Fuck these goddamn gutless fucking assholes

[CubFaninHydePark]

Bumped for a couple reasons:

1. To incite anger for all that hate the thread.

2. To put this in the proper place:

So in an effort to improve on the 2008 team and avoid yet another epic postseason choke job, Hendry has done the following this offseason:

Replaced Kerry Wood with Kevin Gregg.

Replaced Hank White with a guy who sucks more now than when he played here the first time.

Replaced Mark DeRosa with a shitty ex-Cardinal who can't ride the roller coaster at Six Flags unless he's accompanied by an adult.

Picked up a shitty ex-Met pitcher who performs like a less well-built Kyle Farnsworth in pressure situations.

Signed Sean Avery on spikes to give the team left-handed bat when he's playing in the 80-90 games he'll be healthy/not suspended for this year.

Um, ok.

While I positive the Game Board signing, I find it difficult to argue with Lone Star's logic.

Unless we get Peavy.  But who is holding out hope for that anymore?

[5laky]

If TJ's on board the Gutless Express, what hope do we have?

[Internet Apex]

This is fucking retarded. The Cubs will win their division by 15 games. They didn't lose to the Dodgers  because they weren't good enough, they lost because they played like a bunch of terrified nancy-boys. Somewhere in those rotten crevices you chumps call manginas there ought to be a very small sack of skin with two marbles in it. Reach up there and try to pull that back out to the exterior of that crevice. Go to RedTube and do some exercises to puff those marbles up a little. After you've done that about 1,257 times, you'll be ready to try your skills on... calm down now... yes... an actual woman. Not an attractive one, mind you. Oh, goodness no. Probably something a little meaty, with bad breath and a lot of tattoos that she apparently drew herself while stoned. But trust me, she'll do you if you buy her a steak dinner and a slice of cheesecake.

Stay away from this thread permanently. You've got alot of work to do before opening day. But I believe in you, sort of. Or at least I think the law of averages in favor of you finding your testicles before you shrivel up and die. You fucking twats.

[5laky]

This is fucking retarded. The Cubs will win their division by 15 games. They didn't lose to the Dodgers  because they weren't good enough, they lost because they played like a bunch of terrified nancy-boys. Somewhere in those rotten crevices you chumps call manginas there ought to be a very small sack of skin with two marbles in it. Reach up there and try to pull that back out to the exterior of that crevice. Go to RedTube and do some exercises to puff those marbles up a little. After you've done that about 1,257 times, you'll be ready to try your skills on... calm down now... yes... an actual woman. Not an attractive one, mind you. Oh, goodness no. Probably something a little meaty, with bad breath and a lot of tattoos that she apparently drew herself while stoned. But trust me, she'll do you if you buy her a steak dinner and a slice of cheesecake.

Stay away from this thread permanently. You've got alot of work to do before opening day. But I believe in you, sort of. Or at least I think the law of averages in favor of you finding your testicles before you shrivel up and die. You fucking twats.

I'm still not sure if TJ was being serious.

[Internet Apex]

This is fucking retarded. The Cubs will win their division by 15 games. They didn't lose to the Dodgers  because they weren't good enough, they lost because they played like a bunch of terrified nancy-boys. Somewhere in those rotten crevices you chumps call manginas there ought to be a very small sack of skin with two marbles in it. Reach up there and try to pull that back out to the exterior of that crevice. Go to RedTube and do some exercises to puff those marbles up a little. After you've done that about 1,257 times, you'll be ready to try your skills on... calm down now... yes... an actual woman. Not an attractive one, mind you. Oh, goodness no. Probably something a little meaty, with bad breath and a lot of tattoos that she apparently drew herself while stoned. But trust me, she'll do you if you buy her a steak dinner and a slice of cheesecake.

Stay away from this thread permanently. You've got alot of work to do before opening day. But I believe in you, sort of. Or at least I think the law of averages in favor of you finding your testicles before you shrivel up and die. You fucking twats.

I'm still not sure if TJ was being serious.

I saw his green font before he editeded.

[Internet Apex]

I think I just now realized that the Gultess Asshole contingent was right last year all along.

Shit. I need a fucking shower.

[5laky]

I think I just now realized that the Gultess Asshole contingent was right last year all along.

Shit. I need a fucking shower.

Manny Ramirez in a Cards uniform anyone?

[CT II]

I think I just now realized that the Gultess Asshole contingent was right last year all along.

Shit. I need a fucking shower.

I thought you realized it back in October, right before those 3 games with the Dodgers.

[Mike Douche]

I admit that I, too, took TJ seriously.  I hate this thread now more than ever.  My sarcasm detector gets all scrambled here.  Damn you, TJ!

[5laky]

I admit that I, too, took TJ seriously.  I hate this thread now more than ever.  My sarcasm detector gets all scrambled here.  Damn you, TJ!

Damn it! I was fooled too. Skeptical, but fooled.

And right here, in this thread, I will go on the record as saying the Cubs will win the Central. My hairy testes say it's so.

