I got home early today and turned on Ch. 7 and was greeted by Janet Davies in her clown makeup and some sort of sky blue patent leather mumu.
I am now searching the house for knitting needles with which to gouge out my eyes.
You know, in the past, um, 20 or 30 years, we've seen a lot of news stars come and go. But there was one woman, one woman who stayed on top right from the very beginning and I guess that's why they called her ... the King. And of course I'm speaking about ... Mrs. Janet Davies. I was home watching television the other afternoon and I happened to catch Janet Davies in her clown makeup and some sort of sky blue patent leather mumu. I was watching this and a funny thought occurred to me. I thought, what if someone took steel needles, say, mm, fifteen, eighteen inches long and plunged them, plunged them into my eyes. What would the reaction be? We can only guess ... but I think it might go something like this...
[turns his back to the internet, pulls up shirt collar over his neck, removes eyeglasses and pockets them, then spins quickly, his right hand clutched to his eyes, screaming, shrieking at the top of his lungs. He staggers, collapses to the floor, tries to get up. Falls off stage and rolls into audience.]