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News: Oct 12 - Oral History: Cubs hire Theo  http://www.desipio.com/?p=3639
 
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Poll
Question: How do you wipe?
Standing—Hollywood style
Sitting—the humble, old-fashioned American way
Squating/hovering/can't make up my mind
Bidet
Can't reach back there, use the towelrack like a bootscraper
I only shit in the shower
A team of orphans swabs my dainty hole with perfumed chamois leather while I sun on the terrace
I don't

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Author Topic: How you crappin'?  (Read 11769 times)
Dr. Nguyen Van Falk
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« Reply #30 on: February 15, 2010, 11:05:22 PM »
Quote from: Wheezer on February 15, 2010, 10:57:51 PM
Quote from: ChuckD on February 15, 2010, 10:26:30 PM
TPD. Can we at least come to agreement that the squatters/hoverers are a bunch of snivelling, indecisive, America-hating pussies?

No. I once had to pass an odorous mass after 14 days in a Spanish hostel that economized by not providing toilet seats, and I had to hover. The ideas that saw me through were nothing if not patriotic, and I sometimes still hear Tennessee Ernie Ford when my mind goes back to that summer.

Everyone hovers in harrowing circumstances that try men's souls.

This is about ordinary workaday wiping. Wafflers can get fucked.
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WHAT THESE FANCY DANS IN CHICAGO THINK THEY DO?
PenFoe
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« Reply #31 on: February 15, 2010, 11:35:53 PM »
1. Seriously, she's not hot.
2. As long as I have working knees, I'm sitting.
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I can't believe I even know these people. I'm ashamed of my internet life.
ChuckD
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« Reply #32 on: February 15, 2010, 11:41:28 PM »
lollin at this.



And speaking of shit threads.
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Dr. Nguyen Van Falk
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« Reply #33 on: February 16, 2010, 12:08:22 AM »
Quote from: ChuckD on February 15, 2010, 11:41:28 PM
lollin at this.



And speaking of shit threads.

Took me a while to see it.

And now I'm lollin, too.

Go, Greased Lightningmonkey.
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WHAT THESE FANCY DANS IN CHICAGO THINK THEY DO?
Yeti
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« Reply #34 on: February 16, 2010, 07:46:16 AM »
Quote from: ChuckD on February 15, 2010, 10:01:10 PM
Quote from: CBStew on February 15, 2010, 09:57:21 PM
and this is a topic because...

The real question is "why hasn't this question been answered yet?"

THI.

If we cherish the art of taking dumps so much then we should be obliged to see how we can make the experience more enjoyable.
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Powdered Toast Man
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« Reply #35 on: February 16, 2010, 08:15:23 AM »
Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 15, 2010, 07:34:53 PM
I learned two things in the HJE shoutbox over the the past couple of weeks that I found more than a little bit surprising...

a) There are people in this world who don't think Zooey Deschanel is a beautiful angel
b) Some guys (mostly Hollywood types, it would seem) apparently wipe their asses while standing up

To the latter...

While this revelation blew my mind, I decided to have a go at it one day to see what it was all about. And I have to say: it seems like a whole lot of fuss (with serious potential for muss) and I still don't understand the benefits.

Don't get me wrong. If I spot something magnificent in the bowl before I make my move, I'm definitely bound to stand up and admire—nay, applaud—the fruits of my labors.

But, the occasional ovation aside, as a standard operating procedure I just can't say that I get it.

So, I put it to you, Desipio... Is the standing wipe a common practice? And, if so, what is the deal with that?

I do the stand, check, salute, and wipe (front to back).  I'm not saying it's right.  I'm not saying it's wrong.  I'm just saying I don't know any better and it's all I've done since I was a little bayou Cajun.
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BH
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« Reply #36 on: February 16, 2010, 08:58:54 AM »
Quote from: PenFoe on February 15, 2010, 11:35:53 PM
1. Seriously, she's not hot.

Seriously, you're wrong again.
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Richard Chuggar
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« Reply #37 on: February 16, 2010, 09:01:05 AM »
Thrill starting a thread about what dudes are doing with their pants down in the bathroom is the least something something.
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Internet Apex
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« Reply #38 on: February 16, 2010, 09:26:58 AM »
Quote from: ChuckD on February 15, 2010, 08:27:33 PM
Quote from: Dr. Nguyen Van Falk on February 15, 2010, 08:22:19 PM
Quote from: ChuckD on February 15, 2010, 08:09:58 PM
I stand and wipe from back to front.

Wait... Does this mean you wipe from the front with a back-to-front pull motion?

I don't play that between the legs bullshit. Behind the back, all the way. Just like Bob Cousy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDPVSCJX1No&feature=related
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CT III
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« Reply #39 on: February 16, 2010, 09:30:04 AM »
Quote from: Richard Chuggar on February 16, 2010, 09:01:05 AM
Thrill starting a thread about what dudes are doing with their pants down in the bathroom is the least something something.

Go crazy?
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MAD
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« Reply #40 on: February 16, 2010, 09:59:45 AM »
Quote from: CT III on February 16, 2010, 09:30:04 AM
Quote from: Richard Chuggar on February 16, 2010, 09:01:05 AM
Thrill starting a thread about what dudes are doing with their pants down in the bathroom is the least something something.

Go crazy?

Don't mind if I do!
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I think he's more of the appendix of Desipio.  Yeah, it's here and you're vaguely aware of it, but only if reminded.  The only time anyone notices it is when it ruptures (on Weebs in the video game thread).  Beyond that, though, it's basically useless and offers no redeeming value.
Eli G. (6-22-10)
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« Reply #41 on: February 16, 2010, 10:02:33 AM »
Quote from: BH on February 16, 2010, 08:58:54 AM
Quote from: PenFoe on February 15, 2010, 11:35:53 PM
1. Seriously, she's not hot.

Seriously, you're wrong again.

I have a horrifying association issue when it comes to ZD, so I can't say she's not hot. In fact, I liked her before I met this person that ruined her for me. Maybe if she ditched the bangs I'd be back on the trolley.
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TWEET THAT!
Gilgamesh
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« Reply #42 on: February 16, 2010, 12:38:54 PM »
I'm going to waffle on ZD.  Meh for me.  Christina Hendricks, on the other hand...

Also, I stand.  It's always been the way I do it, so I can't say I have any science or theory behind it.  Thrill's advocacy for sitting has merit, and I will try it, but I doubt I'll ultimately change the way I wipe.

Good poll question.
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This is so bad, I'd root for the Orioles over this fucking team, but I can't. Because they're a fucking drug and you can't kick it and they'll never win anything and they'll always suck, but it'll always be sunny at Wrigley and there will be tits and ivy and an old scoreboard and fucking Chads.
BH
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« Reply #43 on: February 16, 2010, 12:50:18 PM »
Why is laying down not an option?
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Jon
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« Reply #44 on: February 16, 2010, 12:55:15 PM »
Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 12:38:54 PM
I'm going to waffle on ZD.  Meh for me.  Christina Hendricks, on the other hand...

Also, I stand.  It's always been the way I do it, so I can't say I have any science or theory behind it.  Thrill's advocacy for sitting has merit, and I will try it, but I doubt I'll ultimately change the way I wipe.

Good poll question.

I assume you stand to keep an eye out for unwanted cat foecal matter.

I stand as well, always have. Don't have a reason. I sometimes sit in public toilets so I don't "prairie dog" over the top of the stall.
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Take that, Adolf Eyechart.

"I'm just saying, penis aside, that broad had a tight fuckable body in that movie. Sans penis of course.." - A peek into *IAN's psyche
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