Opening. Day. Female. Odges.

[SKO]

Sonofabitch. It was all over when he walked Ronny Cedeno.

[Waco Kid]

And we now return to your regularly scheduled hatred of Ryan Dempster.

[CBStew]

Can I delete this game from my DVR?

[Slaky]

Can I delete this game from my DVR?

Safely.

[Chuck to Chuck]

Can I delete this game from my DVR?

Along with the auto-series recording.

[Armchair_QB]

Glad I wasn't able to watch this.

[Internet Apex]

Glad I wasn't able to watch this.

I was lucky enough to work nine hours without a break. It was awesome I did soooooo much work. 

[Tonker]

So, here we go again.  It's time to resurrect this thread - as I do every year - in the hope that, somehow, this year will be different.  Indeed, we already know that this year will be different, because this year the Cubs aren't even pretending to be trying to win.  Nonetheless, it's been six long months since the 2011 post-season was cancelled, and I'd be lying if I said I don't have a little tingle in my ding-a-ling this morning.

Opening Day, bitches.  Go the motherfucking Cubs.

[PANK!]

So, here we go again.  It's time to resurrect this thread - as I do every year - in the hope that, somehow, this year will be different.  Indeed, we already know that this year will be different, because this year the Cubs aren't even pretending to be trying to win.  Nonetheless, it's been six long months since the 2011 post-season was cancelled, and I'd be lying if I said I don't have a little tingle in my ding-a-ling this morning.

Opening Day, bitches.  Go the motherfucking Cubs.

Holy shit.  You've been keeping this thread away from the lusting jaws of Ray Ratto for 5 years?  Go baseball. 

I'm also apparently going to start every post with holy shit today.

[Slaky]

Just got out of the car listening to Theo and Tom Ricketts talking to the Score. Sure, the questions were meatball city but good lord does Theo talk a strong game. He's dreamy, y'all.

That said, I keep thinking about at least THREE opening days in our recent lives where the Cubs scored upwards of 15 runs and won. Is that right? Were there really three separate opening days that the Cubs scored that many runs? I know it happened against the Mets and Reds. Anyway, my point is even with those opening days at least one of those teams went on to suck tumescent horse pipe.

So go Cubs but even if the Cubs go - 1-0 is just 1-0.

[PANK!]

It just got a little dusty in here.

Condolences to the Head Moran.  Go Cubs.

[R-V]

Just got out of the car listening to Theo and Tom Ricketts talking to the Score. Sure, the questions were meatball city but good lord does Theo talk a strong game. He's dreamy, y'all.

That said, I keep thinking about at least THREE opening days in our recent lives where the Cubs scored upwards of 15 runs and won. Is that right? Were there really three separate opening days that the Cubs scored that many runs? I know it happened against the Mets and Reds. Anyway, my point is even with those opening days at least one of those teams went on to suck tumescent horse pipe.

So go Cubs but even if the Cubs go - 1-0 is just 1-0.

Any time I read things like this about dreamboat Theo, I think (a) this guy is the balls and (b) as Huey would say, holy shit, this ass backward franchise has been doing it wrong for a long, long time.

The front office expanded with Jed Hoyer and Jason McLeod, two high-level executives who had helped build the Red Sox machine and restocked the San Diego Padres system.

Epstein’s calls for “the best and the brightest” included Shiraz Rehman, who has an MBA from Columbia Business School, and pro scouting director Joe Bohringer, a graduate of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

“A fresh perspective,” Ricketts said over the winter. “They just look at the questions a little differently.”

So the Bloomberg computer system has been installed, focusing mostly on the amateur scouting side, with a basic major-league version up and running by the trade deadline.

Scouts have been given video cameras to shoot prospects. “Spycam” was installed at each minor-league affiliate, and you can watch the action in real time on your laptop. Each minor-league player received an individual plan for this year that outlined strengths and weaknesses.

To educate players on how to handle themselves off the field, representatives from Northeastern University’s Center for Sport in Society ran seminars during spring training. There will now be background reports on potential draft picks that could run four- or five-pages long.

I'm pretty sure I predicted the Cubs would be good at this time last year, so I hereby declare they will win 50 games. You're welcome guys.

[Slaky]

I've noticed an abundance of Cub related thoughts and well wishers on the Facebook today.

Huey posted a baseball related song and apparently he has a dickload friend named Craig (not the Sox Craig from softball who is a nice guy) who decided to use Huard's PANKCITEMENT for Opening Day to remind him that the Cubs are shitty and will always be shitty. Real solid friend you have there Huey.

Can I call him a fucking asshole or does he have guns?

[thehawk]

The Cubs didn't have an opthomologist? Really?  They really were an administrative vortex of suck.

Looks like Theo is right now about where Rocky Wirtz was in 2009.  He's in charge of an organization so wrong that anything he does is right.  Glad its finally getting done though.

[Gilgamesh]

I've noticed an abundance of Cub related thoughts and well wishers on the Facebook today.

Huey posted a baseball related song and apparently he has a dickload friend named Craig (not the Sox Craig from softball who is a nice guy) who decided to use Huard's PANKCITEMENT for Opening Day to remind him that the Cubs are shitty and will always be shitty. Real solid friend you have there Huey.

Can I call him a fucking asshole or does he have guns?

One of the best things about America is that you can get guns more easily than health care, so remember that.