Fuck these goddamn gutless fucking assholes

[Internet Apex]

Brian Moehler is literally the best pitcher in the history of the sport. I'm sure he excels at everything he tries to do. His tears can cure cancer. His turds can heat a mansion for an entire Siberian winter. His fingernails can be ground into a powder that will make mosquito bites turn into tits. If I had a vile of those, I could have five tits on my legs and one on my back.

Oh, and LaTroy.

[Thrillho]

Brian Moehler is literally the best pitcher in the history of the sport. I'm sure he excels at everything he tries to do. His tears can cure cancer. His turds can heat a mansion for an entire Siberian winter. His fingernails can be ground into a powder that will make mosquito bites turn into tits. If I had a vile of those, I could have five tits on my legs and one on my back.

Oh, and LaTroy.

And what about that pussy Lance Berkman?

Someone needs to buy the man some waterproof guyliner.

[*In a Nutsack]

Eyre was DFAed.

http://www.rotoworld.com/content/playerpages/player_main.aspx?sport=MLB&id=2455

[Weebs]

Haven't needed this thread in a while...

11 hits off Myers in 7 IP, 9 left on base.  11 Ks between Myers and Romero.  6 of them are looking, and I think there was just the fastball inside to Soto that was relatively close.  Everything else was a breaking ball right over the middle of the plate.  Better to just put this one in the vault and not speak of it again.  Not a pretty game at all.  But you can have those when you're this good.

Oh, but we can keep talking about how much NEAL COTTS FUCKING SUCKS.

[hammerman]

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!!!

[The Paul Popovich Experience]

Haven't needed this thread in a while...

11 hits off Myers in 7 IP, 9 left on base.  11 Ks between Myers and Romero.  6 of them are looking, and I think there was just the fastball inside to Soto that was relatively close.  Everything else was a breaking ball right over the middle of the plate.  Better to just put this one in the vault and not speak of it again.  Not a pretty game at all.  But you can have those when you're this good.

Oh, but we can keep talking about how much NEAL COTTS FUCKING SUCKS.

I would prefer to talk about how much Ron Ce sucks. Because he does. A lot.

[DPappy]

Haven't needed this thread in a while...

11 hits off Myers in 7 IP, 9 left on base.  11 Ks between Myers and Romero.  6 of them are looking, and I think there was just the fastball inside to Soto that was relatively close.  Everything else was a breaking ball right over the middle of the plate.  Better to just put this one in the vault and not speak of it again.  Not a pretty game at all.  But you can have those when you're this good.

Oh, but we can keep talking about how much NEAL COTTS FUCKING SUCKS.

I would prefer to talk about how much Ron Ce sucks. Because he does. A lot.

At least Ronny succeeded in PRETENDING to be good at the beginning of the season.  Can't Cotts do the same at the end?

[Mike Douche]

Ron Ce was never good.  He had a fluky hot streak where he would face some tomato can with a bunch of people on base in some early-season game that the Cubs were already winning, and put said games away by clearing the bases and racking up some RBI.

Fact is, the guy can not be trusted in a situation where he needs to do something good at the plate.  And now, he can't even deliver the Geico garbage runs, as evidenced by yesterday's scat-tastic at-bat when he chased one out of the zone to whiff when there were runners on second and third with one out and the Cubs up by merely one in the 8th inning.  He also tarded up a bunt on Thursday and Lou let him have it for not bunting toward third base.

Any chance Hendry finds his backup shortstop today?  It's his last chance to have someone on the playoff roster who's not likely to pull a Jerry Dybzinski in the postseason.

[Chuck to Chuck]

Any chance Hendry finds his backup shortstop today?  It's his last chance to have someone on the playoff roster who's not likely to pull a Jerry Dybzinski in the postseason.

One can only hope.  It's going to be a tough row to hoe in the playoffs dragging 5 dead or nearly dead roster spots.  We can only hope that Howry, Cotts, Marquis, Ward and Cedeno are moved to the taxi squad by October 1.

[butthead]

Any chance Hendry finds his backup shortstop today?  It's his last chance to have someone on the playoff roster who's not likely to pull a Jerry Dybzinski in the postseason.

One can only hope.  It's going to be a tough row to hoe in the playoffs dragging 5 dead or nearly dead roster spots.  We can only hope that Howry, Cotts, Marquis, Ward and Cedeno are moved to the taxi squad by October 1.

A non-retarded back up shortstop would be nice.

Marquis won't be on the post-season roster will he? And if they carry one less pitcher in the playoffs, what position player takes that spot?

And I still have faith in Ward, for some reason.

[Weebs]

Any chance Hendry finds his backup shortstop today?  It's his last chance to have someone on the playoff roster who's not likely to pull a Jerry Dybzinski in the postseason.

One can only hope.  It's going to be a tough row to hoe in the playoffs dragging 5 dead or nearly dead roster spots.  We can only hope that Howry, Cotts, Marquis, Ward and Cedeno are moved to the taxi squad by October 1.

A non-retarded back up shortstop would be nice.

Marquis won't be on the post-season roster will he? And if they carry one less pitcher in the playoffs, what position player takes that spot?

And I still have faith in Ward, for some reason.

Problem is, there really aren't any backups available, and if we get one, it has to be by tomorrow.  The only ones on the market really are Eckstein (fuck no) and Vizquel (he's a smart Ronny at this point).

[butthead]

Any chance Hendry finds his backup shortstop today?  It's his last chance to have someone on the playoff roster who's not likely to pull a Jerry Dybzinski in the postseason.

One can only hope.  It's going to be a tough row to hoe in the playoffs dragging 5 dead or nearly dead roster spots.  We can only hope that Howry, Cotts, Marquis, Ward and Cedeno are moved to the taxi squad by October 1.

A non-retarded back up shortstop would be nice.

Marquis won't be on the post-season roster will he? And if they carry one less pitcher in the playoffs, what position player takes that spot?

And I still have faith in Ward, for some reason.

Problem is, there really aren't any backups available, and if we get one, it has to be by tomorrow.  The only ones on the market really are Eckstein (fuck no) and Vizquel (he's a smart Ronny at this point).

A smart Ronny would be a huge improvement.

[Chuck to Chuck]

And I still have faith in Ward, for some reason.

Ward's the best of the Fault Five.

[Andy]

There is nothing wrong with the Cubs that Bobby Scales can't fix.

[morpheus]

Any chance Hendry finds his backup shortstop today?  It's his last chance to have someone on the playoff roster who's not likely to pull a Jerry Dybzinski in the postseason.

One can only hope.  It's going to be a tough row to hoe in the playoffs dragging 5 dead or nearly dead roster spots.  We can only hope that Howry, Cotts, Marquis, Ward and Cedeno are moved to the taxi squad by October 1.

A non-retarded back up shortstop would be nice.

Marquis won't be on the post-season roster will he? And if they carry one less pitcher in the playoffs, what position player takes that spot?

And I still have faith in Ward, for some reason.

Problem is, there really aren't any backups available, and if we get one, it has to be by tomorrow.  The only ones on the market really are Eckstein (fuck no) and Vizquel (he's a smart Ronny at this point).

Well... they DID put DeRo in at SS today for the 9th inning.  He now has a 1.000 fielding percentage there!  (1 chance, 1 assist!)  Therefore, he must be the answer.