How you crappin'?

[Dr. Nguyen Van Falk]

Deja vu.

Maybe for those who read Deadspin.

http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1725972
http://www.metafilter.com/87536/Sitters-Vs-Standers-The-Great-Wipe-Hope
http://www.poopreport.com/Poll/stand_or_sit.html

The thing that worries me the most about the standing method is the sandwich factor: I'm not about to allow full cheek closure until I'm certain things are clean enough that I'm not gonna spread the jam around and wind up with a brown Rorschach blot in there.

[CBStew]

and this is a topic because...

[ChuckD]

BTW... I recall reading the results of a survey from this book a while back (probably "People, Places, and Pinching (Survey) What is a Loaf?") that had percentages on stuff like back- vs. front-wipers. This would probably be illuminating on this topic, but I can't seem to find it anywhere at present.

I suppose I may have thumbed through a print edition at some point, rather than reading it online.

Via an Amazon preview and hereby retyped for internet posterity:

Do you wipe front to back (i.e. bottom to top), back to front, or just back and forth? Do you reach around behind your back or reach through between your legs?

44% say they wipe front to back from around behind their backs. 11% say they wipe back to front between their legs/ 6% go back to front from behind their backs, and 4%, all women, go front to back between their legs. 2% say they go back and forth (!) from behind their backs.

No data on the highly effective (although extremely difficult) twin towelette pincer maneuver. Not for the faint of heart. Or you middle American plebes.

Aha...

Do you stand to wipe or remain seated and lean over?

72 of the 106 respondents were asked this question. Of that group, 58%, mostly women, say they remain seated, while 25%, mostly men, say they stand. 3% say they squat or "semi-stand," 1% say they bend slightly, and 1% say they do both: "Usually remain seated unless it's a heavy job."

I'd like to see gender splits on this (more specific than "mostly").

This could just as easily mean 'men are split 50-50 sit-stand while women are close to 100% sit' as it could mean 'most men stand.'

Where's the rigor, RE/Search?

Assuming 9% of respondents declined to answer, and "mostly" skews the same way on both splits (e.g. "mostly men" and "mostly women" refer to the same percentage), it should really come down to what the authors mean by the subjective "mostly."

Code:

Bias M_Sit M_Stand M_Other %Sit %Stand
0.35 9 24 13 19.1% 52.3%
0.30 12 22 12 25.5% 49.2%
0.25 15 21 10 31.9% 46.2%
0.20 17 20 9 38.2% 43.1%
0.15 20 18 7 44.6% 40.0%
0.10 23 17 6 51.0% 36.9%
0.05 26 15 4 57.4% 33.8%
0.00 29 14 3 63.7% 30.8%

The "bias" column refers to the value +/- from the even 50/50 split. The break even point is .175. So if "mostly men/women" is 67.5%, then sitters and standers are equally prevalent among males. If it's 70%, then standers have a slight edge. Vice versa with 65%.

[ChuckD]

and this is a topic because...

The real question is "why hasn't this question been answered yet?"

[Wheezer]

Deja vu.

Yet another person checking in about standing to wipe. I think I do it solely because I am terrified of touching my shit iceberg with my hand if I wipe while sitting.

This ignores one important factor:

In any case, most of the time, your stool shouldn't float. In fact, as strange as it may seem sometimes we ask patients that very question: "Does your stool float or sink?" Patients look at doctors as though they've lost their mind when this question is asked, but the question has a purpose: If your stool floats, it may have too much fat in it, which may mean that you're not absorbing enough fat, which can be a sign of pancreatic or biliar disease. It could also mean that you're not absorbing the nutrients other than fat in your food, thus letting more nutrient- or fat-rich material reach the colon, where your friendly neighborhood commensal bacteria feast on it, producing--you guessed it-- gas bubbles in the stool. These gas bubbles make the resultant stool less dense overall and thus more likely to float! Indeed the proverbial floating poop can be a sign of celiac sprue, cystic fibrosis, biliary disease resulting in inadequate bile flow to the bowel, or GI infections.

I have a hard time believing that this "standing" mentality is really associated with some sort of fear or taboo regarding contact with toilet water. At very least, one would imagine it to be accompanied by a preference to vomit in the sink or bathtub, which does not seem to be in evidence in these case reports. No, I think it is motivated by a desire to observe the object.

[Dr. Nguyen Van Falk]

BTW... I recall reading the results of a survey from this book a while back (probably "People, Places, and Pinching (Survey) What is a Loaf?") that had percentages on stuff like back- vs. front-wipers. This would probably be illuminating on this topic, but I can't seem to find it anywhere at present.

I suppose I may have thumbed through a print edition at some point, rather than reading it online.

Via an Amazon preview and hereby retyped for internet posterity:

Do you wipe front to back (i.e. bottom to top), back to front, or just back and forth? Do you reach around behind your back or reach through between your legs?

