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How do you wipe?

Standing—Hollywood style
Sitting—the humble, old-fashioned American way
Squating/hovering/can't make up my mind
Bidet
Can't reach back there, use the towelrack like a bootscraper
I only shit in the shower
A team of orphans swabs my dainty hole with perfumed chamois leather while I sun on the terrace
I don't

Author Topic: How you crappin'?  ( 65,062 )

J. Walter Weatherman

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #360 on: January 21, 2014, 06:11:52 PM »
Loor and I came acrossks like opatoets.

Saul Goodman

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #361 on: January 21, 2014, 06:23:31 PM »
Quote from: J. Walter Weatherman on January 21, 2014, 06:11:52 PM
Quote from: CT III on January 21, 2014, 10:04:27 AM
In Sochi? Not privately, apparently.

https://twitter.com/BBCSteveR/status/425247559934676992



Something about Larry Craig being added to the U.S. delegation?  Damn it, I had something for this.
You two wanna go stick your wangs in a hornet's nest, it's a free country.  But how come I always gotta get sloppy seconds, huh?

Gilgamesh

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #362 on: January 22, 2014, 10:06:31 AM »
This is so bad, I'd root for the Orioles over this fucking team, but I can't. Because they're a fucking drug and you can't kick it and they'll never win anything and they'll always suck, but it'll always be sunny at Wrigley and there will be tits and ivy and an old scoreboard and fucking Chads.

Saul Goodman

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #363 on: February 01, 2014, 02:04:37 PM »
You two wanna go stick your wangs in a hornet's nest, it's a free country.  But how come I always gotta get sloppy seconds, huh?

morpheus

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #364 on: February 14, 2014, 11:07:07 AM »
I don't get that KurtEvans photoshop.

Quality Start Machine

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #365 on: March 28, 2014, 08:57:52 AM »
Les Grobstein, how you crappin'?
TIME TO POST!

"...their lead is no longer even remotely close to insurmountable " - SKO, 7/31/16

J. Walter Weatherman

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #366 on: June 12, 2014, 09:53:29 AM »
Quote from: Gilgamesh on February 16, 2010, 12:26:32 PM
Cat foeaces out of my toilet!!!

https://medium.com/fords-sensorium/no-litter-no-memes-b7bf70791175

QuoteShould I feel guilty about kitty litter?

If you want. Clay kitty litter is destroying the world—it's strip-mined dirt that is transported overland via combustion engines and ends up in landfill where it never biodegrades. About twenty companies strip-mine about four billion pounds of the necessary clay each year, according to Pet Products News. In comparison, the Great Pyramid of Giza weighs 13 billion pounds, if you like to contemplate huge pyramids of kitty litter. If litter traveled by container ship, that would be bad, because each container ship pollutes as much as 50 million cars. But it's mined domestically, much of it in the Southwest.

Here is the scoop: Clay litter is strip-mined; clumping litter is strip-mined and clumps in the lungs of your cat; organic litter doesn't really biodegrade; and silica gel litter requires solid waste flushing, which spreads toxoplasma gondii into the water supply, infecting oysters, the beloved food of the joyful sea otter, so playful and sleek and, now, dead.

"As is often the case with environmental issues," concluded Pet Products News, "there is no perfect solution." Still, on the scale of modern sweatshop-slaves-and-container-ship guilt, kitty litter hardly ranks.
Loor and I came acrossks like opatoets.

Wheezer

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #367 on: June 13, 2014, 03:14:21 AM »
Quote from: J. Walter Weatherman on June 12, 2014, 09:53:29 AM
Quoteclumping litter is strip-mined and clumps in the lungs of your cat

Oh, goody, brain damage.
"The brain growth deficit controls reality hence [G-d] rules the world.... These mathematical results by the way, are all experimentally confirmed to 2-decimal point accuracy by modern Psychometry data."--George Hammond, Gμν!!

SKO

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #368 on: September 16, 2014, 11:53:37 AM »
the motion sensor toilets at work are way too sensitive. every time I move slightly to wipe my ass it flushes and sprays water everywhere, thus necessitating more wiping, thus more movement, thus more splashing. It's like an involuntary bidet.
I will vow, for the sake of peace, not to complain about David Ross between now and his first start next year- 10/26/2015

Saul Goodman

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #369 on: September 16, 2014, 02:30:27 PM »
Quote from: SKO on September 16, 2014, 11:53:37 AM
the motion sensor toilets at work are way too sensitive. every time I move slightly to wipe my ass it flushes and sprays water everywhere, thus necessitating more wiping, thus more movement, thus more splashing. It's like an involuntary bidet.

Those things just have no dignity.


*flush*
You two wanna go stick your wangs in a hornet's nest, it's a free country.  But how come I always gotta get sloppy seconds, huh?

