this point there is almost nothing he can do on the baseball field that will make me stop wishing for him to fall into a pit of regurgitated corned beef hash.
4745  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: Starlin Castro Unbridled Manlove with a Side Order of Sploogetasticism Threa on: February 19, 2010, 01:07:36 PM
I'm not sold on Castro as a viable Major League option.  Don't shoot me.  Woah man, don't fuckin' shoot me!  Wait till I'm done before the statfags skewer me with pitchforks.

I think us Cubs fans are deluded into wishful thinking, much like we were with Felix Pie.  The holes in Pie's game were there, we all saw them.  We chose to ignore them, because he was Felix Pie, Cub prospect extraordinaire, and this time was going to be different, dammit.  This time a Cubs prospect would be a fleeting success instead of a faltering suckass.  But, it was not to be.  Pie sucked, we learned the taste of hate, and he was summarily shipped out the door.

Sure, I hope this guy succeeds.  But its hard to ignore his current shortcomings in maturity (all of 19 years old) and skill (more E than BB).  Let him cook a few years.

Ok, I'm ready now.

I think the vast majority of us agree with you and this thread is more of a joke than anything.

4746  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: How you crappin'? on: February 19, 2010, 12:46:54 PM
A friend of ours college used to do what he called power shitting, basically shitting in the least amount of time possible. He would head to the bathroom, crap, wipe, and return somewhere in between 30-40 seconds.

I don't get this at all.
I'm a "print out a decent length article" kind of guy.

A few moments of peace, if you ask me.

Yeah. It seems like a waste of a perfectly good excuse for a break.

I can understand powershitting in college. You want to get back to general goodtimery with your friends. Powershitting at work is inexcusable.

Whatever, you just take your one-hitter into the can with you and resume pulling tubes once you're done.

I need a time machine, pronto.
4747  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: How you crappin'? on: February 19, 2010, 12:36:37 PM
A friend of ours college used to do what he called power shitting, basically shitting in the least amount of time possible. He would head to the bathroom, crap, wipe, and return somewhere in between 30-40 seconds.

I don't get this at all.
I'm a "print out a decent length article" kind of guy.

A few moments of peace, if you ask me.

Yeah. It seems like a waste of a perfectly good excuse for a break.

I can understand powershitting in college. You want to get back to general goodtimery with your friends. Powershitting at work is inexcusable.
4748  General Category / Boobtube / Re: Lost: The Final Boner on: February 19, 2010, 10:59:46 AM
Well Evil Locke as Satan seems pretty certain at this point.

I don't know my make believe religious tales that well, but isn't Satan's nemesis God?
Wouldn't that mean that Jacob was God and that now God is dead?

Because that doesn't make a lot of sense.

Does Satan have any other dudes who battle him?

I don't think Evil Locke is Satan.  I think he's just some dude that sometimes turns into smoke that wants to go home.  He's like the Ben Affleck character in "Dogma".

So, he's a fallen angel... Like Satan.

I will never forgive this show for all the retarded religious websites i've ended up on trying to do "research."


I think Smoke Locke is meant to be Esau, who is Biblical Jacob's brother.  The Wiki article on the subject of Esau describes him as a "hunter," while his brother Jacob was shy and simple.  Esau and Jacob do not get along, battling each other regularly for their inheritance, but at his mother's request Esau vowed to never kill Jacob.  More interesting about this idea is that it's unclear as to which brother is the "good" one, arguably either can be seen as good or bad.

Just a thought.

Way to figure that out for us...

http://www.desipio.com/messageboard/index.php?topic=6594.msg178056#msg178056

FWIW...

http://www.nj.com/entertainment/tv/index.ssf/2009/07/lost_comiccon_highlights.html

Quote
Emerson fielded a question about the fans' nicknaming Jacob's rival "Esau" by saying, "We sometimes deal in Biblical iimagery, but we tend to dance in and back away from it. That might be too much, but I like the way your mind is working."

"You're good at this!" Damon told Emerson, marveling at how impressively he non-answered that.

