The Chicago Bears General Manager Sweepstakes

[R-V]

Couldn't make this shit up if RV and I simultaneously were given the password to Brad Biggs' Twitter account:

If Emery signs Vince Jackson and Mario Williams on the same day, Biggsy will piss and moan that the Bears didn't sign Rashied Davis and Tim Shaw. Then he'll eat a Domino's bread bowl.

[Internet Apex]

Couldn't make this shit up if RV and I simultaneously were given the password to Brad Biggs' Twitter account:

Urlacher can't man the middle forever, folks.

[R-V]

Brandon Marshall a Bear for a pair of 3rd rounders per Jake Laser on my Twitter machine. Let's all take our shirts off and hug!

[Internet Apex]

Brandon Marshall a Bear for a pair of 3rd rounders per Jake Laser on my Twitter machine. Let's all take our shirts off and hug!

One of the 3rd's came over in the Greg Olsen deal.

JIZZ!!!! JIZZ EVERYWHERE!!!!!! THERE'S A NEVERENDING RIVER OF SEMEN FLOODING THE WORLD!!!!!!

[PANK!]

That sound you just heard was Jay Cutler splooging.

[Armchair_QB]

And Jason Campbell could be playing the role of Caleb Hanie next season.

http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2012/03/13/bears-in-deep-negotiations-with-jason-campbell/

[PenPho]

Lots of talk on the Twittertubes about a forthcoming monster offer to Mario Williams from the Bills.
Sounds like they're ready to make him the highest paid defensive player in the NFL.

I don't know exactly how that shakes out over the course of a long contract, the highest I see is Richard Seymour at $15 million/year, but that expires at the end of the season.  

Nnamdi Asimugha's big deal last year was 5/$60 with $25 guaranteed.
Remaining: 2012: $11 million, 2013: $15 million, 2014-2015: $12 million.

EDIT:

Or, I could just let the experts spell it out:

The Bills want to make Williams the highest-paid defensive player in the league, with a deal better than the six-year, $91.5 million contract that Julius Peppers signed with the Bears in 2010. The Bills’ offer to Williams will apparently include more than $91.5 million in total money, more than the $40.5 million in the first three years that the Bears gave Peppers, and more than the $42 million guaranteed that the Bears gave Peppers.

BananaWorld cites Mike Lombardi indicating that the Bears are no longer pursuing, but I don't see that anywhere else.

EDIT 2:

Except here:

Put the brakes on the speculation that Mario Williams would call Soldier Field home in 2012.

Chicago appears to have fallen out of the hunt for the star defensive end, with the cash-flush Buffalo Bills now appearing to have the upper hand.

After trading for WR Brandon Marshall earlier Tuesday, it’s unclear if the Bears can afford Williams, who’s expected to land a substantial contract.

[Chuck to Chuck]

@bmarshall's identifier:

[flannj]

And Jason Campbell could be playing the role of Caleb Hanie next season.

http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2012/03/13/bears-in-deep-negotiations-with-jason-campbell/

A real backup QB?

I'm starting to get a half chubby whiskey dick.

[Sterling Archer]

Via PFT, Mario Williams won't sign tonight and will continue making visits.  Can't believe the top free agent in this year's class still isn't sold on Buffalo.

[SKO]

If Mario's only concern is being the top paid defensive player, fine. He'd be a GAME CHANGER, but there are ways to upgrade the D for a lower price. If they're serious about LaRon Landry, that would be a welcome upgrade. Kelvin Hayden's another guy I've heard as a potential pick up for depth at corner, which would be good. I'm sad they didn't get Jeremy Mincey, because in lieu of Mario Williams he's a nice complementary player who would have been an upgrade over what Izzy did this year. I'm willing to see how this all plays out, because the Marshall deal was excellent, and given the he-said he-said, no gunplay involved nature of the standard "club altercation" I don't see a suspension coming out of that. Good start for Phil.

[Slaky]

We gonna talk about Marshall's lady punching?

[morpheus]

We gonna talk about Marshall's lady punching?

http://chicago.sbnation.com/chicago-bears/2012/3/14/2870041/brandon-marshall-wife-club-incident-nfl-2012

On March 12, 2012, Brandon Marshall was the key note speaker at a charitable event in New York. After the event was over he, his wife and close friends attended a function at a local club. While at the function a fight broke out NOT involving Mr. Marshall or his friends. While attempting to leave to avoid the melee Mrs. Marshall was struck in the face by a thrown bottle. She suffered serious injury. While attempting to leave and take his wife to the hospital, the mayhem continued outside. Finally Mr. Marshall was able to take his wife to the hospital where she was treated for serious injuries. Mr. Marshall is hoping to assist authorities in regards to this matter.

[R-V]

We gonna talk about Marshall's lady punching?

http://chicago.sbnation.com/chicago-bears/2012/3/14/2870041/brandon-marshall-wife-club-incident-nfl-2012

On March 12, 2012, Brandon Marshall was the key note speaker at a charitable event in New York. After the event was over he, his wife and close friends attended a function at a local club. While at the function a fight broke out NOT involving Mr. Marshall or his friends. While attempting to leave to avoid the melee Mrs. Marshall was struck in the face by a thrown bottle. She suffered serious injury. While attempting to leave and take his wife to the hospital, the mayhem continued outside. Finally Mr. Marshall was able to take his wife to the hospital where she was treated for serious injuries. Mr. Marshall is hoping to assist authorities in regards to this matter.

I like Harvey's use of the word "mayhem" - really paints a picture.

As to Slaky's question, I have a longstanding policy of not approving of men punching women who do not star in The Walking Dead.

[Slaky]

We gonna talk about Marshall's lady punching?

http://chicago.sbnation.com/chicago-bears/2012/3/14/2870041/brandon-marshall-wife-club-incident-nfl-2012

On March 12, 2012, Brandon Marshall was the key note speaker at a charitable event in New York. After the event was over he, his wife and close friends attended a function at a local club. While at the function a fight broke out NOT involving Mr. Marshall or his friends. While attempting to leave to avoid the melee Mrs. Marshall was struck in the face by a thrown bottle. She suffered serious injury. While attempting to leave and take his wife to the hospital, the mayhem continued outside. Finally Mr. Marshall was able to take his wife to the hospital where she was treated for serious injuries. Mr. Marshall is hoping to assist authorities in regards to this matter.

I like Harvey's use of the word "mayhem" - really paints a picture.

As to Slaky's question, I have a longstanding policy of not approving of men punching women who do not star in The Walking Dead.

I suddenly feel much better. Though I do not feel better that Lori remains unpunched.