44% say they wipe front to back from around behind their backs. 11% say they wipe back to front between their legs/ 6% go back to front from behind their backs, and 4%, all women, go front to back between their legs. 2% say they go back and forth (!) from behind their backs.

No data on the highly effective (although extremely difficult) twin towelette pincer maneuver. Not for the faint of heart. Or you middle American plebes.

Aha...

Do you stand to wipe or remain seated and lean over?

72 of the 106 respondents were asked this question. Of that group, 58%, mostly women, say they remain seated, while 25%, mostly men, say they stand. 3% say they squat or "semi-stand," 1% say they bend slightly, and 1% say they do both: "Usually remain seated unless it's a heavy job."

I'd like to see gender splits on this (more specific than "mostly").

This could just as easily mean 'men are split 50-50 sit-stand while women are close to 100% sit' as it could mean 'most men stand.'

Where's the rigor, RE/Search?

Assuming 9% of respondents declined to answer, and "mostly" skews the same way on both splits (e.g. "mostly men" and "mostly women" refer to the same percentage), it should really come down to what the authors mean by the subjective "mostly."

Code:

Bias M_Sit M_Stand M_Other %Sit %Stand
0.35 9 24 13 19.1% 52.3%
0.30 12 22 12 25.5% 49.2%
0.25 15 21 10 31.9% 46.2%
0.20 17 20 9 38.2% 43.1%
0.15 20 18 7 44.6% 40.0%
0.10 23 17 6 51.0% 36.9%
0.05 26 15 4 57.4% 33.8%
0.00 29 14 3 63.7% 30.8%

The "bias" column refers to the value +/- from the even 50/50 split. The break even point is .175. So if "mostly men/women" is 67.5%, then sitters and standers are equally prevalent among males. If it's 70%, then standers have a slight edge. Vice versa with 65%.

You complete us all, ChuckD.

These numbers seem to be in line with those of other independent observers (see above, also here, here, here, here, here and here), which seem to suggest close to an even split, with perhaps a slight edge (though who knows how statistically significant) towards standing.

[Dr. Nguyen Van Falk]

BTW... Googling this topic keeps hitting on a Radiohead song from "Hail to the Thief"...

Sit down, stand up
Sit down, stand up
Walk (sit down) into the jaws of hell
Walk (stand up) into the jaws of hell
Anytime (sit down)
Anytime (stand up)
Sit down, stand up
Sit down, stand up
We (stand up) can wipe you out anytime
We (sit down) can wipe you out
Anytime
Anytime
Stand up
Sit down
Oh
The rain drops...

And now you know... the rest of the story.

[ChuckD]

BTW... I recall reading the results of a survey from this book a while back (probably "People, Places, and Pinching (Survey) What is a Loaf?") that had percentages on stuff like back- vs. front-wipers. This would probably be illuminating on this topic, but I can't seem to find it anywhere at present.

I suppose I may have thumbed through a print edition at some point, rather than reading it online.

Via an Amazon preview and hereby retyped for internet posterity:

Do you wipe front to back (i.e. bottom to top), back to front, or just back and forth? Do you reach around behind your back or reach through between your legs?

44% say they wipe front to back from around behind their backs. 11% say they wipe back to front between their legs/ 6% go back to front from behind their backs, and 4%, all women, go front to back between their legs. 2% say they go back and forth (!) from behind their backs.

No data on the highly effective (although extremely difficult) twin towelette pincer maneuver. Not for the faint of heart. Or you middle American plebes.

Aha...

Do you stand to wipe or remain seated and lean over?

72 of the 106 respondents were asked this question. Of that group, 58%, mostly women, say they remain seated, while 25%, mostly men, say they stand. 3% say they squat or "semi-stand," 1% say they bend slightly, and 1% say they do both: "Usually remain seated unless it's a heavy job."

I'd like to see gender splits on this (more specific than "mostly").

This could just as easily mean 'men are split 50-50 sit-stand while women are close to 100% sit' as it could mean 'most men stand.'

Where's the rigor, RE/Search?

Assuming 9% of respondents declined to answer, and "mostly" skews the same way on both splits (e.g. "mostly men" and "mostly women" refer to the same percentage), it should really come down to what the authors mean by the subjective "mostly."

Code:

Bias M_Sit M_Stand M_Other %Sit %Stand
0.35 9 24 13 19.1% 52.3%
0.30 12 22 12 25.5% 49.2%
0.25 15 21 10 31.9% 46.2%
0.20 17 20 9 38.2% 43.1%
0.15 20 18 7 44.6% 40.0%
0.10 23 17 6 51.0% 36.9%
0.05 26 15 4 57.4% 33.8%
0.00 29 14 3 63.7% 30.8%

The "bias" column refers to the value +/- from the even 50/50 split. The break even point is .175. So if "mostly men/women" is 67.5%, then sitters and standers are equally prevalent among males. If it's 70%, then standers have a slight edge. Vice versa with 65%.

