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Poll
Question: How do you wipe?
Standing—Hollywood style
Sitting—the humble, old-fashioned American way
Squating/hovering/can't make up my mind
Bidet
Can't reach back there, use the towelrack like a bootscraper
I only shit in the shower
A team of orphans swabs my dainty hole with perfumed chamois leather while I sun on the terrace
I don't

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Author Topic: How you crappin'?  (Read 11728 times)
Dr. Nguyen Van Falk
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« Reply #60 on: February 16, 2010, 01:51:34 PM »

Now, aside from the fact that I don't approve of anything non-foaeces, non-urine, or non-vomit in the toilet, does it make any sense to take that which just clogged the shower drain and put it in the toilet?

Things must get extra testy around Gil's LA double-wide whenever the common law missus is ragging it.
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Dr. Nguyen Van Falk
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« Reply #61 on: February 16, 2010, 01:53:14 PM »

I dig the use of "Prairie Dog" to describe the standing wipe in public stall conundrum. But to me "Prairie Doggin'" was always a prerequisite for entering a public stall to begin with.

If you wish to use "Prarie Dog" for the standing wipe, then you can replace "Prarie Doggin" with "Turtlehead".

Or touching cloth.

Touche.
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Powdered Toast Man
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« Reply #62 on: February 16, 2010, 01:55:27 PM »

Now, aside from the fact that I don't approve of anything non-foaeces, non-urine, or non-vomit in the toilet, does it make any sense to take that which just clogged the shower drain and put it in the toilet?

Things must get extra testy around Gil's LA double-wide whenever the common law missus is ragging it.

I noticed "bidet" is a choice.  Has anyone actually tried one?  I did when I was at a resort in Mexico.  It was...um...pretty similar to the "A team of orphans swabs my dainty hole with perfumed chamois leather while I sun on the terrace" choice.
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Slaky
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« Reply #63 on: February 16, 2010, 01:56:11 PM »

Now, aside from the fact that I don't approve of anything non-foaeces, non-urine, or non-vomit in the toilet, does it make any sense to take that which just clogged the shower drain and put it in the toilet?

Things must get extra testy around Gil's LA double-wide whenever the common law missus is ragging it.

I noticed "bidet" is a choice.  Has anyone actually tried one?  I did when I was at a resort in Mexico.  It was...um...pretty similar to the "A team of orphans swabs my dainty hole with perfumed chamois leather while I sun on the terrace" choice.

So you're saying we all need to save up and get bidets installed immediately?

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flannj
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« Reply #64 on: February 16, 2010, 02:09:35 PM »

Sitting. Despite, considering my advanced years, the risk of the boys taking an unwanted dip.

Given my lack of gracefulness I picture the most likely result of attempting a standing wipe while inebriated would end up with me somehow tripping over my own lowered pants and crashing to the floor as a full roll of tp slowly unravels over my unconscious body.
« Last Edit: February 16, 2010, 02:13:02 PM by flannj » Logged

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Jon
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« Reply #65 on: February 16, 2010, 02:16:57 PM »

That's why I always take a pre-emptive shit before pre-pre-gaming.
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Wheezer
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« Reply #66 on: February 16, 2010, 02:19:48 PM »

Actually, I have another tale of the liquid garbage can.  On Friday, my cohabitator called and asked me to pick up Drain-o when I came home.  I did so and when I got home, she dutifully took it and began using it on the shower, as her hair was the reason for its clog in the first place.  So, after about an hour, she goes back to the shower stall and lets hot water go down the drain.  Following this, she begins to remove, by hand and paper-clip, some of the clumps of hair and whatever that had accumulated in the drain.  Now, instead of taking those clumps and putting them in the garbarge can a mere three feet away, she takes them and puts them in the toilet, a mere TWO feet away.

Doesn't mechanical clearing of the drain usually precede the use of caustics?