J. Walter Weatherman

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #370 on: October 20, 2014, 07:43:39 PM »
http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2jgfhw/tifu_by_using_a_toilet_wrong_my_entire_life/

QuoteSo I'm hoping a load of people are going to come out in support of me here but I've got that sinking feeling I may be alone in this.

Our toilet broke so I was in shopping for new ones and the sales person joked (no doubt for the millionth time) that I'll want one that automatically puts the seat down after I'm finished with it. I 'joked' back and said if I didn't have a wife I could save money and not buy one with a seat and I'd never have to hear women complaining about putting it down again. To which he gave me a strange look and said "but what about when you need to poop?". I naturally pointed out that I'm a guy and therefore don't put the seat down, I sit on the rim of the bowl. Several embarrassing moments later, I realize that I've misunderstood my entire life and that guys do indeed use the toilet seat. I left empty handed and red faced.

Thinking about it now, it makes sense. Especially how men's restrooms have seats. But I just assumed it was a unisex/cost saving/oversight deal.
Loor and I came acrossks like opatoets.

Eli

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #371 on: October 20, 2014, 08:48:21 PM »
Quote from: J. Walter Weatherman on October 20, 2014, 07:43:39 PM
http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2jgfhw/tifu_by_using_a_toilet_wrong_my_entire_life/

QuoteSo I'm hoping a load of people are going to come out in support of me here but I've got that sinking feeling I may be alone in this.

Our toilet broke so I was in shopping for new ones and the sales person joked (no doubt for the millionth time) that I'll want one that automatically puts the seat down after I'm finished with it. I 'joked' back and said if I didn't have a wife I could save money and not buy one with a seat and I'd never have to hear women complaining about putting it down again. To which he gave me a strange look and said "but what about when you need to poop?". I naturally pointed out that I'm a guy and therefore don't put the seat down, I sit on the rim of the bowl. Several embarrassing moments later, I realize that I've misunderstood my entire life and that guys do indeed use the toilet seat. I left empty handed and red faced.

Thinking about it now, it makes sense. Especially how men's restrooms have seats. But I just assumed it was a unisex/cost saving/oversight deal.


That has to be fake.

World's #1 Astros Fan

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #372 on: October 20, 2014, 08:51:50 PM »
Quote from: Eli on October 20, 2014, 08:48:21 PM
Quote from: J. Walter Weatherman on October 20, 2014, 07:43:39 PM
http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2jgfhw/tifu_by_using_a_toilet_wrong_my_entire_life/

QuoteSo I'm hoping a load of people are going to come out in support of me here but I've got that sinking feeling I may be alone in this.

Our toilet broke so I was in shopping for new ones and the sales person joked (no doubt for the millionth time) that I'll want one that automatically puts the seat down after I'm finished with it. I 'joked' back and said if I didn't have a wife I could save money and not buy one with a seat and I'd never have to hear women complaining about putting it down again. To which he gave me a strange look and said "but what about when you need to poop?". I naturally pointed out that I'm a guy and therefore don't put the seat down, I sit on the rim of the bowl. Several embarrassing moments later, I realize that I've misunderstood my entire life and that guys do indeed use the toilet seat. I left empty handed and red faced.

Thinking about it now, it makes sense. Especially how men's restrooms have seats. But I just assumed it was a unisex/cost saving/oversight deal.


That has to be fake.

Seriously.   In what kind of an environment would someone have had to have lived to be oblivious to sitting on a goddamn toilet seat (as opposed to the bowl, which is where this guy purports to have sat his entire 20th-and-21st century life)?
Just a sloppy, undisciplined team.  Garbage.

--SKO, on the 2018 Chicago Cubs

Wheezer

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #373 on: October 30, 2015, 02:38:34 AM »
"[Chilean] president Michelle Bachelet called the alleged collusion by companies that control 90% of the toilet paper market 'extremely serious'"

In older news from The Coriolis Pseudoforce, this does not seem to have alleviated the Venezuelan toilet-paper crisis as of earlier this year, when the Usual Suspects were in full-on HJE mode.
"The brain growth deficit controls reality hence [G-d] rules the world.... These mathematical results by the way, are all experimentally confirmed to 2-decimal point accuracy by modern Psychometry data."--George Hammond, Gμν!!

SKO

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Re: How you crappin'?
« Reply #374 on: September 13, 2016, 01:01:56 PM »
The coworker in the next cube has very definitely just shat himself. I saw him awkward walking stock straight, obvious clenching to the bathroom and on the way back noticed a very visible ring on the seat of his pants. I'm having a hard time not laughing because this guy is the worst.
I will vow, for the sake of peace, not to complain about David Ross between now and his first start next year- 10/26/2015