You complete us all, ChuckD.

These numbers seem to be in line with those of other independent observers (see above, also here, here, here, here, here and here), which seem to suggest close to an even split, with perhaps a slight edge (though who knows how statistically significant) towards standing.

I would that those non-scientific internet polls are open to female voters who have a known preference for sitting.

[ChuckD]

And the answer to your question is "Yes. The whole would."

[ChuckD]

TPD. Can we at least come to agreement that the squatters/hoverers are a bunch of snivelling, indecisive, America-hating pussies?

[Dr. Nguyen Van Falk]

BTW... I recall reading the results of a survey from this book a while back (probably "People, Places, and Pinching (Survey) What is a Loaf?") that had percentages on stuff like back- vs. front-wipers. This would probably be illuminating on this topic, but I can't seem to find it anywhere at present.

I suppose I may have thumbed through a print edition at some point, rather than reading it online.

Via an Amazon preview and hereby retyped for internet posterity:

Do you wipe front to back (i.e. bottom to top), back to front, or just back and forth? Do you reach around behind your back or reach through between your legs?

44% say they wipe front to back from around behind their backs. 11% say they wipe back to front between their legs/ 6% go back to front from behind their backs, and 4%, all women, go front to back between their legs. 2% say they go back and forth (!) from behind their backs.

No data on the highly effective (although extremely difficult) twin towelette pincer maneuver. Not for the faint of heart. Or you middle American plebes.

Aha...

Do you stand to wipe or remain seated and lean over?

72 of the 106 respondents were asked this question. Of that group, 58%, mostly women, say they remain seated, while 25%, mostly men, say they stand. 3% say they squat or "semi-stand," 1% say they bend slightly, and 1% say they do both: "Usually remain seated unless it's a heavy job."

I'd like to see gender splits on this (more specific than "mostly").

This could just as easily mean 'men are split 50-50 sit-stand while women are close to 100% sit' as it could mean 'most men stand.'

Where's the rigor, RE/Search?

Assuming 9% of respondents declined to answer, and "mostly" skews the same way on both splits (e.g. "mostly men" and "mostly women" refer to the same percentage), it should really come down to what the authors mean by the subjective "mostly."

Code:

Bias M_Sit M_Stand M_Other %Sit %Stand
0.35 9 24 13 19.1% 52.3%
0.30 12 22 12 25.5% 49.2%
0.25 15 21 10 31.9% 46.2%
0.20 17 20 9 38.2% 43.1%
0.15 20 18 7 44.6% 40.0%
0.10 23 17 6 51.0% 36.9%
0.05 26 15 4 57.4% 33.8%
0.00 29 14 3 63.7% 30.8%

The "bias" column refers to the value +/- from the even 50/50 split. The break even point is .175. So if "mostly men/women" is 67.5%, then sitters and standers are equally prevalent among males. If it's 70%, then standers have a slight edge. Vice versa with 65%.

You complete us all, ChuckD.

These numbers seem to be in line with those of other independent observers (see above, also here, here, here, here, here and here), which seem to suggest close to an even split, with perhaps a slight edge (though who knows how statistically significant) towards standing.

I would that those non-scientific internet polls are open to female voters who have a known preference for sitting.

I think it's probably fair to also assume, though, that the respective readerships of a number of these sites are largely male.

[Dr. Nguyen Van Falk]

TPD. Can we at least come to agreement that the squatters/hoverers are a bunch of snivelling, indecisive, America-hating pussies?

Considering that I'm fairly certain that Weebs is one of the three wafflers voting to date: yes.

Yes we can.

[Oleg]

TPD. Can we at least come to agreement that the squatters/hoverers are a bunch of snivelling, indecisive, America-hating pussies?

Fucking agnostics.

[Wheezer]

TPD. Can we at least come to agreement that the squatters/hoverers are a bunch of snivelling, indecisive, America-hating pussies?

No. I once had to pass an odorous mass after 14 days in a Spanish hostel that economized by not providing toilet seats, and I had to hover. The ideas that saw me through were nothing if not patriotic, and I sometimes still hear Tennessee Ernie Ford when my mind goes back to that summer.

[CT III]

TPD. Can we at least come to agreement that the squatters/hoverers are a bunch of snivelling, indecisive, America-hating pussies?

No. I once had to pass an odorous mass after 14 days in a Spanish hostel that economized by not providing toilet seats, and I had to hover. The ideas that saw me through were nothing if not patriotic, and I sometimes still hear Tennessee Ernie Ford when my mind goes back to that summer.

Tennessee Ernie Ford?  Well, I know you're dead.  I even clipped your obituary.