I think this "Henry Gale" may not be who he says he is. Stay tuned.
4749  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: Fuck its silent in here....... on: February 19, 2010, 10:43:33 AM
Too funny not to steal - Coup succeeds in detaining Niger president, exciting teabaggers who misread the headline
4750  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: How you crappin'? on: February 19, 2010, 10:41:12 AM
My sophomore year of college there was a fellow (or lady) who took sheer and utter delight in pooping in various unconventional places.  These ranged from the simple (bathroom sink) to the gloriously horrific (microwave, which he then turned on afterward).  That's all this thread reminds me of.

The best part was the fact that after the cleaning staff "cleaned" the microwave, they then put it right back.  


The identity of this person was never discovered? Wow.
4751  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: Winter Olympics 2010 on: February 19, 2010, 10:39:55 AM
If there's another game as good as this Canada-Switzerland game, I'm going to be tickled.

Who tickled you after the Russia-Slovakia game?

Sadly, the sandman tickled me before this game. The China-Russia women's game knocked me out.

However, I'm pretty excited at the result. Sad Panda with a big goal.
4752  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: How you crappin'? on: February 19, 2010, 09:56:22 AM
Maybe they used one of those anti-bacterial wipes and knowing that those aren't supposed to flush, simply folded it up in a newspaper and trashed it. And turning around to realize the fine work they'd done, they left that for you to admire and ponder. For the rest of your life.

That would make it awesome - however knowing where Oleg works, I've seen the same thing and the direct opposite thing too many times to know that your scenario is impossible.

For example, how many times have I walked into a stall only to instinctively recoil in horror at the aftermath of the murder of an entire roll of toilet paper. It sure stinks like someone dooked in there but I'll be damned if I can see anything. It's just paper layered upon paper.

So tell me Desipio - how does this happen? Who wipes their ass with an entire forest and just leaves it there? That's not an art. That's a hate crime.
4753  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: Spring Has Sprung 2010 on: February 18, 2010, 11:15:03 PM
Moises Alou was on Baseball Tonight and he said Starlin Castro is going to be a star.  I believe in Moises.

Just don't shake his hand.

But what of Slezak?


What's the story with this? Fork and Slezak are facebook buddies now?
4754  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: Winter Olympics 2010 on: February 18, 2010, 09:54:27 PM
If there's another game as good as this Canada-Switzerland game, I'm going to be tickled.
4755  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: How you crappin'? on: February 18, 2010, 07:44:33 PM
So why wasn't that one of the options in your rhetorical question?

I always wipe the seat to be rid of any leftover moisture from the previous occupant.

Wait, why are we talking about this?

Also, once in a while, when I rush into the bathroom and sit down, I get a weird feeling.  Let me explain.

Sometimes, someone walks in who's wearing dress shoes.  Invariably, they make than clanking sound on the tile.  Sometimes, for a split second, I get a weird feeling that I accidentally walked into the women's bathroom.  Anyone else?

I got that feeling once. It was because it was my first day at a new building (200 N Milwaukee) and it just so happened that I got the infamous hot, gurgling feeling that morning. I had to speedwalk to avoid ruining my khakis. The bathrooms were across from each other in an alcove type set up. I took a hard right turn and noticed all of the stalls were empty. Awesome.

I sit down and let 'er rip. This thing had the firepower of 10,000 Patriot missiles and the intensity of a million Ditkas. I think my feet left the ground for a split second. Naturally, as I'm reveling in post-defecatal bliss and mentally celebrating what was surely significant weight loss, I heard the dreaded sound that Oleg mentioned. Clip - clop - clip - clop.

I look down below the stall door. Holy shit.

It's a pair of heels.

Now I remember, in my rush to relieve my burning bowels, that it seemed kind of funny that there weren't any urinals in this particular bathroom.

The time for stealth was nigh. No one had been in the room when I emptied my spine with explosive sound and fury so I knew I wasn't discovered. I lifted my feet off the floor to hide my manly shoes from female eyes.

And I waited.

Finally, the bathroom cleared out. Despite the rather untidy results of my first and only jaunt to the female restroom I knew I wouldn't have any time to wash my hands. I wiped up (sitting, of course) and booked for the door. I peeked out slowly to make sure someone wasn't about to enter and saw I was in the clear. As I said before, the more gender-appropriate bathroom was directly across from the location of my fecal faux-pas.

I made it without a single witness.

Washing my hands I realized I had just done something special.

I took a nasty shit in a lady toilet.

Crown me.

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