Anyway, my last girlfriend had a good story about dining at her neighbors' house for the first time. When they were done eating, the kids were instructed to clear off their plates, and the resident children promptly marched into the bathroom, leaving their parents staring at her expectantly. I think it was spaghetti and meatballs.
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"The brain growth deficit controls reality hence [G-d] rules the world.... These mathematical results by the way, are all experimentally confirmed to 2-decimal point accuracy by modern Psychometry data."--George Hammond, Gμν!!
Gilgamesh
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« Reply #67 on: February 16, 2010, 02:24:53 PM »

Actually, I have another tale of the liquid garbage can.  On Friday, my cohabitator called and asked me to pick up Drain-o when I came home.  I did so and when I got home, she dutifully took it and began using it on the shower, as her hair was the reason for its clog in the first place.  So, after about an hour, she goes back to the shower stall and lets hot water go down the drain.  Following this, she begins to remove, by hand and paper-clip, some of the clumps of hair and whatever that had accumulated in the drain.  Now, instead of taking those clumps and putting them in the garbarge can a mere three feet away, she takes them and puts them in the toilet, a mere TWO feet away.

Doesn't mechanical clearing of the drain usually precede the use of caustics?

Anyway, my last girlfriend had a good story about dining at her neighbors' house for the first time. When they were done eating, the kids were instructed to clear off their plates, and the resident children promptly marched into the bathroom, leaving their parents staring at her expectantly. I think it was spaghetti and meatballs.

Yes, and I was going to say something, but she was wearing gloves, so that helps.

And your story makes me note my own toilet hypocrisy, I have flushed soup down the toilet before.

THERE.  SUE ME!!
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Wheezer
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« Reply #68 on: February 16, 2010, 02:28:39 PM »

And your story makes me note my own toilet hypocrisy, I have flushed soup down the toilet before.

One can only hope that it was in the heat of anger.
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"The brain growth deficit controls reality hence [G-d] rules the world.... These mathematical results by the way, are all experimentally confirmed to 2-decimal point accuracy by modern Psychometry data."--George Hammond, Gμν!!
Fork
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« Reply #69 on: February 16, 2010, 02:35:39 PM »

Actually, I have another tale of the liquid garbage can.  On Friday, my cohabitator called and asked me to pick up Drain-o when I came home.  I did so and when I got home, she dutifully took it and began using it on the shower, as her hair was the reason for its clog in the first place.  So, after about an hour, she goes back to the shower stall and lets hot water go down the drain.  Following this, she begins to remove, by hand and paper-clip, some of the clumps of hair and whatever that had accumulated in the drain.  Now, instead of taking those clumps and putting them in the garbarge can a mere three feet away, she takes them and puts them in the toilet, a mere TWO feet away.

Doesn't mechanical clearing of the drain usually precede the use of caustics?

Anyway, my last girlfriend had a good story about dining at her neighbors' house for the first time. When they were done eating, the kids were instructed to clear off their plates, and the resident children promptly marched into the bathroom, leaving their parents staring at her expectantly. I think it was spaghetti and meatballs.

Yes, and I was going to say something, but she was wearing gloves, so that helps.

And your story makes me note my own toilet hypocrisy, I have flushed soup down the toilet before.

THERE.  SUE ME!!

pea soup?
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Kermit IV
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« Reply #70 on: February 16, 2010, 02:45:30 PM »

Where the hell is Karry Ling?

Slak, where are you hiding this ZD doppelganger?
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Slaky
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« Reply #71 on: February 16, 2010, 02:50:28 PM »

Where the hell is Karry Ling?

Slak, where are you hiding this ZD doppelganger?

Please don't get any ideas. She's like what ZD would look like if she was malnourished and unwashed. Seriously, this person is the scum of the earth.
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Dr. Nguyen Van Falk
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« Reply #72 on: February 16, 2010, 02:55:44 PM »

Where the hell is Karry Ling?

Slak, where are you hiding this ZD doppelganger?

Please don't get any ideas. She's like what ZD would look like if she was malnourished and unwashed. Seriously, this person is the scum of the earth.

Pen already thinks Zooey is "scrawny" and has "saggy flapjacks."
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PenFoe
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« Reply #73 on: February 16, 2010, 02:58:12 PM »

Where the hell is Karry Ling?

Slak, where are you hiding this ZD doppelganger?

Please don't get any ideas. She's like what ZD would look like if she was malnourished and unwashed. Seriously, this person is the scum of the earth.

I'm trying to wrap my head around what a malnourished version of an already malnourished person would look like.  
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morpheus
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« Reply #74 on: February 16, 2010, 03:02:26 PM »

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I don't get that KurtEvans photoshop.
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