[Tank]

This is fucking retarded. The Cubs will win their division by 15 games. They didn't lose to the Dodgers  because they weren't good enough, they lost because they played like a bunch of terrified nancy-boys. Somewhere in those rotten crevices you chumps call manginas there ought to be a very small sack of skin with two marbles in it. Reach up there and try to pull that back out to the exterior of that crevice. Go to RedTube and do some exercises to puff those marbles up a little. After you've done that about 1,257 times, you'll be ready to try your skills on... calm down now... yes... an actual woman. Not an attractive one, mind you. Oh, goodness no. Probably something a little meaty, with bad breath and a lot of tattoos that she apparently drew herself while stoned. But trust me, she'll do you if you buy her a steak dinner and a slice of cheesecake.

Stay away from this thread permanently. You've got alot of work to do before opening day. But I believe in you, sort of. Or at least I think the law of averages in favor of you finding your testicles before you shrivel up and die. You fucking twats.

Has 'Pex been moonlighting at Bad News Cubs?

[Internet Apex]

This is fucking retarded. The Cubs will win their division by 15 games. They didn't lose to the Dodgers  because they weren't good enough, they lost because they played like a bunch of terrified nancy-boys. Somewhere in those rotten crevices you chumps call manginas there ought to be a very small sack of skin with two marbles in it. Reach up there and try to pull that back out to the exterior of that crevice. Go to RedTube and do some exercises to puff those marbles up a little. After you've done that about 1,257 times, you'll be ready to try your skills on... calm down now... yes... an actual woman. Not an attractive one, mind you. Oh, goodness no. Probably something a little meaty, with bad breath and a lot of tattoos that she apparently drew herself while stoned. But trust me, she'll do you if you buy her a steak dinner and a slice of cheesecake.

Stay away from this thread permanently. You've got alot of work to do before opening day. But I believe in you, sort of. Or at least I think the law of averages in favor of you finding your testicles before you shrivel up and die. You fucking twats.

Has 'Pex been moonlighting at Bad News Cubs?

What's that? Should I be?

[Canadouche]

This is fucking retarded. The Cubs will win their division by 15 games. They didn't lose to the Dodgers  because they weren't good enough, they lost because they played like a bunch of terrified nancy-boys. Somewhere in those rotten crevices you chumps call manginas there ought to be a very small sack of skin with two marbles in it. Reach up there and try to pull that back out to the exterior of that crevice. Go to RedTube and do some exercises to puff those marbles up a little. After you've done that about 1,257 times, you'll be ready to try your skills on... calm down now... yes... an actual woman. Not an attractive one, mind you. Oh, goodness no. Probably something a little meaty, with bad breath and a lot of tattoos that she apparently drew herself while stoned. But trust me, she'll do you if you buy her a steak dinner and a slice of cheesecake.

Stay away from this thread permanently. You've got alot of work to do before opening day. But I believe in you, sort of. Or at least I think the law of averages in favor of you finding your testicles before you shrivel up and die. You fucking twats.

This.

[Eli]

And right here, in this thread, I will go on the record as saying the Cubs will win the Central. My hairy testes say it's so.

I'm loathe to contribute anything to this awful, awful thread, but I wanted to add some positive and say Slaky's hairy testes are right.

The Cubs have probably gotten worse this offseason (though not significantly so), but so have the Brewers, since they won't be getting 48 starts from Sheets and Sabathia.  As for the Astros, Miguel Tejada gets worse and worse every year, their rotation sucks and their third-best hitter last year was Ty Wigginton, who they lost. The Cardinals have a terrible rotation and a terrible bullpen.  The Reds and Pirates are still shitty.

The Cubs still have the best rotation and the best lineup in the Central.  They probably won't win 97 games again, but 90-ish wins isn't out of the question.

I hate this thread.

[RV]

This is fucking retarded. The Cubs will win their division by 15 games. They didn't lose to the Dodgers  because they weren't good enough, they lost because they played like a bunch of terrified nancy-boys. Somewhere in those rotten crevices you chumps call manginas there ought to be a very small sack of skin with two marbles in it. Reach up there and try to pull that back out to the exterior of that crevice. Go to RedTube and do some exercises to puff those marbles up a little. After you've done that about 1,257 times, you'll be ready to try your skills on... calm down now... yes... an actual woman. Not an attractive one, mind you. Oh, goodness no. Probably something a little meaty, with bad breath and a lot of tattoos that she apparently drew herself while stoned. But trust me, she'll do you if you buy her a steak dinner and a slice of cheesecake.

Stay away from this thread permanently. You've got alot of work to do before opening day. But I believe in you, sort of. Or at least I think the law of averages in favor of you finding your testicles before you shrivel up and die. You fucking twats.

Has 'Pex been moonlighting at Bad News Cubs?

What's that? Should I be?

http://badnewscubs.wordpress.com/2008/09/04/the-objective-stat-freaks-jump-off-a-bridge/