"Turd Throw" and other stories from the rancid NLC.

[Dave B]

Shit.

http://vault.sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/cover/toc/11098/index.htm?eref=sisf

He looks...thinner.

That's exactly what I thought.

[Eli]

Shit.

http://vault.sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/cover/toc/11098/index.htm?eref=sisf

He looks...thinner.

That's exactly what I thought.

This is him last season.  Maybe a little thinner in the face, I guess, but I don't think there's a tremendous difference.

[MAD]

Shit.

http://vault.sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/cover/toc/11098/index.htm?eref=sisf

He looks...thinner.

That's exactly what I thought.

This is him last season.  Maybe a little thinner in the face, I guess, but I don't think there's a tremendous difference.

You're joking, right?

[Slaky]

It's a magazine cover - don't you think those are touched up a tad?

[LoneStarCubFan]

Shit.

http://vault.sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/cover/toc/11098/index.htm?eref=sisf

He looks...thinner.

That's exactly what I thought.

Me too. I haven't seen a change that radical since Pudge Rodriguez stopped juicing.

[Oleg]

I think the photo on the cover was taken about 15 years ago, when Pujols was 35.

[Kermit, B.]

It's a magazine cover - don't you think those are touched up a tad?

Yeah, they airbrushed out his nipples.

[Andy]

If they were going to airbrush him, why not go all the way?

[Oleg]

If they were going to airbrush him, why not go all the way?

That's a totally different magazine.

[Andy]

Yeah well Claudia and Albert were born in the same year.

1970.

(I honestly think this is true.)

I can't wait to go home and perform the ritual I do whenever a Cardinal, Packer or White Sock is on the cover of SI.  I take it out of the mailbox.  Rip the cover off and toss the cover it into the street.  Two Octobers in a row I threw entire copies of the magazine into the street.  I'm not sure why, considering the baseball playoffs were cancelled both of those seasons.

[PenFoe]

Yeah well Claudia and Albert were born in the same year.

1970.

(I honestly think this is true.)

I can't wait to go home and perform the ritual I do whenever a Cardinal, Packer or White Sock is on the cover of SI.  I take it out of the mailbox.  Rip the cover off and toss the cover it into the street.  Two Octobers in a row I threw entire copies of the magazine into the street.  I'm not sure why, considering the baseball playoffs were cancelled both of those seasons.

Instead of throwing them away, we should continue this contest.

[Fork]

It's a magazine cover - don't you think those are touched up a tad?

If they PShop a cover photo of Pujols to make him look thinner, don't you think that would just cause losers on messageboards to guess on how much weight he lost?

[Internet Apex]

I refuse to read that article. What are they saying about Pujols, or allowing him to say of himself? That he's the great drug-free hope, come to save baseball from itself? Who would believe that? He plays for the Cardinals, for Tony LaRussa, the same guy who managed Canseco and McGwire. I don't really give a shit about steroids, I think I've gone on record as saying that drugs are always going to be a part of every sport, so the hand-wringing is useless and self-righteous horseshit. But why would anybody believe any player at this point, particularly one with a head and a body the size of Pujols? It's fucking crazy. Almost as incredible as the notion that Frank Thomas CLEARLY NEVER EVER EVER EVER (DON'T YOU EVEN THINK IT!!!111!!) took performance enhancing drugs because he was so gosh darn BIG! Wha? Never? Not a little somethin' somethin' for his achy whatever the fuck to get him back in the lineup a week earlier? Cuz he's always been such a great guy, a paramount of virtue and wholesomeness. Fuckin A. People are so dumb my brain hurts like a sumbitch. I'm taking a couple shots of VSOP. Fuck Y'all.

[CT III]

I refuse to read that article. What are they saying about Pujols, or allowing him to say of himself? That he's the great drug-free hope, come to save baseball from itself? Who would believe that? He plays for the Cardinals, for Tony LaRussa, the same guy who managed Canseco and McGwire. I don't really give a shit about steroids, I think I've gone on record as saying that drugs are always going to be a part of every sport, so the hand-wringing is useless and self-righteous horseshit. But why would anybody believe any player at this point, particularly one with a head and a body the size of Pujols? It's fucking crazy. Almost as incredible as the notion that Frank Thomas CLEARLY NEVER EVER EVER EVER (DON'T YOU EVEN THINK IT!!!111!!) took performance enhancing drugs because he was so gosh darn BIG! Wha? Never? Not a little somethin' somethin' for his achy whatever the fuck to get him back in the lineup a week earlier? Cuz he's always been such a great guy, a paramount of virtue and wholesomeness. Fuckin A. People are so dumb my brain hurts like a sumbitch. I'm taking a couple shots of VSOP. Fuck Y'all.

I love Apex because he thinks the same thing I do about Frank Thomas.  Anyway, I opened to this article, saw that the opening references Babe Ruth hitting a home run that heals a sick kid and promptly flipped to the article on Martin Brodeur. 

Fuck Frank Thomas, Albert Pujols, and Patrick Roy too.

[Tank]

I refuse to read that article. What are they saying about Pujols, or allowing him to say of himself? That he's the great drug-free hope, come to save baseball from itself? Who would believe that? He plays for the Cardinals, for Tony LaRussa, the same guy who managed Canseco and McGwire. I don't really give a shit about steroids, I think I've gone on record as saying that drugs are always going to be a part of every sport, so the hand-wringing is useless and self-righteous horseshit. But why would anybody believe any player at this point, particularly one with a head and a body the size of Pujols? It's fucking crazy. Almost as incredible as the notion that Frank Thomas CLEARLY NEVER EVER EVER EVER (DON'T YOU EVEN THINK IT!!!111!!) took performance enhancing drugs because he was so gosh darn BIG! Wha? Never? Not a little somethin' somethin' for his achy whatever the fuck to get him back in the lineup a week earlier? Cuz he's always been such a great guy, a paramount of virtue and wholesomeness. Fuckin A. People are so dumb my brain hurts like a sumbitch. I'm taking a couple shots of VSOP. Fuck Y'all.

I love Apex because he thinks the same thing I do about Frank Thomas.  Anyway, I opened to this article, saw that the opening references Babe Ruth hitting a home run that heals a sick kid and promptly flipped to the article on Martin Brodeur. 

Fuck Frank Thomas, Albert Pujols, and Patrick Roy too.

Man... You really do hate the butterfly, huh?